


The Waiting

by TotoroPirate



Category: Glee
Genre: Angst, Cancer, M/M, kurtbastian
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-01-09
Updated: 2015-08-22
Packaged: 2017-11-24 07:39:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 22
Words: 149,564
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/632024
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TotoroPirate/pseuds/TotoroPirate
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A story of life, love and loss. Kurt goes back to Ohio to be with his father as he goes through his prostate cancer treatment and bumps into the last person he expected to see at the oncology ward: Sebastian Smythe.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Kurt had always hated hospitals. There was something eerily unsettling about them that just put him on edge. And well, all the time he spent as a child in the hospital following his mother's accident was part of it, definitely. But despite that, there was the fact that no one ever went to the hospital for good reasons, not really.

People always had to be either hurt badly, terribly ill or dying to need a hospital. Even when it was a woman giving birth, being in the hospital always ended up being stressful.

And then, there was the worse part, which was _the waiting._

Waiting rooms were cold and impersonal. The plain walls and rows of uncomfortable seats with people scattered around offered no real comfort during the dreaded time he had to spend there.

There were all kinds of people and families waiting there, all for different and yet similar reasons. It was the oncology ward, after all. Kurt knew every person waiting in that place had someone they loved going through cancer, and it was depressing to think about. 

There was something painful that jabbed inside Kurt's heart whenever he saw some of the patients coming out and meeting their families back in the waiting room, especially the younger ones, who were 10 or 12 years old at the most, heads bald and faces pale as they came out from chemo and were ready to go home. 

Lately, Kurt visited the hospital so often that he felt like he knew most of the people at the waiting room. There were some people he'd made small talk with every now and then, sharing names and why they were there. Sometimes it was good to spend the time, and sometimes he couldn't help but realize, even if selfishly, that perhaps his dad had better odds than most of the others.

Odds, that's what it all came to. They couldn't know how things were going to turn out; all they had to do was wait.

Burt had tried to make things seem so simple when he first broke the news to him, but Kurt knew nothing was ever simple where cancer was concerned.

_"We caught it early. Local stage, no spreading, cure rate is nearly 100%"_

Kurt smiled bitterly to himself as he remembered his father's words that day. He sounded so optimistic and relaxed about it all and Kurt wanted to believe him, he wished he could. But the truth remained; his dad had cancer and needed treatment and surgery.

Kurt knew he was supposed to be the strong one, and he tried his best to put a tough front. Demanding his dad look for another oncologist to get a second opinion on his condition, which Burt eventually did. The prognosis was pretty much the same, and Kurt knew he needed to get more involved and be there for his dad and support him. He had to be strong and optimistic even though inside sometimes he felt like he couldn't be.

Not when his dad was pretty much all he had left and his life was in danger. Because when it came down to it, cancer was in fact a life threatening illness.

 _Adenocarcinoma._ Just pronouncing it made Kurt's skin prickle with unease.

They had to wait 6 weeks after the diagnosis to be able to start him on radiotherapy. The purpose of it was to try and reduce the size of the tumor before the surgery. It was standard procedure but Kurt wished they didn't have to wait at all, just the thought of the tumor growing inside his dad made him sick with worry.

Kurt made all necessary arrangements to move out of New York, taking a leave of absence from work and grateful he was able to arrange things so he could start in NYADA until the next winter semester. He didn’t care about losing 1 year, not anymore.

So he moved back to Lima to be with his dad, and every 2 days, week after week, Kurt had been driving him 1 1/2 hours down to the Cleveland Clinic, one of the top ranked hospitals for cancer treatment in the country.

Every session took nearly an hour, and Kurt would always seat in the waiting room patiently for his dad to come out. The first few times he came out of it as if nothing happened, and so Burt would tell him that he was worrying for nothing, that he was fine and could handle this by himself, that Kurt should return to New York, but Kurt was stubborn and wasn't going anywhere. He wanted to be there for his dad, he knew he would need him, and after the 3rd radiotherapy session, Kurt knew he made the right choice.

The radiation started to hurt him, and made his skin irritable, making it painful to sit down. Driving all the way back to Lima was out of the question, and Carole couldn't drive him every day when she had to work. So no matter how awful the waiting was, Kurt knew there was no other place he'd rather be.

Even though he was so young back when it happened, Kurt still remembered how helpless he felt right after his mother's accident. They’d been waiting outside for days, hoping for his mother to wake up from the coma, but she never did,  and Kurt never had the chance to say goodbye.

Even though he knew his father's situation was different, Kurt couldn't help but have that small fear in the back of his mind, of something bad happening to his dad while he was far away and unable to be there for him.

He looked at his phone to check the time; realizing only 40 minutes had passed. His phone was almost dead because he'd spent too long fooling around with it to distract himself. The old magazines lying in piles in the small corner table were completely unappealing and there was no one he recognized around him to make small talk with.

He looked across the room and noticed a man sitting by himself on the last row of chairs. Kurt realized he had never seen him before. The man seemed to be in his 50's, he was tall and well dressed in a business suit, reading something in his iPad. Thick-framed glasses covered his eyes but Kurt could clearly see the stern look on his face. Kurt didn't mean to stare, but there was something about him that he just couldn't quite put his finger on. His face looked familiar, but Kurt was certain he had never seen him before, at least not at the hospital.

After a while of just looking at him Kurt figured that maybe he'd waited on him while he was working at the Lima Bean. It was far fetched, since they were so far from Lima, but still, Kurt couldn't help his curiosity. Either way, the man was sitting far from him and Kurt wasn't about to approach him like a creep, so he decided to get up and head towards the cafeteria instead. He still had at least 20 or 30 minutes left to be there, and he could use some coffee. 

He walked down the hall and out of the building, the sun was shining brightly and he stood there for a while, just reveling in the feeling of the warm sunrays. It was a cold January day, and a little bit windy. Kurt shuddered as he clung to his jacket and started walking towards the cafeteria. 

He sat in there for a while, hot coffee and a scone on his table while he fumbled mindlessly through his phone again, even when the battery threatened to die repeatedly. He was going over his text messages and couldn't help but feel conflicted.

Blaine had been texting him even more now that he knew Kurt was back in Lima and sure, Kurt had managed to forgive him for the cheating, but that didn't mean it was easy for him to suddenly just jump back into being best friends again. Blaine was a little over enthusiastic about the whole thing every time they talked or texted, and Kurt just was at a loss of what to do.

Lately Blaine had been texting him, asking about his dad, and well, it was nice that he worried about him, so Kurt politely texted him back with the tiny little details about how the treatment was going. They couldn't really know until they finished with the radiotherapy though, so again, all they could really do was wait. 

_“Remember, I’m here for you if you need anything :)”_

Kurt stared at the words in the screen on his phone and sighed. If only things were _that_ simple. 

He decided to head back to the waiting room, so he got up, cup of coffee in hand, and started walking towards the oncology ward. There were a few benches right beside gates at the entrance, and something caught his attention.

There was a guy, sitting there, hunched over with his elbows propped over his knees, and he was wearing a Dalton cap. Slowly, Kurt decided to get closer and see if he could take a look at whom it was.

Slender figure, long legs, dirty blond hair sticking out from the back of the cap, it didn't take long for him to realize who it was. Kurt wondered for a moment if he could turn the other way before being noticed but right then the guy turned to the side and saw him, green eyes wide and clearly surprised to see Kurt just as much as Kurt was surprised to see him.

"Kurt?"

"Sebastian, hi." He said smiling awkwardly, taking a few steps forward. "What are you doing here?"

Sebastian frowned and seemed to be at a loss for words for half a second before responding.

"Um... I could ask the same to you." Sebastian quickly replied, his smile tight and maybe even a little nervous.

The situation was awkward enough, but Kurt couldn't really sense ill will from Sebastian. He didn't look annoyed, as the other times they'd seen each other before. If anything, Sebastian actually looked _tired._ And so Kurt decided to just tell him -he was already there, after all- and a little conversation couldn't hurt.

"I'm here with my dad..." Kurt started, sitting down in the other side of the bench. "He was just diagnosed with prostate cancer... and he's getting treated here."

Sebastian just nodded, lips in a tight line and a sympathetic look on his face. "I'm sorry to hear," was all he said, glancing around the parking lot before turning back to Kurt.

"What about you?" Kurt quickly asked, hoping to start a conversation of some sort, he really was curious about why Sebastian was there, right outside the oncology ward. He saw a little hint of panic in Sebastian's eyes at his question, but he quickly composed himself.

"Oh, I'm just here with my dad too but... just check ups and stuff." he said, shrugging.

Right then, they were interrupted as Kurt's phone started ringing.

"Dad?"

_"Hey buddy, where are you?"_

"I'm right outside the building, is everything okay?"

_"Yeah, I just got out."_

"Already? That's great dad... are you in the waiting room?" 

 _"Yes."_  

"Okay, um... I can go get the car if you want, and I'll pick you up here by the benches."

_"Alright."_

Kurt hung up and put his cellphone away. Sebastian was staring at him expectantly. 

"That was my dad. He's done for the day, so... I'm just-"

"Go ahead, don't worry." Sebastian said.

"Right." Kurt said, smiling awkwardly as he got up from the bench.

"It was nice seeing you, Kurt." Sebastian said, much to Kurt's surprise. "Good luck with your dad."

"Um, thanks. Same to you, bye." 

As Kurt walked away and towards the parking lot, he couldn't help but feel a little weird at their exchange. Granted this was the first time he and Sebastian had seen each other in months, but it was also the first time they'd been actually civil to each other.

It was a nice surprise to a point, Kurt guessed. He'd been skeptical about Sebastian's apology to them all those months ago, but apparently he meant it. This Sebastian was different from the arrogant and scheming boy he'd grown to dislike so much. He seemed shy and even nervous around Kurt. Kurt just hoped it wasn't because he was doing anything with Blaine. Not that it mattered anyway, but still.

Kurt laughed at his own thoughts as he got into his car and started the engine. He slowly drove back to the entrance of the building, and as he got closer he noticed there was another car parking there. What Kurt witnessed right then shocked him.

The man Kurt had seen in the waiting room was there, getting out of the car and helping Sebastian get up on his feet. He carefully opened the passenger door for him as Sebastian got in, limping a little bit and holding his right hand to his chest. The expression on the man's face was no longer stern like it was back in the waiting room; it was soft and full of concern.

Kurt felt something twist in his stomach with the realization of what that meant.

Sebastian was not here because of his dad. It was actually the other way around. He'd seen that man in the waiting room. No wonder his face looked familiar; Sebastian looked _just like him_. He was definitely Sebastian's father.

What the hell was going on? 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for the comments and kudos on the first chapter, it makes me smile :)
> 
> Also, I just want to say that if you notice any mistakes, please let me know. I don’t have a beta and even though my English is pretty decent it’s still not my first language so mistakes can slip and I appreciate the feedback.
> 
> Warning for this chapter: Minor Character Death

The drive back to Lima was silent. Burt was looking out the window as Kurt drove, eyes fixed on the road and deep in thought. Curiosity and a little bit of concern were still eating him inside as they arrived home. 

He went to his room after helping his dad up the stairs and turned on his laptop.  He logged into Facebook and quickly searched for Sebastian's profile. They weren't friends, and never in his wildest dreams would Kurt even think about adding him there, but now his fingers ached to just click the 'add friend' button.

Kurt was feeling torn; part of him wanted to know what was going on with Sebastian, but at the same time he was chastising himself inside for snooping. Sebastian wasn't his friend; they didn't even like each other. Sebastian most likely wouldn't want Kurt minding what was none of his business. 

Kurt couldn't help but worry about him though, because what if Sebastian was sick? _What if..._ He didn't even want to think about it. The mere thought made him squirm inside. So after staring at the computer screen for several minutes and before he could stop himself, Kurt finally clicked the button, instantly taking his hand off the mouse as if it had burned him. He felt a little nervous, wondering what Sebastian was going to think about the sudden friend request.

Kurt didn't expect Sebastian to accept it right away, but after a while of browsing around mindlessly through his news feed, nothing happened; and that made him even more anxious.

Kurt logged out and went downstairs to prepare lunch for his dad and himself. He really needed to make himself busy and stop thinking about this. It was getting ridiculous.

Soon enough, Carole and Finn came back from work and they were able to spend the afternoon quiet and relaxing. Burt always felt a little weak after each session, but it was nothing crippling. A bit of irritation and bladder issues as side effects were uncomfortable, but bearable. He was lucky he didn't need chemotherapy, at least for now, otherwise he would have been feeling much worse.

Kurt couldn't help but feel disappointed when he checked his Facebook again later that night and realized Sebastian still hadn't accepted his friend request. He went to bed hoping that perhaps Sebastian just hadn't been online all day, and that's why he hadn't seen it. It was unlikely, but it helped calm his nerves a bit. 

\--------

The next day, Kurt made himself busy around the house and his father's garage. He would stop by every now and then and check things with Arnold, his dad's right hand and manager in charge. Kurt enjoyed being there every once in a while, even if it got his hands dirty whenever he offered to help with some of the simpler tasks. He had so many memories about being there growing up, that he felt right at home.

He spent the afternoon practicing piano; he didn't want to get rusty once he started at NYADA next semester. Music helped him relax and singing had always been a gateway to express himself and let his emotions to run free. It was therapeutic.

They didn't need to go to back to the Cleveland Clinic until tomorrow, so Kurt had the day mostly to himself. His dad spent the day relaxing and recovering, so when next morning came he was ready for his radiotherapy session again.

As they arrived at the hospital, Kurt couldn't help but wonder if he would see Sebastian again. When he got to the waiting room, his eyes immediately searched for Sebastian's father, but he was nowhere in sight.

Seeing as he had a lot of time in his hands while he waited, Kurt decided to log into Facebook again, only to realize he still hadn't being added by Sebastian. Kurt liked to torture himself, or so it seemed.

They went every two days to the hospital, as usual, and for the rest of that week and the next one, he didn't see Sebastian again. Kurt was indignant about Sebastian ignoring his friend request, but he figured he’d been silly to even think that Sebastian would want anything to do with him in the first place. They weren't friends, and Kurt needed to remember that.

On Thursday night, Kurt was chatting on Skype with Blaine and Tina about their antics at McKinley and Finn's attempts at keeping the Glee club active and busy now that they weren't competing anymore. Kurt had managed to not think about Sebastian for the past few days, until Blaine brought up the upcoming regionals competition, and how Trent had invited him to come see the Warblers perform.

Blaine said he was uncertain about going, feeling a little uncomfortable since he had rejected their latest attempt at bringing him back, but he said that Trent was insisting he come see them nonetheless. Trent had always been a nice guy, and Kurt suspected he had a little crush on Blaine, but never gave it much thought. To be honest, it seemed like all the Warblers had some sort of crush on Blaine, even the ones who were straight.

Kurt giggled at his own silly thoughts for a moment until he realized something. Going to the competition could give him the chance to see Sebastian and satisfy his recurring curiosity. So he decided to make a move and convince Blaine that he should go, offering to go with him with the excuse that he was bored and missed the old days of show choir competitions.

Blaine immediately forgot about his uncertainty and quickly started making plans to pick Kurt and Tina up so they could go together, but Tina declined the invitation. No matter how much Kurt pleaded her to go with them, and how much Blaine insisted, she said she didn't really feel like going. That it was hard enough to realize she wouldn't have the chance to shine in her senior year without that horrible reminder, and Kurt figured she was right.

So it would be only Blaine and him going to see The Warblers on Friday night. _Great._ Kurt couldn't help but roll his eyes a little bit, this curiosity was going to be the death of him.

\----------

When Friday evening finally came, Kurt was feeling excitement bubble up inside him in a weird kind of way as they entered the Auditorium. He couldn't help but feel nostalgic as he watched the different competing teams getting ready for their performances. The sight of parents and coming to support their children, with handmade cardboard signs they would hold up amidst the audience was just heartwarming.

They found seats in a really nice spot in the center rows; they would be able to watch the performances up close from there. Blaine seemed to be excited and relaxed, and Kurt was pleasantly surprised to realize coming alone had not been awkward after all. Maybe this whole being just friends thing could really work between them.

The first group was from a school in Zanesville; they performed completely a capella, and it was quite impressive. The crowd cheered and gave them a standing ovation after they finished their set. The Warblers had some tough competition, and Kurt was curious about what they were going perform this time.

Soon enough The Warblers were called on stage, and when the music started playing, Kurt immediately recognized the song, but he paid no attention to it as his eyes scanned the rows of blazer clad boys, looking for one particular warbler. The new guy, Hunter, was in the lead, he could see Thad and Jeff beside him. Nick and Trent were in the back row and Sebastian... Wasn't there?

Kurt kept looking for him but realized Sebastian wasn't on stage. Kurt was sure he heard Blaine talk about both Sebastian and the new guy Hunter when he told him about time he went to Dalton the other day, so why wasn't Sebastian performing?

When the music for their second song started Kurt was hoping Sebastian would appear through the curtains and join the group, but that wasn't the case. 

Was Sebastian not a Warbler anymore? This was odd. Kurt felt more curious now than ever, but he refrained from making any comments to Blaine while they were there. He didn’t seem to notice Sebastian’s absence, or maybe he just didn’t want to mention it to Kurt.

Once the competition ended and The Warblers were declared winners, Blaine asked Kurt if it was okay if they went backstage to congratulate the guys. Kurt agreed and they went down the stairs together.

"Blaine! You came!" Trent said, giving him a hug.

 "Kurt, so good to see you here too!" Nick said as he approached them.

"You guys were amazing... congratulations on the victory." Blaine told them as Thad, Jeff, David and the rest of the guys gathered around them.

"You should've been there with us... would have made it ten times better." Said Hunter, slowly walking towards them, and Kurt couldn't help but raise an eyebrow. "You could be in your way to nationals with us, but instead you're stuck in the losing side. It's a shame, really."

This guy's pretentiousness waved off of him; if Kurt ever thought Sebastian was arrogant this Hunter guy was so much worse.

Blaine shrugged uncomfortably, "Yeah, well seems like you didn't need me after all. You guys were amazing... but, where's Sebastian?" Blaine suddenly asked, clearly hoping to change the subject. "I'm surprised he's not here."

Kurt felt relieved that it was Blaine asking the question, because he was pretty sure he wouldn't have dared to ask himself. He watched as the guys looked at one another, clearly at a loss of what to say, until Trent finally spoke.

"He left. Transferred out or something. We're not sure..." He said, brow furrowed, "He didn't come back to Dalton after winter break."

"That's strange..." Blaine said, a little intrigued. Kurt decided to just stay aside and listen.

"Yeah, none of us have seen him and I tried calling him a few times," started Nick, "but he never picks up, and he hasn't replied to any of our-"

"Oh he just probably went back to Paris or something..." Hunter interrupted Nick, clearly trying to dismiss the conversation, "It doesn't matter anyway. We're going to nationals!" he cheered.

The guys shared awkward glances, but none of them said anything about Hunter’s abrupt interruption. Soon enough the rest of the group who weren’t in the small circle around Blaine started cheering along, and Kurt felt an itch in his hand to just smack this Hunter guy, but he refrained.

Apparently Sebastian had just disappeared on them. But Kurt knew for a fact that he was still in Ohio, and as much as he hated it, now he felt more determined than ever to find out what was going on.

He didn't know Sebastian enough to tell if he was close to any of the guys at Dalton, but Kurt figured if he wasn't returning any of their calls and had just left without a word then he probably wasn't. 

Sebastian was a mystery for Kurt in so many ways.

\----------

On Monday morning, Kurt found himself in the waiting room again. His dad had four more weeks of radiotherapy scheduled. Kurt wished he could feel relieved about it, but all it meant was that he was getting closer to his surgery.

It wasn't that he wasn't happy about the progress made. According to Dr. Miller, the radiotherapy was being effective and he was certain that Burt would have a speedy recovery after surgery. However, Kurt knew he couldn't claim victory, not until his dad's cancer was officially gone.

Cancer was just so unpredictable and lethal. Case in point, today there seemed to be more people than usual in the waiting room. He could spot several familiar faces, and many others, probably family members, since they were all sitting together. 

Kurt didn't know if it had anything to do with the time of the day, since this particular appointment was scheduled later than usual. They'd always come at 9am but today Dr. Miller had set it up for 10:30, and the waiting room was almost full.

And then it happened. Mrs. Darcy, one of the women that Kurt had once or twice spoken with, came out. Her face was flushed and her eyes red from crying, her husband was standing next to her, holding her tightly as they delivered the news to the group that was sitting together in the waiting room.

"Joshua just passed away... he's gone."

_Joshua?_ Kurt thought to himself. _Twelve year old Joshua? Oh no._

It was impossible not to notice how the atmosphere in the waiting room instantly shifted at the sound of their words, sorrow and despair infecting everyone around them. 

Little Joshua was one of the kids under treatment for Leukemia. The family was devastated as they cried and hugged and comforted the couple for the loss of their son. Kurt could feel a painful knot forming in his throat, tears pooling in his eyes and threatening to spill at the sight of the broken family before him.

It was so unfair, so terrible and sad to see people suffer like this because of this terrible illness. It was unbearable. Kurt wished he could stand up and walk across the room to give Mrs. Darcy his sympathies, but he just couldn't even move. Not when he could see her breaking down with her family around her, trying their best to be supportive while they all mourned the loss of little Joshua.

Joshua was gone; he lost the battle against Leukemia. Could his dad really win against his prostate cancer? Kurt could feel his hands shaking from where he was holding the book he was reading, and decided to close it.

Right then, a woman sitting next to him touched his shoulder gently.

"Here..." she said softly as she handed him a tissue. Kurt hadn't even realized the tears had spilled and were running down his face. He could feel himself blush as he thanked her for the kind gesture. He looked into her eyes and realized that she was crying as well. How could anyone not?

They were all there for the same reasons, after all. Every person in that waiting room had family members or friends going through cancer, and somehow witnessing how that family suffered through a loss that they all feared could also happen to them was incredibly upsetting.

"It's just horrible... isn't it? That poor family..." she said, and all Kurt could do was nod.

"My son has leukemia, you know? He got diagnosed just the day before Christmas eve..." she wiped a few tears that slipped down her cheek as she tried to smile.

"I'm so sorry." Kurt said sympathetically, because what else could he possibly say?

"He is so strong though. Half the time I feel like he is the one comforting me, when it should be the other way around."

Kurt sighed. "That happens to me as well... with my dad. He has prostate cancer, and he acts like it's nothing, while I'm worried sick every single day." He shook his head as he smiled, wiping the rest of his tears.

The small conversation was comforting in a weird way, even if it was just for a few minutes. They briefly exchanged a few stories about how they helped his dad and her son respectively to cope with the treatment side effects and how it affected them as a family. It was interesting and Kurt appreciated the company.

They were so lost in their conversation that Kurt didn't notice when his dad came out and walked towards where they were seated.

"Hey Kurt... ready to go?"

"Yes..." Kurt said, a little startled. He slowly started getting up from the chair and gathering his things, before turning back to the woman. "It was very nice talking to you, um..." 

When Burt realized Kurt was with the lady beside him, he looked between them awkwardly, kind of waiting for Kurt to introduce them, and that's when Kurt realized _they_ hadn't even introduced themselves properly.

The woman must have picked up on this, because she quickly stood up and said: "I'm Vivienne... Vivienne Smythe."

"Burt Hummel."

They shook hands and smiled politely while Kurt just gaped in complete disbelief. 

"I'm uh... Kurt... my name is Kurt." he blurted out, still in shock of what he'd just heard.

"Well, thanks for keeping me company Kurt." She said before turning back to Burt, "It was nice meeting you. Good luck with everything, you have a very special son." 

"Thank you." Burt replied, putting his arm around Kurt like a proud father. Kurt felt himself blush and smiled nervously. Suddenly he felt like he really needed to get out of there. 

They said their goodbyes and soon Kurt and Burt were on their way back home. Kurt was feeling conflicted. He didn't know what to make of all these things he'd suddenly realized about Sebastian's situation. It was just baffling.

Of all the people he could have met in that waiting room, Kurt had ended up meeting Sebastian's mom. It was just surreal. He just couldn’t believe it, but he didn’t mention anything to his dad, he just didn’t know what to make of the whole situation.

It was time for lunch when he and his dad finally made it back home. Luckily for them, Carole was already back from work and in the middle of cooking something that smelled absolutely delicious. Kurt was relieved to see that he wouldn't have to cook this time. He didn't mind doing it at all, in fact he loved cooking, but not when he was really hungry and desperate to eat.

After lunch, Carole asked Kurt to go with her to get some groceries, and so he spent the rest of the afternoon out of the house, going to the grocery store and running some other errands Carole needed to take care of.

Once he came back and got to his room, Kurt decided to check his email. His stomach did a little flip once he realized Sebastian had not only _finally_ added him on Facebook but had also sent him a message. 

Kurt could feel his heart picking up speed as he logged in and checked the message, which was only 4 words long, but very direct.

_**From Sebastian Smythe:** _

_**We need to talk.** _

****

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter will be told from Sebastian’s POV, so stay tuned!


	3. Chapter 3

_Two months ago._

Sebastian was home, sitting on the desk trying to concentrate on his homework. He was trying really had but he was failing miserably. He'd been feeling really tired lately, and no matter how many hours he got to sleep, he'd wake up feeling as if he still didn't get enough.

Right now though, he felt absolutely exhausted. He knew he shouldn't have gone to the party at Jason's house the night before. He laughed at himself, because he should know better than to sneak out on a school night, but his parents were out of town and well, he just couldn't resist.

He'd had a few beers, but he didn't really get drunk, so he had no idea why he was feeling so terribly hung over. All day he'd been struggling to stay awake during class, so when he finally got home he took a long nap before starting with his homework. It was Thursday, at least, and he was really looking forward to the weekend.

He continued feeling tired the next week, but he figured it was because of the stress from school. He was just sick of everything, lately even Warbler rehearsals managed to irk him to no end. Hunter was just so demanding about winning regionals, and insisted on having rehearsals every single day after school even though the competition was still more than 1 month away. The only times he could get away were when he had lacrosse games but lately, even that seemed like too much of a task for Sebastian.

Practices had been hellish lately; the coach was pushing them really hard because of an upcoming game. It was the last game of the season, right before winter break.

Lately, Sebastian felt winded too soon during practice, and his endurance was reduced immensely. As much as he tried, by the end of the week, Sebastian realized he couldn't keep up with the team, not like he used to. He was supposed to be in the first line for the big game, but soon enough the coach had noticed his shortcomings and decided to change him, leaving Sebastian in the bench for most of the game while another guy took his place.

He felt angry with himself, but he was sure he was coming down with something. The cold weather certainly didn't help, he'd been getting headaches and his nose was a little runny.

"Do yourself a favor and go to the doctor, Smythe." The coach told him as the team was heading towards the showers. "I need you to be good as new when you return from winter break. We have a great season coming up."

Sebastian just nodded, smiling tightly at the coach's advice; maybe he  _should_  go to the doctor and see what the hell he was coming down with. Tylenol didn't help his headaches half the time, and it was unusual for him to get tired so easily. He didn't feel like he was in his 100% at all, and his leg hurt from how he'd slammed against another guy during the game.

Once he got home, all he wanted to do was sleep, and so he did. Later that night, Sebastian felt his leg still hurting, when he took off his pants and looked down to his thigh he could see a large bruise starting to form.  _Great_. That's just what he needed on his last week of school, a big bruise on his leg.

His mom had already told him they should to go down to the doctor, but Sebastian wanted to wait up until classes were over. He needed to focus on getting the highest grades he could manage, after all, this was his senior year and he wanted to be on top of his class.

However, Sebastian started getting more worried when the bruise on his leg refused to fade away as the days passed. If anything, it actually looked as if it was spreading. It turned a deep blue and purple, with bits of red and disgusting green at the edges. It was horrible to look at, and painful when he walked. He was used to having scratches and bruises all over his body, but none of his other bruises had ever looked this bad. He didn't even remember hitting his leg that hard to have a bruise that big.

So he finally let his mom take him down to the doctor's office for a check-up. He talked to the doctor about the tiredness and headaches, and when the doctor asked him to take his clothes off for the physical examination he was alarmed when he saw other bruises on Sebastian's back and shoulders.

"I play lacrosse, I'm always bruised here and there." Sebastian said, but the doctor said he needed blood tests to see if it could be something serious. Sebastian had a complete blood count and X-rays, and a couple of days later they we're called back to the doctors office to get the results.

It turned out that Sebastian's white blood cell count was unusually high, and he knew something was definitely wrong when the doctor said he needed a bone marrow biopsy right away.

He didn't like the sound of that  _at all,_  but didn't want to get ahead of himself and panic just yet. The biopsy was a little painful, but bearable, and they were asked to come back in 3 days to get the results.

Those were the 3 longest days of Sebastian's life. No matter how tired he was, he couldn't sleep enough to feel rested, and every night he'd wake up breathing heavily and sweating, feeling damp and cold.

The morning of the 24th, he and his mom went back to the doctor's office. His dad stayed home, as he had to go to the airport to pick up Catherine, Sebastian's older sister.

The doctor finally had a confirmed diagnosis, and what he said shook Sebastian's world upside down:

_"Acute lymphoblastic leukemia"_

The words cut through him, ringing in his ears and echoing in his mind, getting louder and louder. He could see the doctor in the desk in front of them, talking and explaining something to his mother, but he couldn't hear him anymore. All Sebastian could feel was a loud buzzing in his ears, a numbness overpowering him inside and he could faintly feel his mother's hand gripping his own. But it was all so distant, so quiet, muffled, like he was underwater.

_Leukemia._ It felt like a dream, like a horrible fucking nightmare, but Sebastian was suddenly hyper aware of just how real it was.

_He had cancer. He could die. Was he going to die?_

Sure felt like it. Sebastian could feel himself shaking, cold sweat sticking to his clothes, dread spreading through his chest.

He dropped his head on his hands, hunching over in his chair and taking deep breaths, feeling panic rise inside him and trying desperately to hold himself together. He could barely hear his mother's voice pulling him back from the haze. Felt her arms holding his shoulders, and her hands soothing circles on his back. Suddenly, Sebastian snapped back into reality, looking up at her and completely losing it. Tears he didn't even feel pooling in his eyes suddenly streamed down his face, choked sobs shaking him violently as they hugged, mother and son inconsolable in each other's arms.

_"It's okay, you're going to be okay. I love you, Bastian, everything is going to be okay."_

Sebastian clung to her words, wishing them to be true. But they didn't feel like they held any truth. Not once the doctor explained what the treatment involved, and the procedures he needed to go through in order to get better.

By the time they left the clinic, Sebastian was feeling strangely numb. All the crying helped him release some of the tension and stress, so now he just felt light and unattached. Everything around him seemed different, yet he was sure the world still was exactly the same, it was just him who had changed drastically on the inside.

That day was supposed to be a day of celebrations, delicious food and spending quality time with his parents and sister. It was special because they barely ever got the chance to do that during the rest of the year, but now it was ruined. The doctor referred them to a hospital down in Cleveland, certain that they could give Sebastian the best medical attention for his particular case. They had to go as soon as possible and get some other tests done so they could start him on treatment right away.

As his mom drove them back home in silence, Sebastian knew this was going to be harder than anything he'd ever imagined. He didn't know what was worse, the terrible news he just received, or watching his mom cry like she did back in the doctor's office. His feelings were a blur.

When they got back home Sebastian could see his father's car parked in the driveway, which meant he was already back from the airport. His sister Catherine flew from New York, where she attended college, just so she could spend Christmas with them.

The second they got through the door the tears started all over again. Only this time Sebastian just sat in the couch, feeling strangely removed from the situation around him as his mom explained everything the doctor told them. He sat in silence as his sister wiped the tears from her eyes and his father put his arms around him, whispering reassuring words into his ear. He told him not to be afraid, that they would get a second opinion, that he would make sure he was treated by the best doctors they could find.

For the first time in his life Sebastian was glad his father was such a strong and collected man. He just didn't want to cry anymore, not when he knew it wouldn't do anything to help, it would only make him feel worse when he already felt like he was sinking.

So he smiled painfully and tried his best to put up a tough front. He hugged his sister and listened to her as she spoke words of encouragement and faith, he didn't really want to hear it, but he couldn't find it in himself to say anything. Instead he just smiled through his tears as his sister slowly calmed down, their foreheads pressed together and her hands gripping his cheeks and going through his hair affectionately as she prayed for him.

Sooner or later, Sebastian figured, he'd have to get used to this.

He couldn't stop his mom from calling his aunt and grandmother and pouring her heart out. Or stop his dad from talking to his uncle, asking for advice and doctor recommendations. He knew that difficult times were coming and they would need as much support as possible. He just wasn't sure if that's what he wanted.

The process of breaking the news to people was emotionally exhausting. Having people break down in front of him, giving him pitiful looks or smothering him with attentions was just something Sebastian wasn't sure he could handle without going insane. Even though they only told a few close members of the family, soon enough the news spread like wildfire and he had calls and emails even from their family back in Paris.

By the time they went down to the Cleveland Clinic and started him on treatment, Sebastian was absolutely certain he didn't want anyone else knowing about this.

Sebastian knew that treatment was supposed to help him get better, but he didn't  _feel_  any better. First the lumbar puncture, then the chest port, and of course, the chemotherapy.

No matter how many things he read online; nothing could have prepared him for what he actually felt after his first chemotherapy session. If he thought having a catheter surgically inserted into his chest was uncomfortable, having all those chemicals pumped into his bloodstream was a million times worse. It felt like being poisoned.

He felt weaker than before, sometimes barely able to get out of bed by himself but refusing to have to use a wheelchair. All he wanted to do was sleep, except he couldn't. Not once the nausea kicked in, stabbing him in the stomach and making him heave until there was nothing left in him but tears and desperation.

It usually got better after a few days, the side effects from the chemotherapy slowly dissipating. But just when he thought he was starting to feel normal again it was time to do it all over again. The chemicals all but killed his immune system, and because of that he had to stay in the hospital for almost 4 weeks. Spending New Years Eve in the hospital, feeling sick and not even being able to eat or stay awake for long was utterly depressing for him, but he tried to not let it show. His mom, dad and sister went over and spent the night with him, sitting uncomfortably in the couch of his hospital room, trying to cheer him up and keeping him company until they had to leave.

By the second week of treatment, his hair had slowly started to fall out, but Sebastian didn't want to shave his head until it was absolutely necessary. He didn't want to be bald; it was bad enough to  _feel_  like shit, he didn't want to also  _look_ like shit.

He knew he was being stubborn, childish even. But no matter how much hair he was losing, he wouldn't budge.

After the fourth week of being in the hospital he was allowed to go home, though the treatment was far from over. He still had to go to the hospital every week to continue with the chemotherapy but at least he was relieved to be able to be out. He missed his house, his room, everything.

His dad was the one to come pick him up that morning. He got there a bit earlier than he had to and Sebastian was still not finished with his round of chemo. Once Sebastian was finally done and discharged, and right before they left the clinic, his dad opened up his suitcase and took out Sebastian's Dalton cap.

Sebastian smiled and thanked him for remembering; he didn't want to go out without a hat on, not when his hair was all uneven and weird. The cap would hide the bald spots just fine, and it actually matched his jacket, which was a plus. Sebastian looked at himself in the mirror and smiled. It sure made his pale face look better when he did, even if he didn't really feel like he had many reasons to smile at all.

He was used to feeling tired by now, but that didn't mean he liked it. Just walking from the ward to the parking lot felt like a mile long run. Sebastian couldn't even make it all the way to the car. He needed to sit down, so his dad went to get the car while Sebastian waited for him on the benches.

He just sat there, staring at his phone, mindlessly going through his emails and text messages. Trent and Nick had called him again last week, probably because school started long ago and they realized he was definitely not coming back. No matter how many times they'd tried, Sebastian never picked up the phone or texted them back. He just didn't know what to say.

His parents had pulled him out of school without giving a proper explanation to the headmaster and teachers, as per Sebastian's request. He just didn't want people talking about him, about his disease, and about the probability of his imminent death. No, he definitely didn't want any of that.

His parents had agreed to pay for a tutor and home-school him for the rest of the year, but that was obviously not going to happen. Not with all the time he had to spend in the hospital and feeling like crap. He didn't even care about his senior year anymore. Getting into college paled in comparison to actually surviving cancer. It was all he could think about, and all he could muster any energy for.

From the corner of his eye he noticed someone walking nearby, when he turned and looked up he instantly wished he hadn't. Of all the people he could possibly run into, it had to be Kurt Hummel.

"Kurt?"

"Sebastian, hi."

By the look on his face, Sebastian knew Kurt was probably regretting this just as much. But once Kurt sat down next to him and attempted to start a conversation Sebastian felt a little bit more at ease. He tried his best to be polite, after all, he was feeling so drained that he couldn't have been hostile to Kurt even if he wanted.

He felt sympathetic towards him when Kurt said his father had prostate cancer, though he couldn't understand why Kurt was telling him these things. He just hoped Kurt didn't ask him too many questions. He was feeling a little bit dizzy and tired from the 4 hours he had to sit through chemo, and he was sure his brain was not sharp enough to make things up on the spot.

Luckily their exchange was short lived once Kurt's father called, and after saying awkward goodbyes, he was left alone again. His dad appeared right then when Kurt was no longer in sight.  _Small mercies,_ Sebastian thought to himself as his dad helped him get into the car.

It was a long drive to get back home, and Sebastian wanted to lie down. He took off his cap and was disgusted at how much hair just came off along with it. He'd been postponing this for too long, but he knew it was inevitable.

"How are you feeling?" His dad asked carefully as Sebastian lowered the window so he could get rid of the hair he shed.

"I'm okay... A little tired, just going to lie down for a while." He said as he pushed down the seat into a more horizontal position.

"If you need me to pull over just say the word."

Sebastian just nodded as he closed his eyes and tried to relax. It was quiet for a few minutes until Sebastian spoke up again.

"Dad?"

"Yes?"

"Would you help me shave my head when we get home?"

"Of course son."

Sebastian still had his eyes closed, so he missed the way his father looked sadly at him, trying to keep his tears at bay as he turned and focused on the road again.

.

The next few days passed in a haze, and even though Sebastian had slowly learned to expect it, that still wouldn't make it any easier. He'd barely leave his room, spending his days in bed, staring blankly at the wall, crying quietly and feeling miserable. It felt like his body was melting from the inside out, and Sebastian was torn between wanting to hold on to his life and beating the cancer, to just wanting to die so he could stop feeling so awful.

Even when he was starting to feel better, by day 5 or 6 after the chemo, he still wouldn't want to leave his room. He'd spend hours staring mindlessly at the TV, not really paying attention. His phone would lay forgotten in a drawer, battery dead from days of not using it.

His mom would come into his room constantly, bringing him food and encouraging him to call his friends, to open up, but Sebastian didn't want to.

"I just worry about you honey."

"It's fine mom, besides…" he coughed, "If people start coming around, I might get sick, the doctor said so!"

She squinted her eyes and gave him a knowing look. She knew he was using that as an excuse.

"That was when you were in the hospital, but now you're here, and you are allowed to have visitors as long as they're not sick. Maybe you should tell just a few-"

"Mom, no."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes, I'm sure."

He gave her a stern look. They'd had this conversation many times before.

"Catherine recommended a therapist…" His mom said, slowly sitting in the edge of his bed "She sent me an email with her information. I called her and she said we could go and-"

"Oh my god mom!" Sebastian said laughing, albeit exasperated, "I don't need therapy, it's fine…" He dropped his head back on his pillow, rolling his eyes at her, but his mom just put her hand over his own and squeezed it.

"Bastian, it's not good for you to be so alone. Could you please just give it a try, just once?"

He just looked at her and smiled, shaking his head. She was so stubborn, but Sebastian didn't want a therapist, he just wanted to be left alone.

"I'll think about it."

"Okay." She smiled before leaning over to kiss him on the forehead and leaving the room.

He wasn't going to think about it, he knew what he was doing. Once she was gone, Sebastian hastily turned on his phone to check his emails, deleting everything he didn't care for, until a message caught his attention:

**"Kurt Hummel wants to be friends on Facebook."**

Sebastian just sighed in disbelief.

It's not that he hated Kurt, not at all. Looking back, Sebastian realized the only reason he'd grown to dislike him so much was because of their stupid little rivalry over Blaine. But that was no longer an issue; Sebastian had gotten over that. It was more than obvious that Blaine had no interest in him and Sebastian wasn't one to pin after a guy like a love struck fool. Quite frankly, right now he didn't even remember why he used to like Blaine that much.

Sebastian knew he only had a few more days before he'd have to go down to the hospital again, and the thought of starting the painful cycle all over again made him want to scream. So he turned off his phone and closed his eyes, hoping to get some rest.

Sebastian didn't really want to befriend Kurt on Facebook, but he  _couldn't,_  even if he wanted to. Not when he had been avoiding giving any signs of activity online. He'd been ignoring posts on his timeline and messages sent by the guys from Dalton. Only occasionally signing in to lurk around, but not wanting to post anything.

He had all but threatened his sister so she wouldn't post anything related to his situation anywhere. He didn't want people finding out. He knew perhaps it was just a matter of time, because gossip spread as easy as wildfire, but he wanted to delay it a much as possible. Maybe he could get away with no one but his family knowing about it.

It had worked fine so far, and it had been more than a month since he was diagnosed, and Sebastian hoped it would stay that way.

When they went down to the hospital again, Sebastian wasn't feeling quite as recovered as the previous times. Not that he expected it to be any different, but he wished he could stop feeling so damn tired and frail. He'd lost a bit of weight; it was hard to keep enough food down with the constant nausea, no matter how hungry he was.

And if he thought he was feeling bad enough, it only got worse by the time he was out of the clinic. He could hear the commotion among the nurses and some of the other patients. One of the kids died. Sebastian remembered him, his name was Joshua, and he was 11 or 12 years old at the most, he couldn't remember exactly. But he'd seen him around the ward quite often.

To know that the kid hadn't survived was just utterly depressing for Sebastian, and judging by the look on his mother's face once he met back with her at the waiting room, she was affected by the news just as much. She didn't say anything though; she just hugged him tightly as they walked towards the parking lot.

Sebastian wondered if he really had a chance of making it, or if it was just a matter of time until he died, just like little Joshua. He kept his thoughts to himself, putting up his nonchalant and positive exterior as he always did, to avoid worrying his mom even further.

Once they were in the car and already heading back home, they started talking.

"Did you get to finish your book?" Sebastian asked.

"Oh... Almost, I'm not done yet."

"Thought you would have finished today, you only had a few pages left."

"Yeah well, with all the commotion in the waiting room it was a little difficult to concentrate on reading."

Sebastian just nodded; he didn't really want to talk about that. So after a few seconds of awkward silence his mother continued: "I met someone at the waiting room today though, it was nice to have a bit of company. It was a boy about your age,  _and very handsome,_  by the way."

"Really?" Sebastian said, not able to hide his smile. His mom was always making comments like that to him. She was really supportive of his sexuality even though Sebastian had never brought anyone home to meet them.

"Yes..." She continued, smiling too, "He was there with his father, very pleasant man. First time I've seen them there, but I'll never forget their names, Burt and Kurt." She said, giggling like it was the funniest thing ever.

Sebastian's eyes went wide at the sound of those names.

"Hummel?" Sebastian asked anxiously.

"Yes, actually. Do you know them? I just thought it was kind of funny how they names rhymed."

Sebastian was at a loss; he didn't know what to say. Knowing his mom, she must have been babbling about him and probably talking about his situation with Kurt. How much had she told him? This could not be good at all.

He took a deep breath, he didn't want to lash out on his mom, not right now when he felt bad enough and this stress was doing nothing to help.

"Something like that... Kurt used to go to Dalton, but he transferred out."

"Oh really?" His mom continued, clearly missing the way Sebastian was slowly shrinking into himself.

He pulled out his phone and logged into Facebook, he tried to message Kurt but realized he only accepted messages from friends. So he hastily went back and accepted the friend request he'd previously ignored, just so he could type in a quick line.

**To Kurt Hummel:**

**We need to talk.**

He then just pushed the seat backwards to lie down, trying to ease out his breathing and calm down a little. Just the thought of Kurt babbling up to Blaine or anyone else about him having cancer made him weak with dread. This just couldn't happen; he wouldn't allow it.

He needed to talk to Kurt and stop him before he told anyone. Maybe he could still do some damage control once he got home. Or a least that's what he hoped.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for your kind reviews and subscribing to this story. Next chapter, Kurt and Sebastian will finally talk… so stay tuned :)


	4. Chapter 4

Kurt sat in front of his computer screen thinking about what to do. Sebastian had sent him that message 4 hours ago, and he wasn't online anymore.

Well, at least he wanted to talk... kind of. Kurt figured Sebastian’s mother must have mentioned meeting him and that’s why Sebastian wanted to talk to him now after he had previously just ignored him, but he couldn’t know for sure. It could be anything, really.

After thinking about it for a little too long, Kurt realized Sebastian could have messaged him to tell him off or worse, but instead he'd said he wanted to talk. So after spending a ridiculous amount of time typing and erasing possible responses he finally replied.

**To Sebastian Smythe:**

**Sure... message me any time :)**

He'd been insecure about adding the smiley face at the end, but figured since Sebastian's message did sound a little too direct, it wouldn't hurt to make his response a bit friendlier. 

Hours passed and no response came from Sebastian's part. Kurt made sure his phone notifications were enabled before going to bed. But when he woke up the next day he still didn't have anything.

It wasn't until later, when it was almost lunchtime that his phone buzzed with a new message from Sebastian.

 **Sebastian:** Are you there?

 **Kurt:** Yes. Hi.

 **Sebastian** : I need to talk to you.

 **Kurt:** Okay...about what?

 **Sebastian:**  You know about what.

Kurt just stared at his phone and frowned. He surely didn't expect this. Though he really didn't know exactly _what_ he expected from Sebastian at this point.

 **Sebastian:** Have you told anyone?

 **Kurt:** No.

 **Sebastian:** Be honest.

 **Kurt:** I am being honest.

 **Sebastian:** Don't tell ANYONE.

Kurt frowned, looking down at his phone, feeling like a chastised child. Sebastian was just so weird, and Kurt was trying real hard not to snap and just tell him to calm down and what his problem was, but then another message came through.

 **Sebastian:** Please... 

And well, that kind of changed things a little. So he just sighed and replied.

 **Kurt:**  okay.

 **Sebastian:** Give me your word.

Kurt looked around him, as if checking that no one could watch what he was typing down on his phone, which was ridiculous. He was sitting in the living room, watching a movie with his dad, who had dozed off a while ago.

 **Kurt:** Fine, you have my word.

Sebastian didn't say anything else... 

 **Kurt:** is that all?

He waited for a few seconds, then minutes, and hours... but Sebastian didn't message him further. Kurt was indignant that Sebastian had just dropped their conversation without even saying 'thanks' or at least 'goodbye' or well, _anything at all_. But more than that, he hated the small tingling of concern that still lingered inside him, refusing to just let this go. They weren't friends, they barely knew each other, but somehow Kurt found himself thinking about Sebastian an awful lot.

Sebastian -irritating and insufferable brat- Smythe, who he'd grown to dislike so much ever since they met, but who was now battling a terrible illness and apparently isolating himself from his friends in the process.

Kurt didn't understand why Sebastian wanted to keep this a secret. Why he would want to push away people who cared about him? But then again, he wasn't the one who had leukemia. He couldn't know what Sebastian was going through or what he was feeling.

And to be honest, Kurt couldn't deny that he _had_ just been dying to be able to talk about this with someone. He'd been tempted to tell Rachel about his suspicions from the first moment he saw Sebastian and felt like he couldn't help it any longer yesterday after meeting Sebastian's mom in the waiting room, but Sebastian's message had frozen him on the spot. Now he had given him his word, and he intended to keep it.

.

Next morning, Kurt and Burt went down to the hospital again. Kurt was used to the routine by now, but he still didn't quite manage to be able to stay put during his time on the waiting room. If he didn't take something to read with him, he'd get up several times and either go to the cafeteria or walk mindlessly around the place trying to distract himself.

Today was one of those days, Kurt was feeling a bit ansty and so he decided to get up. As he walked towards down the hallway, he bumped into Sebastian's mother.

"Oh Kurt, good morning, hi..."

"Mrs. Smythe, hi..." Kurt said, feeling a little flustered, "Um... How have you been?"

Kurt noticed she was holding a duffel bag and a blanket, and once she saw him staring down at it she quickly said.

"I was just... My husband stopped by and I..." She was clearly at a loss for words. She looked like she hadn't slept, she wasn't wearing any make up and her hair was up in a messy pony tail. A huge difference from the previous time he saw her.

"Is everything okay?" Kurt asked, cautiously... "Is Sebastian okay?"

Her eyes lit up at Kurt's mention of Sebastian.

"You know..." She said tentatively.

"I... Well, I didn't but, your last name is not very common and well..." Kurt could feel his face practically burning as he tried to explain, "I kind of talked to Sebastian yesterday and-"

"You talked to him?" She said, smiling hopeful.

Kurt gave her a questioning look and she just smiled wider, clearly surprised.

"I saw him typing on the phone and I wondered if he was texting anybody... Was it you?"

"Oh... We only texted for a little while." _And then he decided to ignore me -_ his mind quickly added.

She gave him a tight smile and her eyes filled with tears, but she breathed in deeply, trying to hold it together. "We had to hospitalize him again last night..." She reached up to wipe her eyes with the back of her hand and dropped the blanket she was holding.

Kurt quickly reached down to pick it up and offered to help her carry her things. She thanked him and let Kurt take the duffel bag and blanket as she held on to her purse. She led the way as they walked slowly down the hall and towards the elevators.

The hospital was really big, it was bigger than any other Kurt had ever been at back in Lima, so when Mrs. Smythe pressed the button for the 11th floor, Kurt knew the ride was going to take a little while. He didn't know what to do, surely Sebastian wouldn't want to see him, specially not under these circumstances. But how could he possibly explain that to Sebastian's mother? He could feel himself slightly panicking as they got off the elevator and Mrs. Smythe walked up to the door of what was most certainly Sebastian's room.

He stopped midway before getting any closer, and she must have picked up on his hesitations cause she turned and gave him a questioning look.

"What's wrong?"

"I um... I don't think I should-" Kurt started to say, but stopped himself once Mrs. Smythe pressed her finger up to her lips, gesturing for him to be quiet. She slowly turned the doorknob, gently pushing the door open to glance into the room.

"He's still asleep. Come in." She whispered, walking inside and leaving Kurt in the hallway, gaping and anxious.

There was no avoiding this, Kurt had to walk in there, drop her things quickly and hopefully he could get the hell out before Sebastian noticed his presence. So he just braced himself and walked quietly into the room.

The curtains were closed so the room was a little dark. Kurt walked straight to the corner table to put down the bag and tried not to look to the left where the bed was. It was ridiculous, but he was so nervous that he feared that even just turning to look his way could wake Sebastian up. From the corner of his eye he could see him sleeping, but he didn’t want to stare.

Mrs. Smythe turned on the light from the bedside and the room immediately lit up, albeit mildly. She whispered 'thank you' as Kurt left her things over the table, which was right by the window.

When he turned around, Kurt couldn't help but feel a painful jab inside his chest at the image of Sebastian lying in that hospital bed, face gaunt, head bald and way too many tubes attached to him. It was just unreal, Kurt felt like he was looking at someone else. This felt like a dream, a nightmare Kurt wanted to wake up from. He didn't realize he was staring until he felt Sebastian's mom stand next to him and put her hand gently in his back, gesturing for them to walk back outside.

"He's just been through a lot lately..." She started saying once they were in the hallway again.

Kurt felt at a loss of what to say, because what could he possibly say to comfort her? "What did the doctor say?" he asked, figuring listening to her was a safer choice.

"Well, he's dehydrated, among other things... he just hasn't been able to eat much, or even drink lately. And well, his blood levels are down again. He collapsed last night and we rushed him to the E.R. I was terrified." She said, not able to hold a tear that fell down her cheek. "The doctor said that he needs to stay hospitalized for now, to be safe."

"So, will he have to stay for long?"

"We still don't know."

Kurt bit his lower lip, uncertain of how to feel about all this. He put his hand softly on her shoulder and smiled "Sebastian is strong, and stubborn... I'm sure he'll make it through."

All uncertainty about his words being appropriate or not vanished as soon as Kurt saw Mrs. Smythe smile through her tears.

"Thank you, Kurt." 

"Is there anything else I can do for you?" He said, tentatively. "My dad is going to be done any minute and 'll have to go but, if you need anything I-"

"You could come back." She said suddenly.

"Come back?"

"To visit him." 

"Oh..." Kurt really didn't know how to explain to her that he was probably the last person on earth Sebastian wanted to see while he was hospitalized.

Mrs. Smythe gave him an understanding smile, probably figuring that’s what he was thinking. "We've only told a few members of our family. Sebastian doesn't want anyone else to know, and since we had to pull him out of school, he's been so lonely, I just... I worry about him isolating himself. Please promise me you'll come to visit him."

Her eyes were pleading and Kurt just couldn't say no.

"Of course..." He said, smiling shyly. "I will."

"Thank you." She said; giving him a tight hug and Kurt felt his heart ache for this woman.

Kurt said goodbye to her so he could go back to the waiting room. Once he was alone in the elevator, his mind started reeling, wondering what the hell he was going to do now. When he got back to the waiting room, his dad was nowhere in sight. He checked the time and realized his dad probably still had five or ten minutes before he was done. 

So he sat down, grabbed his phone and noticed his last 2 Facebook messages for Sebastian still appeared as 'unread'. He now understood why that was and felt a little bad for thinking Sebastian was ignoring him.

Kurt was at a loss of what to do, but as he sat there by himself he got an idea and made up his mind. He was definitely going to visit Sebastian, after all, Kurt Hummel was a man of his word and he was going to find a way to keep it no matter what.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just want to say THANK YOU for all the reviews and alerts, I appreciate every comment like you have no idea. Just wow, thank you, really. You inspire me to write more : )


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Text in italics represents a flashback.

_"Do you want to try again honey?"_

_"No."_

_He felt his mother's warm hand against his face, her fingers slowly caressing his cheek._

_"You're cold."_

_He sighed,_   _"I'm okay mom."_

_"Are you sure you don't want to eat?"_

_He squeezed his eyes shut, trying to ignore the sting in his stomach, the growling pains, screaming for food. He was hungry, starving, and yet he couldn't eat. Not when everything he tried to swallow came back before even making it all the way down. Not when every time he heaved he felt like his Port-a-Cath was going to come off, ripping through his skin and veins._

_"I can't... Maybe later."_

_He tried to smile, and hoped it looked genuine. Maybe the trembling he felt all over his body wasn't noticeable, maybe he could pretend for a little longer until his mom went back downstairs. Then he could cry, and scream into his pillow, and curse his existence and what it had become._

_He just wished it all would stop. But right then with his mother kneeling by his bedside, he couldn't allow his weakness to show. He couldn't allow his mom to see how he was really feeling. He needed to be strong, to hold on. He didn't want to go back to the hospital, not again._

_After every chemotherapy session he felt worse than the one before, and Sebastian had long ago given up on hoping it would get any better. He knew he just had to wait, and eventually the pain would go away. Just a few more days and maybe he would be able to eat again, sleep again, and smile again._

_Sebastian didn't know exactly how it happened, just that he was holding his phone, looking at Kurt's last message and trying not to panic. He wanted to believe that Kurt wouldn't tell anyone, but part of him knew he must have already told Blaine. Which meant soon enough The Warblers would know, and then all of the Dalton student body would find out._

_It was going to be such a fucking mess._

_A while later, his mom started talking about the therapist again... he tuned her out every time she brought it up. He didn't want to talk to anybody. He wasn't crazy, he just had cancer, and he didn't really want to talk about it, he just wanted to be left alone._

_He'd fallen asleep with his phone clutched tightly in his hand, and woke up hours later when the next wave of nausea kicked in._

_He'd tried to get up to get to the toilet but then everything went dark. Next thing he felt was cold sweat dampening his clothes and his whole body shaking. He could hear his mother talking in distress and his father must have been the one carrying him. He was barely awake and felt his body heavy and limp. He felt the cold of the wind against his socked feet, then darkness again. Faintly he remembered the touch of his mother's hands on his scalp as he lay on his side in the backseat of the car. Then bright lights from the hospital and strange voices before everything went dark again._

When he opened his eyes again it was early morning, though it was still a little dark. He turned his head to the right and noticed his mom sleeping on the couch in what looked like a really uncomfortable position. Sebastian felt something twist inside him. He hated that he had to be rushed back here; he hated making his mom worry. He just closed his eyes again and sighed, feeling defeated.

A couple of minutes later he could hear people coming into the room and talking to his mom, he wondered if he could feign sleep, until he heard the doctor speaking to his mom.

"We're going to have to wake him up, he needs to be conscious for this."

_Shit._

Sebastian slowly turned around and smiled painfully, knowing whatever was going to happen would definitely not be pretty, and indeed it wasn't.

"Chin up."

_He breathed in._

"It's going to feel a little weird, but just try to relax, alright?"

_Well, he could try._

"Now down... Just a little more... that's it."

_It burned._

"You're doing great Sebastian, just a little bit more..."

_He felt like he was going to vomit._

"Okay, now drink..."

_He felt the tip of a straw against his lips and started sipping._

"Swallow slowly."

_Like he could rush this even if he wanted to._

"We're almost there, almost there... swallow, swallow. That's it... You did really great!"

And so the feeding tube was finally in place. It hadn't been too painful as he thought, just awfully uncomfortable. Sebastian could feel it in the back of his throat, and it tickled a little from where it came out of his nostril and laid across his face to where it was attached behind his ear. He slowly lay back into a more horizontal position and closed his eyes again.

"It will only be for a couple of days, so hang in there." The doctor said.

Sebastian didn't say anything though, he just nodded, eyes still closed while his mom talked to the doctor about drugs and steroids and protein and blood counts. He just tuned them out, turned his head to the side and tried to go back to sleep. At least the trembling from last night was gone. He wondered how long that was going to last, specially when the nurse connected his tube to feed him. He felt his stomach slowly filling and the nausea threatening to come back, but he managed to keep it at bay.

He was exhausted, and he just really needed to sleep, maybe that way he could ignore the uncomfortable feeling of the tube, and so he did.

Sebastian wasn't sure how long he was asleep, but when he woke up he could hear his mom talking to someone, even though he could barely make up what she was saying because she was whispering.

_"I don't know what I'm going to do... No, I can't postpone them again."_

She must have been talking about her patients. She'd been neglecting her work to stay with him at home.

_"No, he still doesn't want to see Dr. Mitchell... I hope so, a friend of his said he would come visit, I just hope Bastian lets him."_

_Friend?_  What friend? That definitely caught Sebastian's attention; he shifted in the bed and figured his mom must have been speaking to his sister 'cause she quickly said she'd call back once she realized Sebastian was awake.

"Hey honey..."

"Hi mom."

"How are you feeling?"

He just shrugged, smiling tightly and stretching his right arm a bit. He didn't want to even try to move the left one cause it hurt too much, probably from how he'd fallen on it last night when he fainted.

"What time is it?"

"Two thirty."

"Oh."

"You slept almost eight hours."

He didn't feel like he'd slept that long. In fact he wanted nothing more than to go back to sleep again.

"Do you have to go to work?"

She gave him an apologetic look and Sebastian just smiled. "Mom it's fine, you should go. Your patients' teeth are going to fall out if you keep ignoring them."

She smiled at that, "I just don't want to leave you alone here."

"I'll be fine."

They just sat in silence for a few moments, then his mom finally got up and started collecting her things to leave. She looked like it physically pained her to have to leave him, but Sebastian knew she had to do it. She came over to his bedside and leaned down to kiss him on the cheek.

"Your dad said he can't come over tonight, but he will try to come tomorrow."

"It's okay mom."

She put her purse over the bed and looked at him, Sebastian could see the hesitation in her eyes as she spoke: "Kurt was here earlier."

"Kurt?"

"Yes, I ran into him downstairs and he helped me carry your things back here. He said he'd come again, to visit." She said, studying him for a reaction.

Sebastian noticed and just gave her a tight smile, " _Okay._  Did he say when?"

"Oh... I'm not sure. I didn't ask."

For once, Sebastian wished she had, but he didn't say anything. He didn't really think Kurt was going to show up anyway. He probably just said he would to be polite, or at least that's what he hoped.

Just the thought of anyone seeing him like this made him want to cry.

Once his mom left, Sebastian found himself alone again. Visitor hours were short and he didn't really have much people visiting anyway. The first time he was hospitalized he received a couple of family visits, even though they couldn't come into his room much because his immune system was pretty much non-existent. His mom had tried to be around as much as she could but she had to work and so did his dad.

This time though, he didn't think anyone would be visiting, and it was probably for the best. He wanted to be alone. Not because it made him feel better, but because he didn't want to feel worse. There was only one thing worse than being ill, and that was being pitied.

Loneliness used to be such a foreign concept for Sebastian, but now he had gotten used to it, and had even learned to appreciate it. He was used to being around people all the time. He was popular, people wanted to be around him. He didn't really know  _why,_  as he wasn't the nicest guy to be around. But he didn't really care; he'd never given it much thought, because it had never mattered, until now.

He was in a position of vulnerability that scared him. He wasn't sure how people around him would react; if they'd be genuinely supportive or just pretend to care out of sympathy, or if they just wouldn't care at all.

Truth is, he didn't want to find out. It was better to push people away than to reach out and have no one come. He knew that it was silly to think like that, to a point, but life didn't make much sense either so why should he?

Nothing made sense anymore. Sebastian felt as if he was lost in a haze, alternating between dreams and reality, between just staring at the wall and falling asleep. Only ever moving when the nurses came to change his IV or to feed him through the tube.

"How are you feeling?" The nurse asked.

"Tired, but okay."

"Any pain? Nausea?"

"Not much."

The nurse checked the container on Sebastian's bedside, it was empty, "A little nausea is expected, but you haven't vomited, which is really good. It means the adjustments we made to your medication are working. Dr. Meyers will come to check on you tomorrow morning, if you need anything just ring the bell."

He just nodded as the nurse smiled and exited the room. As uncomfortable as the damn tube was, Sebastian was glad to not have to stress over being able to eat anymore. The nausea was receding and he hoped it would be gone soon.

He spent most of the day sleeping, and when he opened his eyes it was nighttime. He only stayed awake for a little before dozing off again. The lines between day and night were blurred and when he opened his eyes he found it was morning. He didn't feel like getting up, or showering, but he did it anyway.

He hated that the nurses had to help him do everything, but it was a hassle trying to take a bath with his Port-a-Cath on. The skin around the port was bruised and Sebastian wondered how big the scar was going to be once it was finally taken out.

He would just have to wait and see, same as with everything else. He was stuck, unable to do anything but wait to feel better... waiting for the time to pass quickly.

His mom called, saying his dad would try to make it down for the afternoon visit, but he wasn't counting on it. He didn't notice if he came or not anyway, because he fell asleep and he didn't wake up until it was morning and the nurse was coming in to feed him again.

Something caught his attention right then. There was a small floral arrangement in the table on the corner. He couldn't tell who it was from, and he wasn't curious enough to want to get up and check it out. No, he would rather just stay in bed and sleep some more. That sounded like a better plan.

Sebastian was actually starting to feel better, he wasn't nauseous, dizzy, or in pain. But still, he just wanted to sleep.

Once the nurse left, Sebastian reached out to his bedside to make sure his phone was in vibrating mode before putting the bed back down but right then someone knocked on his door.

Nurses didn't knock.

For a minute Sebastian thought he must have imagined it, but then the door opened slowly, and he felt a nervous blush spread up his neck and through his face as a familiar face with perfectly coiffed brown hair and bright blue eyes peeked from behind the door.

"Can I come in?"

Sebastian just gaped, suddenly feeling awfully self-conscious, realizing he wasn't wearing anything on his head...  _great._

"Um... S-sure."

Kurt walked into the room, tight smile on his face and a weird light blue bag strapped over his shoulder. He stood by the side of Sebastian's bed, awkwardly fidgeting though clearly trying to hide it with a smile.

"Hi."

"Hey."

They stared at each other for a few more seconds, and things were getting from awkward to uncomfortable so Sebastian decided he needed to do something about it.

"There's a chair in the corner... you can uh... sit, if you want."

"Oh, thanks." Kurt said as he turned to grab the chair, and Sebastian noticed he was blushing a bit, which made him feel a little better about being nervous himself.

"So... you're here."

"I am."

The moment was beginning to feel a bit awkward. Sebastian looked at Kurt and laughed a little, his head shook as he looked at him.

"What?"

"Nothing, it's just... My mom said you'd come, but I didn't think you'd  _actually_  do it." Sebastian didn't mean to be rude; he was just genuinely surprised.

"Yeah well, I promised her I'd come..."

"Is that the only reason you're here?"

Kurt looked at him and squinted his eyes, "That's a trick question, isn't it?"

"No."

"Sure it's not."

Sebastian gave him a once over before speaking again, "So, Kurt Hummel is a man of his word huh?"

"Of course I am."

"Am I to believe you  _really_  haven't told anyone about... this?"

Kurt sighed. "I  _told you_  that I-"

"Come on Kurt..."

"What?"

Sebastian gave him a skeptical look. "You really expect me to believe you haven't even told Blaine?"

Kurt looked puzzled, clearly annoyed by Sebastian's accusations.

"I don't  _expect you_  to do anything. I haven't told anyone, and that's the truth, whether you want to believe me or not."

Kurt crossed his arms and looked to the window. Sebastian looked at him, not saying anything, just thinking. The silence between them stretched a bit too long, until Sebastian decided to speak again.

"Okay, I believe you."

That made Kurt turn back to look at him.

"Good."

Sebastian's phone started buzzing right at that moment. He turned to stare at it, hesitating before reaching over to the bedside table to grab it. It was his mom.

"Hi mom."

_"Hello honey, how are you? How are you feeling?"_

He sighed, "I'm okay..."

_"Did you eat breakfast?"_

Sebastian smiled painfully, he did have breakfast, he just didn't exactly  _'eat it'_.

"Yes."

_"That's great honey. Your dad was there yesterday, he said he went over with your aunt Helen, but that you were asleep."_

So  _that's_  where the flower arrangement came from _._  Sebastian glared at it as his mom kept talking, not really paying attention anymore as she went on and on about his aunt and how she said she would visit again sometime.

Kurt noticed Sebastian's glare and followed his line of sight towards the small corner table, but didn't say anything. Sebastian wanted nothing more than to get rid of the damn thing and what it represented, in fact, he wondered if he could find something to burn it with. Maybe Kurt could make himself useful and help him get something.

"Mom... I have to go."

_"What? Why honey? Is everything okay?"_

"Yeah, it's just... Kurt's here, but he's leaving so I should um-"

 _"He is?"_  Sebastian could hear the smile through her voice _, "Oh Bastian that's so great, I'll go then, you go ahead and talk to Kurt, tell him I said hi."_

"I will, okay... Bye mom."

He hung up and took a deep breath. Kurt must have noticed his change in demeanor.

"So, should I be on my way out or did you say that just to have an excuse to end the call?"

Had he really been that obvious? Sebastian stared at him and huffed, "Well, my mom's just...  _too much_  sometimes, but- " he stumbled over his own words, not really knowing how to explain.

"You know that's her job right? Worrying about you." Kurt said, smiling.

"Yeah, it's not that, it's..."

"What?"

Sebastian sighed. He didn't really want to talk about his family issues with Kurt, but at the same time he was so frustrated and upset that he couldn't hold it in.

"You see that thing over there?" Sebastian pointed at the flowers in the corner table, "Those are from my dear aunt Helen, who hasn't spoken to me since she found out I'm gay."

Kurt just raised his eyebrows.

"That was almost 1 year ago. She lives in Westerville too, but somehow she is too busy to ever come over to our house anymore. My cousin Alex, we used to hang out a lot, but all of the sudden he was always conveniently busy with something and couldn't see me anymore." He let out a self-deprecating laugh, "The best part is he still has a lot of time for church activities and stuff. So he can't hang out with me, unless I want go to church with him, which I don't. He keeps making this lame excuses every time I talked to him, saying his mom just wants him to focus on his studies, which is bullshit. I'm sure that just means his mom doesn't want him to be around me... But now that I have cancer, all of the sudden she cares about me again?"

Kurt said nothing, just pressed his lips in a tight line while Sebastian ranted.

"Look Kurt, I just don't want you to feel like you  _have to_  be here just because of my mom, or because I'm sick. You don't have to feel sorry for me. I'm fine, really."

Kurt gave him a pained smile, "Listen, I'll admit I was insecure about coming, but mostly 'cause I was worried that you'd kick me out as soon as I walked through the door. Not because I didn't care."

"But why  _would you_  care? I've treated you like crap, almost blinded your boyfriend... you should hate me." Sebastian hated the way his voice cracked a little at the end; he was just so upset. He didn't want people's pity, he didn't want to be in this position, he hated it.

"Well, believe it or not it takes a lot more than that for me to actually hate someone."

Sebastian huffed, "Yeah, especially when they're dying right?"

"Don't say that..." Kurt quickly said, frowning, "You're  _not_  dying!"

"You don't know that."

"Well neither do you... Right?"

Kurt's words stung, 'cause they were true. Sebastian  _didn't_  know, and that's part of what was so excruciating about this whole thing. He couldn't know. Both boys just stayed silent for a couple of seconds that stretched a bit too long and felt like an eternity.

"Well, I'll either get better or I'll die. But you don't have to be here just because the latter is more likely to happen."

Kurt sighed, exasperated with Sebastian's stubbornness.

"Look Sebastian, I'm here because I  _want_  to." His voice was firm and his eyes piercing as he spoke, "And I  _know_  we're not friends, and that I can't tell you what to do because I don't know what you're going through, but... I really don't think you should be alone."

Kurt's words seemed genuine and that made Sebastian feel a mixture of things all at once. He breathed in and bit the inside of his lip, hoping Kurt wouldn't notice, a painful knot formed in his throat and his eyes stung. He didn't even know if it was more from the frustration that Kurt was the one telling him these things or the anger of being in this position but he felt like he was going to explode.

He could tell his emotions were slipping through the strong facade he was trying to put up when he saw Kurt's firm expression melt into concern and he just couldn't take it anymore.

"You don't know…  _anything_ , Kurt." Sebastian said, voice almost a whisper.

Kurt sighed heavily and shook his head, getting up from the chair. Sebastian guessed he must have finally irked him enough to make him leave. But in that moment the door opened and Dr. Meyers came into the room, followed by a nurse. Kurt seemed startled and just stepped aside as they started checking Sebastian's vitals.

"Good morning Sebastian, how are you feeling today?"

"Uh... I'm okay."

"Better than yesterday?"

He smiled, "Yes, much better."

The doctor checked Sebastian's file while the nurse worked around him. Sebastian was so used to this procedures by now that he just stared at the doctor expectantly while the nurse did her job, hoping to get some good news about his condition.

"Any nausea today? Headaches?"

"I had a headache earlier, but it went away after I uh...  _ate_."

"Have you been nauseous?"

"No, not today."

The doctor nodded as he wrote down a few things on Sebastian's file. "Well, it seems like you're doing better, but we'll still need the tube for today. If you continue to be stable tonight perhaps we can take it out in the morning."

"Does that mean I'll be able to eat normal food again?" Sebastian asked, hopeful.

"Well... we have to start you on a liquid diet first and work from there. We need you to be strong and recovered before your next chemotherapy session."

Sebastian just breathed in and nodded, feeling a mixture of relief, disappointment and dread.

He was just so desperate to have the damn thing taken out that he completely forgot about Kurt. When he turned to look at him, Kurt seemed to be frozen on the spot, hands clutching his bag strap tightly and his cheeks flushed a light pink.

Suddenly Sebastian felt uneasy, realizing what Kurt just witnessed. He quickly regained his composure as the doctor turned to leave the room. The nurse stayed behind for a couple of minutes while she took a blood sample. After she left, Sebastian and Kurt stayed for a couple of seconds in silence.

Sebastian was sure Kurt was about to just walk out on him right before the doctor and nurse came into the room, and the awkwardness from the moment that was interrupted was slowly creeping back in.

"So, that just happened." Sebastian said, feigning nonchalance.

Kurt just smiled and walked back to where the chair was but he didn't sit down again. Instead he just put his bag there and zipped it open. Sebastian stared in silence as Kurt took out a small plastic bag.

"I brought you something." Kurt said pulling a present out of it and giving it to him. Sebastian could tell it was a book.

He raised an eyebrow, "Please don't tell me this some kind of self-help book... Cause I don't-"

"Just open it."

Sebastian rolled his eyes and slowly tore the paper wrapping, revealing a small black book. He stared at it, frowning as he read the title: "Wreck it Journal?"

"It comes with this..." Kurt said, pulling a plastic supply box out of his bag and putting it on the bed, right beside Sebastian's legs.

Sebastian was at a loss. "Crayons? What am I, a child?"

"Well, you certainly act like one sometimes..." Kurt said, teasingly.

"So you brought me a coloring book."

"No, it's a journal, of sorts... it will help you pass the time and stimulate your creativity." Kurt said, smiling proudly.

"You're serious."

"Yes,  _I am_. Give it a try. It's not like you have much to do here anyways."

Sebastian glared at him, but Kurt just smiled obnoxiously as he put his bag over his shoulder again.

"You're leaving?"

"Yeah... My dad will be done any minute now, so... I have to go."

"Oh... okay."

Sebastian didn't even know why he asked Kurt if he was leaving, or why he felt slightly disappointed at the fact, but he just was. Sebastian wondered what would be the 'appropriate' thing to do now. Should he thank him for coming? Should he ask him if he was coming again? Would it be lame? He felt so awkward and uncertain and it must have been written all over his face.

"So..." Kurt said, a little hesitant, "It was nice seeing you... um. I hope you give the book a chance, and tell me what you think."

"So, you're coming back." Sebastian said before he could stop himself. It was more of a statement than a question, but he phrased it tentatively, waiting for Kurt's response.

"Well, I have to come here every 2 days with my dad so, I could use some distraction while I wait."

Sebastian didn't know what to say. He just stared at Kurt.

"Unless... you don't want me to." Kurt added.

"No, it's... it's fine, I guess." Sebastian said, nodding as Kurt smiled and turned to walk out of the room.

"I guess I'll see you around then!" Kurt said, shutting the door behind him, leaving Sebastian in the bed, holding the journal in his hands and feeling completely puzzled about what just happened.

He looked down at the journal for a while before slowly opening it; realizing maybe it wouldn't hurt to look a bit past the cover.

_Maybe it could be worth it._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So... they FINALLY spoke face to face! What did you guys think? Let me know :) thanks so much for reading and reviewing.
> 
> Also a big THANK YOU to my friend Larinia713 because she has helped me a lot with advice about everything and specially the medical stuff for accuracy. I love you Lari.


	6. Chapter 6

Kurt didn't know what he expected going into Sebastian's hospital room, and if anyone asked him how did it go, he wouldn't really know what to say. He didn't presume Sebastian would be thrilled to see him or that he would have any heartfelt conversations with him or anything like that, but even after all the weirdness and nerves, Kurt was able to leave the room feeling strangely satisfied.

He was glad he decided to get Sebastian the journal instead of the usual or expected balloon arrangement or 'get well soon' card. Especially since it helped save the situation when it had gone beyond awkward and tense.

The look on Sebastian's face when Kurt handed him the box full of crayons, markers and other art supplies was just priceless.

"What's got you so happy today huh?" Burt asked and Kurt blushed as he realized he'd been caught smiling at his own thoughts.

"Oh, nothing... Just remembering something about a friend."

"A friend huh?" Burt said, lifting an eyebrow and grinning, "Anyone special?"

"Oh no dad, no!" Kurt laughed nervously, "It's nothing like that."

"Then who is it? Do I know him?"

His dad was looking at Kurt as he drove, and he realized he couldn't just change the subject now. But how could he explain?

"Remember Mrs. Smythe, from the waiting room?"

"Uh-huh?"

"It's her son, he's in the hospital and well... I visited him today while you were getting your radiotherapy."

"You know him?"

"Yeah, kind of, he used to go to Dalton but uh-" Kurt stopped himself before he could say something he regretted. He didn't want to lie to his dad, or hide things from him, but he didn't know how much he could say without risking Sebastian's secret.

"So you were friends?"

"No, not really but... Well we just kind of knew each other."

"He's a friend of Blaine's then?"

Kurt went stiff at his dad's mention of Blaine, and started back-pedaling immediately.

"No, he started at Dalton when Blaine had already transferred to McKinley... Uh, I just know him from the Warblers and stuff, just that..." Kurt could feel his face burning up, he needed to change the subject and quick.

"Anyway... How are you feeling, dad? Did they doctor say anything?"

"It was good, nothing out of the ordinary. Maybe it will be different once we're closer to the surgery date."

Kurt's stomach dropped every time his dad mentioned the surgery. He knew it was coming, and that it was necessary, but it was also scary in a way. He just really wanted this whole thing to be over and his dad to be healthy and safe again.

"Time flies by..." Burt said as he looked out the window, "Just four more weeks and I'll be done."

 _Yes._  Kurt thought to himself.  _Hopefully it will be just four more weeks._

The next day, Kurt was practicing his piano when his phone buzzed with a new text message notification.

**From Blaine Anderson:**

**Hey Kurt. I was wondering if I could come over tonight. Would that be okay?**

Kurt looked down at his phone and frowned. Blaine wanted to talk? He couldn't help but feel a little uneasy about it. Even though they had been in fairly good terms since Christmas, it was still a little weird sometimes.

Kurt wondered what this could be about, so he quickly replied.

**To Blaine Anderson:**

**Sure. Is everything alright?**

A couple of minutes later, he finally got another text from Blaine.

**From Blaine Anderson:**

**Yeah, I just want to talk :) Can I come by at 7?**

**To Blaine:**

**Ok. See you then.**

Kurt was very curious as to why Blaine wanted to come over and talk. They talked on a fairly regular basis, over Skype chat, or Facebook. He wondered if there was anything important Blaine wanted to talk about, that would require them do it face to face.

He didn't want to stress about it, he had enough worries just with his dad's condition. So for the rest of the day, Kurt made himself busy tidying up his room, cleaning downstairs, organizing his Vogue collection, anything to keep his mind busy.

Suddenly his phone started ringing, and he felt his stomach do a little jump as he realized it was Blaine.

"Hello."

_"Hey Kurt, how are you?"_

"I'm... fine. Just doing stuff around the house, nothing really."

_"Great, um... can you talk?"_

"Yes?"

This was awkward. Why was it awkward?

"Are you still coming over?" Kurt asked.

_"No, actually… that's why I'm calling."_

Kurt didn't know if he was relieved or disappointed to hear that.

_"It's just, Cooper is in town and mom wants us to go out to dinner and stuff. I'm really sorry."_

"It's okay, we can talk some other time... right?" Kurt said tentatively, even though he was really curious about what Blaine wanted to talk about.

_"Yeah... I guess."_

Blaine sounded defeated, sad.

"Is something bothering you?" Kurt asked.

_"No. I mean, yes."_

There was a brief pause, and Kurt braced himself for whatever Blaine was going to say next.

_"I know you have been driving your dad all the way to Cleveland for his treatments and I haven't gone with you, not even once."_

"Blaine it's okay, you have school; and besides it's not that far-"

_"No Kurt but... I should be there with you, and I feel bad because I haven't."_

"Blaine, I know you care about my dad, and he knows it too. But it's not your responsibility; it's mine. So don't feel bad okay?"

Blaine stayed quiet for a few seconds, and Kurt wondered if what he said upset him.

"Blaine?"

 _" You're right. Will you tell me if you have to go down on a weekend though? I could drive you guys down there."_ Blaine said, voice shy and hopeful.

"Of course, I will."

_"Okay."_

"We'll speak soon then... say hi to Cooper for me."

_"I will... bye Kurt."_

"Bye."

Kurt took a deep breath as he hung up. Having mixed feelings about Blaine's words. He knew Blaine cared about his dad, but he wasn't obligated to go with them. Besides, Kurt wondered what would happen if they ever ran into Sebastian's mother while they were down there.

Did Blaine even know Sebastian's mother? Kurt had no idea how close Blaine and Sebastian ever got, or if Blaine ever went over to Sebastian's house. Just thinking about that possibility made him uneasy, and he didn't want to dwell on those thoughts. It was in the past.

Speaking of Sebastian. Kurt suddenly remembered about him, and he wondered if Sebastian was doing better, if the doctor had taken him off the feeding tube, if he'd liked the journal, or if he had thrown it away.

He took his computer and logged into Facebook, wondering if he should message him. He was going down to the clinic again tomorrow, after all, and he'd told Sebastian he was going to visit him again.

 **Kurt:**  Sebastian?

Kurt wondered if Sebastian was going to respond or not, but a couple of minutes later, he did.

 **Sebastian:**  Kurt...

He smiled.

 **Kurt:** Hi! How are you liking the journal so far? :)

 **Sebastian** : I can't use it.

Kurt frowned as he looked at Sebastian's words, confused as to what he meant.

 **Kurt:**  Why not?

 **Sebastian:**  It's your fault.

 **Kurt:**  What?

 **Sebastian:** You didn't bring me any scissors. There is stuff that's supposed to be cut and I have no scissors.

Kurt laughed out loud. Sebastian couldn't possibly be serious. Once he was done laughing and shaking his head in disbelief, he typed a response.

 **Kurt:**  That's no excuse! And besides, it's paper! You can fold it and cut it with your hands!

 **Sebastian:**  No, can't do it.

 **Kurt:**  yes you can! You have hands, don't you?

 **Sebastian:**  I don't like the sound of paper being torn. It's like screeching chalk on a blackboard, or rubbing your fingernails in denim.

 **Kurt:**  You are crazy.

 **Sebastian:**  it's awful... can't do it.

 **Kurt:**  So, if I get you scissors you will use the journal? Is that what you're saying? :)

 **Sebastian:**  Maybe.

 **Kurt:**  Fine.

 **Sebastian:**  Maybe not.

 **Kurt:**  You're impossible.

 **Sebastian:**  You're ridiculous.

Kurt laughed reading Sebastian's messages, somehow not taking offense but finding it hilarious. Sebastian was so stubborn; it was unbelievable.

.

Back in the hospital, Sebastian was staring at his phone, smiling. He was holding his phone in one hand and in the other one he had the journal.

The sun was going down, and from his hospital room window, Sebastian had an amazing view of downtown Cleveland. He wished he could go out and walk around, see if there was anything interesting, but he couldn't even leave his room, let alone go out to the city.

No, instead he was stuck there in the hospital, playing around with the Journal Kurt gave him. He looked at the text in the page and laughed, it was so stupid. He then grabbed the journal and threw it against the wall so hard that it bounced off and ended up under the corner table. Sebastian laughed. This was so ridiculous, but he had to admit it had felt really good to throw the damn thing.

Now he had to get up from the bed to pick it up, but he didn't want to.

Suddenly the door to his room opened and his parents came in. He couldn't deny he was happy to see them. His mom was hugging him tightly before he even had the chance to say hello.

"Hey guys..."

"How are you baby? We came as soon as we could."

"I'm feeling pretty good." Sebastian said, and it was true, he did feel pretty good, compared to how he'd been the past few days at least.

"I see they finally took you off the tube." His dad said, squeezing his knee affectionately.

"Yeah, this morning." Said Sebastian. Taking the thing out had been even more uncomfortable than having it in the first place, but he was glad to finally have it out.

He'd had it taken out earlier that day, before visiting hours, so now his parents were there and even if their visits were shorter than he'd like, he appreciated the effort they put into driving all the way down to the hospital when he knew they were really busy with their respective jobs.

They talked for a while, and it was pleasant until his dad looked at the empty corner table and noticed the absence of the floral arrangement.

"Hey, what happened to the flowers?"

Sebastian stiffened automatically.

"I uh... I had the nurse take them away."

"Why?" His mother asked, confused.

Sebastian stayed silent for a few seconds, looking at his dad, then at his mom and then decidedly at the wall. "They were giving me allergies."

His mother frowned, "Bastian, you don't have any flower allergies."

He saw from the corner of his eye how his dad crossed his arms and so he braced himself before speaking.

"I'm actually allergic to  _hypocrisy_." He replied between his teeth, and he heard his mother gasp.

He hated that he was speaking like that to her, when it was really aimed at his dad. After all, aunt Helen was his dad's sister, and his father probably knew more than anyone exactly  _why_  she had distanced herself and her son from Sebastian.

Mr. Smythe shook his head, disappointment evident in his features, and Sebastian looked up at him, waiting for what was surely a lecture to come.

"Sebastian..." he started.

"What, dad?" his eyes were almost challenging now.

"You can't... you shouldn't have done that! Your aunt brought them for you, she came to visit you, but you were asleep. What if she comes again? How do you think she'll feel about you throwing away her present?"

Sebastian felt like boiling water was bubbling inside his stomach, bile rising in his throat.

"How will  _she_  feel? Dad... you can't be serious."

He felt his mother's hand over his own, squeezing softly, unspoken words clear through the touch, trying to calm him down, but he couldn't. Sebastian felt his body shaking from the sheer frustration at the sound of his father's words.

"What about  _how I feel,_  dad? I don't want to see her!"

 _"Bastian please calm down..."_  he heard his mother say, voice quiet but firm, her hand soothing circles on his back. Sebastian wanted to shake her off, but couldn't bring himself to do it. He felt himself slightly detached from his own body, eyes fixed on his father's back, who had turned to look out the window, probably trying to calm himself down to avoid snapping at him.

When his dad turned around though, his expression was not angry like Sebastian expected. It was stern, unreadable. He didn't say anything, just shook his head in disappointment, and in that moment he might as well have just yelled at him because the look he gave Sebastian felt like a slap to the face.

He didn't understand what was happening, but before he realized, his eyes were full of tears that streamed down his face as he tried to blink them away, and the shaking he felt inside before was now evident as he looked down to his hands and noticed them trembling.

"Sebastian?"

"Stop... bringing people!" he growled, his voice cracking and a sob escaping him.

"I don't want her here! I don't want  _anyone_  here! Why don't you get it? Why won't you leave me alone!" He was yelling now and his mom looked terrified, his dad had lifted his arms in surrender, and Sebastian could see them moving their mouths, but he couldn't hear what they were saying anymore.

Sebastian covered his face with his hands and tried to breathe, but he felt like he was drowning. He felt his mother's arms around him and he fought against himself to try and muffle his cries, to stop the tears, to put himself together. But he couldn't, not when he was so, so angry. He slowly lay back and rested on his side, his mom moved to sit in the bed next to him, and slowly moved him until he was resting over her lap. He was still grabbing her clothes tightly, hiding his face from both his parents, breathing harshly. He knew his dad was standing next to the bed but Sebastian didn't dare to look at him.

They all stayed in silence, until Sebastian's cries had died down and he was starting to doze off. He felt like a child throwing a fit, it was freaking embarrassing, but he was exhausted. He wanted to stay right there, in his mother's lap. Holding on to her clothes with tight fists that slowly unclenched as he drifted off to sleep.

He wasn't sure how long he was asleep, but he briefly drifted back into consciousness when his mother moved his head off from her lap and back to the pillow. Sebastian could feel her hand caressing his face but he stayed still, feigning sleep. He could hear them whispering and decided to stay still as he heard their conversation.

_"I'd never seen him like this Vivienne, it kills me... it just kills me."_

_"Just give him some time... he's not himself right now."_

_"I am very worried about him."_

_"I am too."_

There was a pause and Sebastian wondered if his parents had left the room, but then he heard his dad speak again.

_"I know he doesn't want to go see Dr. Mitchell, but do you think she could come here?"_

_"What do you mean?"_

_"I want him to see a therapist Vivienne, and if he refuses to go, then we will have to bring the therapist to him."_

He felt his chest tighten at his father's words, but he didn't hear his mom say anything else. Sebastian stayed still as he felt her come up to him and kiss him on the cheek. He then heard their steps as they gathered their things and exited the room.

Sebastian waited a few seconds after he heard the door close to finally open his eyes, and in that moment his frustration was so big that he felt like he wanted to scream, but instead he just hid his face in the pillow and cried.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you guys liked this chapter, it was kind of transitional but necessary. Let me know what you think :)


	7. Chapter 7

When it was time again for Kurt to go down to the hospital with his dad, he was feeling a bit jumpy. For once he knew he'd actually have something to do while he waited for his dad:  _He was going to spend a whole hour with Sebastian._

Kurt still hadn't decided if that was a good idea or a crazy one, but was determined to give it a shot anyway.

As Burt went into the clinic to get treated, Kurt took the elevator and headed for the 11th floor. He was carrying his blue bag on his shoulder, and it clinked with every step he took. He was also carrying a small plastic bag with more supplies for Sebastian. He'd brought the scissors, but also decided to add a couple of other things, just for kicks. There were little golden star stickers, rainbow post its, smiley faces and glitter.

Kurt knocked softly on Sebastian's door but no response came from inside. So he waited for a couple of seconds before knocking again, but still nothing happened.

He opened the door and walked cautiously into the room. And then he realized there had been no response because Sebastian was asleep. Kurt hesitated for a moment, unsure of what to do.

Kurt didn't really want to leave, but he didn't want to wake Sebastian either. Seeing as he was already in the room, Kurt decided to leave the bag with the supplies he'd brought for him in the corner table. Kurt walked slowly across the room, trying to make as little noise as possible, which was a little difficult considering the bags he was carrying. The plastic bag was especially noisy and Kurt was sure the second he put it over the table the noise would wake Sebastian.

Once he reached the corner table, Kurt put the plastic bag on the table, being immensely careful as to not make too much noise. He was about to turn around and leave when he noticed something on the floor. It was Sebastian's journal. It was far away from the bed, and from the position it was in, it was evident that the journal had been thrown. Kurt was disappointed, figuring Sebastian didn't want it. So he kneeled down to pick it up. While he was down, he decided to take a look inside just to see if Sebastian had done anything with it.

As soon as Kurt flipped it open he noticed Sebastian had actually started using it. Although it was not quite what he expected.

The first instruction in the book said,  _"Add your own page numbers, starting here!"_  With an arrow pointing to the bottom right corner of the page, but instead of writing down numbers, Sebastian had used the blank corners of the pages to draw a stick figure man walking. Every page flipped had the man in a different position and Kurt smiled as he quickly went through them and saw the little man run and jump.

He went back to the second page, which said:  _"Leave this page blank on purpose."_  The page was black with white lettering, and Sebastian had written, "No, fuck you, I want to write here." with the Whiteout pen. Kurt had to bite his lip to keep himself from laughing out loud at that. It seemed Sebastian was determined to do things the opposite way instead of following instructions.

 _'Fill this page with circles'_  - Sebastian filled it with squares and triangles and...  _Clouds?_

 _'Color this entire page' -_  Sebastian left it blank, except for a small "No." written right under the instructions with a blue ink marker.

 _'Fill the page with one word'_  - He'd written in a whole bunch of different words: life, sun, beach, food, and sex. Kurt had to admit it was very interesting.

It was like Sebastian was trying to make a point of not wanting to use the journal, while using it. Kurt smiled; at least Sebastian was doing something with it, which was the whole point. Kurt kept turning the pages, looking at Sebastian's doodles until one page caught his attention.

The instructions read:  _'Do a really ugly drawing (use ugly subject matter: gum, poo, dead things, a badly drawn bird, mold, barf, crud.)'_  and Sebastian had drawn a bag with a yellow label that said CHEMO in dark bold letters.

Kurt felt something twist inside him, and suddenly felt like he had just violated Sebastian's privacy. He shouldn't be looking into this book, even if it wasn't an  _actual_  journal. So he closed it and got up from the kneeling position he was still in. Right when he turned around, Sebastian opened his eyes and yawned.

"Kurt?"

He felt like a deer caught in the headlights.

"Sebastian, hi... sorry I was just, bringing you some stuff and you were sleeping and so I thought I'd just-"

Sebastian laughed, interrupting Kurt's nervous rambling, "Relax... Stop talking so fast, you're gonna give me a headache."

Kurt bit his lip as Sebastian sat up in the bed.

"I'm sorry, I didn't want to wake you."

"It's okay, I didn't realize I fell asleep..." Sebastian groaned as he got out of the bed. Kurt was relieved to see Sebastian was wearing a pair of blue sweatpants under the hospital gown.

"Are you okay?" Kurt asked as he saw Sebastian rubbing his temples.

"Yeah, I'm just tired. Who knew being in bed all day was so exhausting?" He joked, and Kurt smiled at that, until he realized Sebastian was staring at his hands where he was holding the journal.

"Oh I just picked this up... why was it on the floor?"

"I'm just following instructions." Sebastian said, stretching out his arms and yawning.

Kurt frowned.

"It said I had to throw it... so I did."

"Oh..." Kurt said, smiling nervously, Feeling a little embarrassed for not figuring that out on his own. After all, the name of the book was  _"Wreck-it Journal"_  for a reason. You were supposed to cut it, stain it, bend it, and apparently, also throw it around.

Sebastian stood up from the bed and put on put on his slippers. Kurt felt a little intimidated as Sebastian approached him, but relaxed once he realized Sebastian was actually aiming for his duffel bag, which was in the floor next to the corner table.

Kurt tried not to stare as Sebastian zipped the bag open, taking out a gray beanie and putting it on.

"Head gets cold." He said, walking back towards the bed and leaning on it. Kurt just nodded.

"What's in the bag?" Sebastian asked.

"Oh I brought you some more stuff!" Kurt said, grinning widely as he handed it over to Sebastian, who rolled his eyes and started laughing once he started going through the things that were inside.

"Red glitter, seriously Kurt?"

"And there's blue too! Dalton colors, I figured you'd like them."

"You're insane…."

"It might come in handy!"

Sebastian just glared at him, but Kurt could tell he wasn't really angry. Kurt was beginning to realize he actually enjoyed annoying Sebastian a lot.

"So, what else do you have there?" Sebastian said, eyeing Kurt's blue bag suspiciously, since it was noticeably stuffed.

"Oh… I brought a little game so we can play!" Kurt said a little too enthusiastically, zipping his bag open and taking it out.

"Jenga?" Sebastian said, raising an eyebrow.

"Don't tell me you don't like Jenga,  _everybody_  loves Jenga." Kurt said, and Sebastian smirked.

"Oh I like it alright, and I'm also good at it!"

"Really?" Kurt replied, "We'll see about that."

And so they sat in the hospital bed, one in front of the other, placing the table used for Sebastian's meals across the bed so they could play on it. They started off sitting cross-legged over the bed, facing one another, but as the game escalated they ended moving so much that there were times in which Kurt had one leg on the bed and the other on the floor. One time, Sebastian even stood up from the bed and walked over to the opposite side just to stick a wooden block in a place he couldn't reach.

Time flew by as they played over and over again, keeping score of how many times it was Sebastian or Kurt's fault that the small wooden block tower crashed. So far, Kurt was winning, and Sebastian was determined to beat him. They built up the tower and made it crumble to the floor so many times that Kurt had tears in his eyes from laughing so much. Sebastian's annoyance every time Kurt won was just hilarious.

As they continued playing, Kurt couldn't help but realize that this was the first time he'd ever seen Sebastian smile and laugh genuinely. Every time Kurt had seen Sebastian smiling before he had been either mocking, bragging or insulting someone; but right now he seemed relaxed and happy.

In fact, Sebastian seemed to be a little  _too_  happy, especially since Kurt made the tower crumble and that tied the game. Sebastian was laughing so hard he was holding his stomach as Kurt got off the bed to pick up the blocks that had fallen to the floor.

Suddenly the door opened and Mrs. Smythe came in, along with another woman Kurt had never seen before. And judging by Sebastian's sudden change in demeanor, he hadn't either.

"Kurt! Oh what a nice surprise!" Mrs. Smythe said as she entered the room. She went over to Sebastian's bedside and leaned over to kiss his head. Kurt felt his heart melt a little at the sight of that affectionate moment, and wanted to smack Sebastian for not returning any kind of loving gesture to his mom. He seemed suddenly guarded and uncomfortable, a complete change from how relaxed he was just seconds before.

"What were you boys doing?" Mrs. Smythe asked, her smile wide and looking clearly excited to see Sebastian had company.

"Oh just playing a little Jenga." Kurt said, smiling and looking expectantly at everyone in the room, feeling like he was the only one who didn't know what was going on. There was definitely some sort of unspoken tension and Kurt soon found out what it was.

"Bastian, this is Dr. Mitchell. I told you about her, remember?"

"It's nice to meet you, Sebastian." The doctor said, politely.

Sebastian just nodded at the woman, lips pressed in a tight and forced smile. There was a brief moment of awkward silence and Kurt felt suddenly out of place. He knew he should probably leave, but his things were all over the place. He'd put his bag on the corner table, his coat over the chair by the window and the Jenga blocks were all over the floor and bed.

"So, is this like, a therapy-intervention or something?" Sebastian laughed, but was clearly not amused.

 _"Sebastian..."_  His mother warned, giving Dr. Mitchell an apologetic look, but the doctor just smiled.

"No, not at all..." She said calmly and smiling all the while, "We can't force you to attend therapy, Sebastian. I'm just here because your mother asked me to come and tell you about other alternatives that you might like better."

Sebastian just raised an eyebrow as the doctor pulled out a pamphlet, holding it out for him.

"Support groups?"

"Yes. Support groups can be vital in helping patients and families cope with cancer. Cleveland Clinic offers several different groups which hold weekly meetings for cancer patients and cancer survivors."

Sebastian wasn't looking at Dr. Mitchell as she spoke; he was looking at the pamphlet, his expression unreadable. Mrs. Smythe looked like she was holding her breath with every second that passed before Sebastian finally looked up and replied.

"I don't know..." 

"You should give it a try honey..."

"You'd be surprised to see how much it helps sometimes to hear about how others are coping with their Illness." Dr. Mitchel continued, "To talk about things you're going through helps a lot, especially when the people listening are in a similar situation."

"How do you know? Are  _you_  a cancer survivor, Dr. Mitchell?" Sebastian asked defiantly, and for the first time Kurt saw Mrs. Smythe actually roll her eyes, clearly embarrassed by her son's behavior.

Being a psychologist meant that Dr. Mitchell probably had a lot of experience dealing with unwilling and hostile patients, because even with Sebastian's condescending tone she didn't lose her composure even for a second.

"I'm not," She started, holding Sebastian's petulant gaze and offering a smile in return, "but I have counseled cancer patients for over 12 years; and I've seen many patients who weren't sure about attending support groups change their minds after giving it a chance. I have yet to find a case in which they regretted going. If anything, they've regretted not going sooner."

Sebastian squinted his eyes before looking down at the pamphlet again. Everyone in the room fell silent as Sebastian flipped it over.

"Could I bring someone with me?" Sebastian asked, and Mrs. Smythe's eyes went wide.

"Well... I'm afraid the Wednesday meetings are for patients only." Dr. Mitchell responded, to which Sebastian smirked, looking suddenly pleased.

" _Well..._ " He responded, mocking her tone, "I won't go by myself, I want Kurt to come with me, or I'm not going."

Kurt thought he'd misheard for a second; surely Sebastian couldn't possibly be serious. Kurt was frozen in the spot, Sebastian wasn't even looking at him, but Mrs. Smythe and Dr. Mitchell were.

"Um..."

"The reason this group is for patients only is because it represents a safe place to talk about difficult things and feelings that patients usually don't feel comfortable sharing with loved ones." The doctor said, turning to look at Sebastian again. "But there's another group on Friday afternoons and those meetings are open to parents, friends and caregivers too."

"Oh, that's great!" Mrs. Smythe said, smiling expectantly as she looked at both Kurt and Sebastian. "You could go to that one Bastian, to give it a try, you might even like it!"

Sebastian sighed. "Fine... But only if Kurt goes with me." He said stubbornly, crossing his arms and looking at Kurt with an unreadable expression.

Kurt felt like his face was on fire as Sebastian's mother and the doctor turned to stare at him as well. Everyone was waiting for what he had to say and quite frankly his mind was blank.

"Um... Friday what time?" He asked, nervously.

"The meetings start at six, and they're about two hours long on average." Dr. Mitchell responded.

"Oh... Okay, sure." Kurt said, smiling nervously. Because how on earth would he say no when Mrs. Smythe's hopeful eyes were fixed on him?

"Oh! That's wonderful... Thank you Kurt!" Mrs. Smythe said, looking fondly at him, and Kurt managed to feel slightly better, but that lasted only about two seconds because when he turned to look at Sebastian he looked like he was ready to kill someone.

"Great. It's settled then." Dr. Mitchell said, sounding very pleased. "I really think you will like it Sebastian, and hopefully after you see how it is you'll want to give the other group a chance as well."

Sebastian didn't say anything. He didn't even nod; he just stared at the three of them and then decidedly at the wall.

"Okay, I'll walk Dr. Mitchell back to her car, I'll be right back honey." Mrs. Smythe said, smiling widely. She muttered a silent 'thank you' towards at Kurt before leaving the room with Dr. Mitchell.

Once they were out the door, Sebastian turned to Kurt, threw his pillow at him and yelled "God dammit Kurt!"

"What?!" Kurt said, startled by Sebastian's sudden outburst.

"You were supposed to say no!"

"How was I supposed to know?!" Kurt said; with a murderous look on his face as he threw the pillow back at Sebastian and smacked him in the face with it.

"You can't just… argh!" Sebastian was flabbergasted when the pillow hit him and it took him a second to compose himself as he fixed his beanie from where it almost fell off his head. "You can't just drive all the way down here twice in a day!"

"Um, yes I can... actually." Kurt said defensively, guarding himself in case Sebastian retaliated with the pillow again, but Sebastian just groaned in frustration.

"This is  _your_  fault!" Kurt accused, "You put me on the spot! What was I supposed to do?"

"I was just..." Sebastian stumbled upon his words; "You're driving your dad here almost every morning, so I figured you must have been working afternoon shifts or something..."

Kurt frowned, wondering what Sebastian meant by that.

"...And since the support group meets in the afternoons, you wouldn't be able to come. I was counting on that! Don't you have to work?"

"Um... No, I don't."

"You don't have a job?" Sebastian said, skeptically.

"No…" Kurt said, "I mean I did... But when my dad got diagnosed I moved back to Ohio and had to quit."

Sebastian squinted his eyes. "You weren't in Ohio?"

"No, I was in New York."

"New York? But I thought you were..." Sebastian seemed thoroughly confused, "Never mind."

"What?"

"I thought you were working at the Lima Bean."

"Oh..." Kurt said, suddenly embarrassed. "I did, but that was months ago." He could feel his cheeks heating up with a blush. "How did you know?"

"I used to  _live there_ , remember?" Sebastian said and they both laughed. But Kurt was still confused.

"But I never saw you in all the time I worked there."

Sebastian stared at him and shook his head. "Yeah that's cause I was avoiding the place."

Kurt frowned in confusion, and Sebastian was suddenly serious.

"You were avoiding the Lima Bean..." Kurt said, cautiously, "Why?"

Sebastian sighed and looked at the window, staying thoughtful for a minute before responding.

"I went there once. You were with Blaine and some other girl. I saw you when I walked in, and was about to go over to your table. But then I noticed some other girl started giving you crap about her order..."

Kurt felt his stomach drop just a little bit at the memory that Sebastian's words brought back.

"She was bitching at you about an ice latte or something, and well... You looked miserable enough as it was, without having me comment on the ridiculous scarf you were wearing. So, I just turned around and walked out."

"You walked out." Kurt repeated, not quite believing what he was hearing.

"Yeah... and I avoided the place ever since." Sebastian confirmed, shrugging like it was no big deal. "It's not like I couldn't get coffee elsewhere."

Kurt was puzzled, not quite knowing what to make of Sebastian's sudden revelation. He remembered going to work at the Lima Bean every day for the first couple of weeks, dreading the moment Sebastian would walk through the doors and he would have to take his order. Kurt wasn't looking forward to having to endure the mockery that was sure to come from Sebastian, especially since he had pretty much predicted Kurt's situation. Just the thought of it was humiliating to him, and so Kurt had even come up with a few possible comebacks that wouldn't get him in trouble with his supervisors in case Sebastian decided to show up and be an ass to him in front of them.

But it never happened, Sebastian never showed up at the Lima Bean, and now Kurt knew why.

"Well, now we have to go to the stupid support group. We're screwed!" Sebastian said, changing the subject.

"Come on Sebastian, it can't be that bad." Kurt said, rolling his eyes. Sebastian was being such a big baby about the whole thing; it was getting on his nerves.

Sebastian just huffed, shaking his head, and Kurt didn't know what to say anymore. Maybe  _he_  was the one really screwed after all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I actually loved writing this chapter so I hope you guys enjoyed it too! A little break from the angst right?(kinda, I know.) So, hope you can let me know what you think! :)
> 
> In next chapter, Kurt and Sebastian go to the support group and some other things will happen. So stay tuned ;)


	8. Chapter 8

Kurt looked at himself in the mirror for the tenth time, not quite convinced with the outfit he was wearing. He sighed and started taking off his vest, and then unbuttoning his shirt and putting it back on the rack. He never thought this would be so hard, but he wasn't sure what kind of thing was appropriate to wear to a cancer support group.

He stared down at the other options that were spread across his bed. Usually he could make up his mind just by looking at the combinations but in that moment nothing seemed quite right. Kurt wished he could just wear the same thing he wore that morning when he went to the hospital with his dad, but he couldn't. Just thinking about it made him feel gross, he'd been doing a lot of stuff during the day and he had already taken a shower, he couldn't wear his dirty clothes again, even if they weren't actually 'dirty'.

Kurt picked up another shirt from his bed and looked at it, and then his thoughts drifted, remembering his exchange with Sebastian earlier that day.

_"Give me your phone."_

_"Why?"_

_"Because I'm giving you my number, and you need to give me yours too."_

_Sebastian made a weird face and Kurt rolled his eyes. "Don't give me that look, it's important."_

_Sebastian reluctantly handed Kurt his phone and Kurt glared at him before saving his number in it. He handed it back to Sebastian and then extended his hand, giving his phone to Sebastian and waiting expectantly as he hastily saved his number in it._

_"Great, now we both have each other's numbers." Kurt said, smiling as he got up to leave, "I'll call you later today, when I'm on my way, and if anything comes up, you can call me."_

_Sebastian just nodded, and Kurt returned the nod before walking towards the door._

_"Hey Kurt..." Sebastian called, stopping Kurt just when he was about to walk out._

_"What?"_

_Sebastian just stared at him, there was a hint of hesitation in his eyes but then he just said: "Nothing... just, I'll see you later."_

_Kurt wasn't convinced, but decided not to ask anything. So he just said "Okay."_

_And then he left._

It was three in the afternoon now, which meant Kurt had just about fifteen minutes to get ready and leave if he wanted to make it to the hospital on time. He didn't want to risk getting stuck in traffic and being late. So he needed to hurry up and get dressed. As he went through his outfit options, he couldn't help but wonder about Sebastian and what happened that morning. It seemed as if Sebastian wanted to say something but then changed his mind, and Kurt wondered if what Sebastian wanted to say had anything to do with the clothes Kurt was going to wear.

He tried not to think about the times when Sebastian had made rude comments about his clothes before. That was in the past, right? But still, Kurt couldn't help but wonder, especially when he glanced again at the options spread across his bed. Each coat and jacket had something "extra" to them. The camouflaged one he liked to wear with the hippo brooch, the blue one with the tiny golden beads on the collar, and the red one with the black zippers on the sleeves.

Kurt giggled; he couldn't help it. Each outfit had his own personal style and if Sebastian didn't like it well that was just  _too bad_. It wasn't like Kurt was going to wear them just to annoy him. But if he did, it would be fun to watch. It was Sebastian's fault Kurt was going to the support group with him anyway.

_"Kurt! Blaine is here!"_

His father's voice shook Kurt out of his thoughts as he shouted from downstairs. Kurt was startled.  _What the hell was Blaine doing there?_  Kurt could hear steps coming up the stairs and realized Blaine was coming up to his room.  _Dammit!_

There was a soft knock on the door, and Kurt could feel his stomach twisting. He had clothes all over his bed, and if Blaine came in he would just know Kurt was planning to go out. He didn't know what to do.

 _"Kurt... can I come in?"_  Came Blaine's voice from behind the door as he knocked again.

"Just a minute!" Kurt yelled, feeling like he wanted to pull his hair out, a mixture of nerves and flat annoyance taking over him. He grabbed the shirt he had just taken off and put it back on, quickly buttoning it up.

Kurt straightened his clothes, lifted his chin and looked at himself in the mirror. He would have to wear this; he had no more time left. He had to find out what Blaine wanted and send him on his way in...  _Twelve minutes_  now.

Kurt sighed and said: "Come in!" Not quite managing to hide the annoyance in his tone.

The door opened slowly and Blaine came inside while Kurt started putting away the clothes that were still in his bed, hanging them back in the closet. When Kurt turned around, Blaine was still in the doorway, smiling awkwardly and looking inside at the remaining outfits that were spread across Kurt's bed.

"Hi..." He said awkwardly.

"Blaine, hi..." Kurt said, trying  _real hard_  to keep it casual. "What are you doing here?"

"Sorry I... We got out of school early today, no glee club. So I gave Tina a ride and then thought I could come by and I..." Blaine stumbled upon his own words nervously, "I wanted to see if you wanted to go get a cup of coffee or something."

Kurt just stared at him, processing his words, which made Blaine visibly nervous. "You know since we couldn't talk the other day... because of Cooper and-"

"Yeah I know." Kurt interrupted him, smiling tightly in hopes of making things less awkward. "I just wished you'd called first... I um... I can't right now."

Blaine glanced over again at the clothes in the bed, "Are you going out?"

Kurt breathed in.

"Yes, actually."

"Oh."

Kurt just nodded, waiting for him to ask the inevitable question, but Blaine said nothing. Instead the silence was becoming tense in a way that was making Kurt uncomfortable, especially when he glanced up at his clock and realized he only had ten minutes now to get out of the house.

"And um... where are you going?" Blaine finally asked, and Kurt just took a deep breath, pressing his lips in a tight line and giving his ex-boyfriend a knowing look.

"Blaine..."

Luckily, Blaine got the hint, even though the hurt was evident in his eyes, "Sorry, it's none of my business... I'm really sorry I came over unannounced."

"It's fine..." Kurt said, smiling in an attempt to ease some of the tension, "We can always get coffee some other time, right?"

"Yeah, of course" Blaine said, visibly disappointed even through the smile he was currently sporting.

To say things were awkward would be an understatement, but Kurt was glad Blaine didn't push the issue any further. He didn't want to have to lie, but he just couldn't tell Blaine where he was going.

Kurt walked Blaine to the door, and the shorter boy left without asking any further questions. The second Blaine stepped out the door Kurt rushed upstairs to finish getting ready. When Kurt left the house, he told his dad where he was going, but he asked him not to tell Finn or Carole; and even though Burt gave him a weird look, he agreed.

Kurt composed a quick text to Sebastian before leaving, letting him know he was on his way, but Sebastian didn't reply. The drive to Cleveland was fast and uneventful. There was barely any traffic, which was odd for a Friday afternoon, but Kurt was glad because he made it to the hospital ten minutes before six. Right on time!

When Kurt got to Sebastian's room, he found the taller boy standing up, leaning slightly against the window and looking down into the city. The door was already open, but Kurt stayed there and knocked anyway.

When Sebastian heard the knock on the door, he turned around and gave Kurt a small smile. He was wearing a brown hoodie with a grey t-shirt underneath, dark blue jeans and red sneakers. The shirt matched his gray beanie, and Sebastian's awkward smile matched Kurt's own.

"You're ready to go?" Kurt asked, and Sebastian just nodded, walking over to where he was.

They walked together down the hallway in silence. Sebastian seemed deep in thought as they waited for the elevator to take them down to the first floor where the support group met.

"Are you okay?" Kurt asked, which apparently shook Sebastian out of his thoughts.

"Yeah... I'm fine." He replied, but Kurt knew something was on his mind. Perhaps Sebastian was just mortified about having to attend the support group, but Kurt couldn't do anything about it, so he decided to leave it there.

It wasn't hard to find the room where the group met, since there was a small sign in the hallway that read:  _"C.C. Cancer Youth Gathering. Friends and family welcome!"_  Sebastian smacked the sign with the palm of his hand as they walked past it.

The meeting room was spacious and nicely decorated. Inspirational quotes with beautiful landscapes were framed on the walls, and the room had a warm feeling overall. There were already about fifteen other people in the room, a bigger group than Kurt expected it to be. Though quite frankly, Kurt didn't really know what he expected going into one of these things. Kurt knew it was silly, but he supposed it would kind of go like the AA meetings he'd seen on TV, with people sitting in a circle of chairs talking about their feelings, repeating motivational mottos and stuff like that.

The chairs were in fact placed in a big circle, and there were patients with their parents and friends sitting in some of them. The circle was big, and many chairs were still empty as they waited for the meeting to start.

Sebastian sat in one of the chairs and Kurt sat beside him. There was a small space between the chairs but as more people arrived, more chairs were added to the circle and they had to put the chairs right next to each other, leaving no space between them.

Sebastian sat straight and turned to Kurt, leaning in to whisper in his ear. "They said this started at six, and it's already ten after six."

Kurt rolled his eyes, "Stop it, I'm sure it's about to start any minute now."

Sebastian just shook his head and crossed his arms over his chest as the rest of the people took their places in the remaining empty chairs. Then he leaned towards Kurt again and said: "There are more family members and friends than patients here... wonder why that is?"

Kurt just frowned, scanning the room. It was pretty easy to tell who the patients were by just looking at them because well,  _most of them were bald_. But also, there was a boy in a wheelchair and another girl who wasn't bald but was carrying an IV drip hanging from a small metal post.

Kurt looked back at Sebastian and leaned towards him, "Why?" he asked, and Sebastian sighed.

"It's because they need this more than the patients do..." Sebastian said, and Kurt tensed, "It's just fucking ridiculous."

Kurt glared at Sebastian, elbowing him. "Don't say that." He admonished, looking at the people in the room again and realizing there were in fact a lot of healthy looking people in the room, and they outnumbered the patients.

"Welcome everyone, I'm glad to see new faces today." A tall blond woman started saying, "We'll start by introducing ourselves, as always. You can tell us your name, age, diagnosis and anything else you want to share with the group."

Her smile was wide and cheery, and even though some of the people found it contagious and smiled back at her, Sebastian was positively scowling.

"My name is Katherine Morris and I'm thirty five years old." The woman continued, "I'm a breast cancer survivor, I've been cancer free for sixteen years." Kurt's eyes went wide, but it made sense. She was the one leading the group, and since it was a support group for teenagers with cancer, it made sense that she had also suffered from it. It was still unsettling to think about a nineteen-year-old getting breast cancer, but at the same time Kurt was happy to see she had survived.

Sebastian seemed bored out of his mind, which was ridiculous, considering the meeting had just started. So Kurt elbowed him again, in hopes of teasing him and making him smile at least. But what Sebastian did was just glare at him and then take Kurt's hand, giving it a light squeeze before letting go of it again. He then placed his arm over the back of Kurt's chair and left it there.

Kurt was puzzled at Sebastian's sudden affectionate gesture, feeling awkward and even a bit flustered by the feeling of Sebastian's arm behind his shoulders. Even though Sebastian wasn't really touching him, Kurt could feel the heat of his body because of the sudden proximity, but he didn't say anything. Instead he focused and tried to pay attention to the people who were talking.

"My name is Jennifer, I'm fifteen and I have Hodgkins Lymphoma. I have my last radiation session on Monday, and I'm happy about it." Another girl said, smiling "I'm here with my mom and sister, they've been really supportive. I don't know what I would do without them."

"My name is Kevin. Uh... I have stage two Osteosarcoma. I have my first round of chemo tomorrow, and I'm pretty scared." A young red-haired boy said as a woman next to him -probably his mom- hugged him from the side.

"I'm Danny, eighteen, and I have Acute Myeloid Leukemia."

The patients went one by one. And Kurt was surprised to see a few "healthy" looking people were actually patients.

They went on and on, most patients would stand up and introduce themselves and their family members or friends before moving to the next person. When it was finally Sebastian's turn, he didn't stand up; he just reached out to Kurt, taking his hand again but this time holding it tightly.

"My name is Sebastian, and this is my boyfriend, Kurt."

 _Boyfriend?_   _What?_  Kurt's shocked expression must have mirrored the ones of several other people in the room.

"What else?" Sebastian continued, smiling casually, "I'm seventeen, I have Acute Lymphoblastic Leukemia… and I'm still alive." He said before turning to look at Kurt and smiling fondly, clearly overdoing it.

Kurt couldn't have shaken Sebastian's hand off even if he tried. Sebastian was holding it tightly as Katherine nodded nervously and said: "Well, um... nice to meet you Sebastian... and Kurt. Welcome to the group!"

Everyone else nodded and the inevitable whispering was evident among some of the younger members, but Sebastian didn't seem fazed by it. If anything, it seemed as if Sebastian was actually pleased to have shocked a few of the people in the room.

In that moment Kurt wished they were sitting in a table, because he wanted nothing more than to kick Sebastian in the shin. But he couldn't, not when everyone was looking at them, so instead he just smiled, hoping he didn't look as uncomfortable as he was feeling inside.  _There would be hell to pay when they got out of there._

The remaining the patients introduced themselves. (Way too many for Kurt to remember their names.) All the while, Sebastian kept his hand over Kurt's. Even when Sebastian's grip had loosened considerably, Kurt didn't dare to remove his hand. He was positively glaring at Sebastian though, but the taller boy was simply avoiding eye contact with his supposed "boyfriend."

When everyone had finished introducing themselves, some other guy who introduced himself as Jim Bennet took the lead instead of Katherine. Apparently, there was a "Camp" they were planning for, and they were going to talk about it and the activities that would be available during it.

"So we have a lot to look forward to..." Jim said, "But before we start, I want to give the time to Mrs. Rogers and her family, to say a few words.

A woman stood up from one of the chairs, and she was holding the hands of who Kurt assumed were her daughters: One little girl who was probably ten or twelve at the most; and another one clearly in her mid twenties.

The woman was visibly tired, she looked like she hadn't slept in days, but her expression was warm as she spoke. "We just wanted to come here one last time, and thank you all in behalf of Tim." She started, and Kurt didn't like where this was going. He felt Sebastian's grip on his hand tighten a bit, but when he turned to look at him, Sebastian was staring directly at Mrs. Rogers.

"This group has been very special to all of us since the first day we came here..." her voice was breaking now. "And I know your support was essential to Tim, especially in his last days."

Her younger daughter was looking up at her, and her older one had tears in her eyes. "These are hard times for our family but you are all really special to us, and we appreciate those of you who could join us at the memorial. We will always remember you and I want to share with you something Tim wrote last week..." The woman said, wiping her eyes and pulling out a folded piece of paper from her pocket.

Kurt was startled when Sebastian suddenly let go of his hand. Sebastian stood up, pushing his chair back and stormed out of the room. Kurt was at a loss of what to do. Sebastian's sudden movement didn't quite interrupt Mrs. Rogers, but a lot of the people in the room had drifted their attention to Sebastian's retreating form and were now staring expectantly at Kurt.

_He should probably go after Sebastian, right? Right._

Kurt stood up from his chair trying to make as little noise as possible and slowly walked out the door. Once he was in the hallway he looked left and right but couldn't see Sebastian anywhere. He walked down the hallway to the right but Sebastian was nowhere in sight, so Kurt took out his phone and dialed his number, but it was pointless, because Sebastian wasn't picking up.

Kurt didn't know what to do, but figured there were only two options. Sebastian had either gone back to his room, or he was outside in one of the gardens. But in which one? The hospital was huge.

Luckily, after walking to the hallway that led to the first garden, he found Sebastian standing by the rose bushes. He was leaning on the blue metal fence with his arms crossed, looking down. Kurt slowly walked up to where Sebastian was until he was standing next to him. Sebastian noticed him but didn't say anything. He didn't even turn to acknowledge Kurt.

"Are you okay?" Kurt asked cautiously, but Sebastian didn't reply; he just shrugged.

Kurt waited for a minute, but the weather was cold and even though he was wearing a coat, he could still feel it creeping up on him. Sebastian was only wearing a hoodie, and Kurt was no expert but he figured it wasn't good for Sebastian to be exposed to the cold when his immune system was struggling with cancer.

"Um... Do you want to go back inside?"

After a few more silent seconds, Sebastian just sighed and said. "No."

Kurt waited for another while; he didn't know what he was supposed to do. Sebastian seemed deep in thought, picking at the leaves on the bush that was in front of him, mindlessly cutting them and throwing them away.

"It's very cold out here, I don't think you should be outsi-"

Sebastian started laughing out loud, causing Kurt to stop midway through his sentence.

"The cold is the least of my problems right now, Kurt."

"Well,  _I'm_  getting cold," Kurt tried again, "And I'm wearing a bigger coat than you, surely you must feel it too. Let's go inside."

"I'm fine, you can go back if you want to."

"I can't go back there without you."

"Why not?" Sebastian asked, still not turning to face him, but focused on the leaves he kept picking out from the bush.

Kurt didn't want to snap at Sebastian, so he decided on a different approach instead. He tried to smile and said: "Well, because what kind of  _boyfriend_  would I be if I leave you here in the cold?"

Kurt was relieved when his words got an amused chuckle out of Sebastian.

"Yeah, sorry about that." Sebastian said, half-heartedly.

"What was that all about?" Kurt asked and Sebastian just shook his head.

"Honestly? I was hoping they'd be homophobic." Sebastian said, like it was nothing. "Just, you know… give me another reason to never go again."

Kurt shook his head in complete and utter disbelief. "Sebastian, you must be the only gay man alive that 'hopes' for people to be homophobic. You can't keep doing these things."

"Uh... yes I can, actually."

"That's really immature you know?" Kurt said, and Sebastian tensed visibly. The cold weather made each breath Sebastian took fog up in front of him, and Kurt could tell he was starting to breathe harshly.

"Yeah well, I don't care. I'm not going back there... It's fucking stupid!"

"How can you say that?" Kurt was disturbed by Sebastian's sudden hostility. "The meeting had barely even started when you left."

"You just don't understand Kurt... you don't get it!" Sebastian snapped.

"You're right, I don't!" Kurt responded firmly, turning his whole body towards Sebastian, hoping the taller boy would look at him. "So tell me, Sebastian... Tell me so I can get it."

Sebastian just shook his head, still refusing to look at him, and that's when Kurt noticed that Sebastian's eyes were glistening with unshed tears. Kurt didn't know what to do. So he just stayed silent for a long while until Sebastian spoke again.

"I'm just not this  _thing_..." He said, in a voice so low it was almost a whisper, "I am not my cancer."

"Of course you're not." Kurt reassured him.

"That's what everyone says, but then they  _act_  like I am." Sebastian huffed, shaking his head, "Therapy, support groups, prayers, I didn't need any of that before the cancer, and I don't need it now either."

"I'm still the same person Kurt, I'm the  _same guy_..." Sebastian said, laughing bitterly, "I just happen to need a shit ton of drugs and visits to the hospital to stay alive. But I haven't changed; I'm still the same. And I'm sick of people acting like I've suddenly become this frail little creature that needs affection and pity and therapy to talk about feelings and all this bullshit... I just... it makes me want to scream!"

By the time Sebastian finished talking he was breathing heavily, and he kept looking everywhere else except in Kurt's direction.

"Well then don't go to the support group, just be honest with your mom and tell her... I'm sure she'll understand."

"No Kurt. It's just... ugh." Sebastian bit his lip as he struggled with words, looking like he was about to cry. "I just don't want to hurt her more than I already am..." Sebastian said, taking his hand over to his eyes and wiping them roughly.

"Hurt her how?" Kurt asked softly.

Sebastian said, shrugging. "She cries a lot, because of me. To see her worry and stress, it just kills me inside."

"But you can't blame yourself for that Sebastian... none of this is your fault."

"My mom is everything to me… and I'd do anything for her but somehow I just  _can't_  do this." Sebastian said, his voice trembling a bit. "I can't come here and pretend I can deal with this. I just can't listen to those people talk about their cancer and how they cope and live with it. I don't want to learn how to live with it, I want it  _gone!"_

Kurt couldn't speak even if he wanted to; he felt like a knot had formed on his throat, and all he could do was listen as Sebastian spoke.

"You know that lady, talking about her dead son? I can't help but think that someday that could be my mom talking about  _me_ … and that just... sucks." Sebastian's voice cracked at the end as more tears escaped his eyes; but he quickly wiped them away with the sleeve of his sweater. He took a few steps back and sat in one of the benches nearby, bending over and putting his elbows on his knees, covering his face with both hands.

Soon enough Sebastian was crying in earnest. Kurt could tell he was trying to keep it together but failing miserably as choked sobs escaped him.

Sebastian wasn't just sad. More than that, he seemed hopeless and defeated, and Kurt felt his heart ache for him. Now he understood why Sebastian had left the room abruptly in the middle of Mrs. Rogers' speech.

Kurt stayed silent as Sebastian sniffled and tried to compose himself. For a moment Kurt wished he could do something, or say something to comfort Sebastian but he was at a complete loss of what to do. He wished he could reach out to him, hug him or something, but he didn't dare. Because even though Sebastian seemed to be opening up a bit, Kurt could tell that at the same time he was still guarded and was visibly embarrassed at the fact that he was crying.

So Kurt decided to walk over and just sit beside him on the bench. He stayed silent for a few minutes that seemed like an eternity as Sebastian just stared at the floor, sniffling. Kurt hated to feel so powerless, but this odd friendship Sebastian and him had going on was still at such an early stage that Kurt feared even the slightest mistake could shatter it to pieces.

"Your mom is strong, and she knows you are too." Kurt said carefully, searching for Sebastian's eyes. "She told me that on the first day we met."

Sebastian huffed, "That's cause I'm really good at pretending. But I know she probably thinks I'm depressed or something, just because I don't want people around me. But I'm not depressed, Kurt. I just want to be left alone. That's all."

Kurt thought about Sebastian's words for a while.

"Is that why you pulled out of Dalton?"

Sebastian sighed, and for a moment Kurt was sure he was going to snap at him again, tell him to fuck off or something. But instead Sebastian looked at him with a resigned smile and said: "No. I can't go to school when half the time I feel like shit and the other half I have to be in the hospital... it's pointless."

Kurt guessed Sebastian did have a point with that, but the fact that Sebastian also cut ties with almost everyone who knew him was still bothering him.

"But don't you miss it?" Kurt pressed. "Don't you miss your friends, the Warblers?"

Sebastian laughed bitterly and wiped his eyes again. "No, I don't."

"I don't believe you."

"They're not my friends, Kurt. I wasn't really close with any of them. They probably only tolerated me because they needed me."

"That's not true..." Kurt quickly replied, feeling almost offended on behalf of The Warblers.

"How would  _you_  know?"

"Because they're worried about you." Kurt stated firmly, and Sebastian's head instantly turned in Kurt's direction, his eyes wide and alarmed.

"What did you-"

"At regionals..." Kurt interrupted Sebastian before he could snap at him, "Blaine and I went backstage after the performance. He asked them about you, why you weren't there; and they didn't know what to tell him."

Sebastian just squinted his eyes, like he clearly didn't believe a word of what Kurt was saying, but he still continued.

"Nick said he'd called you. Trent and Thad also seemed worried about you Sebastian, I'm sure they miss you."

"Sure they do." Sebastian said sarcastically.

Kurt sighed, exasperated by Sebastian's stubbornness. "I just don't understand why you would leave just like that. Without telling anyone."

"I just don't want people smothering me and..." Sebastian cut himself off, like he was about to say something but decided against it. "It's just life Kurt... people come and go. It's not a big deal."

Kurt couldn't believe the things Sebastian was saying, he didn't understand. Suddenly Sebastian turned around and looked him straight in the eye.

"Tell me you stay in touch with every single classmate of yours who has transferred schools."

"What?"

"Or members of your Glee club. Has anyone ever left McKinley and you never heard from them again?" Sebastian asked directly, "What about your friends that graduated last year and went off to college? Are you still close?"

Kurt was suddenly confused by Sebastian's questions, "Um, I don't know, I mean..."

"Come on Kurt, yes you do." Sebastian stated, "You  _don't_  stay in touch, cause they're not your classmates anymore. They graduated, went separate ways, and maybe you'll know their whereabouts at first, but after a couple of months you'll never talk to them again. Just because I had a different reason to leave school it doesn't make it any different."

Kurt was about to protest but was interrupted before he could say anything when Sebastian turned to the side and cursed under his breath. When he followed Sebastian's gaze Kurt realized there was a nurse walking towards them.

"Sebastian?"

Sebastian sighed, smiling uncomfortably as he slowly got up from the bench. Kurt was confused about what was going on but quickly caught on once the nurse got to where they were and she put her hand on Sebastian's forehead.

"What are you doing here? It's freezing! You can't be outside sweetie..."

"I know, sorry." Sebastian said in a small voice, clearly flustered by the nurse's actions.

"Is this Kurt?" She asked as Kurt got up from the bench and stood beside Sebastian.

"Yeah..." Sebastian said awkwardly, "Kurt this is Felicia, she's a friend of my mom. She um... works here."

"Nice to meet you Kurt," She said with a warm smile before looking back at Sebastian. Her expression turned serious again. "I promised your mom I'd keep an eye on you. I'm surprised no one stopped you from stepping outside!" She said, leading Sebastian back into the hospital.

Kurt followed them all the way back to Sebastian's room, as Felicia told him it was time for dinner. Kurt tried not to laugh at the look on Sebastian's face. He seemed younger all of the sudden, like a child who was being chastised. It was priceless.

Once they were back in the room, Felicia handed Sebastian a menu and talked to him about the options he could choose from. Sebastian just stared at the menu with a bored expression, as Felicia left the room. She said she would be back in a minute to take Sebastian's order.

Sebastian was sitting on the edge of the bed and Kurt sat on the opposite side, waiting and wondering if he should stay or just leave. He kind of wanted to continue their conversation but at the same time he didn't know how to bring it up again. Kurt didn't want Sebastian to push him away, but all the secrecy about his situation was in a way affecting him as well. Kurt just wished he could make Sebastian see that there was no need for it.

Sebastian turned to look at Kurt and put the menu down.

"What are you having?" Kurt asked and Sebastian just shook his head.

"There's nothing remotely appetizing here."

Kurt reached to get the menu and took a look inside. It didn't look bad; in fact it looked like a restaurant menu. Granted, the options were simpler, and also measured; but it still looked pretty good. Kurt was surprised the hospital even had a menu to begin with.

"I can only choose from number five to number nine." Sebastian said, taking off his shoes and lying on his side, facing Kurt.

Kurt looked up at him and raised an eyebrow. "You don't like chicken breast and salted vegetables?"

"I usually would, but here stuff tastes like nothing."

"The pictures look pretty good."

Sebastian just snorted. "They're probably stock photos."

They laughed.

"What would you rather be having then?" Kurt asked, putting the menu down.

Sebastian looked up and thought about Kurt's question for a while. Then he licked his lips and said: "I'd  _love_  a fried tofu sandwich, nacho cheese Doritos and a Heineken."

"That's really...  _specific_." Kurt laughed, surprised at Sebastian's odd choice of food, "You seriously like tofu?"

"My sister makes these killer tofu sandwiches, I love them. I can't make them myself though, 'cause I suck. So I only eat them whenever she is in town."

Kurt was laughing and shaking his head.

"Fried tofu, avocado and pickles, with some weird white sauce she makes from scratch." Sebastian said, smiling and staring longingly at the wall like he was picturing the sandwich there. "I'd seriously kill for one of those right now... You know, for my  _last supper_." He joked.

"Last supper? What do you mean?" Kurt asked, confused.

"I start chemo again tomorrow." Sebastian said, slumping down on his pillow and staring at the ceiling again. "Don't think I'll be able to eat much after that."

"Already?"

"Yeah... can't catch a break."

"But... I thought you had to wait a bit longer before your next round?"

"Well... I'm doing better, and I guess I'm as strong as I'll ever be. So..." Sebastian said, suddenly serious again. "Can't slack and risk the freaking cancer cells starting a party in my bloodstream. You know?"

Sebastian smiled tightly at Kurt but there was a deep sadness in his eyes that Kurt could definitely see despite the strong front he was putting up.

In that moment Kurt's mind went back to the drawing he'd seen in Sebastian's journal a few days ago and his chest tightened. All Kurt could think about was how Sebastian would go through the thing he dreaded the most tomorrow, and how he wouldn't be able to be there with him.

And that just sucked.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you guys liked the chapter! This one took me longer to post and I am sad to say updates from now on might not be weekly as they used to be :( Sorry, but real life has been kicking my butt lately!
> 
> My tumblr's always open if you have any further comments and questions. But I changed my URL, now you can find me at sebastian-likes-tofu :D Thanks for reading and reviewing, every comment makes me smile!


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so this chapter is long. But I couldn't split it anywhere. You like long chapters though, right? I hope you do. A lot of stuff happens in this one, so I hope you can tell me what you think.
> 
> Also, a little disclaimer here: Even though I have done a LOT of research for this story, and try to keep things as accurate as possible, it is still a work of fiction. So keep that in mind and thanks so much for reading and reviewing :)
> 
> Okay, will shut up now. Enjoy the chapter!

It was five in the morning, Kurt's room was quiet and dark, and the only things in sight were the bright red numbers from the nightstand clock. Kurt glanced at them and then closed his eyes again, snuggling under the covers.

His body was so used to getting up before sunrise every other day to go to the hospital with his dad that he often woke up minutes before his alarm even had to go off.

There was no alarm today though, because they didn't have to go to the hospital. Yet Kurt was wide awake, thinking about going anyway but for very different reasons. Kurt tossed and turned in bed for a long time until he finally gave up on getting any more sleep. He felt restless and torn, his emotions making it impossible for him to fall back asleep.

Kurt was feeling frustrated because he had already made up his mind before going to bed last night. He had decided that he was  _not_  going to visit Sebastian until Sunday when he went down to the hospital with his dad again.

Unfortunately, Kurt could not stop his brain from being completely incapable of thinking of anything else other than Sebastian.

Kurt wanted nothing more than to fall back asleep, but he couldn't, not when his mind was reeling. He couldn't stop worrying about Sebastian getting chemotherapy again today, because he knew that it was going to be hard. He kept replaying the conversation he had with Sebastian the night before in his head over and over again.

_They were both sitting in the hospital bed. Sebastian was reluctantly eating his dinner while Kurt sat at the other end of the bed eating the strawberry jell-o that came as dessert. They'd been eating in companionable silence for a little while when Kurt finally dared to ask._

_"What's it like?"_

_"What, the chicken?"_

_"No... I-I mean..." Kurt stuttered, "You know... the che-"_

_"Chemo?" Sebastian blurted out, interrupting him._

_"Yeah..."_

_Kurt could feel himself blushing, and Sebastian just sighed, looking down at his food, poking it with his fork and for a moment Kurt wondered if he had been out of line asking about that. "Sorry... you don't have to tell me if you don't want to."_

_Sebastian looked at him and shook his head, "It's fine... I just don't really know how to explain."_

_Kurt nodded understandingly._

_"It's the worse thing I've ever gone through. It's just awful... But, it's different every time." Sebastian said, taking another bite of chicken and looking at the window, squinting his eyes._

_"There are some things that never change though..." He continued, "It hurts sometimes, it burns... I get really hungry but then can't eat because I'm feeling nauseous all the time. It kinda gets better after a few days but then I feel like I got run over by a truck or something. It's exhausting."_

_Kurt hated being sick and couldn't imagine how horrible it must be for Sebastian to feel all those things at once._

_"This time it's supposed to be different though, or at least that's what they're aiming for. The doctor said they adjusted the drugs or whatever..." Sebastian said, making fake quotation marks with his hands and rolling his eyes. "So maybe it will be better, but it could actually be worse. I guess I'll find out tomorrow."_

_"Hopefully it will be better." Kurt told him with a sympathetic smile as he finished the rest of the jell-o in the little plastic cup._

_Sebastian snorted, "Yeah... I hope so, cause I feel like a freaking lab rat."_

Kurt got up from bed and walked downstairs. There was no use for staying in bed if he was just going to lay there wide-awake. So he thought maybe getting a glass of water would help him stop worrying about Sebastian and keep his resolve of staying home.

Once he got to the stairs he saw his dad in the living room, sitting in the dark with the television on, though with no volume at all.

"Dad?"

"Hey bud."

"What are you doing up? Are you okay?

"Yeah just... couldn't sleep."

"Are you in pain? Do you need anything?"

"Kurt I'm fine." Burt said, smiling, "I just couldn't sleep so I came here. Didn't want to wake Carole with my constant moving around the bed. What are you doing up?"

Kurt sighed, "I couldn't sleep either."

Burt looked at him for a while, studying his expression in the dim light of the room. Kurt was still deep in thought, looking blankly at the television screen.

"Is something bothering you?" Burt asked, and Kurt just sighed.

"It's about Sebastian."

"What happened?"

"Well... He is getting chemo today and I'm just a little worried. I don't know."

Burt just nodded and they stayed silent for a little while.

"Are you going to visit him today?"

Kurt was startled by his father's question. "Uh... I don't know- I mean, I can't."

"Why not?"

"Well, we don't have to go to the hospital today and..."

"So? You could still go if you want to, Kurt." Burt said, as he started getting up from the couch, "If you're up at this hour thinking and worrying about him, you should go."

"But... what about Carole's birthday plan-"

"We can talk about it when you come back."

Burt stood in front of Kurt giving him a knowing look. "Look Kurt, if you don't go, you'll probably spend all day wondering how he's doing. You'll be worried and moping and regretting not going. So go."

As much as he hated it, Kurt knew his dad had a point. Burt just knew him so well.

"Go get dressed and I'll make coffee." Burt said, walking towards the kitchen and leaving Kurt in the still dark living room.

When Kurt arrived to the hospital, he was feeling giddy and even a little nervous. Sebastian knew Kurt didn't have to come to the hospital until tomorrow, so he wondered what Sebastian's reaction would be when he saw him today.

Kurt had no idea what to "bring" for Sebastian this time. He didn't know if Sebastian would be up for playing some more Jenga or if he would be sleepy or in pain. With every step Kurt took towards the Oncology Ward he felt more and more insecure about coming to the hospital. But he was there now; he couldn't go back.

When Kurt finally got to the elevators, he decided to just take a deep breath and calm down. He pushed the button and waited, staring at the numbers as the elevator came down floor by floor. When the elevator doors finally opened Kurt was surprised to see Mrs. Smythe come out.

Kurt greeted her with a smile but it quickly faded away when he realized she was crying.

"Oh my god Kurt!" She said, hugging him tightly and for a minute Kurt panicked, thinking something bad happened to Sebastian.

"I'm so glad to see you here..." She wiped her eyes with a tissue and tried to compose herself, "Sebastian told me you weren't coming today."

Kurt felt his face heat up, "Yeah, well... my dad didn't have to come today, maybe that's why."

"You came just for him?" Mrs. Smythe asked with a warm and teary smile and Kurt just nodded.

"Is everything alright?" Kurt asked and Mrs. Smythe took a deep breath.

"They started him on the chemo about one hour ago, but I can't stay any longer because I have a conference in Illinois." She said, clearly feeling torn about leaving her son during this difficult time. "I'm already late for the airport."

"Oh..." Kurt pressed his lips in a tight line and gave her a sympathetic smile. "When are you coming back?"

"Monday morning, I'll be here Monday morning."

Kurt nodded. "I'll keep him company Mrs. Smythe, don't worry." He said, trying to cheer her up, and Mrs. Smythe squeezed his hand affectionately.

"Thank you Kurt."

After speaking with Mrs. Smythe, Kurt was feeling better about having decided to come to the hospital after all. When he got to the eleventh floor and walked out of the elevator, he realized the door to Sebastian's room was open. He stood in the doorway and looked inside cautiously. Sebastian was sitting in the bed, wearing his blue Dalton sweatpants and the usual hospital gown. The bed was set in a vertical position so Sebastian could sit resting his back on the pillows, but his head was turned to the left, facing the windows.

Sebastian still hadn't noticed Kurt was in the doorway, which gave Kurt a few seconds to just stand there and look at him. Sebastian's face was turned to his side so Kurt couldn't see the expression on his face, but everything about him and his empty room seemed sad. It was visiting hour, and there were people in other rooms, yet Sebastian was alone.

_Well, not anymore._

Kurt knocked on the door, causing Sebastian to turn and see him. The surprise was evident in Sebastian's face once he saw Kurt coming into the room.

"Kurt? What are you doing here?" Sebastian asked with a confused smile.

Kurt walked up to Sebastian's bed and sat down in the edge of it. "Well… I knew you'd miss me if I didn't come, so I just came to check up on you."

Sebastian rolled his eyes, but smiled nonetheless. Now that Kurt was sitting closer to him, he was able to see that Sebastian's eyes were rimmed red, and his nose seemed a little puffy. Kurt wondered if Sebastian had cried after his mom left for the airport.

"So... How's it going?" Kurt asked.

"Oh, it's a walk in the park." Sebastian replied, pointing to the IV pump standing right next to him.

Kurt smiled. He was happy to find Sebastian in fairly high spirits. "That's great, maybe it won't be so bad this time then?"

"It's too soon to tell..." Sebastian sighed, "I have to sit here and marinate in this toxic waste for a couple of hours to actually see what it's gonna be like."

Kurt pressed his lips tightly, smiling sympathetically at him. "It kind of looks like kool-aid or something."

Sebastian snorted. "Yeah, I'll probably pee red for days."

They both laughed at that. Kurt looked at Sebastian and realized he had his journal in the bed next to him.

"Are you still working in the journal?"

Sebastian grabbed it, flipping through the pages. "Kind of... there's still a lot of stuff to do, but I haven't felt like doing anything lately." He reached over to the bedside and grabbed one red crayon and a black marker. Kurt stayed silent as Sebastian started drawing something in one of the pages.

A couple of seconds later Sebastian handed the journal over to Kurt. When he looked at the page Kurt was impressed. Sebastian had drawn the kool-aid man, but with horns and a trident.

"This is actually really good... I didn't know you could draw Sebastian."

"Yeah well..." Sebastian shrugged, "I don't know if you can call that drawing. It's just something I do for fun."

Kurt stood up and went over to the bedside table, opening the small plastic box and pulling out a few crayons. He sat in the bed and started sketching too. Sebastian stared at him curiously as Kurt held the journal over his lap.

When Kurt handed the journal back to Sebastian, he took a look at Kurt's drawing and started laughing out loud.

"What is that?"

"It's my version of the kool-aid man!" Kurt said, indignantly.

"But it's green, and it kinda looks like a diaper."

Kurt smacked Sebastian in the leg, and they both laughed. "Green is actually my favorite, and it doesn't look like a diaper!" Kurt protested, taking back the journal from Sebastian's hands and looking at both their drawings. Sebastian was definitely better at drawing than Kurt would ever be, but he wasn't going to admit defeat just yet.

They started teasing each other, Sebastian drew things and then challenged Kurt to draw his version of them to see who did it best. Kurt was determined to draw things better than Sebastian, and sometimes he did. They started by drawing simple things like dogs and houses, but then escalated to more complicated things like helicopters and human faces. By that point it was evident Sebastian was always going to beat him, so Kurt decided to try and do something else.

He handed Sebastian back the journal and when he saw it he frowned. There were 8 small lines in a row and an upside down L.

"What's this?"

"Let's play hangman." Kurt said, and Sebastian laughed.

"Are you serious?"

"What? Are you scared of losing?"

Sebastian seemed offended, "Definitely not!"

Kurt stood up and dragged over the small table from the corner putting it near the bed in front of Sebastian so they could place the journal there while Sebastian guessed the letters. He started with the vowels, but the word didn't have the letters A, E, or O, so Sebastian already had a head, chest and an arm on his hanging stick-man.

"I haven't played this since middle school."

"You have to try other letters too, not just vowels you know?"

"Shut up! At least tell me what kind of word it is."

"But that's cheating!"

"No, just tell me if it's a thing, or a place or a name... something!"

Kurt raised an eyebrow, "You're such a cry baby..." Sebastian glared at him, so Kurt finally budged. "Fine, it's a place."

Sebastian squinted his eyes and looked down at the page, trying to come up with what place it could possibly be.

 **B** **U** **_ _ _** **I** **_** **C** **_**

Unfortunately for Sebastian, he couldn't figure out the word before his little stick figure man was hanged. Kurt was trying really hard not to laugh at Sebastian's completely baffled expression. He couldn't believe that he lost. It was hilarious to watch.

"Fine, I lost... are you gonna tell me now?"

Not trusting himself to talk without bursting into hysterical giggles, Kurt took the journal and completed the letters that were missing.

"Bushwick? What the hell? I'd never heard of that place before!" Sebastian protested.

"You need to get out more," Kurt teased him, "Bushwick is a neighborhood in Brooklyn, it's where I used to live with Rachel last year."

Sebastian just glared at him. "Whatever... Now it's  _my_  turn!"

Sebastian grabbed the journal and kept it for a few seconds. When he put it back in the table, there were 8 spaces as well. Kurt started guessing the letters and every time he messed up Sebastian was more than happy to draw one more stick-figure body part.

Kurt looked down at the page and remained thoughtful, wondering what word it could possibly be. Kurt didn't want to ask Sebastian for any clues, that way when he guessed the word he could tease him about it.

His stick figure only had one leg left before he lost. So Kurt needed to figure it out.

"I could probably draw him a hat too, you know?" Sebastian teased him, "To give you more opportunities to guess my word."

Kurt just rolled his eyes and shook his head, giving the letters in the page another look, and in that moment it hit him.

 **_** **E** **_ _** **A** **T** **_** **O**

"Oh my god!" Kurt exclaimed, " _Fellatio?_  Is the word seriously fellatio?"

Sebastian laughter confirmed it, and Kurt could not help but blush a little as he glared at him before filling out the remaining letters.

"What? You're the one who started with weird and complicated words... I made it easy for you. Blowjobs are awesome!"

That made Kurt snort, "You're unbelievable."

"Yup..." Sebastian replied with a wink. "And so are my blowjobs!"

At Kurt's mortified expression, Sebastian started laughing out loud, holding his stomach with both hands and falling back on his pillows.

"Sebastian!" Kurt reprimanded, "There are people outside... someone might hear you!"

Sebastian didn't seem to care about it though, because he continued to laugh. Kurt was laughing too, even if he was still shaking his head in disbelief. Suddenly, Sebastian sat up straight again and wiped the corner of his eye but then he grabbed his chest and his face contorted into a painful expression.

"What's wrong?" Kurt asked, but Sebastian didn't reply. He just took his hand and covered his mouth with it, closing his eyes and taking deep breaths.

"Nothing..." Sebastian whispered between breaths, "I just... feel a little nauseous." He put his hand over his chest and sighed. Kurt stayed silent but he could already feel dread pooling up inside him.  _Was Sebastian going to start feeling sick now? Had the chemotherapy started to hurt him already?_

"Do you want some water?" Kurt asked and Sebastian nodded.

Kurt got up from the bed and walked over to the corner table where there were two water bottles. He handed one of them to Sebastian and watched as he slowly drank a little of it. Kurt remained silent as Sebastian put the bottle in the bedside, waiting to see if Sebastian felt better of if he needed anything else. But Sebastian just looked at Kurt, handing him the journal. "Okay... now it's your turn."

Kurt spent almost 3 hours with Sebastian in the hospital. Time flew by as they played some more rounds of hangman, watched TV, and talked. Every half an hour or so, the nurses came into the room to check on Sebastian until it was time to unplug him from the IV once the chemo was all done.

Kurt wished he could have stayed longer but the fact was that he needed to be back home. He had a lot of stuff to do. Carole's 45th birthday was next Saturday and Burt wanted to celebrate it with something special. They were planning on throwing a party, and even though they had already invited most of the guests, Kurt still had to help Carole figure out some of the logistics of the whole thing. They were going to host the party at their house, which meant moving around furniture and figuring out what food they were going to prepare for that day.

So Kurt left and got home right on time to catch Finn, Carole and his dad sitting in the living room, watching a game. He joined them for a while, and then he and Carole went to the kitchen and started planning out for the party.

Kurt loved these kinds of things, and he was more than excited about getting the chance to decorate the house with tasteful floral arrangements. He already had some alternatives in mind, so he used his laptop to show Carole all the different possibilities and color combinations. Carole was fascinated with everything Kurt was showing her, and in the end they decided to decorate the party with purple and silver combinations.

It was a challenge to get everything to look fantastic and dreamy while they were working on a tight budget, but Burt wanted to throw Carole a special party and Kurt was determined to make it happen. They were spending a lot of money on his dad's radiation treatments, but that didn't mean that the party had to be something small and insignificant.

Later that evening, when Kurt and Carole came back to the house after running some errands, Kurt thought about Sebastian and wondered how he was doing. Right before dinner, Kurt decided to text Sebastian to ask how he was doing.

_**To Sebastian Smythe:** _

_**Hello! How are you feeling?** _

Kurt waited and waited, but Sebastian didn't reply. Kurt couldn't help but worry, even though he knew Sebastian usually didn't pay much attention to his phone. It wasn't until much later, when he was done with his moisturizing routine and was ready for bed, that he received a response.

_**From Sebastian Smythe:** _

_**Meh...** _

Kurt frowned, that response was really vague, but he was glad Sebastian had at least responded with 'something'. Kurt wasn't going to push for conversation if Sebastian wasn't telling him much, so he decided to type a quick text before getting into bed.

_**To Sebastian Smythe:** _

_**Hope it's not going too bad... :-/ I'll see you tomorrow! :-D** _

Kurt usually didn't mind using emoticons when texting, but somehow after sending his last message he felt stupid for adding two of them in the same text. The truth is Kurt always felt a little self conscious and awkward whenever he texted Sebastian. Hanging out with him in the hospital wasn't as weird anymore, but somehow texting him still felt a little intrusive and weird for him.

Sebastian didn't respond after that, and Kurt figured he'd have to wait until tomorrow to see how he was actually doing.

* * *

The next day came and when Kurt went to the hospital again, he knew something was wrong the second he stepped into Sebastian's room.

Sebastian was lying down on his side with his back to the windows. He was hidden under the covers, curled up into himself with his face buried in the pillow. He wasn't wearing his beanie, which was odd since Kurt knew Sebastian didn't like to have his head exposed. Kurt thought Sebastian was asleep but quickly realized he wasn't when he heard him groan quietly.

Kurt held his breath; feeling conflicted about what to do. Should he be there if Sebastian was feeling sick? Would his presence make Sebastian feel better, or worse? Kurt was at a loss of what to do, but suddenly Sebastian opened his eyes and stared at him.

Kurt waved shyly, studying Sebastian for a reaction, "Hi..."

Sebastian heaved a sigh and tried to smile, "Hey Kurt."

Kurt walked slowly into the room and Sebastian turned to rest on his back, wincing a bit when he stretched his legs. By that time Kurt had walked up to the edge of the bed, as usual, but he didn't sit down like he always did. He just stood there, not quite sure if he should stay or leave.

"How are you feeling?" Kurt asked and Sebastian just shrugged, running one of his hands over his face and head.

Kurt gave him a tight smile, feeling worried and out of place all at once, but then Sebastian sighed again and tried to speak. "It's just..." Sebastian started, but didn't finish his sentence.

Kurt stared expectantly at Sebastian, but he didn't say anything, he just closed his eyes and bit his lower lip. After a few minutes, Sebastian started breathing heavily, and Kurt panicked as he realized it was because Sebastian was trying to hold back tears.

"I'm just so sick of this." Sebastian cried, flinging his arm over his eyes, probably wanting to hide from Kurt in his moment of vulnerability. Somehow watching Sebastian like this made Kurt's chest tighten in a way he'd never felt before. What was he supposed to say? What could he possibly say to make Sebastian feel better when there were tears streaming down his face?

Sebastian wiped the tears from his eyes and cheeks and tried to compose himself. Kurt noticed Sebastian's skin looked different that day, it had a strange kind of pink blush all over his neck and arms. Kurt remembered the red liquid in Sebastian's IV from the previous day and wondered if it had anything to do with that. Wondered if that was the reason Sebastian was in pain.

"I just need this to be over... I can't do it anymore." He sobbed, and Kurt took a shaky breath before daring to speak.

"You'll make it through this, Sebastian. I'm sure you will."

Sebastian laughed bitterly then, "Well, I'm not..." He said, turning over and resting on his left side, facing the windows. He wiped his eyes with the back of his hand before hiding his face into the pillow again.

"Please don't say that." Kurt pleaded, but Sebastian just shook his head and sobbed. All Kurt could do was stand there feeling completely lost about what to do while Sebastian cried inconsolably. He couldn't do anything but wait until Sebastian's cries started to die out.

"I was supposed to graduate this year..." Sebastian whispered after a few silent minutes, and Kurt almost didn't hear him because of how the pillow muffled his voice.

"Maybe you still can." Kurt tried to sound hopeful, but Sebastian sighed heavily.

"I miss school..." He confessed, smiling sadly. "I miss playing lacrosse, and peeking at the guys asses in the locker room."

Kurt couldn't help but snort silently at Sebastian's confession. He grabbed the chair from the corner and placed it beside the bed, closer to Sebastian than how he'd usually sit.

"I miss my hair too." Sebastian whispered and Kurt felt his heart sink because of how broken he sounded. "I was actually growing it out... But now it's gone." Sebastian tried to smile but it quickly turned into a grimace and he just hid his face further into the pillow. After a while, Sebastian's shoulders started shaking and Kurt realized he was crying again.

Kurt didn't know what to say, feeling a sharp pain in his throat, and tears stinging his eyes; so he decided to just reach out and hold Sebastian's hand instead, hoping the touch itself would offer more comfort than any of his words ever could. Sebastian's hand felt cold and limp as Kurt put his own over it. Kurt held his breath as he touched Sebastian's hand, waiting for a reaction, but there was none. Sebastian didn't flinch away, or even open his eyes; he just stayed right were he was.

Kurt didn't know what to say, or what to do to help Sebastian's pain go away, but he knew he could at least be there for him. Kurt was going to stay there and hold his hand for as long as Sebastian would let him.

Kurt breathed in, waiting a few seconds before daring to curl his fingers around Sebastian's hand. Kurt felt relief wash over him when he felt Sebastian curl his fingers as well, holding Kurt's hand in a tight grip. Sebastian sniffled and brought his hand a little closer to his chest, dragging Kurt's hand along with it.

The room was completely silent after that; the only thing that could be heard in the room was the sound of Sebastian's heavy breathing. After a while, Sebastian's breathing evened out and Kurt wasn't sure if he was still awake or not. Sebastian's grasp on his hand had loosened considerably, but Kurt didn't want to let go, even if the way he was leaning over to reach Sebastian's hand was not very comfortable. Kurt decided to use his free hand to pull the chair a little closer so he could rest his head on the edge of the bed.

Kurt glanced at the clock in the wall and realized he still had about forty minutes until his dad was done, so he was going to stay with Sebastian, holding his hand in case he woke up. Kurt put his arm over the bed and rested his chin over it, looking at Sebastian up close and just wondering what he was going through. He was definitely sleeping now. So Kurt dared to close his eyes too, focusing on the sound of Sebastian's breathing and trying to relax.

Kurt dozed off for a couple of minutes, but then the sound of footsteps coming into the room startled him. Kurt glanced up and realized there where three people standing on the other side of the bed, staring at him. He felt himself blush as he recognized Sebastian's father. There was a blonde woman with green eyes standing next to him, and a guy about his age right beside her. The guy had the woman's same green eyes, but his hair was darker, and his eyes were fixed on where Sebastian and Kurt's hands were clasped together. Kurt felt his stomach drop when he connected the dots and realized they could be the aunt and cousin Sebastian told him about.

"You must be Kurt," Sebastian's dad said, walking over to the other side of the bed where Kurt was sitting. "I'm Sebastian's father, Joseph Smythe. Nice to meet you." He extended his hand towards Kurt and he had to awkwardly shake it with his left one, since he didn't want to let go of Sebastian for fear of waking him up.

"This is my sister, Helen and my nephew, Alex."

"Nice to meet you." Kurt whispered, sparing a quick glance at them before immediately looking at Sebastian. Kurt was relieved to see he wasn't moving. Sebastian seemed to be fast asleep, and Kurt hoped with all his heart that he would stay that way. With how bad he was feeling the last thing Sebastian needed in that moment was to see them.

"How is he doing?" Alex asked, looking expectantly at Kurt and at Sebastian's dad.

"Um..." Kurt didn't quite know what to say.

"He started a new treatment yesterday..." Sebastian's dad started, his voice low and quiet, clearly trying to keep it down and not wake Sebastian up, "He was in quite a bit of pain because of it. He must be exhausted, but these new drugs are supposed to make him feel better."

"He looks so pale, and so thin, oh Joseph..." The woman whispered, looking at Sebastian's dad with concern. Her eyes were teary and longing when she looked at Sebastian's sleeping form, and Kurt wondered if what she was feeling was guilt, since she had not been in good terms with Sebastian for such a long time.

"He was awake when I came here a while ago," Kurt stated, and they all turned their attention towards him. "But he wasn't feeling well, I think it's best if we let him sleep."

Kurt knew it wasn't any of his business, but he felt very protective of Sebastian all of the sudden, and he didn't want to see him stress, which he knew is what would happen if he woke up to find his aunt there. Luckily for Kurt, they all seemed to agree, because everyone stayed silent after that.

Sebastian's aunt and father whispered amongst themselves from time to time, but Kurt couldn't quite make up what they were saying. Meanwhile, Alex just stayed in the corner, leaning against the window and looking down at Sebastian. Every now and then Kurt would catch Alex looking at him and Kurt wondered if the fact that he was holding Sebastian's hand bothered him. The guy didn't look judgmental though, he mostly just looked worried, or sad, it was hard to tell.

After a few more minutes, Sebastian's aunt excused herself. "I think we should get going now."

"Already?" Sebastian's father seemed disappointed.

"Yes, we need to go now if we want to make it to the twelve o'clock service." She said apologetically, "Alex is singing with the youth choir today, so we need to be there early."

"Okay, I understand." Mr. Smythe replied, "I'll walk you back to the car."

Before leaving, Sebastian's aunt spared one last glance at Kurt, who was still holding Sebastian's hand. Kurt stared right into her eyes, trying to read them, but she just gave him an awkward smile and said: "It was nice meeting you, Kurt."

Kurt wished he could say the same.

Mr. Smythe asked Kurt if he was going to stay for a while longer, and Kurt told him that probably not, since his dad would be done with his treatment soon and he would have to leave. So Sebastian's dad said his goodbyes to Kurt in case he was gone by the time he made it back to the room.

And then Kurt was alone with Sebastian again, and all Kurt could do was look at him and rub circles with his fingers over Sebastian's hand. Sebastian was sleeping, but his expression wasn't peaceful. His brows were slightly creased, and Kurt couldn't help but wonder just how much pain he was in.

Kurt's phone buzzed inside his pocket and he let go of Sebastian's hand so he could pick up. Sebastian shuffled under the covers, but didn't wake up. Kurt took a few steps back so he could answer the call.

"Dad?"

_"Hey kiddo, I'm all done. Where are you?"_

"I'm still with Sebastian." Kurt whispered. "But um... I'll meet you at the benches, okay?"

_"Great, see you there."_

Kurt hung up and looked at Sebastian, still in the bed, unmoving. He walked back to the side of the bed slowly and that's when he saw Sebastian's gray beanie peeking out from under the covers. Kurt reached for it slowly, pulling it out and carefully putting it over Sebastian's head. He didn't quite manage to put it on correctly, not wanting to risk waking Sebastian up with the hassle, but at least this way his head wouldn't get cold.

Kurt didn't know how he was going to work this out, but he decided right then and there, that this week he would visit Sebastian every day.

"I'll see you tomorrow Sebastian." Kurt whispered before leaving.

* * *

On Monday, Kurt decided he would take the morning to work on Carole's birthday party preparations, and go visit Sebastian in the afternoon. Kurt hoped that would give him the time to run early errands and visit several flower shops, and it would also give Sebastian some space to hopefully feel a little better before getting another visit from him.

Plus, Kurt knew Mrs. Smythe would already be back from Illinois by then, and so he wasn't too worried about Sebastian being alone.

When Kurt was getting ready to go to the hospital, he packed his bag with some of his DVD collections. He had Grey's Anatomy, and LOST, not sure which one Sebastian would like more. He also packed his Jenga again, in case Sebastian was feeling up to play a round or two.

Unfortunately when Kurt got to the hospital, Sebastian was asleep and he didn't wake up for the entire time he was there to visit. Mrs. Smythe was there though, and so Kurt ended up keeping her company instead. According to what she said, Sebastian had been in a lot of pain, and the medicine the doctors gave him to help him through it knocked him out completely. Mrs. Smythe promised Kurt she would tell Sebastian that he had visited, and Kurt decided to leave his DVDs with her.

* * *

On Tuesday morning, Kurt went to the hospital with his dad again and was more than happy to find Sebastian awake and going through season 1 of LOST. Sebastian greeted Kurt with a shy smile as he walked into the room, but Kurt could tell he still wasn't feeling very well. His skin color was back to normal, but Sebastian looked very pale. He had dark circles under his eyes and looked completely exhausted. If Kurt didn't know better, he could even think Sebastian hadn't slept in days.

Sebastian told Kurt that he had never actually watched Grey's Anatomy before, but that LOST was one of his favorite shows. Kurt decided not to ask Sebastian about the chemo, or how he was feeling, figuring he would rather talk about something else. After talking a little bit about the show and how hot Matthew Fox was, they just sat in companionable silence, watching the episode and commenting on it every now and then. Everything was going great, but before the episode was over Sebastian had fallen asleep again.

Kurt left the next episode running on the DVD player before heading back downstairs to meet with his dad.

Later that afternoon, when Kurt was home going over some recipes for Carole's cake, he got a text from Sebastian.

_**From Sebastian Smythe:** _

_**Sorry I fell asleep on you. Thanks for the DVDs.** _

Kurt smiled, and quickly composed a reply.

_**To Sebastian Smythe:** _

_**Don't worry about it, hope you enjoy them :)** _

* * *

On Wednesday, Kurt was debating whether to visit Sebastian in the morning or the afternoon. But then his dad told him he needed to run some errands and asked Kurt to drive him, so Kurt had to go in the afternoon instead.

With how many times Kurt drove to and back from Cleveland, it didn't seem to be as far as it was anymore. Later that afternoon when Kurt went to the hospital again, he was happy to find Mrs. Smythe sitting on Sebastian's bedside, reading a book.

Sebastian seemed to be asleep, so Kurt knocked softly on the door even though it was opened just so Mrs. Smythe would look up at him. She smiled excitedly and motioned for Kurt to come in. Kurt slowly walked into the room and Sebastian's mom got up from her chair to greet him with a hug.

"How is he?" Kurt whispered and Mrs. Smythe turned to look at her son, shaking her head.

"He is a fighter. But, he's just tired."

"I'm a what?" Sebastian groaned, stretching his arms and wincing a bit.

"Honey you're awake! Kurt is here."

"Hey Kurt." Sebastian yawned, and Kurt smiled when he realized Sebastian looked a little better than the day before.

"I have to go to the pharmacy to get some of your prescriptions," Mrs. Smythe said, reaching out for her purse, "I will be right back baby. Don't forget to call the nurse if you need to-"

"Mom!" Sebastian cut her off.

"Just promise me."

Sebastian rolled his eyes, seemingly mortified and Kurt was confused, not really getting what was going on. Mrs. Smythe didn't leave the room until Sebastian promised her that he wouldn't get out of bed.

And then they were alone, but Sebastian seemed annoyed at what his mother had said.

"So, did you finish season one?" Kurt asked, trying to break the tension. Sebastian looked up at him and smiled.

"Not really... I've been meaning to, but I keep dozing off."

"What episode are you in?"

"Four." Sebastian confessed, and they both laughed at that.

"It's okay... season one is the best anyway."

"That's true." Sebastian agreed.

Mrs. Smythe was away for almost an hour, giving them time to have a nice conversation about LOST and other TV related topics. Kurt then told Sebastian about Carole's party on Saturday, and about all the plans he had to make the night unforgettable for her. Sebastian asked Kurt if his parents were divorced and so Kurt told him about how his mom died when he was eight. Sebastian gave Kurt his sympathies, visibly regretting bringing up the topic, but Kurt assured him that it was okay.

Sebastian remained thoughtful for a while, and then he told Kurt about how his parents almost divorced when he was ten, but how they seemed to be okay now. Kurt talked to Sebastian about New York and how excited he was about going to NYADA in the fall. Sebastian confessed sadly that he was ready to fail his senior year, but that he hoped he could still get into Columbia even if the whole cancer thing pushed him back a year. Kurt tried to encourage him to study and try to see if he could graduate this year, but Sebastian didn't think he could pull it off with how bad he was feeling all the time.

Before they knew it the conversation turned really personal and Kurt appreciated the bits and pieces he came to know about Sebastian's life during the time they got to spend together. Like how Sebastian wanted to be an architect, and how he had a cat named Lily.

The truth is that with each day that passed, they were starting to trust each other and enjoy being in each other's company a lot, something that a couple of months ago would have seemed ridiculous to the both of them. Sebastian seemed at ease around him and Kurt was glad to be able to make Sebastian's time at the hospital less lonely. Visiting Sebastian during Burt's radiation treatments also helped Kurt get out of the dreadful waiting room, and for that he was grateful.

In the middle of their conversation Sebastian reached up to his head to adjust his beanie and Kurt noticed a huge purple bruise in his forearm.

"Oh my god, what happened to your arm?" Kurt asked, horrified.

"What, this? It's nothing." Sebastian tried, but Kurt was sure a bruise that big couldn't be 'nothing'.

"It looks painful."

"Looks worse than it feels," Sebastian sighed, "I just tripped... that's what my mom was going on about."

Kurt nodded, and Sebastian showed him his left wrist, where he had a yellow bracelet that read FALL RISK in dark black lettering.

"This shit is just so dramatic!" Sebastian ranted, "I didn't faint or anything, I just tripped and hurt my arm. Now I can't take a piss without having a nurse walk me to the bathroom."

Sebastian seemed to be really frustrated about his situation.

"Well, at least they didn't give you a diaper." Kurt remarked, causing Sebastian to burst into laughter.

Kurt was glad to at least make Sebastian smile every once in a while.

* * *

Hours later, when Kurt got back home, he was greeted by quite the unexpected scene. Finn, Sam and Blaine were sitting in his dining room table, drinking hot chocolate and eating cookies.

Kurt didn't miss the way Blaine's eyes scanned him all over as he walked into the house and hung his coat in the hall. Luckily for Kurt, no one asked him where he had been, and he was able to join them in their conversation.

Finn wanted the Glee club to perform a special song for his mom, but that meant adding more guests to the already tight list of people they had enough budget to invite. There were people in the list Kurt didn't really know: a couple of freshmen and new Glee club members that apparently Finn had grown fond of.

Blaine asked Kurt if he wanted to sing with him, going on and on about how lovely it would be to add a duet to the night's repertoire of songs, but as much as it pained him, Kurt said that he would be too busy with everything else going on at the party.

Kurt tried really hard to ignore the uncomfortable guilty feeling he got when he saw the way Blaine's face fell as he declined his invitation to sing with him.

Sam and Blaine stayed for a long time, going over the remaining details of the songs they had already been practicing for the party with Finn. Carole invited them to stay for dinner but Blaine didn't stay. Kurt just hoped it wasn't because of how awkward things currently were between them.

* * *

On Thursday, when Kurt got to Sebastian's room, he noticed the TV was on but Sebastian wasn't looking at it. Kurt thought Sebastian was asleep because he was lying down, with his back towards the door, facing the windows. However, when Kurt walked into the room to turn off the volume of the TV, he realized that Sebastian was awake. Kurt stood in the foot of the bed, waiting for Sebastian to acknowledge him, but Sebastian seemed deep in thought as he stared at nothing in particular.

"Sebastian?" Kurt asked, quietly, but Sebastian didn't respond.

Kurt felt uncomfortable just standing there, it seemed as if Sebastian hadn't even heard him. Then without warning, Sebastian was sitting up quickly and throwing up into a container Kurt hadn't even noticed he was holding under the covers.

Kurt froze as Sebastian heaved over the small metal plate. He didn't know what to do, so he left his bag in the corner and quickly walked over to Sebastian, handing him a tissue from the bedside table for him to wipe his mouth.

"Fuck..." Sebastian hissed, "I'm sorry... ugh."

Kurt handed him one of the water bottles but Sebastian turned it down.

"I can't." He mumbled before heaving again, only this time, he didn't throw up. It seemed like Sebastian's stomach was completely empty, yet his body still convulsed violently with the urge to vomit.

Sebastian fell back on the bed and pushed the button to call a nurse. Soon enough a nurse came to take away the metal plate and bring a new one.

Sebastian curled up on his side, and Kurt could see he was slightly shaking. He didn't understand how Sebastian could be so sick today when he seemed to be doing better the previous day.

Kurt just sat on the foot of the bed and waited for Sebastian to recover. After a few minutes Sebastian turned to rest on his back again, looked at Kurt and said: "Let's just pretend that never happened, okay?"

"Okay." Kurt smiled, "Are you sure you don't want some water?"

"I don't know," Sebastian sighed, "Sometimes water makes me nauseous too."

They stayed silent for a few moments before Sebastian started sitting up.

"What are you doing?"

"I'm going to go brush my teeth." Sebastian stated, and when he threw his legs off the bed Kurt stood up and helped him up.

"Aren't you supposed to um... call a nurse?" Kurt stammered.

"I'm fine."

"Sebastian..."

"Kurt."

They just stared at each other for a couple of seconds. "I'm not calling a nurse." Sebastian deadpanned.

Kurt couldn't believe Sebastian was being so stubborn. "Well, then  _I'm_  walking you to the bathroom." Kurt stated, grabbing Sebastian's arm and curling it around his own so he could support his weight on him.

Sebastian just rolled his eyes. "Fine,  _mom!_ "

"What's going on?"

Kurt and Sebastian both turned around to find Mrs. Smythe standing in the doorway, eyes wide and holding a cup of coffee in her hand.

"Sebastian what are you doing up?"

"Kurt is helping me go brush my teeth." Sebastian stated, walking towards the bathroom and Kurt had no choice but to go with him. "Its fine, mom."

Kurt realized Sebastian wasn't really leaning on him as he took small steps towards the bathroom, but he still kept his grip strong on his arm in case Sebastian tripped or anything. As Sebastian leaned down on the sink to rinse his mouth, Kurt caught a look of Mrs. Smythe's reflection on the mirror. She was smiling fondly, and Kurt wondered for a moment why that was.

Time flew by and Kurt spent almost an hour with the Smythes, talking to them excitedly about the party and everything he was doing. When it was almost time for his dad to be done, Kurt left with the promise of bringing them some of the cake so they could try it. Sebastian's mom was more than excited to try Kurt's cake and made him promise to take a lot of pictures from the party as well.

Kurt got to the first floor just in time to catch his dad leaving the clinic.

* * *

Kurt spent all Friday running around with last minute preparations. He just needed to leave everything ready that day because they wouldn't have enough time for anything else on Saturday. His dad had to go to the hospital and that meant they would be away practically until noon.

Kurt was happy, humming to his favorite songs as he baked the three-level cake for the party. He decided to use one of the smaller molds to make a small cake for Sebastian and his mom.

By the time Kurt finished, he had the big cake ready for the party, and a miniature version of it, decorated exactly the same, for Sebastian and his mom. Kurt smiled, hoping that they would like it.

He snapped a picture of it and texted it to Sebastian vía Facebook. Sebastian's response was unusually fast, and Kurt wondered if he was feeling better, of if the picture of the cake had anything to do with it.

 **Kurt:**  The cake is done... voilá! [ _(Picture attached)_](http://25.media.tumblr.com/042a140f935c91acaf7af210cd88914c/tumblr_mkgllcKZdd1r66wwpo1_500.jpg)

 **Sebastian:**  Is that thing even edible? It looks unreal.

 **Kurt:**  Of course! It's just an edible work of art ;)

 **Sebastian:**  How did you even learn how to do that?

 **Kurt:**  If I give you my secret, I'd have to kill you.

 **Sebastian:**  I don't need to know, just bring me my cake.

 **Kurt:**  You'll get it tomorrow ;)

 **Sebastian:**  Fine!

This party was a lot of work, but Kurt was happy and had everything ready, even if he finished with the last minute arrangements almost at one in the morning. He hated that he was only going to get a few hours of sleep, but he was too excited to care about anything else.

Saturday morning was tougher than Kurt thought it would be, he didn't know if it was the exhaustion of the busy week catching up with him, or if he was coming down with something, but Kurt was just incredibly tired. Even the drive to the hospital felt longer than usual, and so the first thing Kurt did when he got to Sebastian's room, after putting his bag and the cake in the corner table, was to flop over the feet of the bed, announcing he was taking a nap.

Sebastian started wiggling his feet, shaking Kurt and making it impossible for him to sleep.

"I want my cake... come on Kurt, give it to me!"

"Ughhh... stop it." Kurt groaned, smacking Sebastian's feet so he would stop moving them, but he didn't stop.

Suddenly, Sebastian got up from the bed, and once Kurt realized what he had done, he bolted towards Sebastian. Kurt's intent was to hold Sebastian to keep him from standing up alone, but the force of his sudden movement made them lose their balance and they ended up falling back on the bed.

"Oh my fucking god you're crazy!" Sebastian laughed.

"You're not supposed to do that!" Kurt squeaked, quickly getting off from where he'd fallen on top of Sebastian.

"So you just throw me back into the bed? Real smooth Kurt. Real smooth."

"Shut up. I'll get your cake!" Kurt said, trying to ignore how hot his face felt all of the sudden.

Sebastian just rolled his eyes and laughed as he sat back on the bed. Kurt held the cake in front of Sebastian but took it back every time he tried to reach for it.

"You can't eat it yet."

"Why not?"

"Because your mom needs to see it first. If you eat it without her, it will be ruined. I worked hard on this Sebastian."

Sebastian rolled his eyes, "You're evil... but okay, whatever."

Kurt put the cake back in the corner, and then went back to Sebastian's bed, lying down just like he was before. "Kick me again and I'll take away your cake." He threatened, and Sebastian just laughed.

* * *

Meanwhile in the first floor, Burt was done with his treatment for the day.

"You're all set Mr. Hummel." The nurse announced, helping Burt get down from the radiotherapy machine.

"Thanks." Burt said, walking towards the changing room, where he'd left his clothes. Once he got dressed again he took out his phone and realized it was almost twenty minutes earlier than usual. Burt smiled, happy to be able to leave a bit earlier, since they still had a lot to do for the party.

He knew even though it was only twenty or fifteen minutes, it could still make a big difference if they left quickly and Kurt would appreciate having more time to get ready for the party. However, when he got to the waiting room, Kurt was nowhere in sight.

Burt tried calling once, twice, and three times; but Kurt wasn't picking up the phone. Burt looked around and then glanced up at the clock in the wall before calling Kurt for a fourth time. When the call went to voicemail again, Burt was getting incredibly frustrated.

* * *

_"Nothing's gonna change my woooorlddddd... nothing's gonna change my world!_

_Jai guruuuu deeevaaaa ooommmmm!"_

"Ughhh... you are killing me." Kurt groaned, covering his ears.

"I'm trying to sing you a lullaby, Kurt." Sebastian snorted before continuing his loud singing: "Nothing's gonna change my wooorld!"

"You sound like you're being strangled."

Sebastian laughed out loud. "You've been sleeping for the past twenty minutes, and you're supposed to be keeping me company. I'm bored."

Kurt looked up at Sebastian, and then took the pillow he was resting in and threw it at him.

"Hey! What was that for?" Sebastian protested, running his hand over his head like the pillow had hurt him. "My head is sensitive!" He said, throwing the pillow back at Kurt.

"Where's your beanie?" Kurt asked.

"Threw up on it... so mom took it to the laundry."

"Ew…" Kurt frowned, "But… do you only have one?"

"Yeah."

Kurt raised an eyebrow, "When you get out of here, I'm taking you shopping for some new ones."

Sebastian was about to protest, but then his phone started ringing. He just glanced at it briefly and then turned back to Kurt.

"Aren't you going to answer that?" Kurt asked.

"I don't know the number, so... no." Sebastian shrugged.

The phone started ringing for a second time, and this time Sebastian didn't even look at it.

"It could be important." Kurt said, walking over to the bedside and grabbing Sebastian's phone.

"Don't answer!" Sebastian warned, smacking him with the pillow repeatedly. But Kurt remained frozen as he recognized his father's number flashing through the screen.

"Dad?"

_"Kurt, finally! What's wrong with your phone? I've been calling you for ages."_

Kurt was completely startled.

"Sorry, I left it in my bag." Kurt said, walking over to the corner table and taking his phone out of his bag. He had 6 missed calls from his dad. "How did you-?"

_"You weren't picking up, so I had to call Blaine and ask him for Sebastian's number."_

Kurt felt like the entire world had fallen over him.

_"Anyway, I'm done... and we should really get going, Kurt."_

"Y-yeah... okay. I'm... I'm coming." Kurt stammered, dread pooling in his gut as he realized what his dad had just done.

When Kurt turned to see Sebastian, he was frowning, looking confused.

"How did your dad get my number?"


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just want to thank everyone for the amazing feedback on last chapter. Thank you to everyone who has followed and favorited this story, and especially those kind enough to leave reviews with encouraging words. You're all so amazing!
> 
> Special thanks to my friend Lari for being my accomplice for this story, she is too awesome for words.
> 
> Hope you all enjoy this chapter.

 

Kurt walked over to Sebastian's bedside and gave him back his phone.

"Kurt... How did your dad get my number?" Sebastian asked again.

"Um... I gave it to him," Kurt lied, "Last Friday, when I came here for the support group."

Sebastian looked at him warily and nodded silently before putting his phone in the bedside table again. Sebastian seemed to believe Kurt, and he tried to smile as best as he could as they said their goodbyes. It wasn't until Kurt was in the hallway, running towards the elevators that he let himself panic.

As he went down in the elevator to meet his dad, Kurt knew he shouldn't have lied to Sebastian, but he didn't know what else to do. He didn't know what his dad said to Blaine, and he needed to find that out first, so he could figure out what to do about it.

"Ready to go?" Burt asked, as Kurt walked up to him in the lobby.

"Dad, what did you tell Blaine?"

Burt frowned, surprised by Kurt's sudden question. "What do you mean?"

"What did you tell him? When you called." Kurt begged, and Burt just frowned, visibly puzzled by his son's distraught state.

"I just asked if he had the Smythe kid's number, cause I was trying to reach you but you weren't answering your phone."

Kurt sighed, "And... Did he ask anything?"

"No." Burt squinted his eyes. "What's going on Kurt? Why are you so upset?"

Kurt didn't know how to explain. His dad hadn't done anything wrong. It wasn't his fault that Kurt hadn't told him about Sebastian's situation and how he didn't want anyone to know. Kurt was kicking himself for even mentioning that Sebastian was a Warbler in the first place. Now Blaine knew Kurt was with Sebastian and that could go wrong in so many ways.

So as they drove back to Lima, Kurt decided to tell his dad everything. Well,  _almost_ everything.

"You should have told me sooner." Burt said, after hearing everything Kurt had to say.

"I know. I'm sorry dad."

"Hey... You have nothing to be sorry about." Burt told him, squeezing Kurt's shoulder affectionately, "Look... I understand if Sebastian asked you to keep this a secret but Kurt, you have to realize things like these can't be kept a secret for long. And besides, you are not doing anything wrong, so you shouldn't be hiding."

Kurt hated how right his dad was, because no matter how much sense he was making, Kurt still felt guilty as hell. Kurt just hoped he could talk to Blaine about this before he talked to anyone else. But what was he going to say? Kurt knew he should have probably told Sebastian, maybe he could have helped him come up with something to tell Blaine, but Kurt really didn't want to make him stress. Sebastian had enough things to stress about as it was; Kurt needed to figure this one out on his own.

.

Kurt knew seeing Blaine that day would be inevitable because he was going to be at Carole's birthday party; but what Kurt never expected was for Blaine to already be at his house when he and his dad returned from the hospital.

Finn had Sam, Brittany and Blaine helping him move furniture and things around the house. They had to get a few things out and take them to the garage, so the four of them were making themselves busy.

The minute Kurt made eye contact with Blaine the tension between them was obvious. It was like Blaine's feelings were written all over his face, but he didn't say anything. Kurt could tell Blaine was trying really hard to keep it casual as he politely said hi to both him and his dad.

Burt saw what Finn and the rest of the guys were doing and offered to help, but Kurt quickly stopped him. He knew his dad felt excited about the party and was eager to help, but he needed to take care of himself after just receiving radiation. Burt started protesting but fortunately, Carole came outside and sided with Kurt, making Burt roll his eyes and hastily go up the stairs to his room.

Blaine just gave Kurt a quick once over and a tight smile before going back to helping Finn with what he needed. Kurt breathed in and bit his lip, feeling the tension escalating inside him as Blaine walked away. Kurt knew he had to figure out how to breach the subject with him at some point that day; he just hoped he could work things out in his head first.

The afternoon flew by in the midst of the rush of getting everything ready for the party. Finn had taken care of a lot of things while Kurt and Burt had been away, so Kurt was able to focus on the decoration, placing the lights and the floral arrangements around the house with help from Brittany and Tina, who had arrived early to help as well. Later, the rental company arrived to deliver the tables and chairs, and so Kurt and Finn were able to finish arranging the final details for the party, like the surprise chocolate fountain Burt had ordered for Carole.

They were running out of time, and as stressful as that was, Kurt couldn't help but be a little glad in a way because everybody was running up and down rushing to get everything ready and that meant there was no time or opportunity for Blaine and him to be alone. However, every once in a while, Kurt would catch Blaine looking at him and that made him feel a little nervous, especially because every time they made eye contact Blaine quickly looked away.

Kurt felt a mixture of anxiety, guilt and dread, and he never imagined he could feel like that around Blaine, the boy he used to love more than anything else. Kurt didn't like it, and he knew he needed to do something about it. He just wasn't sure what he was going to do.

Soon enough, everything was done and ready for the party. The house decorations nicely in place, the food set and ready in the kitchen, all tables and chairs in place, and the dim white and purple lights around the house and the backyard created a perfect mood for what was surely going to be an unforgettable evening.

As Finn and the rest of the guys were doing final sound checks for their musical numbers in the back of the house, Kurt was able to escape upstairs to check on his dad. He carefully opened the door of his room and found Burt sleeping in the bed. He looked so peaceful that Kurt decided to let him rest for a couple of more minutes until it was time for them to get ready for the guests to arrive.

However, as Kurt was about to close the door behind him, he heard his dad calling after him. Kurt came back into the room as his dad stretched out his arms and yawned, shifting in the bed and sitting up.

"Is everything okay?" Burt asked, sleepily.

"Yes, everything's ready dad, I just wanted to check up on you."

"I fell asleep."

"I know... How are you feeling?"

"I'm good."

Kurt smiled, walking over and sitting down in the bed next to his dad.

"Everything's ready then?"

"Yes, you can go back to sleep if you want dad. People won't start coming around until maybe an hour or so."

"Nah, I should probably take a shower to wake myself up properly or I'm gonna be sleepy at the party."

"I'm going to take a shower too." Kurt admitted with a tired smile.

Burt stared at him for a while before ducking his head questioningly. "Are you okay? Did you talk to Blaine?"

Kurt shook his head, and sighed. "Not yet."

Burt just nodded, studying Kurt's face for a couple of seconds before speaking up again. "Is he still downstairs?"

"Yeah."

"Well, then..." Burt said, getting up from the bed and squeezing Kurt's shoulder affectionately. "Maybe you should talk to him before the party starts. Get things out of your mind so you can enjoy the party."

Kurt sighed nervously.

"Look, Blaine's a good kid, and I bet he'll understand... Just be honest with him."

Kurt pressed his lips tightly and tried to smile as his dad retreated to the bathroom. He stayed alone and deep in thought for a couple of minutes, thinking about what his dad just said. Kurt only wished things could be less complicated.

_"No matter what, no matter where, even if we're not together; we're always gonna be there for each other."_

Those had been Blaine's words on Christmas, and Kurt realized if there was a time where he could put them to the test, it was right now. He and Blaine were supposed to be working on being friends again; and this could be just one more step in that direction.

Kurt felt a new resolve forming inside him as he thought about the situation for a moment. His dad did have a point; it would be better to talk to Blaine before the party started, so Kurt made up his mind.

 _He could do this._ Kurt breathed in and made his way downstairs, looking for Blaine. However, as he walked out to the back yard he noticed Finn was alone.

"Where did everyone go?" Kurt asked; feeling puzzled.

"They went over to Sam's place, to shower and change I guess." Finn replied, putting the microphone in its place.

"Oh... okay." Kurt didn't now if he should feel relieved or disappointed. So he decided to worry about it later, and go to his room to get ready. He would have to talk to Blaine later, probably after the party.

So Kurt returned upstairs and went to his room. He had his outfit ready since the night before. Burt, Finn and Kurt would wear purple ties to match Carole's white and purple dress. Kurt had bought them himself and even though each tie had different patterns, they were all the same tone. Everything was perfect.

Soon enough the guests started arriving and Kurt made himself busy playing host for the night. Most of the guests were family and close friends, people Kurt knew and felt comfortable with.

The party was by no means anything big, but everything was just perfect. Despite how exhausted and nervous Kurt was feeling, just looking at Carole's face when she saw everything was more than worth it. Burt's face was a different matter completely. Kurt could see in his dad's eyes how happy he was to make Carole's birthday extra-special, and Kurt was proud of himself for being able to help him do this for the woman he loved.

Throughout the evening, Kurt would glance around the place and more often than not, he would catch Blaine looking at him. Every time they made eye contact Kurt could feel his stomach flip a little, and not in the love-butterflies and giddy excitement way. Kurt could sense that Blaine wanted to talk to him as well, but the moment wasn't right. Kurt was too busy hosting the party to even want to approach Blaine and have the dreaded conversation about Sebastian.

Everyone loved the party and complimented them on the decoration and everything from the flowers to the lights and the music. Carole directed all the praise towards Kurt and Finn, or "her boys" as she called them. For a while, Kurt was so happy that he was able to forget about his nerves and worries regarding the situation with Blaine and Sebastian.

After serving the food, Finn and the New Directions took the stage and performed a few songs. In the middle of their performance, Finn invited Burt up to the stage so they could say a few words for Carole, toasting in her honor and making both Carole and many of the guests shed more than a few tears.

After that, Burt and Carole slow danced as their family and friends watched them with adoring fascination. The way they held each other as they danced just showed how in love they were, and the sight warmed the hearts of everyone around them. It was obvious that Carole's sisters and mother were happy to see her with Burt. After the song ended, Finn stepped in so he could have a dance with his mom and Burt walked over to where Kurt was to stand beside him as they watched Carole and Finn dancing together.

The guests were standing in a circle as Finn danced with Carole, and it was such a heartwarming sight to witness.

Suddenly Burt put his hand over Kurt's shoulder, and Kurt turned to face him, expecting his dad to maybe tell him something, but instead Burt just walked slowly away from him. Kurt didn't think much of it, guessing maybe his dad wanted to grab something to drink but when Kurt turned to the food station he realized his dad wasn't there.

Kurt frowned, looking around, searching for his dad as the rest of the guests were focused on watching Finn and Carole dance. His dad was nowhere in sight. Why did he leave? Had he gone back inside? Kurt decided to go look for him and see if his dad needed anything.

As soon as Kurt stepped into the house he saw his dad in the staircase, his body leaning heavily over the railing. Kurt felt his stomach drop to his feet and ran towards him.

"Dad!" Kurt panicked as he reached for his dad, trying to help him. Kurt wanted to get him off the stairs so he could sit down, but Burt didn't manage to stay standing and they ended up sitting back in the stairs instead.

Burt winced as they sat down and Kurt didn't want to panic but he didn't understand what was happening. His heart beat fast inside his chest as he searched his dad's face for answers.

"Dad, what's wrong... Are you in pain?"

"No... No." Burt tried, but his face betrayed him.

"Dad please..." Kurt begged.

"I'm just tired..." Burt tried to brush off but then he winced again. "It's hurting a little... but I'm fine." he confessed, motioning to his lower abdomen, and Kurt immediately knew the pain must be from the radiation he received that morning.

"Do you want me to call the-"

"No! Kurt, I'm fine..." Burt insisted, "I just need to take a break... maybe lie down for a bit."

Kurt narrowed his eyes, not really believing what his dad was saying. Kurt was worried, he knew his dad sometimes felt a little discomfort after getting his treatments but he had never gotten like this before. Kurt felt worry consume him as his dad tried to get up but ended up falling back on him. Kurt was having a hard time keeping his balance in the small space of the stair they were standing on, but he managed to help his dad up the stairs and take him to his room.

Burt kept saying he was fine and trying to dissuade Kurt from wanting to call his doctor, or an ambulance. But Kurt didn't know if his dad was saying that just because he didn't want to ruin Carole's party.

Burt lied down and Kurt sat beside him, reaching out for the bedside table to get his dad's pain medicine. Burt took the pills and reached for another pillow, closing his eyes, and taking a deep breath.

Kurt felt something twist inside him at the sight of his dad in the bed with his eyes closed. Suddenly the reality of his condition hit him like a ton of bricks.

_Was something going wrong with the treatment? Was the tumor not responding to the radiation? Was the cancer spreading?_

All those thoughts were suffocating him and for a minute Kurt was sure he was going to be sick. Suddenly Burt opened his eyes and stared at him, annoyed. "Kurt, I'm fine. Leave me here and go back to the party, please... I don't want to worry anyone."

Kurt shook his head in disbelief.

"Look, I promise if I feel anything else I'll call you okay?" Burt said, pulling out his phone from his pocket. "Now go, you have a party to look after."

"Dad I can't just leave you here." Kurt muttered, his voice cracking with concern.

"If you don't go back downstairs, then I will." Burt threatened with a tiny smile, trying to reassure Kurt that he was fine. "Just go back to the party will ya? And tell Carole I'll be back in a few minutes, I don't want her to worry over nothing."

Burt was smiling widely then and Kurt tried to smile too, but he couldn't just brush off his concerns. So he hastily got up from the bed and promised his dad he would be back in 15 minutes to check up on him again. Burt just rolled his eyes and waved him off.

When Kurt walked out of the room and closed the door he took a moment to just lean against it and breathe. He felt his chest tight with concern and frustration. In all honesty, going back to the party was the last thing he wanted to do. He wished he could just take his dad to the hospital and demand the doctors tell him what was going on.

After a few moments Kurt saw Finn walk into the house and so he quickly walked down the stairs to talk to him. Finn asked him about Burt and so Kurt told him a little bit about what happened. Finn was a bit startled but Kurt tried his best to sound convincing so Finn wouldn't worry Carole. He would talk to her later and they could both go check on his dad.

Finn went back outside and Kurt walked over to the kitchen to get something to drink and calm himself down a little before heading back to face the guests and the party. He poured himself a glass of water and downed it quickly, resting his hands over the kitchen island and sitting down in one of the chairs.

He could faintly hear the music coming from the back of the house, and the chatter of a few people coming from down the hallway. Kurt guessed no one had noticed what happened with his dad and he felt a little relieved about it. He didn't want people asking him questions he couldn't and didn't want to answer about his dad's condition. The truth was, Kurt had never felt so powerless and uncertain about anything in his life. It was terrifying.

"Kurt?"

Blaine's voice shook him out of his thoughts, and Kurt was a little startled when he glanced up and saw him standing in the doorway. Kurt swallowed nervously, wondering how long had Blaine been standing there, watching him.

Kurt tried to smile but it came out as a kind of grimace. Blaine shifted awkwardly where he stood for a couple of seconds before slowly walking into the kitchen.

"Is everything okay?"

Kurt pressed his lips tightly and tried to smile again, "Yeah, I'm just a little... tired, uh-overwhelmed, I guess."

Blaine nodded as he leaned against the counter across where Kurt was sitting down. The room suddenly felt dead silent, the only thing Kurt could hear was the sound of Blaine's fingers tapping in the counter. With every silent second that passed, Kurt's stress increased. He had been trying not to freak out about his dad and what happened but now Blaine was there and he was just  _standing there..._ It was unnerving, because Blaine was looking at him but not quite saying anything.

Kurt's discomfort must have been evident, and he knew Blaine noticed, because any other time they wouldn't really have trouble starting a conversation but now they just sat there, across from one another in uncomfortable silence.

"I uh... I actually was wondering if we could talk." Blaine blurted out, suddenly serious, and Kurt felt like he wanted the ground to open up and swallow him whole.

Kurt knew having this conversation was inevitable, but he really wished they could do it some other time when he wasn't already feeling like crying.

"Blaine... I know you want to talk, but..." Kurt heaved a sigh, "Right now just... I just don't think it's a good time."

Blaine didn't say anything; he just bit his lip, staring intently at Kurt, who was feeling his skin prickle with unease under the other boy's scrutiny. Kurt was just waiting for him to speak again when he felt his phone buzz in his pocket.

He quickly got it out, thinking maybe it was his dad, calling him from upstairs, but as it turns out, it wasn't his dad. He had two new texts messages from Sebastian.

_**From Sebastian Smythe:** _

_**The cake is dead and gone!** _

Attached to the message there was a picture of the empty plate where Kurt had placed the cake, with crumbs and small pieces of the white and purple fondant scattered on it.

_**From Sebastian Smythe:** _

_**Mom loved it, though she was slightly disappointed at how small the portion was, especially since you knew we had to share it. Poor dad couldn't even try it!** _

As much as he wanted to keep a straight face, Kurt couldn't stop his lip from curling up in a small smile. He knew Mrs. Smythe would never say that, it was obviously Sebastian's way of asking him for more cake without actually admitting to liking it.

Kurt shook his head and put his phone away, and when he glanced up at Blaine again his expression had changed completely. Blaine looked visibly upset, and that made Kurt's chest tighten again.

"Was that Sebastian?" Blaine asked quietly, and the expression of his face reminded Kurt of that time when they had argued over Chandler. Kurt tried to push those memories away, taking a deep breath before responding.

"Yes."

There was no use on trying to deny it, so that was the only thing he said. Kurt looked at Blaine straight in the eye and just braced himself for what was about to come. A couple of seconds that felt like hours passed as Blaine just looked around the kitchen, avoiding Kurt's gaze before speaking up again.

"So... You and Sebastian?"

"What about me and Sebastian, Blaine?"

Blaine huffed. "Come on Kurt."

Kurt stayed silent, biting the inside of his cheek, waiting for Blaine to make his point. Kurt just had no idea of what Blaine was thinking about him and Sebastian, so he wanted to wait before saying anything.

"You know all those times I wanted to go with you and your dad to the hospital?" Blaine said, shaking his head. "I never understood why you didn't want me to go with you."

Kurt breathed in, Blaine looked so sad and betrayed that he was just at a loss of what to do.

"You should have just told me."

"Blaine..."

"Are you dating him?"

Kurt just sighed, shaking his head. He felt a wave of unease settle in his stomach. He didn't want to lie, but what could he say without revealing Sebastian's secret?

"Um... No."

Blaine squinted his eyes and looked at him in complete disbelief, "So... Are you just hooking up with him then? Is that it?"

Kurt almost choked on his own breath. "E-excuse me?"

"Look, Kurt... I know how Sebastian is, okay? I thought you did too. What are you even doing with him?" Blaine's sad demeanor from before had completely turned into anger now.

"Blaine, you don't underst-"

"How can I understand something that doesn't make any sense?" Blaine fumed, pressing his hands to his temples as he spoke. "I just can't comprehend how you can be with Sebastian. Sebastian Smythe, of all people! After everything he did..." Kurt just gaped as Blaine ranted, not even letting him speak. "And after all the horrible things he called you. Kurt you know he is just the worst kind of-"

"Okay, first of all, it's not like that Blaine!" Kurt cut him off, raising his voice. "And second, why are you saying those things about Sebastian? You have no idea of what-"

"Oh my god this is _golden!"_  Blaine interrupted, laughing bitterly.

"What?"

"You're defending him now... You're actually  _defending_  Sebastian, after everything that..." Blaine suddenly stopped talking and his eyes went wide, like he had a realization in the middle of his sentence.

"Are you doing this to get back at me?" Blaine sneered, and in that moment Kurt felt the uneasiness he previously felt in his stomach spread to his chest and shake him all over.

"Are you  _serious_  right now?" Kurt snapped, feeling angrier than he ever had in years.

"Yes, I'm serious!" He deadpanned, "I mean of  _all_  people... All people you could possibly... Just..." Blaine seemed at a loss for words, "Why Sebastian?"

Blaine looked like he was about to burst into tears, but all that did was make Kurt even angrier. All the resolve he had gathered earlier that day about wanting to talk to Blaine and be honest with him was just thrown out the window in the face of how incredibly hostile and unreasonable Blaine was being right now.

"Okay Blaine, you know what? You're being ridiculous!"

" _I'm_  being ridiculous?" Blaine hissed.

Kurt could see Blaine's chest heaving and his own eyes stung painfully with the threat of tears building behind them.

"Yes, you are!" Kurt spat back, "My world doesn't  _revolve_  around you, Blaine! And you know what? I don't have to explain myself to you... at all!"

Blaine just gaped as Kurt stood up, pushing his chair back loudly. Kurt had never talked to Blaine like this before, but he couldn't bring himself to care right now.

"It is  _none_  of your business who I hang out with... or who I date!" Kurt yelled, not caring if anyone else could hear him, "And you have  _no right_  to accuse me of doing things just to hurt you... I can't believe you even think that I would want to do anything, to...  _to get back at you_? Seriously Blaine? Is that the kind of person you think I am?"

Blaine's face fell as Kurt spoke that last sentence. It was like he suddenly realized the implications of what he said and wished he could take it back. But it was too late, Kurt was so frustrated and hurt that he was on the verge of tears, and he hated the fact that he was so upset, because he  _did not_  want to cry in front of Blaine. So he tried to calm himself as much as he could before speaking again.

"We're supposed to be friends, Blaine, and I really want to be..." Kurt's voice was small, almost a whisper. He didn't trust himself to speak loud again and risk breaking into tears. "But I can't be your friend if this is how you're going to behave."

Blaine heaved a sigh, "Kurt, I'm sorry... okay? I didn't mean to accuse you but... Just help me out here. I just want to understand... Please."

Kurt just looked at him and shook his head; he was so disappointed. "I don't think you would understand, even if I explained." He mumbled, wiping the corner of his eye, "But I'm not going to. So please just... Don't."

Blaine took a step forward, reaching out to Kurt; but Kurt took a step back and walked out of the kitchen, leaving him behind.

Once Kurt was in the hallway he wanted nothing more than to run out the front door. He wished he could get out of the house, away from the party, away from all his troubles, and away from Blaine. But he couldn't run away right now, not in the middle of the party, not when his dad needed him.

The tears he'd been trying so desperately to hold back broke out then. And he put his hand over his mouth to keep himself from crying out loud as he got to his room and closed the door.

His dad's bedroom was just down the hall and Kurt knew he would hear him if he cried.

Kurt was just so frustrated. This wasn't the way things were supposed to go, everything was a mess. He dropped down on his bed and curled into himself, trying to stop the tears but feeling so completely lost and overwhelmed that he just couldn't.

So he cried silently, hugging his pillow and not caring if his hair or his suit got messed up. He stayed there until his cries died out and his breathing returned to normal. Kurt knew he just needed a few minutes to calm himself down. He knew he couldn't hide in his room forever, and he didn't want to. He had to check up on his dad, he also had to go down and see how the party was going. He probably would even have to face Blaine again.

So once he felt like he could breathe again, Kurt got up from his bed and went over to his bathroom to fix his hair. When he looked at himself in the mirror, he almost wanted to start crying again. His eyes were bloodshot and rimmed red, his nose was puffy and his face looked just awful. Kurt sighed and decided to laugh instead, because quite frankly his hair was the least of his worries at the moment.

Kurt sat on the edge of his bathtub, shaking his head and trying to smile. He took a moist towelette and softly cleaned his face with it. He was glad that no one had come looking after him, which meant the party must have been going smoothly, so Kurt wasn't too worried about hurrying back downstairs.

In that moment, his phone buzzed again and when he took it out of his pocket Kurt realized he had a new email notification. Kurt wondered who could it be at this time. When he opened his email and read the subject line he frowned.

**"Alex Hershel wants to be friends on Facebook."**

Alex Hershel? Kurt didn't know who that was, and he didn't usually accept people he didn't know into his Facebook friends. Out of pure curiosity though, he clicked to see who this Alex Hershel could possibly be, and once he saw the profile picture Kurt realized he _did_  know him.

It was Alex, Sebastian's cousin.


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys… I am SO SORRY for the long wait. But I’ve been super busy with life and then the Kurtofsky gift exchange happened. I got caught up with the deadline for my Kurtofsky fic in the middle of this chapter so I decided to finish it after I was done with that story.
> 
> But fear not! I am done with that and so I hope updates will flow at the normal speed from now on. Thank you so much for all the lovely reviews and I hope you like this chapter, I've been DYING to post it since I began writing this story because of well… you’ll understand when you read it. I just hope you're ready for this roller coaster!
> 
> Much love!
> 
> Warnings for this chapter: Blood.

Sunday morning.

Sebastian used to like Sunday mornings, back when he could actually do things like sleep late -because he was lazy, not because he was sick- and then spend the entire day in nothing but his boxers and a t-shirt. Sometimes he used to get up and then go to the country club with his parents for brunch. Other times he would just lounge around his house listening to music or playing video games; and if the weather was nice, Sebastian would go and use the pool his dad had finally built in the backyard last year after much prodding from him and his sister. Those were good times, but now Sunday mornings had nothing to make them special, and especially not when Sebastian was stuck in the hospital, alternating between feeling bad and feeling awful.

Sebastian sighed and rolled over in his bed, turning his face away from the windows. The sun was starting to come out, but he didn't really care for it. He had been awake for hours. Sebastian slept so much during the day that his sleeping patterns were a mess. It was really annoying.

He felt uncomfortable and exhausted most of the time, and that made it easy to sleep. But then during the nights he would just lie in bed awake and aware for hours at a time, with nothing to do and wishing he could sleep just because that way time would pass quicker. He watched TV but got sick of it soon. He found it hard to keep track of what he was watching sometimes because he got headaches often. Other times he felt like his mind was fogged and ended up falling asleep anyway.

And now there he was, tossing and turning in bed, eyes wide and completely unable to sleep. All Sebastian could do was stay in bed and stare at the wall, at the ceiling, or at his phone.  _Goddamn phone._

Lately, he didn't really care about his phone at all, but today he did. Sebastian found himself checking his text messages, or  _the lack of text messages_ , to be more precise. He had texted Kurt the night before, but Kurt didn't text him back. Sebastian had sent a couple of messages, once his mom and him had finished eating the cake.

That had been 7 hours ago, and Kurt hadn't replied yet. Not that he was counting the time or anything.  _Not at all._

Rationally, Sebastian knew Kurt was going to be very busy playing host for his stepmother's party. Probably running up and down, making sure people ate and drank and had a good time. Kurt seemed to be really tired even before the party, so Sebastian knew that after the party Kurt would be absolutely exhausted. Still, the fact that Kurt hadn't replied to his texts at all was bothering him to no end.

Sebastian was annoyed, not with Kurt but with himself. He knew he shouldn't have texted him, but most importantly: He shouldn't care that Kurt hadn't replied. Why did he even care about Kurt's texts? Sebastian figured that must be a side effect of this self-imposed isolation, but he was fine with it. Trent and Jeff had finally stopped texting him, maybe after more than two months they had finally given up. In a way, Sebastian felt relieved about that; but there was a part of him that was just so lonely, and bored. He tried his best to ignore it though.

He shouldn't miss Kurt; but he did, and it was getting on his nerves. So Sebastian shoved his phone under his pillow and closed his eyes, willing himself to just sleep. After a while he managed to doze off and didn't wake up for several hours, until a nurse came to check on him.

Sebastian was used to that routine. Having nurses come in and check his vitals, take blood samples, give him pills to take, or check his IV drips. This time however, it was different. The nurse just did a quick look around and then smiled down at him.

"Are you excited to finally go home?"

That question caught him completely off guard.

"Sorry… what?"

"You're getting discharged today, didn't your parents tell you?"

"Uh… no." Sebastian replied, frowning but at the same time unable to stop smiling. "But whoa… that's great! I really miss sleeping in my own bed."

The nurse smiled warmly at Sebastian before telling him his breakfast would be there soon and walking out of the room.

Sebastian's day got brighter all of the sudden.  _He was going home._

…

Kurt was sitting in the kitchen with a cup of coffee sitting in front of him, getting cold. He'd already had one cup before, but Kurt felt so tired that he thought he needed another one. However, after taking a few sips he felt like he couldn't finish it. Kurt was feeling tired and apathetic, his appetite gone. Around him the house was dead quiet, he was the only one up even though it wasn't really that early.

Kurt was alone with his conflicting thoughts; the events of the previous night still felt like a heavy weight on his shoulders.

The stress of his dad getting sick and the frustration about his confrontation with Blaine had just added to Kurt's physical exhaustion. That whole mess, added to the stocked-up tension from the busy week had Kurt wishing he could just crawl back into bed.

But he couldn't. He had things to do, like making sure his dad went to the doctor as soon as he got out of bed. It was barely 8:00 am, and considering they had ended up going to bed at almost 2:00 am, Kurt knew his dad probably wouldn't get up quite yet, but he couldn't stay in bed even if he wanted to. After a couple of hours of restless sleep, he'd woken up feeling weird and uncomfortable and overall unable to stay in bed.

Kurt knew Finn would probably not get up until noon, but his dad and Carole were usually early risers, and he knew they would eventually be up for breakfast. So despite his tiredness, Kurt decided to make himself busy with pancakes. That would help keep his mind off things, even if he wasn't feeling hungry at all.

Kurt prepared the mix quickly, deciding to add a little bit of banana to it, just like he knew his dad liked them. When he finally started making the pancakes, it didn't take long for his dad and Carole to come down and join him in the kitchen.

"Good morning Kurt!" Carole said, standing next to him to see what he was doing. "Such an early bird! Cooking already?"

"Yeah, I just, couldn't stay in bed anymore. You guys want pancakes?"

"Sounds great." His dad said, from where he was sitting on the kitchen table. "Morning kiddo."

"Dad, how are you feeling?"

"Good… I'm good." Burt said, like it was nothing. He took Kurt's abandoned cup of coffee in his hands and frowned. "This coffee is cold."

"I don't want it anymore." Kurt replied dryly.

Burt stood up and flushed the remaining coffee down the kitchen sink before grabbing a cup for himself and pouring hot coffee in it. All the while, Kurt was looking at his dad, expecting him to give him some kind of sign of the pain that he had the night before, but there was none. His dad was acting like his normal self, not looking even the slightest bit sick, and Kurt was at a loss.

Once the pancakes were ready, they sat at the table and started eating. The kitchen smelled of pancakes, the scent of banana and cinnamon sweetened the air, and it should be relaxing, but Kurt was feeling a bit ansty. It didn't take long for him to bring up the subject of what happened the night before, and his dad's need to go see a doctor, but Burt was having none of it.

"Dad… But we  _have to_  go. It could be something serious!"

Burt just sighed, "Kurt, I'm feeling fine. It's fine… we have to go down to the hospital tomorrow anyway, I can tell the doctor about it then."

" _Tomorrow?_  Dad, you shouldn't-"

"What, you seriously want to drive all the way to Cleveland today? Don't be silly Kurt, I swear I feel fine."

"Dad… last night you were in a lot of pain, you could barely stand up. Carole, help me out here, we can't just-"

"Kurt, listen..." His dad interrupted before Kurt could finish or Carole could say anything. "Sure, I had pain last night, but I'm sure whatever it was can wait. I'm tired, and I have stuff to do at the shop, so I want to just relax a bit before heading out. Besides, you have something to do as well, don't you?"

Kurt immediately tensed up, because he had completely forgotten about that.

"In fact, shouldn't you be getting ready right now? Look at the time, it's a long drive down to Westerville."

Kurt wanted to protest, but he did have to go to Westerville. Sebastian's mother had told him a few days ago that Sebastian might get discharged today, and yesterday in the midst of all the party preparations, Kurt received a couple of texts from her, confirming it and asking him for help because she wanted to make something special to welcome Sebastian back home.

Kurt had said yes, and than agreed to meet her at noon. But Kurt knew that Mrs. Smythe would understand if he had to cancel in order to take his dad to the doctor.

"Dad... that's not as important as your health. I'm just… I'm worried about you. Can you at least call the doctor,  _please?_ " Kurt begged, one last time.

"Kurt, if it was something serious I think I'd still be in pain; and I'm not. I feel fine. Trust me. Alright?"

Kurt sighed, feeling defeated. He was so frustrated with his dad for just acting like nothing happened while he was worried sick about him. He couldn't not-worry, but he realized his dad was not going to give into his pleas. So he decided to just talk to Carole after his dad went back upstairs and make her promise that she would keep a close eye on him. The fact that Carole was a nurse offered Kurt a little bit of comfort, but he still wasn't completely okay with his dad just being so careless about what happened the night before.

Once he realized there was really nothing he could do to change his father's mind, Kurt figured he should get going. Westerville was a 2-hour drive away, and he still needed to take a shower and get ready.

…

"I can't believe you kept this from me." Sebastian said, shaking his head and smiling as he walked with his dad across the hospital hallway on their way out.

"We didn't! We just weren't sure, that's why we hadn't said anything… that's all." His dad brushed off, smiling fondly at him.

Sebastian just shook his head, still smiling a little as they walked towards the parking lot. Being able to go outside felt so nice, even if the day was a bit cold. So many days of being in the hospital made Sebastian appreciate little things he never paid attention to before. Like wearing shoes and his normal clothes instead of the dull hospital gowns; or the feeling of the cool air against his skin as he walked.

"Are you hungry?" His dad asked as they got into the car. "We can stop and get something to eat before we head home."

"Uh… no, I'm good. Had breakfast and a snack. Let's just go home."

"Fair enough, let's go then. We'll be there soon."

"What time did mom say she would be done with work?"

"She didn't. But she only had a couple of patients scheduled. So, who knows? Maybe she'll be home by the time we get there."

His dad started the car and drove away from the hospital. Sebastian just stared out the window as they left the hospital building behind, hoping for the day he would never need to come back to this place again.

Somewhere along the drive home, Sebastian fell asleep. It was something he always did. Lately, whenever Sebastian was in a car, the movement of the car somehow managed to lull him to sleep. Sebastian didn't wake up until his dad killed the engine, and he opened his eyes to realize they were parked in their driveway.

 _He was finally home._  Sebastian was so happy to be back, but as he got out of his dad's car, something caught his attention.

"Dad, whose car is that?" Sebastian asked, pointing out to a black navigator parked in front of their house.

"Uh… Probably just a friend of your mom's." His dad shrugged off, smiling awkwardly and prompting Sebastian to keep walking towards the house by placing his hands over his shoulders.

Sebastian's dad had told him his mom was working and that's why she couldn't pick him up from the hospital, and now she had friend over? Sebastian couldn't help but find it a little odd, but decided to think nothing of it. However, once they stepped into the house, Sebastian found out why his dad had that weird look on his face. Waiting for him inside the house with his mom, was none other that Kurt freaking Hummel.

Sebastian couldn't help but laugh, surprised and shocked at the unexpected sight that greeted him. He bumped his dad in the arm as his mom, along with Kurt and a couple of the maids that worked for his family chanted "Welcome home!" throwing confetti and balloons at him. It felt like a surprise birthday party or something equally unexpected… it was ridiculous but heartwarming at the same time.

They all greeted him with smiles and hugs, and Sebastian didn't miss the way his stomach constricted a little once Kurt hugged him. He had to admit it was a nice surprise to see him there.

"Kurt, how did you even-"

"Your mom… it was all your mom's doing." Kurt said, smiling at Mrs. Smythe, who was grinning and holding a balloon in her hands.

"We wanted to surprise you honey, we're so glad you're back home with us."

"You didn't have to, mom. But thanks, I love you." He leaned down to press a kiss to his mom's temple and hugged her tight. He felt really lucky to have her in his life. She never ceased to amaze him.

The house smelled delicious, and Sebastian was so glad to finally be able to eat homemade food and not the dull hospital menus. They sat in the living room for a while as the maids set up the dining table. When everything was ready, they moved to the other room and sat down to eat.

The conversation flowed pleasantly between Sebastian, his parents and Kurt as they ate. Sebastian could tell his mom was more than excited to have Kurt there, and his dad was being pretty welcoming too, considering the fact that they hadn't met each other before, as far as he was concerned. Sebastian wondered what his mom told his dad about Kurt. He'd make sure to ask her later when they were alone.

In the meantime, he was enjoying the food and the company, because after such a long time of being in the hospital, this was a very needed breath of fresh air. Sebastian didn't know how to feel, but the whole scene felt strangely heartwarming. He'd never had a friend sit down on the table and share a meal with his parents. Sure, some of the Dalton guys had come over to his house on occasion, but they never sat down on the table for a family meal, they just ended up having food delivered to Sebastian's bedroom, or the living room, depending on what they were doing.

"And how was the party, Kurt?" Sebastian's mom asked.

"Oh, it was great… everything went pretty well."

"Did you manage to take a lot of pictures?"

"Yeah… I took some with my phone, I can show them to you later."

Mrs. Smythe put her hands together excitedly and Sebastian couldn't help but laugh.

"I've heard you're quite the party planner, Kurt. Maybe you can help us next time we have to organize one." Sebastian's dad said, making Kurt blush a little bit.

"Sure, I'd be glad to help… I'm not a professional or anything, but I like it... It's fun."

"I've heard you're quite the baker as well."

"Um… not really I-"

"The cake was delicious Kurt, we all loved it." Mrs. Smythe said.

"It really was." Mr. Smythe added, and Sebastian bit his lip to prevent himself from laughing nervously at his dad's remark. He'd told Kurt his dad hadn't been able to try the cake, but that had been a lie just to get more cake.

Kurt looked at Sebastian knowingly, squinting his eyes for the briefest second and smiling before responding to his dad.

"Oh, so you tried it too, Mr. Smythe?"

"Call me Joseph… and yes, I did try a tiny little piece that these two left me. Though with how good it tasted, I'm not surprised they wanted to keep it all to themselves."

Everyone laughed at that, and Kurt promised to bake another cake for them soon. All the while they talked after that, Sebastian could see Kurt giving him this amused looks every now and then.  _He was so screwed._

After they were done with lunch and dessert. They went upstairs to Sebastian's room. His mom helped carry Sebastian's bag and once he opened his bedroom door, his breath hitched.

They'd moved the furniture around, put a new carpet on his floor and got him new sheets for the bed. Sebastian's room looked amazing; there was a huge balloon arrangement in his nightstand and a colorful banner that said "We love you Sebastian!" hanging over the headboard.

Sebastian smiled and turned back to his mom, who was grinning widely probably waiting for his reaction. He just hugged her tightly and whispered,  _"I love you too, mom"_ in her ear.

"Kurt helped me." She quickly said, wiping a small tear from her eye and putting her arm around Kurt's waist, bringing him closer to them and including him in their embrace. Kurt was smiling shyly and Sebastian felt a sudden warmth spread across his neck and face as Kurt reached for his shoulder to give him a hug.

"Thanks, Kurt." He managed to say, and Kurt just smiled at him, mouthing a silent  _"You're welcome"_. Sebastian wondered if Kurt felt as awkward as he did in that moment, or if it was all in his head.

…

After sharing that brief moment with his mom, she went back downstairs, leaving Sebastian alone with Kurt in his room. Sebastian was feeling a little tired, so he sat down on the bed and Kurt joined him. They just sat in the there for a while, Sebastian resting against the headboard with his legs stretched out on the left side of the bed, and Kurt sitting with his legs crossed, holding a pillow and facing Sebastian. They just sat there and talked, which was something they had done many times before. However, this time Sebastian found himself feeling oddly self-conscious or maybe even nervous. Sebastian didn't really understand why, but somehow the fact that they were in his bedroom made everything different.

It felt intimate but natural at the same time; to just sit there and talk with the TV turned on but neither of them really paying attention to it. Sebastian realized he was only nervous because the whole thing was so foreign to him, because the moment felt like trust… it felt like friendship.

He and Kurt were friends now? Sebastian didn't even realize how it happened. How Kurt went from being someone he used to want to avoid at all costs, to someone his mother would call and make plans with. Sebastian would have never expected that to happen, but in that moment Sebastian realized he was glad that it did.

Sebastian thought he wanted to be alone during his illness, to get through it on his own; but he had to admit that having Kurt around wasn't bad at all. Sebastian enjoyed his company, and every time they hung out and talked, Sebastian discovered new things about Kurt that he didn't know.

Sebastian was listening attentively as Kurt talked about the party and everything that happened. Kurt was smiling and telling him about the food, and the guest's reaction to his step-brother's performance, but he seemed tired and worn. Even through his seemingly excited narrative, Sebastian could tell something was going on with Kurt. He couldn't quite put his finger on what it was though. There was just something about Kurt's eyes. He looked small and distant, and it was the first time Sebastian had ever seen him like this. It couldn't just be physical exhaustion, or could it?

Either way, Sebastian's curiosity was eating at him so he knew he had to say something.

"Um.. Are you okay?" He asked after Kurt finished talking.

Kurt frowned. "Yeah, I'm fine… Why?"

"You kinda look like crap."

"Gee... thanks." Kurt said, seemingly offended.

"I'm kidding…" Sebastian laughed nervously "You do look tired but... I don't know. Is something bothering you?"

Sebastian noticed how Kurt tensed up, and immediately regretted asking. Kurt seemed to be hesitant about what to say, and Sebastian wished he could just turn back time a few seconds so he could just shut up and never ask him in the first place.

"You don't have to tell me if you don't want to. But… I just feel like you're here but your mind is elsewhere."

Kurt looked at him for a couple of seconds, then smiled tightly and sighed, "No, I just didn't get much sleep… I am kind of tired I guess."

Sebastian squinted his eyes, not really buying what Kurt was saying but feeling not wanting to press the issue any further.

"If you want to take a nap or something, be my guest. I'm feeling rather sleepy myself."

Kurt lifted an eyebrow, "You're inviting me to sleep in your bed?"

"Well, you didn't need an invitation when you draped yourself over my feet at the hospital did you?" Sebastian answered, and Kurt just laughed and rolled his eyes in response. But he lied down anyway, resting his head in the pillow he was holding and facing Sebastian, who was in a slightly more vertical position, resting his head and neck on a pillow against the headboard.

They remained quiet for a while, only the distant sound of the TV could be heard in the background. Sebastian was starting to feel his eyelids heavier and heavier, sleep threatening to overcome him before Kurt finally spoke again.

"My dad got sick yesterday."

Sebastian looked down at Kurt and noticed he was biting his lower lip, and looking down at nothing in particular, probably avoiding eye contact.

"What happened?"

"I don't know… That's the worst part." Kurt's voice sounded small as he spoke. "He was in a lot of pain, couldn't even stand up. It was just… It was awful to see him like that. I'm so afraid of what can happen. It just gets to me sometimes."

Kurt's eyes were full of worry as he spoke and Sebastian could sympathize, because cancer was so unpredictable. Anything could happen… and he knew more than anyone how helpless and uncertain one could feel while dealing with it.

"How was he feeling today?"

"He was fine… or at least he  _seemed_  to be fine. I tried to get him to go to the doctor, but he said he wanted to wait until tomorrow. I wish he would had gone today… I'm just worried sick." Kurt rubbed his eyes, and from where he was sitting Sebastian couldn't tell if he was crying or not. He hoped not… Sebastian didn't know what to do if Kurt started crying. What was he supposed to do?

"He's getting radiation, right?"

"Y-yes…"

Sebastian waited a few seconds, pondering his words before speaking again. "Well… it could be just a side effect. I mean... If he was feeling better this morning it might only be that, and nothing else. Radiation can be harsh on some people, or so I've heard. Hopefully the pain is just temporary. Besides, your dad seems like a tough guy, I bet he'll be just fine."

Sebastian felt awkward trying to cheer Kurt up… He was never good with words in times like these, so when Kurt looked up at him and smiled he was surprised.

"I hope so… Thanks Sebastian."

He just nodded in response, feeling a bit relieved to see Kurt smiling. They relaxed on the bed and watched TV for a little while, lying next to each other. Sebastian's bed was queen size, and even though there was plenty of space between them, Sebastian couldn't help but feel like they were  _too close._

Sebastian tried not to think about that too much, deciding to focus on the television instead. There was a Kitchen Nightmares marathon playing and Sebastian always liked that show, Kurt said he did too. So they watched for a while, making comments every now and then about how gross things were in some of the restaurants until Sebastian realized he was the only one talking. When he glanced down at Kurt, Sebastian realized he had fallen asleep.

Kurt looked relaxed, the worry and tiredness that tainted his features earlier no longer visible. Somehow the sight of Kurt just curled up on his side, sleeping peacefully made Sebastian smile. It didn't take long for him to fall asleep too.

When he woke up, almost four hours later, Kurt was no longer there. Sebastian's neck was feeling a bit sore from how he'd fallen asleep on the big pillows against the headboard, he just hoped he wasn't drooling when Kurt woke up and left because well, that would be embarrassing.

When Sebastian checked his phone to see the time he realized he had a new text.

_**From Kurt Hummel:** _

_**Had to leave, didn't want to wake you up.** _

_**We still have to go shopping one of these days,** _

_**so I'll see you soon ;)** _

Shopping with Kurt, well that was definitely something Sebastian was  _not_ looking forward to, but Kurt's text made him smile nonetheless.

…

The week passed and Sebastian was starting to feel better. Now that he didn't have to the hospital again until next Monday, he was determined to make the best of his days. He caught up on some reading that he'd been stalling for weeks. Finished watching the season 2 Lost DVD's that Kurt gave him, and managed to relax and regain his strength for the most part.

Sebastian had good days, and he also had some  _notsogood_  days. But just the fact that he was able to be home and not in the hospital made the discomfort and weakness more bearable. He still slept a lot and sometimes would lose track of the days that passed.

It was Saturday, and Sebastian was alone in his room. He'd dozed off while watching TV again and was now laying face down on his bed. He didn't remember having any particular dreams, but even before being fully conscious and opening his eyes, Sebastian could feel his erection, straining from the pressure between his clothes and the mattress.

Sebastian groaned and turned around, glancing at the clock on his nightstand. He knew his mom wouldn't be home for at least another hour, and the maids were downstairs, probably preparing lunch or something. So Sebastian lazily reached to his bedside table, opened the drawer and scrambled through all the stuff he had until he reached the back, where he kept his small bottle of lube. He poured a little bit on his palm and breathed in as he slid his hand down his sweatpants. He reached down under his boxer briefs to get a hold of his cock, slicking it up and down with the lube in his hand, warming it up with every stroke.

It felt good to just be able to touch himself like that, in the privacy of his room. He hadn't been able to masturbate during all the time he'd been in the hospital, for obvious reasons. So ever since he'd been back home, Sebastian had been busy getting reacquainted with the pleasurable pastime.

Unfortunately, this time Sebastian only managed to stroke himself a few times before there was a loud knock on the door.

 _"Sebastian? I'm here!"_  Came Kurt's voice from the other side.

Sebastian panicked, quickly pulling his hand out of his pants and wiping the lube on his sheets.  _What the fuck?_  What was Kurt doing there? Shit!

"Um… uh give me a minute!"

Sebastian knew one minute wouldn't suffice for his boner to go away. But what the hell was he even going to do? He had to think of something fast, but he couldn't… he just sat there, unable to get any ideas. All the stress and nerves were blocking his mind, and he must have taken too long because soon Kurt knocked on the door again.

 _"Sebastian, are you ready? Don't tell me you were still sleeping!"_ Kurt sounded annoyed, and before Sebastian could even do anything, he opened the door and looked inside.

Sebastian pulled the comforter over his legs and brought his knees up to his chest as Kurt walked into his room. He could feel his heart beating fast and his stomach doing a weird twisting that sent jitters through him. He put on his best poker face and bit his lip trying hard not to laugh; which was something he did when he was really nervous, like right now.

"Kurt what the hell?"

Kurt looked at him, squinting his eyes and raising an eyebrow, which made Sebastian immediately realize he'd said the wrong thing.

"Oh no, don't even try that, Sebastian... Why are you still in bed? It's noon! We are supposed to go shopping today, remember? You can't back out now. We're going!"

Shopping,  _right_. Sebastian had completely forgotten about that.

Sebastian covered his face with his hands. "Ugh… I thought that was tomorrow! Didn't we say we'd go on Sunday?"

"No... We said Saturday...  _today_. That's what we agreed on Sebastian. Now hurry up and get dressed, I'm not leaving the house with you still in your sleeping clothes."

Sebastian rolled his eyes. Kurt walked in like he owned the place, and what the hell was he wearing? Sebastian had never seen red jeans that tight, and if Sebastian was trying to kill his boner Kurt's outfit wasn't helping. He couldn't believe Kurt had just walked into his room like this, and he had no idea how to even stand up or even speak with the massive hard-on he was sporting.

Sebastian could tell the second the realization hit Kurt... His blue eyes went wide as he glanced between the comforter draped over Sebastian's legs and the bottle of lube sitting in the nightstand.

Kurt didn't say anything at first, but he didn't have to... His face was bright red and he gaped; seemingly at a complete loss for words.

"Are you... Were you just... Oh my god you were!"

Sebastian didn't need to say it, Kurt had picked up on what he was doing before he came into the room and the tension and awkwardness in the room suddenly skyrocketed.

All lingering embarrassment Sebastian had just vanished at the sight of Kurt's reaction. Sebastian couldn't help himself anymore and he just burst out laughing... Half from nerves and half because of how affected Kurt seemed by his discovery.

"Oh my god, I can't believe you Sebastian Smythe!" Kurt said, turning around and looking away.

"What? I wasn't expecting company! I swear I thought you weren't coming until tomorrow!" Sebastian said, still laughing hysterically and feeling like his face was on fire.

"Um... I'm... I'll wait for you downstairs."

Kurt practically ran out of the room, and Sebastian just fell to his side, still laughing and feeling even dizzy at the same time. All the nerves and awkwardness of the situation killed his mood and he decided to just take a cold shower to get himself together before heading out.

When Sebastian got out of the shower, he was feeling a little dizzy, but he didn't think much of it, figuring it was just a result of everything that had happened earlier. When he went downstairs, he found Kurt sitting in the table with his mom, chatting amicably. Apparently, lunch was ready so his mom said they should eat before leaving for the mall.

Sebastian's mom was delighted to see they were going out, and Sebastian could tell Kurt was only being civil for the sake of his mom. Every time she'd look away, Kurt practically glared daggers at him. Sebastian couldn't help but find it amusing.

Thankfully, Kurt didn't stay mad at him. He just begged Sebastian to forget about the whole thing altogether when he tried to bring it up in the car on their way to the mall. That was fine by him, but Sebastian doubted that he would truly be able to ever forget about that.

…

They got to the mall and while they parked, Kurt was talking excitedly about this store he wanted to take Sebastian to. They had a hard time finding a parking spot, which meant the place was completely packed. They parked a couple of blocks away from the main entrance and by the time they were finally there, Sebastian was already feeling a little out of breath.

He tried his best not to let it show and composed himself, feeling more grateful than ever for electric stairs and elevators. But still, it sucked. Sebastian was just  _tired_  of feeling tired all the time.

They were just walking around the mall; he shouldn't feel like he just ran a freaking marathon. It was so frustrating, and as much as he hated to admit it, after a while he really needed to sit down. He didn't want to say that out loud though. Sebastian didn't want Kurt to realize just how useless he was.

"I want ice cream." Sebastian blurted out, feeling relieved when his voice didn't sound as breathless as he was feeling at the moment. "We should get ice cream."

"Hmmm..." Kurt looked skeptical as he glanced at Sebastian and raised an eyebrow. For a minute Sebastian was worried Kurt would say it was a stupid idea since they had just had lunch not even half an hour ago, but Sebastian's worries vanished as Kurt smiled and said: "I think I'm in the mood for some  _gelato!_ "

It was funny and almost endearing how excited Kurt was at the prospect of gelato, and Sebastian smiled as best as he could as they walked over to the gelato kiosk. They ordered and went to sit in one of the benches in the hallway nearby so they could eat.

"Hmm... I just love pistachio." Kurt all but moaned as he licked the small plastic spoon, and Sebastian just smiled, slowly starting to regain his strength.

…

"I'm so tired!" Trent whined as Blaine got up from the chair right across him.

"Don't be a baby, we need to find that jersey so we can get out of here."

"We will never find it Blaine, we already looked for it everywhere!" Trent exclaimed, frustrated. "Can't we just get him something else?"

Blaine was frustrated, he and Trent had already been to 3 different malls in search of the infamous Lebron Miami Heat jersey, but apparently no store in Ohio sold it. David had said numerous times how much he wanted that thing and so Trent and Blaine agreed on buying it for him. They shouldn't have waited until the day of the actual party to go get it though. They were invited to the Westerville Country Club in two hours for David's birthday party and they still didn't have the present.

"I just don't even know what else we could get him." Blaine huffed, crossing his arms and resting them over the railing. Trent walked over and stood next to him, looking down at the different stores in the mall. They were in the third floor, and from where they stood they had a pretty good view of the place. They'd gone straight to the third floor because that is where the sports store was, but looking down, Blaine wondered if maybe they could browse the other stores and find something else to get for David.

"I really wanted to get him that jersey..." Trent sighed, and Blaine just nodded absentmindedly as he looked down at the people walking through the mall. He was about to turn around and leave when his eyes spotted an unmistakable figure sitting down in one of the benches in the first floor. Tight red jeans, perfectly coiffed brown hair... Could it be?

"Oh my god!" Blaine exclaimed, a mixture of surprise, shock and even dread tainting his voice as he noticed Kurt sitting in the tiny bench with another boy...  _with_ _Sebastian._

"What is it?"

"It's Kurt..." Blaine choked out, "Kurt is down there... He's with... With Sebastian!"

"Wait... What?" Trent yelped, squinting his eyes as he followed Blaine's pointing finger down to the first floor. He recognized Kurt, but the guy he was sitting with didn't really look like Sebastian. He was wearing a beanie and had his back turned to them. Trent could tell the guy was taller than Kurt, but he looked thinner than Sebastian, and he wasn't dressed like Sebastian usually did either.

"Oh my god. I knew it... They're dating! Kurt and Sebastian are actually dating!" Blaine was hysterical, feeling overwhelmed with all the things he was feeling in that moment. Kurt told him they weren't dating, yet there they were: in the mall together, sitting in a bench, eating ice cream. The whole scene looked so cute and even romantic that Blaine wanted to cry and pull his hair out. This couldn't be happening.

"Um... That doesn't look like Sebastian." Trent said, frowning. "Blaine, calm down!"

"It's him Trent, I know it is!" Blaine was pacing back and forth, looking down at Kurt, turning away like the sight burned him, and running his fingers over his head nervously. "Oh my god... I can't believe this."

Trent kept looking down at Kurt, trying to see if the guy he was with was Sebastian or not, but it was hard to tell.

"Kurt and Sebastian are together!" Blaine babbled and Trent was getting really annoyed. "They're dating... I knew it! Of course they are... Kurt is with Sebastian... of all people, oh my god!"

"Okay, Blaine? Stop!" Trent grabbed Blaine by the forearms and shook him so he would look at him, "You have to calm down... Alright? I know you still love Kurt, and it's weird to see him with someone else and all, but... I don't think that guy is Sebastian. That doesn't make any sense."

"It is, Trent. Kurt told me..." Blaine sighed, giving Trent a pained look, "I don't know how, or why, but Kurt and Sebastian have been hanging out, or whatever. Kurt told me they weren't dating but... Just  _look at them._ "

Trent looked down and saw Kurt laughing, shoving the other guy playfully. When the guy turned to his side, Trent was able to see his face, and his breath hitched when he realized that it was indeed Sebastian.

They were sitting together, joking and smiling. Trent never thought that could be possible, but then again, there were many things he didn't understand about Sebastian. Like why the hell he had just disappeared from the face of the earth for the past two months.

"It's him... It's Sebastian." Trent muttered, and Blaine gave him a look that said 'I told you so'.

Blaine was glad Trent finally believed him. He seemed to be in shock, and Blaine was relieved to see he wasn't the only one who found the whole Kurt and Sebastian thing completely absurd.

"We have to get down there!" Blaine blurted out and Trent's eyes went wide.

"Um... But what would we even say?" He asked, but Blaine was already walking towards the elevator.

…

Sebastian didn't know if it was the sugar intake, or just sitting down, but after the couple of minutes he and Kurt sat in the bench he was feeling much better. They got up from the bench and walked towards the "Knits and Hats" store.

Once inside, Sebastian was able to quickly find a few things he liked, but Kurt was a whole different story. He asked Sebastian what his favorite colors were, but Sebastian said he didn't really know. Kurt rolled his eyes, thinking Sebastian was being purposely uncooperative, but it was the truth.

"You picked green and blue hats so I'm guessing those are probably your colors." Kurt said, as he walked around the store picking up sweaters and scarves while Sebastian held the couple of hats and beanies that he'd picked out.

"I thought we were here for the hats, not for a complete outfit Kurt." Sebastian protested as Kurt handed him an olive green sweater.

"Hush now... This looks amazing with that hat. Don't you agree?" Kurt said, putting the sweater over Sebastian's shoulders. "Try it on."

Sebastian just looked at himself in the mirror and snorted. How did he ever get himself into this mess?

The store was small, but there were lots of different things in it so Kurt was as happy as a child in a candy store, browsing around and trying things on. He ended up convincing Sebastian to buy the olive green sweater and a brown scarf to go with it, and not surprisingly, Kurt had also ended up picking a scarf for himself. They didn't take very long, but Sebastian was feeling tired again, and he was glad to finally be able to get to the cash register and pay. He really couldn't wait to get out of there.

Sebastian thought Kurt would protest him paying for his scarf too, and that it would be awkward for him to offer to pay for it, but Kurt didn't seem to mind.

"Fine, next time we go shopping I'll get you one." Was the only thing Kurt said, and Sebastian couldn't help but laugh. Kurt was talking like going shopping with Sebastian was something that they would just  _do_  now.

They were getting their bags to leave when suddenly Kurt gasped. When Sebastian looked up, his stomach dropped to his feet as he realized Trent and Blaine were standing right in front of them.

"Kurt and Sebastian! Wow guys, what a surprise to find you here…  _together!_ " Blaine said, his tone so obviously sarcastic, and Sebastian had no idea where the hostility was coming from.

What Sebastian didn't' know was that Blaine and Trent had been watching them as they tried on clothes; and watching Kurt put his arms around Sebastian as he helped him put the sweaters and scarves on had made Blaine upset beyond words.

"Hi guys." Trent chirped behind Blaine, smiling awkwardly.

Sebastian turned to look at Kurt, expecting him to look as shocked to see them there as he was. However, Kurt's face was stern and serious, he looked visibly upset.

"Hi Trent. Um, Blaine… what are you doing here?"

"Trent and I were just coming in to, you know... see some hats and-"

"You don't even like hats."

"Oh… We actually saw you getting ice cream earlier and just wanted to come say hi." Trent blurted out, causing Blaine to wince.

"So, you were following us?" Kurt asked, looking at Blaine in complete disbelief.

"No! It's not like that." Trent quickly said apologetically, "We were just looking for a present for David, it's his birthday today. We saw you from the third floor down, that's all."

Kurt rolled his eyes and Trent looked horrified, but Sebastian just snorted. Trent was so obviously flustered by Blaine's overly-jealous behavior that he felt second hand embarrassment for them.

"You know what? I'm sorry. We just thought it'd be nice to say hi, we didn't mean to interrupt you on your date." Blaine spat out.

"Oh my god Blaine! I told you… we are  _not_  dating!"

Sebastian had no idea what was going on, but he didn't like it at all.  _Had Kurt and Blaine been talking about him? What the hell?_

"Why are you trying to deny this, Kurt? You seemed pretty cozy with each other eating ice cream in that bench back there, and now you're buying clothes together? Looks like a date to me!"

Kurt was positively glaring daggers, his blue eyes shining with sheer frustration and that struck a nerve within Sebastian. He had no idea what was going on between them but he knew he needed to get Blaine out of Kurt's face immediately.

"Well, last time I checked Blaine..." Sebastian said, "You and Kurt weren't together anymore, so what we do is really none of your business."

Blaine turned to see him, looking absolutely livid. If Sebastian didn't know better he would even fear that Blaine was going to punch him in the face.

 _"Well, last time I checked..."_  Blaine sneered, mocking Sebastian's tone, "You thought Kurt had a gay face and you were actually going after  _me and every moving pair of legs in the whole of Ohio!"_

The bitterness and arrogance in Blaine's words made Sebastian want nothing more than to punch his teeth in, but before he could even respond to him, something happened.

Sebastian could feel the coppery taste in his the back of his throat even before he felt it pouring out of his nostrils.  _Blood… lots of it._ His immediate reaction was to cover his nose with his hand, but the blood just slipped between his fingers and trailed down his arm. Sebastian looked down at his palm and saw red everywhere. He was bleeding...  _heavily_.

"Oh my god Sebastian!" He heard Kurt cry out as he nervously searched in his pocket for his handkerchief. Sebastian grabbed the tissue and pressed it to his nose in hopes that it would help stop the bleeding but it wasn't enough. A couple of seconds later and the thing was completely drenched in his blood, and it didn't look like it was going to stop.

Sebastian didn't understand what was happening, or why there was so much blood coming out of his nose. This wasn't just a normal nosebleed. Sebastian had never experienced something like this before. He could feel the blood in the back of his throat and the taste made him feel like he was going to be sick.

 _Please stop, please just stop._  Sebastian begged, but the blood was practically pumping from his nose and when he looked down he realized his shirt was ruined, trails of red staining it and he could also see drops of blood on the floor right beneath him.

"Oh shit..." He managed to say as he removed the bloody tissue from his face, dropping it to the floor. The blood kept dripping from his nose and down his chin, so in the midst of his desperation Sebastian quickly grabbed one of the hats he just bought and put it over his nose and mouth, hoping the thicker fabric would to a better job than the stupid tissue.

"We need to take you to the hospital!" He heard Kurt cry out, and Sebastian knew he was right, but his head was pounding, a dull ache pulsing through his body, and all he could see was Trent and Blaine's shocked faces, staring at him like he was dying or something.

Sebastian didn't want them to see him like this, he needed to get out of there. He grabbed Kurt by the sleeve of his shirt, attempting to walk out the door but Kurt grabbed him firmly, halting them to stop.

"Sebastian don't move… You'll make it worse!"

"Kurt I'm fine... please," Sebastian choked out, "Let's just go to your car."

"No, Sebastian... it's too far, you need an ambulance!"

When Sebastian looked up, he realized they had a freaking audience. Two of the store clerks and a small group of costumers were staring at him too while Kurt kept uselessly yelling for someone to call an ambulance. Sebastian felt his legs go weak and he grabbed onto Kurt, who held him tightly and helped him sit down on the floor. Sebastian just crossed his legs beneath him and looked down, wishing he could just disappear.

"Oh for fucks sake stop staring and  _do something!_ "

Sebastian had never heard Kurt curse before and it was quite a shame he couldn't tease him about it at the moment because he was too busy trying not to choke on his own blood. When he tried to speak he could feel the blood going down his throat and that made him cough, causing the blood to spill on his shoes too.  _Great._

Suddenly Sebastian felt that Kurt let go of him. He saw how Kurt took his phone out of his pocket, dialing with shaky hands and making the call. Sebastian could do nothing but sit there, as he felt the fabric of the beanie getting soaked with the blood that just refused to stop pouring out of his nose.

"This is an emergency, we're at the Westerville mall and we need an ambulance!" Kurt said frantically.

Sebastian felt things were starting to get blurry, his ears buzzed as the blood kept pulsing out of his nose. He felt like the word was closing in on him, he was feeling numb and all he could vaguely hear was Kurt's voice on the phone.

_"My friend has a nosebleed... but he is bleeding too much, he needs a doctor... no, he is not injured... no, it's not that... w-we don't know what happened but..."_

Before Sebastian could even stop him, Kurt said it loud and clear:  _"...he has leukemia!"_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please don't hate me! Eep!  
> Also, Google search: Posterior nosebleed.


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings for this chapter: Blood. Panic attack, and severe depression symptoms.
> 
> Also, I don't know if this counts as warning, but I actually teared up writing this chapter so… yeah :'( You know how they say "there's a light at the end of the tunnel?" Well this one's just a pretty long tunnel.

 

The waiting room was cold and eerily quiet, and after what seemed like an eternity of being there, Kurt found himself becoming hyper-aware of every single little noise around him. The footsteps of people walking down the hallway, the ticks of the big clock hanging in the wall, and even his own breathing sounded loudly in his ears. Kurt could hear the quick typing of the lady sitting at the front desk, and the shuffling of papers as a nurse leaned over and whispered something to her. Kurt could hear their voices, but couldn't quite make up what they were saying.

_He wished he could._

Kurt breathed in, trying to ease his mind for the thousandth time, but he failed. His attention quickly shifted to the clicking sound of a cellphone keyboard coming from a man sitting a few chairs away from him, then to the sound of his own foot tapping against the white tile.

Across from him, Trent and Blaine were sitting in silence with their faces pale and expression morose. Mrs. Smythe had gotten to the hospital just a couple of minutes after Kurt and Sebastian arrived in the ambulance. Her usually smiling and lovely face was creased with confusion and worry as she hugged Kurt and asked him about what happened. Kurt didn't even have enough time to fully try to explain the situation to her before a nurse came out to guide her inside. Mrs. Smythe quickly followed the nurse, disappearing behind closed doors while Kurt had to stay in the waiting room. About fifteen minutes later, Sebastian's dad arrived.

That had been almost one hour ago. One hour of waiting, worrying and stressing. One hour of sitting there, helplessly. If Sebastian was okay then why hadn't Mrs. Smythe come out to tell them? The logical part of Kurt's brain was aware that he was being unreasonable, that Mrs. Smythe had more important things to focus on than keeping them updated. He knew that Sebastian would be okay.  _He had to be_. But the emotional part of him was just anguishing, remembering everything that had gone down at the mall just a little more than an hour ago.

_"The ambulance will be here soon... Okay? S-sebastian?" Kurt asked nervously as he put his phone back in his pocket. But Sebastian didn't say anything; he just stared at the floor, face buried in his blood soaked beanie._

_"Oh god, there's so much blood… He needs ice. Can anyone get him some ice?" A guy Kurt hadn't even noticed suddenly asked. He was kneeling in front of Sebastian._

_"We don't have ice, but would a glass of water help? Lydia, get him a glass of water!" One of the store clerks replied, approaching them and kneeling down as well. "God, he's bleeding so much… How are you feeling sweetie?"_

_Sebastian just shook his head slowly. "Fine… I'm fine." He mumbled before coughing and losing his balance a little. Kurt held his hand, helping support his weight so he could remain on his sitting position on the floor._

_Sebastian's hand was cold… so cold._

_Soon the paramedics rushed into the store, moving the people out of their way so they could pick Sebastian up and help him get on his feet. They had him sit on the stretcher, emphasizing how it wasn't safe for him to lay down with how much he was bleeding._

_Kurt gave his keys to Blaine, and told him where he'd parked his car so he could take it. Kurt then rushed after the paramedics so he could go in the ambulance with them. As they ran to the parking lot, Kurt called Sebastian's mom to tell her about what happened... In the rush of the moment, Kurt wasn't able to say much. He just told her Sebastian had a nosebleed and they were taking him to the hospital._

_Sebastian's face looked paler by the minute, and Kurt could feel his stomach twisting. This situation was worse than anything he'd ever witnessed in his life._

_The trip to the hospital was short, but it seemed like an eternity to Kurt. He could do nothing but sit in the ambulance, staring at the scene unfolding in front of him. The paramedics cleaning Sebastian's face, wrapping him in a blanket and asking questions as they examined the source of the bleeding. Talking about how they needed to get to the hospital fast._

_Sebastian was barely responsive by the time they made it to the hospital. But he still managed to look at Kurt through heavy lidded eyes and say: "C-call my mom…"_

_"I already did… She's on her way. She'll be here soon." Kurt told him as Sebastian was rushed to the Emergency Room._

_Kurt had been told to stay in the waiting room, and it was absolute torture. He only managed to stay still for a couple of minutes before running to the bathroom and throwing up over the sink because he couldn't make it to one of the stalls in time._

The sound of Trent cracking his knuckles nervously snapped Kurt out of his thoughts, and he was sure he was going to go insane if he stayed there for another second. So Kurt got up from the chair and stormed out of the waiting room.

"Kurt, wait!" He heard Blaine call after him. When Kurt stopped and turned around Blaine was standing in front of him, frowning with his eyes full of concern. "Are you okay?"

"Y-yeah, I'm fine Blaine, I just…" Kurt breathed in and smiled, trying his best to sound convincing, "I need to wash my hands. I'll be right back."

Blaine just smiled tightly and nodded as Kurt walked away from him, quickly headed to the bathroom down the hall. Kurt knew Blaine meant well, but he needed to get away for a minute. Blaine felt extremely guilty about what happened at the mall, and no matter how many times Kurt had told him that what happened to Sebastian couldn't possibly be his fault, he still kept apologizing.

The whole thing had just been one big mess, and Kurt knew he had part of the blame because of his refusal to set things straight from the beginning. He hadn't told Sebastian about Blaine finding out they were spending time together; and he hadn't been completely honest with Blaine about the situation with Sebastian either. Kurt had been so worried about keeping Sebastian's secret that he never imagined how it would affect everyone else around him. He never imagined they could run into Blaine at the mall, or that there would be a confrontation. Now Sebastian's secret had been revealed in the worst possible way, and Kurt was left in the middle of it feeling like it had been his fault.

Everything was a mess, and Kurt desperately needed to wash his hands...  _Again_. It didn't matter that he had already washed them two times before; because somehow the feeling of Sebastian's blood on his skin wouldn't leave him. He poured a generous amount of the scented foam soap on his palms and rubbed his hands relentlessly under the faucet, diligently avoiding the mirror in front of him. Kurt didn't want to see his reflection, cause whenever he did, all he could see was the blood staining his clothes. The small stains of blood on his shirt and the mark of Sebastian's hand on his sleeve made Kurt feel sick to his stomach all over again.

Kurt's mind was reeling, and he knew he'd be on edge until Mrs. Smythe gave them news about Sebastian's condition. He didn't want to go back to the waiting room, but he had to.

Once Kurt came out of the bathroom, he spotted Mrs. Smythe walking towards Blaine and Trent and he rushed to where they were.

"How's Sebastian?" Kurt asked, trying to be calm but his nerves must have been more than evident.

"Kurt…" Mrs. Smythe hugged him. "He is fine… The doctors say he is stable. They had to cauterize his nose to stop the bleeding, but he is okay now."

Kurt felt like a weight had been lifted from his shoulders and he sighed, trying to smile. Beside him, Trent and Blaine were listening attentively as Mrs. Smythe continued speaking.

"He is going to have to spend the night here. The doctors are running some tests to check his platelet counts, and he is going to need a transfusion, since he lost a lot of blood… But he'll be fine."

"I'm so glad to hear that… I was so worried." Kurt said, feeling relieved. He wanted to ask Mrs. Smythe if he could see Sebastian, but he didn't know if it was appropriate or not to ask. Mrs. Smythe must have sensed it, because she held his hand, squeezing it affectionately and said: "Thank you so much for helping him, Kurt. Depending on how the tests turn out, Sebastian could get discharged tomorrow. So maybe you can visit us at home then."

"Okay… okay, I will."

"If anything else comes up, we'll let you know." She reassured him, "You can call Sebastian later. I'll make sure he has his phone with him."

"Okay, thank you." Kurt replied.

"I have to go back inside now, but thank you so much for being here for Sebastian." Mrs. Smythe told the three of them, smiling fondly and hugging Kurt for a last time before turning around and going back inside.

Kurt just stood there for a while, watching Mrs. Smythe as she walked down the hall. When he turned to his side, Kurt realized Trent and Blaine were looking at him expectantly. Kurt sighed deeply, wondering what was going to happen now.

...

When Sebastian opened his eyes he realized his nose felt numb and weird, and it hurt a little when he tried to move his lips. His mom and dad were sitting next to him, and Sebastian looked to his bedside and realized he was getting a blood transfusion. Somehow he'd been hoping everything to be just a bad dream, but alas, it had been real. _He was hospitalized again, and everything was a goddamn mess._

"Hey, how are you feeling?" His dad asked. But Sebastian just sighed, looking at the ceiling and feeling his eyes burn as they welled up with tears.

"Honey?" His mom asked, holding Sebastian's hand tightly and searching his face for answers.

Sebastian couldn't speak though. He could only feel a knot forming in his throat, every shuddering breath he tried to take hurt like a knife coming through his ribs. No matter how hard he tried to calm down, the tears just fell down his face and choked sobs started to escape him.

"Bastian, what's wrong?"

Sebastian balled his hands into fists and rubbed them harshly against his eyes. His hands were clenched so hard that he could feel the burning pain of his fingernails digging into his palms. Sebastian didn't say anything though, he just shook his head. He didn't' know what to say, or how to explain all the things that he was feeling.  _Anger, frustration, despair._  He could only feel his heart beating fast inside his chest, dread pooling inside his stomach and his head spinning with a thousand different thoughts.

Sebastian hadn't even realized he was crying in earnest until he felt his mom take his hands away from his eyes and help him into a sitting position. She used the remote to move the hospital bed to a more vertical position and cradled Sebastian's face with her hands, looking deeply into his eyes.

"Honey what is it? Talk to us please." His mother pleaded, kissing his forehead tenderly, trying to soothe him, but the gesture only made Sebastian break down harder. He just shook his head and sobbed as his mother held him close. There was nothing to say, nothing his parents could do to help him. The thing he dreaded most had already happened. His secret was out now, Trent and Blaine knew he had cancer. Now it was just a matter of time until they both opened their mouths and babbled to everyone under the sun about it.

Sebastian felt frustrated, angry and helpless… he hated his body for betraying him like this. Hated his illness and the situation it put him in. So he cried, cause it was the only thing he could do. His mother handed him a tissue and Sebastian slowly wiped his eyes and nose. When he looked down at the tissue he realized it was stained pink, and his mom gasped when she saw it too.

"Bastian you're bleeding!"

"I'm calling the nurse." His dad said, reaching for the call button, but Sebastian stopped him.

"No! I'm f-fine dad… don't." Sebastian sniffled, hating himself inside for not being able to get a grip. He knew the crying would only make his recently cauterized nose worse. He was trying to ease down his breathing and to calm down, but was failing miserably.

"Are you sure, honey?" His mother asked, lifting his chin and looking at him, concerned. Sebastian nodded as he wiped away a few remaining tears from his cheek and looked down at his hands, which were slightly shaking. His mom was sitting in the bed beside him and his dad was standing on the other side, both silent and worried. They stayed there, expecting him to tell them what was wrong, but after a few minutes of silence Sebastian only said:

"Where's my phone? I need my phone."

...

The first thing that Kurt did when he got back home from the hospital was hug his dad tightly. Burt had been surprised by Kurt's sudden behavior, smiling and feeling a bit confused until he took a look at Kurt's appearance. Burt's smile fell off his face once he realized the white button down shirt his son was wearing was stained with blood.

Kurt sat down with his dad and just poured his heart out, telling him about everything that happened. Even though Sebastian was "fine" for now, Kurt still worried about him and his dad listened to him attentively as he let it all out. Burt was sympathetic and concerned for Sebastian as well.

Kurt was just glad that his dad had never had something like that happen to him, and he hoped he never did. As bad as it had gotten so far, his dad had only experienced pain coming as a side effect from the radiotherapy, nothing more. Cancer was so unpredictable though, and Kurt knew that today more than ever.

He went to his room and took a hot and long shower. The shirt Kurt was wearing was completely ruined, so he threw it away. He spent the rest of the evening just laying in bed and thinking about Sebastian. Kurt had his phone in his hand, holding it close to him in case anything happened. His hand itched to call Sebastian and ask him how he was, but he wasn't sure if Sebastian would be feeling well enough to talk. So he decided to text him instead.

**To Sebastian Smythe:**

**Hey, how are you feeling? Your mom said you'd be staying for the night :(**

**I hope they let you go soon, I know how much you hate being in the hospital.**

Sebastian taking a long time before replying to a text message was nothing new for Kurt, but somehow this time, every minute that passed without a reply only made Kurt feel antsy. When minutes became hours, Kurt started to feel a bit uneasy, but kept telling himself that Sebastian must have been tired and sleeping and maybe that was the reason why he hadn't replied yet.

Kurt figured Sebastian needed time and space to recover from everything that happened, so he went downstairs and watched a movie with his dad and Finn to help take his mind off of everything. The distraction worked for a while, but every now and then Kurt would still check his phone for new text messages, only to realize he didn't have any.

Later that night, when Kurt was about to go to bed, he couldn't help but wonder how Sebastian was doing. He still hadn't gotten a reply, but it was late and Kurt knew it had been a crazy day, so he decided to sleep and worry about Sebastian tomorrow. Kurt could call him in the morning and see how he was. Still, he sent one more text before getting into bed.

**To Sebastian Smythe:**

**I hope you're feeling better. Good night.**

The next morning, Kurt got up early because he had to go to the hospital with his dad. He was still feeling a little tired, so he decided to go make himself a cup of coffee and wait in the kitchen while he waited for his dad to come down. Kurt appreciated moments like this when he could be alone with his thoughts, especially at times like these when he had a lot of things going on. His dad was about to start his last week of treatment before the surgery, and he was going to have to go through blood tests and scans to determine how effective the radiotherapy had been so far.

Kurt sat in the table holding his hot cup of coffee in one hand and his phone in the other one. He decided to log into Facebook and see if there was anything new. Once he logged in, he checked his messages and that's when he realized something was wrong.

All his conversations with Sebastian were blank. His messages were still there but Sebastian's name and picture were gone. He did a quick search for Sebastian's profile and nothing came up. It only took a few minutes of clicking around and checking mutual friend's pages for Kurt to realize why that was: Sebastian had deleted his profile.

Kurt glanced at his nightstand clock and realized it was barely 6am, and perhaps still too early to call Sebastian, but he grabbed his phone and dialed his number anyway. Kurt knew even before he pressed the send button that Sebastian's phone would be turned off. But he had a tiny glimpse of hope that it wouldn't be the case.

"Hey, you've reached Sebastian Smythe. I'm obviously unavailable, so call again later, or leave a message after the beep."

When the "beep" came at the end of Sebastian's voicemail greeting, Kurt was still trying to process what was happening. His mind went blank and he didn't know what to say, so he just hung up. Kurt put down his phone and sighed, biting his lip.

_Was Sebastian shutting him out?_

...

Sebastian didn't get discharged on Sunday like the doctor's had originally said he would. After the blood transfusion, they said they needed to keep him one more day to be able to monitor his counts closely before releasing him.

Sebastian was scheduled for his next round of chemo on Monday, but that was not going to be possible after what happened. His platelet counts needed to recover before they could put his body through the strain of chemotherapy again.

The doctors were keeping track of his anxiety too, since Sebastian had been really stressed and he refused to tell anyone what he was feeling. Sebastian would just close in on himself and refuse to answer questions, insisting he was fine. But his restlessness, crying and shaking hands were a source of concern for the doctors.

Things had gotten so bad that Sebastian was given some Ativan to help calm him down. And while the medicine had helped, it also meant he felt drowsy and slept through most of the day. Even with the anxiety medication, Sebastian still held his phone in his hands or under the pillow, just to make sure his mom didn't turn it on.

Sebastian felt constantly on edge, replaying what happened at the mall in his head over and over again. Trent and Blaine showing up, the confrontation, then all the blood coming out of his nose and Kurt opening his big mouth about his cancer. Everyone knew he had leukemia now, and it was all Kurt's fault. Sebastian felt like the biggest idiot on earth, cursing himself for ever agreeing to go out with Kurt to the mall in the first place. He should have known someone could see him.

When he got to thinking about it, he knew it wasn't all Kurt's fault. Sebastian shared some of the blame too. He should have never allowed Kurt to visit him in the hospital. He should have never let Kurt get close to him. It was a recipe for disaster and Sebastian should have known it would end badly.

Now everyone knew about his cancer and Sebastian wanted nothing more than to disappear and forget about everything.

Sebastian had all but threatened his mom to not talk to anyone about his situation, not even Kurt. His mom was so worried about him that she had agreed to it, not because she thought it was a good idea, but just so Sebastian would stop stressing over it.

Sunday went by in a blur. Sebastian slept a lot, barely talked and forced himself to eat while trying to not think about what he was going to do when he got out of the hospital. He could see the concern and worry in his mom's face but was grateful that for once, she was just silently supportive and understanding instead of trying to make him talk to the therapist again.

Sebastian ended up being discharged until Monday morning. When he got home, he immediately went upstairs and locked himself in his room. He had no energy, physical or emotional, to do anything so he just dropped on the bed and slept until a knock on his door woke him up. By that time it was 2pm and his mom was bringing him lunch.

"Hey sweetie… how are you feeling?" His mom said, sitting beside him and putting a wooden tray with the food and utensils over the bedside table.

"I'm fine, I guess." Sebastian yawned, sitting up slowly and trying to smile.

"I brought you lunch, we made the pasta with mushrooms that you like so much, and also a small salad. Are you hungry?"

"Hmmm… Not much, but the food smells great… Thanks mom."

Sebastian reached out and grabbed the tray. The food did smell amazing. He started to play around with his fork, hoping that his appetite would kick in so he could enjoy it. From the corner of his eye he could see his mom just staring silently at him, like she wanted to say something but didn't know how.

Sebastian started eating, but his mom just sitting there was starting to unnerve him.

"Is something wrong?"

"No… nothing honey."

Sebastian didn't believe that for one second. He continued to eat and could tell his mom had something on her mind. She kept looking at him and then decidedly at the wall, playing with the hem of her blouse and crossing her fingers over and over.

"Mom… What is it?" Sebastian finally asked, already dreading the answer when he saw his mom sigh and bite her lip.

"Kurt called…" She said, and Sebastian almost choked on his food. "A couple of hours ago, but you were sleeping. He asked me how you were and if you'd been discharged, and I just-"

"Oh my god, I can't believe this." Sebastian said, anger settling in his stomach and appetite completely gone. "Mom, I  _told_  you not to talk-"

"Bastian, don't do this!" She cut him off before he could finish his sentence. "Kurt is worried about you. He just wants to know how you are doing, but your phone is turned off. That's why he called me. Honey… he is your friend!"

Sebastian just sighed, rubbing his face with his hands and pushing away the tray with his food half-finished.

"What are you doing?"

"I'm not hungry anymore."

"Sebastian…"

"Mom, can you just go… please? I'm tired and I want to sleep."

"Honey…" his mom tried, putting her hand over his leg but Sebastian just got off from the bed and walked towards his bathroom, slamming the door behind him.

Sebastian stayed inside the bathroom for a long while, leaning against the door, breathing harshly and desperately trying not to cry until he heard his mom close his bedroom door as she left. Once she was gone, Sebastian rushed back into his room and searched his bedside drawer frantically until he found his phone.

Sebastian grabbed the phone and quickly turned it on. Sebastian looked at the screen and realized he had two new voicemail messages, and six new text messages. He felt his stomach turning with dread as he opened his inbox and realized 3 texts were from Kurt, 1 from his sister, 1 from Trent and 1 from... Blaine?

_What the fuck?_

Blaine had been ready to punch Sebastian in the face before he found out something was wrong with him. Now all of the sudden Blaine cared about him?  _Fuck that. Fuck everything._  Sebastian wanted nothing to do with Blaine, or with any of them. He didn't need anyone's pity.

Sebastian was so angry that he wanted to scream, but instead of doing that, he composed a new text message.

**To Kurt Hummel:**

**Stop calling my mom... I'm fine.**

**LEAVE ME ALONE.**

Sebastian's hands were shaking by the time he finished typing it, and he hesitated for half a second before pressing the send button, but he did. Once the message had been sent, Sebastian immediately felt sick to his stomach. His breathing was getting out of control again and he felt his eyes welling up with tears as a wave of unforgiving self-hatred washed over him.

_What the fuck was he doing? What was going to happen now?_

Suddenly, his phone started buzzing. When Sebastian looked at the screen he felt like he wanted to die. It was an incoming call from Trent. Something snapped inside Sebastian in that moment, and he threw his phone away with all his strength, slamming it against the wall and crushing it to pieces.

When his mom and dad rushed into Sebastian's bedroom to see what was going on, they found him curled into a ball on the floor beside his bed, panting and with his face buried in his hands. Sebastian wasn't crying this time, but he felt like he was drowning all the same.

...

When Tuesday came along, Kurt drove down to Cleveland again with his dad. They always left very early to be able to make it on time for his dad's 9am appointment, and more often that not, Burt dozed off in the car while Kurt was driving.

Kurt's head was a mess of thoughts and conflicting emotions, and as much as he tried to focus on the road, his mind always gravitated back to Sebastian. Kurt couldn't help but think about him. He wondered how Sebastian was doing, and how he was holding up. Mrs. Smythe told him that Sebastian was scheduled for his next round of chemotherapy this week, but that they weren't sure if he would be eligible for it until they ran some tests to check his platelet counts again. Mrs. Smythe also mentioned how she was worried about Sebastian because he'd been struggling with anxiety and stress. Kurt wished more than anything that he could talk to Sebastian and tell him that things would be alright, but Sebastian wanted nothing to do with him.

Kurt had been so happy at first when he saw he had a new text message from Sebastian, but when he read it, every word felt like a slap to the face. Kurt had been so hurt when he got Sebastian's text, telling him to leave him alone, but after a while of sulking and feeling regret over all the things that he could have done differently, Kurt was left feeling angry and disappointed. The fact that Sebastian was pushing everyone away from him just made Kurt feel upset and helpless.

He couldn't believe Sebastian was being so stubborn. And the thing was, Kurt was stubborn too, but he knew better than to push this situation when Sebastian was in a lot of stress as it was. It was unhealthy for Sebastian to isolate himself from people who cared about him, but Kurt couldn't do anything about it at the moment.

Unfortunately for Kurt, he still thought about Sebastian a lot. He worried about Sebastian, because the truth was that he cared about him, and even if he didn't want to admit it, Kurt even missed Sebastian.

Kurt had gotten used to spending time with Sebastian while he waited for his dad to get his treatments. Now there he was, sitting alone in the waiting room, bored and feeling antsy, wondering if Sebastian was somewhere in the hospital as well. He couldn't know, since Mrs. Smythe didn't tell him, and after Sebastian's angry text, Kurt had not called his mom again.

With almost an entire hour to spare, Kurt was just fooling around with his phone and checking his Facebook even though there was nothing interesting for him there. Suddenly, Kurt remembered a certain friend request he'd previously ignored. He went to check his pending friend requests and found it: Alex Hershel.

Kurt sighed, feeling slightly uncomfortable as he realized that this was another thing he'd kept from Sebastian. At first Kurt just hadn't been sure how to bring up the subject without upsetting Sebastian when he'd just gotten out of the hospital; and then with everything else that had been going on with his dad, Kurt had completely forgotten about it.

In all honesty, Kurt just had better things to worry about than random Facebook friend requests, like caring for his sick father while he was suffering from painful side effects from the radiation therapy he was receiving. But in that moment, as he sat there in the waiting room, bored out of his mind and with a lot of time to spare, Kurt decided he would just do it. He stared at Alex's name and picture on the screen for a couple of seconds before finally clicking the "confirm" button.

Kurt wondered if doing this was a mistake, but he was just so bored and frustrated with Sebastian that he didn't care anymore. Besides, Sebastian wasn't even on Facebook to notice that he was friends with his cousin now.

So Kurt accepted the friend request and then proceeded to lurk around Alex's profile for a while, checking out his profile pictures and albums. Kurt felt a little bit like a stalker, but he figured that Alex would probably do the same thing once he realized Kurt had finally accepted his friend request. Kurt was browsing through Alex's profile pictures, looking at them curiously and trying to figure out what Alex's life was about.

He seemed like a regular guy. He was still in high school, a jock most likely, if all the pictures of basketball games were anything to go by. Alex seemed like a regular guy, except he also had a lot of pictures from church camps and all his favorite quotations were bible verses. Kurt couldn't help but roll his eyes as he read them, even though there wasn't anything blatantly anti-gay in his page.

After a while of snooping around Kurt got bored, so he decided to log off, but just when he was about to do it, he got a new message notification.

 **Alex:**  Hi… thanks for adding me.

 _Oh damn._  Sebastian's cousin was online and messaging him. Kurt stared at the single lined message for a few minutes before deciding to reply.

 **Kurt:**  Hi.

 **Alex:**  How are you?

 **Kurt:**  I'm good… You?

 **Alex:**  Same… all good... What are you doing?

Kurt didn't know what he expected from this conversation, but this was definitely not it. Alex was just talking to him like they knew each other. So Kurt decided to just go with it and talk to him. Kurt told him he was waiting for his dad to come out from his radiation treatment... Alex gave Kurt his sympathies once Kurt explained it was because his dad had prostrate cancer. Alex told Kurt about how his dad passed away five years ago from a heart attack and Kurt was able to relate, since his mom passed away when he was eight.

They managed to have a fairly pleasant conversation until the inevitable subject came up.

 **Alex:**  Can I ask you something?

 **Kurt:**  Sure.

 **Alex:**  How is Sebastian doing?

Kurt bit his lip and hesitated for a while before responding. He wasn't sure what he was supposed to say. What would Sebastian be comfortable with Kurt saying to his estranged cousin? Knowing Sebastian, Kurt knew he probably wouldn't be too happy about it; and considering Sebastian wasn't even talking to him at the moment, Kurt knew if he found out he'd probably yell at him or something. But since Kurt had already accepted Alex's friend request, he figured he could at least give the guy the benefit of the doubt.

 **Kurt:** Sebastian is not doing so well. But I guess you knew that much.

 **Alex:**  Yeah :(

 **Kurt:**  Have you spoken to him?

 **Alex:**  No... Not really.

 **Kurt:**  Not really, or not at all?

Alex didn't say anything for a couple of minutes, and for a moment Kurt thought he'd dropped the conversation altogether. But then he started typing again.

 **Alex:**  He told you huh?

 **Kurt:**  Told me what?

 **Alex:**  That we don't speak.

 **Kurt:**  Kind of.

 **Alex:**  Did he say why?

That was a trick question, and Kurt knew he had the opportunity to make it into a turning point. He wasn't about to just tell this guy everything Sebastian had told him in confidence. Kurt was going to make him think about his own part in the situation.

 **Kurt:**  Can I ask you something first?

 **Alex:**  Sure...

 **Kurt:**  Why do you think you don't speak?

 **Alex:**  Um… what do you mean?

 **Kurt:**  Why haven't YOU spoken to Sebastian? I know why he doesn't speak to you. I want to know why you haven't... before I tell you.

Alex was silent for whole three minutes, and Kurt was almost certain this time he would actually stop replying, but then he replied again.

 **Alex:**  I don't know… it's just complicated I guess.

That was a lie, this guy  _had to know_. Kurt wasn't about to indulge his denial so he decided to just be up front about it.

 **Kurt:**  Is it because he's gay?

 **Alex:**  No! Of course not...

 **Kurt:**  Then it shouldn't be complicated, Alex. Not really.

 **Alex:**  I wish it was that simple.

Kurt almost felt bad for Alex, but he wasn't there to feel bad for him. Kurt could remember the hurt and betrayal in Sebastian's eyes when he'd told him about his aunt and how she started behaving once Sebastian came out. This guy was their age, he was old enough to make his own choices. If Alex really cared about his cousin he had to stop talking to Kurt and talk to Sebastian instead.

 **Kurt:**  Tell me something Alex, and be honest. Do you care about Sebastian?

 **Alex:**  Yes, of course I do.

 **Kurt:**  Do you want to be in his life again?

 **Alex:**  Yes… I do, but...

 **Kurt:**  Then think about the reasons why you stopped talking. He told me you guys used to be very close. Why did that change? What could possibly be so important that you lose relationship with your cousin like that? What is stopping you?

Kurt didn't expect Alex to admit to being homophobic or anything, but he wondered how he was going to reply to his question, since it was extremely direct.

 **Alex:**  It's stupid.

Stupid? Kurt didn't expect Alex to use that word. If he really was distancing himself because of his beliefs, surely he wouldn't call them stupid, would he? Not if he was as Christian as he appeared to be.

 **Kurt:**  What is stupid?

 **Alex:**  Me...I was stupid.

 **Kurt:**  Why? What did you do?

 **Alex:** I shouldn't have let it happen, but then we just grew apart and now I think Sebastian hates me.

 _I think he hates your mom,_  Kurt thought to himself, but he wasn't about to type that out.

 **Kurt:**  Talk to him, Alex.

 **Alex:**  I can't. I think he blocked me...

 **Kurt:**  No, he didn't block you. He deleted his profile.

 **Alex:**  Why?

 **Kurt:**  Talk to him and find out.

 **Alex:**  But he doesn't want to see me.

Kurt sighed; he knew that feeling all too well. Sebastian didn't want to see him either. But he wasn't going to admit that to Alex. If Sebastian wanted to push Kurt away, he could deal with that, as much as it hurt. But Alex was Sebastian's family, and he shouldn't give up on Sebastian without a fight.

 **Kurt:**  Did he tell you he doesn't want to see you?

 **Alex:**  Well, no... but my uncle told my mom that Sebastian was really upset when she visited him in the hospital.

 **Kurt:**  But you still visited him again after that.

 **Alex:**  Yeah, my mom insisted... I didn't really want to go.

 **Kurt:**  Why's that?

 **Alex:**  Honestly? I did want to see Sebastian but I didn't want to go because my mom wanted to go pray for him. The only reason we didn't do it was because you were there.

Huh? That was interesting. Kurt was glad in a way because he didn't know how he would have reacted if they wanted to pray for Sebastian while he was in the room. It would have been super awkward, not to mention if Sebastian would've woken up mid-prayer, he would have lost his mind right then and there.

 **Kurt:**  So you don't want to pray for him… you just want to see him?

 **Alex:**  Yes. I mean, I do pray for him… but I do it in my own time. I know Sebastian doesn't like praying and all… So he wouldn't like it if I tried to do it.

That seemed like a reasonable way of thinking to Kurt. So he decided to encourage Alex to visit Sebastian. Maybe it was a bad idea, but maybe something good could come out of it.

 **Kurt:** I think you should try visiting him at home… by yourself.

 **Alex:**  Did he say something about my mom?

 **Kurt:**  Alex, just do it.

 **Alex:**  Okay.

 **Kurt:**  Don't tell him you talked to me though.

 **Alex:**  Why not?

 **Kurt:**  Trust me, just don't.

Kurt figured if Alex made up his mind and really visited Sebastian it could go two ways. Either they would be able to make amends and talk again, or Sebastian would be pissed off and cut him out like he did with everyone else. Kurt didn't want to be in the middle of it either way, he was already interfering too much just by talking to Alex like this.

Kurt breathed in and looked up at the clock hanging from the wall in the waiting room. His dad would be done soon, and he would finally be able to go home. There was barely any battery left on his phone, so he decided to say goodbye to Alex and log out from Facebook. Soon enough his dad came out and Kurt got up to help him get to the car so they could go back home.

...

It was almost ten thirty when Sebastian and his mom arrived at the hospital. Sebastian had slept through most the drive but then woke up a few minutes before they got there when his mom's phone rang with an incoming call from someone she was supposed to meet up with later. His mom was still on the phone when she parked the car, and Sebastian was about to unfasten his seatbelt when he looked up and froze.

Walking right in front of their car was Kurt, holding his father's hand as they walked to their car. Sebastian went completely rigid, fearing the slightest movement would make Kurt notice him. Luckily for him, Kurt was too concentrated helping his dad get in the car to realize Sebastian and his mom were parked practically in front of them.

Sebastian's stomach felt heavy all of the sudden, a mix of nerves and dread shaking him all over to the point where his hands started trembling. He breathed in and sat back, gripping the seatbelt tightly until his knuckles were white. Sebastian was thankful that his mom was still distracted on the phone and hadn't noticed the Hummels were just a few feet away from them.

The expression on Kurt's face as he walked with his father was caring but at the same time tainted with worry. That look was all too familiar for Sebastian, cause it had been almost the same look Kurt had on his face the last time they'd been together, when Sebastian was rushed to the hospital in the ambulance. As much as Sebastian tried to ignore it, he felt remorse about the text message he'd sent Kurt, but it was done and there was nothing he could do about it now. He'd made his choice.

His mom was looking for something inside her purse while she talked on the phone, and Sebastian couldn't do anything else but sit there and watch as Kurt got into his car. Sebastian's eyes were glued to Kurt watching his every move, and his nerves on edge hoping Kurt wouldn't look his way,  _but then it happened._  Sebastian felt a sting of electricity run from the top of his head and down his spine as Kurt put his hands over the steering wheel and looked up, staring straight into his eyes.

Sebastian's breath hitched, and Kurt's bright blue eyes went wide as he recognized Sebastian from inside his car. Sebastian did his best to keep his face straight and emotionless as Kurt pressed his lips into a tight, sad smile. Every fiber of his being was screaming, but Sebastian didn't smile back, he just clenched his jaw and huffed, turning his face to the side and looking away, appearing bitter, indifferent and cold in the outside when he was just screaming inside.

From the corner of his eye, Sebastian saw Kurt's car slowly pull out of the parking spot and drive away. Sebastian didn't dare to look Kurt's way; he just breathed in as he felt a wave of nausea threatening to overcome him. Sebastian thought he'd feel relieved when Kurt drove away, but the relief never came. Instead, he felt overwhelmed by regret, longing and self-loathing.

"Are you okay honey?" His mom asked, putting her hand over Sebastian's. "Your hands are shaking."

"Um… no, I'm just… It's nothing. I'm fine. Let's go."

Sebastian could tell his mom was worried about him, with the way she kept looking at him as they got out of the car and walked over to the oncology ward. Sebastian had never been this way before, but ever since what happened at the mall, he'd been constantly on edge and had two panic attacks. It was the most awful thing Sebastian ever experienced, even worse than the stupid nosebleed. He felt like he was unattached from reality, drowning in his own misery and completely unable to control his body.

Sebastian had to get some tests done in order to find out if he would be able to do the next round of chemo or not. Blood was drawn and they were told to wait. About fifteen minutes later, it was decided that aside from the anxiety issues, Sebastian was fit to receive the chemotherapy.

Sebastian begged his mom not to have him hospitalized this time, but the doctor said they would have to wait and see. He sat in the recliner chair in the chemotherapy room as the nurse hooked up to the IV line to his chest port and tried to tune out what was happening around him. Usually, Sebastian hated the Benadryl, but today he was glad they were giving it to him because he wanted nothing more than to disconnect himself from reality.

Sebastian closed his eyes and tried as much as he could to relax, but he couldn't help but remember how different things were the last time he'd had chemo. He'd been in a private room with Kurt by his side… but he'd also been hospitalized for several days, and this time would be different, it would be better. As he dozed off, Sebastian kept wishing for this time to be better. Soon, the drugs kicked in and Sebastian fell asleep.

...

"Is he your boyfriend?" A girl's voice shook Sebastian out of his haze.

"W-hat? Who?" Sebastian rubbed his eyes harshly. He felt a little groggy and jittery, probably because of the Benadryl. When he turned to his side, he noticed the girl sitting a few feet away in another recliner chair. She had dark brown hair that fell on her shoulders and bright blue eyes. She was smiling and looking at him expectantly.

"Kurt, is he your boyfriend?" She asked again.

"K-kurt?"

"Yes… You were just telling me about him."

Sebastian felt heat spreading up his neck and across his face.

"No I wasn't."

"Yes you were." The girl gave him a knowing look and rolled her eyes. "You kept saying all sorts of amazing things about him, so I figured he must be your boyfriend."

Sebastian just frowned. In the midst of his drug-induced state, he hadn't realized he'd been talking, and about Kurt no less. He didn't even know what to say to the girl, he just frowned and looked at his feet, shaking his head embarrassedly.

"You kept saying his name, and when I asked you who he was you started telling me about how he was coming over.  _Kurt is great... Kurt is bringing me cake, Kurt gave me this, Kurt said that…_   _Kurt, Kurt, Kurt!_ "

"Okay, can you cut it out?"

The girl raised her eyebrows and huffed. "Okaaay… No need to be rude! You're the one who kept blabbering about him, I was just trying to be nice."

The girl looked upset, and Sebastian felt a little bit bad about snapping at her, he was just so tired.

"I'm sorry. But, he's  _not_  my boyfriend."

Sebastian remained thoughtful, trying to remember what he could have possibly been babbling about. He didn't realize he'd been talking out loud, but he  _had_  been thinking about Kurt ever since he saw him in the parking lot.

"I remember you, from the support group." The girl said, leaning over slightly so she could take a better look at Sebastian. "I knew you looked familiar. I don't quite remember your name, but I do remember you said you were there with your boyfriend. Is he Kurt?"

Sebastian wanted to kick himself in that moment. Why had he ever thought it was a good idea to say Kurt was his boyfriend at the cancer youth meeting? It was stupid, and he couldn't tell the truth without looking absolutely pathetic, so he decided to roll with it by being as vague as possible.

"Yeah, but… I mean we're not, ugh... Just forget it."

"You weren't saying anything personal, if that's what you're worried about." She said teasingly, and Sebastian turned to look at her, confused. "You were just telling me random things about him… From what you said I can see he is pretty great."

"I'm Erin, by the way." She said, stretching out her arm to shake his hand. Sebastian couldn't help but smile awkwardly.

"I'm Sebastian."

They stayed in silence for a couple of minutes. There wasn't anything else going on in the room, except for the TV that had the volume muted. Other 2 people were getting chemo in the other side of the room, but one was sleeping and the other one was reading a book. Sebastian kept looking at his IV and realized he would probably have to be there for at least another hour.

"So, did you guys break up or something?"

Sebastian rolled his eyes and groaned, pulling his beanie over his eyes.

"What? I'm just trying to have a conversation… I've been sitting here for hours and it's boring as hell."

Sebastian stared at Erin and realized she was serious about the conversation, much to his chagrin.

"I'm a good listener" She insisted.

Erin didn't know him, he didn't know her; they were strangers and would probably never see each other again after that day. So Sebastian just sighed and gave up, figuring he really had nothing to lose by talking to her.

"Yes… we kinda broke up, I guess."

"Aw, I'm sorry... That sucks."

Sebastian just nodded silently, figuring that would be the end of that conversation, but alas, it wasn't.

"What happened?"

"I uh… It's complicated, but I'd rather not talk about it."

"Hmm… He broke up with you, didn't he?"

"What… Why would you think that?"

"Well… I don't know, maybe just because of the way you were talking about him, it sounds like you still love him."

Sebastian felt a sting of regret twisting uncomfortably inside him when she said that. A small voice in the back of his head kept telling him that he did care about Kurt, but he was trying his best to ignore those feelings, to bury them in the back of his mind so he could keep Kurt away... and to keep  _everyone_  else away as well.

"Is that a wig you're wearing?" Sebastian blurted out, desperately trying to change the subject.

Erin looked at him and rose and eyebrow, but smiled all the same. "No, it's my natural hair… you like it?"

Natural hair? Sebastian was confused. "How long have you been doing chemo?"

"Three months."

Erin was smiling proudly, and Sebastian gave her a skeptical look. "Three months, and you still have your hair?"

"Yeah… I'm immune to the side effects of chemo." She said with a wink and a smile, and Sebastian just rolled his eyes, but smiled nonetheless.

"I'm kidding."

"So it  _is_  a wig?"

"Hmm…" She shrugged, lacing her fingers through one of her locks "Yes, and no."

"What does that even mean?"

"It means it's a wig, but it's made with my hair. So I don't consider it a wig, even though it kind of is… You know?"

"How did you even do that?"

"It's simple… When the doctor told me I'd lose my hair because of the chemo, I shaved it all off and made it into a wig, that way I could still have my hair."

Sebastian was shell-shocked. He'd been so apprehensive of his hair and this girl just completely shaved it all before it even began to fall off. She was clever, and Sebastian wished he could have done something like that. Though he seriously doubted a wig would look half as good on him as it did on her.

"You wanna try it on?" She asked; reaching to her head like she was going to take the wig off. Sebastian made a horrified face, but Erin started laughing before he could even say anything to her. "I'm kidding! I'm kidding!"

Erin was laughing out loud and her vibrant mood was so contagious that Sebastian couldn't help but laugh too. It was ridiculous, but Sebastian hadn't smiled in days, and just sitting there with that girl cracking jokes was a much-needed break for him.

As the time passed, Sebastian and Erin started talking about random things, like their hobbies, their favorite TV shows and even about sports. Erin loved animals and told Sebastian all sorts of stories about her pets. She had 2 cats and a dog and lots of anecdotes to tell. Sebastian shared a few stories from when his cat, Lily, was a kitten and he had to train her to use the litter box.

As reluctant as Sebastian had been at the beginning, he ended up being glad he had someone to talk to cause it helped time pass by quicker. His mom had gone to run some errands while Sebastian got his treatment, but he knew she'd be back soon.

Erin must have been there before Sebastian because she was done with her chemo when he still had some time to go. Right after the nurse came to hook her off her IV, she stood up and turned to look at Sebastian.

"Gotta go now… hope you're done soon."

"Thanks. I hope so too."

"It was really nice talking to you."

"Yeah… same."

Erin smiled and started walking away but suddenly turned back around and said: "Oh and… Good luck with Kurt!"

Sebastian just rolled his eyes and smiled, shaking his head.

"I'm serious! Whatever happened between you guys, I hope you can figure it out. Remember life's too short to stay mad about things that don't matter!"

Sebastian just frowned and smiled tightly, and Erin winked at him before turning around and leaving the room. Sebastian hadn't even told her what had happened between him and Kurt, yet her words resonated in his mind for a long time after she was gone.

As much as he refused to admit it, Sebastian knew she had a point, but keeping people at bay was what he had always done. Sebastian was fine a few months ago when he was on his own. He didn't need Kurt, or anyone…  _at least that's what he kept telling himself._  No matter how much Sebastian wished that he could have done things differently with regards to Kurt and everything else, he felt like the mess was much too big and scary, and he was just too tired to try to change it now.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Someone asked a few days ago when I was going to update and I couldn't reply cause they were anon. I try to write as fast as I can but you must know that I also have another story going on at the moment ("Lying from You" – it's Coopbastian), and I try to take turns updating both of them so that's why sometimes it takes a while. Remember you can always message me here, or in my tumblr, I'm 'totoropirate' there.
> 
> Thanks so much for leaving lovely comments, they are very encouraging! :)


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! So here's why this chapter took a while: I am doing this new thing where I don't post a chapter until the next one is done. So I wanted to post this until I had chapter 14 finished... this way I could always have a chance to add or change things as I write the next one! Thanks to everyone who messaged me asking for an update, I appreciate your enthusiasm and patience. I love you all. Hope you enjoy this chapter... *hides away in a corner*

"Everything okay?"

"Um… yeah..." Kurt said, his eyes drifting from Sebastian and staring decidedly at his hands instead. He grabbed the steering wheel firmly and breathed in, trying to ignore the sting of rejection burning deep inside his chest and smiling half-heartedly at his dad.

"I just can't wait to get home."

"Well, that makes two of us kiddo. Let's go!"

Kurt started the car and spared one last glance at Sebastian before pulling out of the parking spot. He could see Mrs. Smythe talking on the phone, smiling distracted and unaware of the tense moment her son and Kurt just shared. Sebastian was looking out the window; his posture indifferent and cold. Kurt could feel the hostility oozing out of him even though they were several feet away from each other in their respective cars.

Kurt was upset, and for a moment, he almost wished he'd run into Sebastian inside the hospital instead, because maybe then Kurt could have at least said something; but alas, Sebastian didn't even want to look at him.

The worst part was that Kurt couldn't even understand  _why._  Kurt sighed, shaking his head in frustration before driving away. The ache in his heart was an all too familiar feeling; it was the feeling that came from caring too much about someone who just  _didn't._

...

After Sebastian was done with chemo, he was evaluated and his doctor allowed him to able to go back home with his mom. Sebastian was glad that he didn't have to stay in the hospital, even though he felt drowsy, jittery, and had no energy to even leave the bed once he got home. Sebastian just lied in bed and slept for 7 hours straight. He alternated between consciousness and sleep, with his mom checking on him every now and then and with Lily curled up by his side, purring.

Whenever his mom got him food, Sebastian ate a little even though he wasn't really hungry. He had to force himself to eat even if he was nauseous because the doctors let him go home with the condition that his parents would keep a close eye on him. Sebastian didn't want to be hospitalized again. He felt safe in his house, because he was certain no one would bother him there. Even if someone wanted to surprise visit him, Sebastian had given the house staff strict instructions to not let anyone in. Right now, fresh out from chemo and feeling like absolute shit, Sebastian just wanted to be alone.

The second day was a little better. Sebastian had more appetite and he got out of bed to have lunch downstairs with his mom. He stayed in the living room afterwards, watching movies for a little while before falling asleep again. He woke up when his dad came back from work and he sat down with him to talk for a while before dinner.

"How was your day?" His dad asked.

Sebastian just shrugged, "Fine I guess... A little better than yesterday, at least."

"Did you have lunch?"

"Yeah… I did. I haven't been very nauseous today, luckily."

"I'm glad to hear that... How have you been feeling? Everything alright?" His dad didn't even have to say it specifically, Sebastian knew he was talking about his anxiety. Sebastian still felt a little stressed at times, but it wasn't as bad as it had been a few days ago.

"Good... I'm okay dad, promise."

"That's great son, I'm glad the medicine is helping."

Sebastian just nodded and they both sat in silence for a couple of minutes until his dad spoke again.

"I've been thinking we could go to the lake house next week… how does that sound?"

"The lake house? With whom?"

"Just your mom, you and I… unless you want to invite someone else to come with us too. I leave it up to you."

Sebastian looked down at his hands and smiled sadly. He loved going to Lake Erie, and they hadn't been up there in a long time. The prospect of going to their family's lake house was appealing but at the same time Sebastian couldn't help but feel nostalgic. His dad was obviously trying to cheer him up with the trip to the lake house, but all it did was remind Sebastian of how alone he truly was.

Last time they'd gone to the lake house was eight months ago, for Sebastian's 17th birthday. He'd invited most of the Warblers and some of the guys from the lacrosse team and threw a big party. Now he hadn't spoken to anyone from Dalton in almost three months, so he really had no one to invite.

The only person Sebastian had been spending time with lately was Kurt, but not anymore. Sebastian's current situation with Kurt was worse than with his former Dalton friends, because the Warblers had no idea what happened to him, he was just ignoring them... but with Kurt, Sebastian had been quite clear and rude about how he wanted him to stay away. If Kurt was as smart as Sebastian knew he was, he wouldn't want anything to do with him anymore, and it was probably better that way.

For a minute, Sebastian's thoughts gravitated back to Kurt... and he couldn't help but wonder about him. Sebastian wondered how mad at him Kurt was now... if he'd been hurt by what he'd told him or if maybe Kurt had just gone back to hating him now. They were starting to get to know each other quite well, but there were lots of things Sebastian still didn't know, like whether Kurt was an outdoors kind of person or not; if he liked to swim, or hike. Sebastian didn't know if something like going to his family's lake house would appeal to Kurt at all... Not that it mattered anyway.

Sebastian couldn't help but feel a bitter pang of regret and longing as he thought of Kurt, but he quickly shoved it to the back of his mind, desperately trying to ignore it.

"By the way, I got your new phone." His dad said, pulling Sebastian out of his thoughts. He reached down for his briefcase and pulled out the small iPhone box. "It's already programmed with your number, you just have to sync up your contacts again."

"Um... Thanks, dad." Sebastian was a little embarrassed for breaking his phone in a fit of rage. His parents shouldn't be getting him a new one, he didn't deserve it, and he didn't really want it.

Sebastian only turned it on and tweaked it a bit so his dad would feel better.

"Please keep it turned on." His father pleaded, reaching out and squeezing Sebastian's shoulder affectionately. "Catherine has been asking about you, we told her that you'd have a new phone by tonight. She wants to call you."

Sebastian breathed in, "Okay dad, I will."

Every minute his phone spent turned on had Sebastian on edge. He went through dinner fearing it would ring or that he would get more text messages, but nothing happened. Sebastian went back to his room and just before going to bed, his phone started ringing. Sebastian's heart almost stopped until he realized it was his sister.

_"Hey baby brother, how are you?"_

Sebastian smiled upon hearing his sister's voice, she was only two years older than him, but the fact that she called him baby brother still made him feel special and loved.

"Hey Cath… I'm good. Was just about to go to bed, actually."

_"I'm glad to see you have your phone again, I've been trying to call you for days."_

"Yeah, sorry about that."

_"Mom told me about what happened… are you okay?"_

Sebastian sighed. "Yeah... I'm okay... I'll be okay."

The moment had the potential to turn into something awkward, but then Catherine started talking again,  _"I wish you were living here with me now… You're gonna love it here in New York, Bastian. There are all sorts of amazing things we can do together. I swear you're gonna love it when you come here."_

Sebastian smiled, thankful that his sister was not lecturing him. Sebastian loved her for that, because she'd only ask him about how he was doing without asking specifics, and that made their conversations easier. Sebastian would rather listen to his sister's exciting tales about her life in New York than have to awkwardly admit how his life had been reduced to hospital visits, anxiety attacks and self-imposed isolation.

Catherine always spoke with the certainty that Sebastian would join her in the big city in the fall, even though it was highly unlikely that Sebastian would, since he was most likely going to fail his senior year. Catherine didn't care though, she kept the conversation normal and asked Sebastian about other things that had nothing to do with his illness.

She promised Sebastian she would call and text him every night. Sebastian felt better after talking with his sister, so every night he made sure to turn on his cell so he could take her calls, even if he still didn't want to talk to anyone else.

The phone was brand new, which meant none of his information, emails or text messages were in it anymore. He'd broken the other phone before even reading any of the 6 text messages he had, and now they were gone. Sebastian would never know what those messages said, and even though he guessed it was probably better that way, Sebastian couldn't help to feel a little bit curious.

Sebastian knew the voicemail messages would still be available if he dialed for them, but he didn't want to. He wasn't ready yet. Sebastian was starting to calm down after days of madness, so he didn't want to feed his brain any reasons to lose his mind again. With how bad he was feeling because of the chemo, Sebastian was sure having another panic attack might actually kill him.

Sebastian took his medicine and got into bed. An upside of having anxiety meds and pain killers was the dreamless sleep. Sebastian was happy to take a break from all the conflicting emotions and thoughts that were making a mess of his head. He just closed his eyes and woke up almost 10 hours later when Alice, one of the maids, brought him breakfast.

There were ups and downs though. At times when he felt better, Sebastian would go out of his room and walk around the house. But most of the times he would just stay in bed and feel like he wanted to just give up and die.

On Friday morning Sebastian forced himself to go outside to his back yard, figuring maybe some fresh air would make him feel better. He'd been awake, laying in bed for hours and didn't want to stay there when he couldn't sleep.

Sebastian walked towards the pool and sat in one of the poolside loungers with his iPod and wrapped himself in a blanket. The morning light was soft and the house was quiet around him. Their yard was big, with green grass and numerous flower and rose bushes adorning the garden. The sound of the wind against the leaves of the nearby trees helped relax him a little. That day was a little warmer than the last few days had been, but it was still a little cold. Sebastian always seemed to feel cold these days anyway, but despite the slight chilliness, it felt good to be outside for a while.

Sebastian sat there by himself for a while and ate breakfast by the pool. Any other day Sebastian would have found it relaxing, but even with the slight change of scenery, little by little the loneliness started taking its toll on him.

Sebastian was deep in thought when he realized there was someone standing in the other side of the pool, staring at him. Sebastian propped himself up on his elbows and frowned.

"Alex?"

His cousin smiled nervously and waved, slowly walking around the pool so he could get to where Sebastian was.

It had been so long since Sebastian had seen him, and his head felt a little fuzzy but he was sure he wasn't hallucinating. Sebastian had no idea what Alex was doing in his house, especially on a school day.

"Can I sit down?" Alex asked, standing awkwardly in front of Sebastian.

Sebastian shrugged, "Yeah… Uh, what are you doing here?"

Alex breathed in as he sat down in the lounger next to Sebastian's and put his backpack on the floor.

"I just wanted to come say hi."

Sebastian frowned, disbelieving. "Shouldn't you be in school right now?"

"Yeah, but... I ditched."

Sebastian raised his eyebrows, feeling simultaneously impressed and confused. Had Alex really ditched school to come see him? That made no sense, and Sebastian had no idea what was going on through his cousin's mind.

"You're going to get in trouble."

Alex just shrugged, still staring at the pool. "Yeah well, I don't really care."

Sebastian huffed, and none of them said anything for a while. They just sat in the loungers, looking at the water and the trees. Sebastian was not going to be the one to start talking, he was busy thinking about how loud he was going to yell at the house staff for letting someone in when he had instructed them not to.

"So... How have you been?"

"Fine... Cancer is a walk in the park!" Sebastian said, sardonically.

Silence settled between them again, the moment slowly changing from awkward to tense as Sebastian sat there, wrapped in his blanket while Alex just sat in the chair beside him, doing nothing but staring at the pool.

"Uncle Joseph told us about what happened, with the nosebleed and-"

"I'm not dying, you know?" Sebastian interrupted him. "In case  _that's_  what you're worried about. It was  _just a nosebleed_ … having cancer just kinda made it worse. So you can rest assured that I'm going to be fine…  _Just fine._ "

From the corner of his eye, Sebastian could see Alex shaking his head slightly. Sebastian hoped his hostility was clear enough for Alex to get the message that he didn't want him there. Alex remained quiet as Sebastian continued speaking.

"I finished my first cycle of chemo, and now I'm on the second one. I'm sure in a couple of months I'll be out of the woods and back to normal. So, you don't have to be here, really. Besides, I'm sure your mom will be pissed if she finds out you're here."

Alex frowned, "Wait… What do you mean? I'm here because I want to Seb, I'm just worried about you."

"Well don't!" Sebastian said angrily, scowling at his cousin. "Don't worry about me Alex, don't feel bad for me. I'm fine… I'll be fine. You don't have to come visit me just because you feel bad for me or whatever."

"That's not why I'm here, Sebastian."

"Then what is it? Why are you here?"

"Do I need a reason? You're my cousin Seb... I mean… I care about you. Isn't that enough?"

Sebastian laughed bitterly. "Oh... You care about me? That's interesting, considering you've been avoiding me for months now."

Alex buried his face in his hands and shook his head, groaning frustrated.

"Do you remember when was the last time you came here Alex? Cause I do… it was nine months ago.  _Nine!_  Why haven't you shown your face around here until now? I'll tell you why… Cause I didn't have cancer before!" Sebastian was so upset that he could feel his heartbeat speeding up and was thankful to have the blanket around him so Alex couldn't notice how his hands were shaking.

"You probably think I'm going to die soon and that's why you came here. To ease your conscience or something... Right? Well, guess what? I'm not going to die, so you can go back to avoiding me… I'll be just fine!"

Alex was visibly frustrated; he looked like he wanted to say something, but remained quiet through Sebastian's rant. Sebastian didn't know if Alex's silence infuriated him more or not, he only knew he didn't want to be there with him anymore. Sebastian was starting to feel nauseous, so he slowly got up from the lounger.

"Sebastian please don't go… I just… I want to talk."

"Well, I don't."

Sebastian stood up and attempted to turn around to walk back to the house, but he was only able to take a couple of steps before his nausea got worse and he fell to his knees, one hand over his stomach and the other one covering his mouth.

The nausea was bordering on painful; Sebastian could feel his throat closing up and his stomach turning. He knew it was inevitable, and he could feel his eyes burning with tears as he hunched over and heaved; throwing up his breakfast over the poolside.

Alex rushed to where Sebastian was and knelt by his side as he vomited; and stayed there with him as he felt his body shaking, sweating and coughing until he completely emptied the contents of his stomach. When Sebastian had finally stopped vomiting, Alex helped him get up so he could sit again in the chair.

"Fuck…"

"Are you okay? Tell me what you need… Seb?"

Sebastian couldn't talk… he was focused on his breathing, trying with all his might to keep calm so he would not vomit again. He hated feeling like this, so weak and pathetic he couldn't even walk away from this situation he was in.

"Stay here, I'm going to get you some water."

Alex ran to the house and came back a few seconds later, holding a glass of water and paper tissues from the kitchen. Sebastian looked up and noticed Alice and Jenna, two of the housemaids standing by the door, looking at him with concern.

Sebastian waved at them as to let them know he was fine. He didn't want them to call his mom and worry her at work. Alex put the glass of water close to his face and Sebastian took it with shaky hands, drinking a little before putting it down.

"Are you okay?"

"Yeah… ugh... it's just… I'll be fine." Sebastian said before hunching over and heaving again, his body tensed up from the nausea even though his stomach was mostly empty. There was nothing in his stomach except the water he just drank, but his body ached to throw it up nonetheless.

Alex had his hand over Sebastian's back, moving it slowly in a circular motion, trying to soothe him. When Sebastian looked to his side he noticed Alex was moving his lips.

"Alex… please don't."

"W-what?"

"I can see you praying. Stop."

"I wasn't. I mean… sorry."

Alex was completely flustered at being caught, but Sebastian had no energy to argue with him right now, so he just laughed weakly.

"Yes you were. But, whatever… If God didn't cure me from homosexuality, I doubt he is gonna to cure me from cancer."

Alex didn't say anything; he just bit his lip. Sebastian drank a little more water, and used one of the paper tissues Alex brought him to wipe his mouth and nose. Sebastian could still feel his body slightly shaking, but he knew it would pass. He was so focused on his own discomfort that he hadn't realized Alex's eyes were rimmed red and full of unshed tears.

"God, why are you crying?" Sebastian said, exasperatedly.

Alex just shook his head, looking down at his feet while Sebastian got his breath back. They stayed silent for a couple of minutes and Sebastian's mind drifted away, reminiscing about happier times when he and Alex would hang by the pool and have a good time with Catherine and the rest of the family. Things had changed so much in the past year.

"If I tell you I'm sorry, would you believe me?"

Sebastian sighed, taking in Alex's words before responding.

"I don't want an apology from you Alex. What I need is for you to tell me why you've been avoiding me, and I want you to be honest."

Alex rubbed his temples and then crossed his hands, putting them under his chin.

"I don't... I don't know how to explain."

"Just tell me."

Alex wouldn't look at him, and Sebastian knew why that was.

"Do you think I'm going to hell?"

"What? No... Seb, don't say that."

Sebastian just shrugged, waiting for Alex to say something, but he was silent. They were sitting right next to each other, and Sebastian could tell that his cousin was nervous, rigid with tension as he just pondered his thoughts.

"Did your mother forbid you from hanging out with me? Is that it?"

Alex buried his face in his hands and shook his head. Sebastian was starting to lose his patience.

"Don't lie to me, I know how Aunt Helen feels about me being gay. I heard her talking to my dad about it."

"What?"

"One day, Lacrosse practice finished earlier than usual and when I got home your mother was there, speaking to my mom and dad in the kitchen. I was about to go inside and say hi when I heard her telling my parents they needed to pray for  _'my situation'_ , that if they went back to church maybe things could change for the better…" Sebastian laughed bitterly, "Like me being gay was some sort of punishment for the family… And you know my mom; she wants nothing to do with the church, so she told her to stop, but my dad… He was having a hard time accepting me as it was and your mother kept feeding him all that bullshit. So, don't lie to me Alex… stop protecting her!"

"I'm not protecting her! She didn't… Mom never forbade me from talking to you. She actually kept pushing me to talk to you, to invite you to church and stuff." Alex admitted, and Sebastian just huffed in disbelief.

"So then…" Sebastian's voice was small; dreading to ask because he knew the answer his cousin would give him. If his aunt wasn't to blame for this then it only meant that it was Alex's own choice to distance himself from him.

"Did I do something to offend you? Or is being gay offensive enough?"

"No! God, Seb... please don't say that."

"Why… it's the truth, isn't it? Just admit it!" Sebastian raised his voice, and Alex practically jumped up from the lounger, taking a few steps away from Sebastian. Alex was just walking around with his hands over his head, avoiding Sebastian's gaze and looking like he wanted to cry.

In all honesty, Sebastian wanted to cry too. All this time he'd been convincing himself that his Aunt Helen was the one to blame for this. That she was the homophobic one, keeping Alex away from him... But to find out that staying away from him was Alex's own choice hurt Sebastian more than any homophobic slur ever thrown at him. His own cousin, the guy that he grew up with hated Sebastian because of who he was.

Sebastian was so angry, he felt a few tears stream down his face but quickly wiped them away with his hand. Sebastian got up again, thankful that this time the nausea didn't come back.

"Well you know what?  _Fuck you_ , Alex!"

Alex was gaping with a horrified expression on his face. Sebastian just looked him up and down before turning away from him. Sebastian was done with this, he didn't want to see Alex's face ever again.

Just as Sebastian was about to reach the door to get back inside his house, he heard it.

_"I think I'm gay!"_

Sebastian froze on the spot, when he turned around to look at his cousin he was shaking his head and covering his mouth like he couldn't believe that he said that out loud.

"You…  _What?"_

Alex looked like he was about to pass out. His face was flushed and his eyes swollen from all the tears. He slumped down in the chair and just covered his face with his hands.

"I think I'm gay Seb... Alright? I just… I don't know...  _Oh my god!"_  Alex kept running his hands over his hair and face nervously. Sebastian was speechless; he stared at his cousin in complete disbelief. He didn't know what to do with this sudden revelation.

Sebastian just stood there, watching his cousin cry. Little by little, his anger started fading away and a feeling of sympathy took its place. This was something he never saw coming, but it had to be true. Alex was crying, and he seemed completely and utterly ashamed of his confession. Sebastian slowly walked back to the poolside and sat in the chair next to him. For a long while neither of them said anything. Sebastian was deep in thought and Alex seemed to be too.

After a while of just sitting there, it was Alex who broke the silence.

"I wanted to tell you… for the longest time, but I never had the guts. I was terrified, and I didn't know what to do. I still don't…" Alex said, still sniffling a little between words. "When you came out, your dad told my mom, and she told me… She said you were gay, and s _he cried,_  Sebastian. She cried and ranted about it for hours, and you have no idea of all the things she said... It was awful, because every single thing she said, I knew she would think the same of me. So I panicked."

Sebastian felt like he was in a dream. All the words coming out of his cousin's mouth felt surreal.

"I wanted to figure this out on my own. I knew if I was alone with you, I would end up telling you, and I didn't want to. I just wanted to stop feeling like that, I thought if I prayed hard enough, maybe I could stop feeling what I felt. My mom kept telling me to invite you to church, to 'help you'... and so I did, but just to get her off my back, because I knew you wouldn't want to go to church. I distanced myself from you because I was scared. I was afraid of what could happen. Afraid of what my mom would do if I ever… god."

"If you ever came out?"

"Yeah… but, I don't know if I'm gay Seb… I've never kissed a guy or anything. I just know that I feel things...  _strong things_ , towards some of my friends and I've tried to stop it, but I can't. I feel like a horrible person."

"Liking guys doesn't make you a horrible person." Sebastian said, and Alex smiled sadly.

"My best friend, Brandon… I've told him about you. He knows that you're gay, and we've talked about it… We've prayed for you. I feel so stupid, but he is my best friend, and I know if I ever came out he won't be anymore."

"Why?"

"Because he thinks it's wrong Seb, that's what the bible says… that's what-... I don't know."

"How can you be friends with someone who hates gays?"

"It's not that he  _hates-_ … I mean..." Alex stumbled upon his words "It's like… I don't know how to explain it but…  _'Love the sinner, not the sin'_  is what they say. They'll never say you're disgusting, or that you're an abomination or anything, but they'll still encourage you to change, to pray and to stay away from  _'those desires'_  and stuff like that… you know? 'Cause same sex relationships are not God's will."

Sebastian felt really bad for Alex now; he was leaving a double life. Sebastian couldn't imagine himself doing that. He would feel like punching everyone in the face all the time.

"You should have told me."

"I know… I'm sorry."

After another couple of seconds of silence, Sebastian laughed and said: "Hmm… I should introduce you to Trent, you'd make a good couple."

"What?" Alex said, flustered.

"I'm kidding…" Sebastian laughed, "Don't you have a girlfriend though?"

"Um… Not anymore…" Alex admitted, "We broke up a few months ago. It just... wasn't working, I guess."

"But… did you  _like_  her? I mean,  _being_  with her." Sebastian was genuinely curious because he couldn't imagine himself kissing a girl, or touching and just… no.

"Kind of? I don't know… I guess I tried, but… my head is a mess and I don't know what I'm feeling half the time so, it wasn't fair to her. God, I feel awful… I don't know what I'm gonna do about this."

Sebastian nodded understandingly. "You don't have to come out yet… You know? Take as much time as you need… Do it when you're ready."

Alex just smiled. "Maybe someday I will… I don't know. Sometimes I wonder what it's like, you know? To have someone…  _A guy_. It must be really nice. I hope someday, maybe when I go to college or something… Maybe then I can meet someone, and be with him… like you and Kurt."

Sebastian almost choked on his own breath. "Wait…  _Kurt?_  How do you know about Kurt?"

"Um… I actually met him at the hospital when my mom and I went to visit you, a few weeks ago."

"I don't remember you coming-"

"You were asleep." Alex interrupted him, "My mom and I went to visit you, and Kurt was in your room when we got there. He was sitting by your side, holding your hand… My mom kept looking at him and making these constipated faces, but Kurt never let go of your hand all the while… and we were there for almost an hour."

Alex was smiling fondly at the memory, and Sebastian couldn't help but feel puzzled and confused. He vaguely remembered Kurt holding his hand that one time, but he'd been sure it had been a dream. Sebastian's brain was always fuzzy after chemo. Sebastian never imagined Kurt would hold his hand even after he'd fallen asleep… Kurt knew about Sebastian's aunt, and he must have done it on purpose just to spite her… Sebastian smiled, feeling grateful to Kurt but at the same time feeling guilty for being such an asshole to him.

"Yeah… Kurt is pretty great." Sebastian admitted. "But he's not… I mean, we're just friends."  _Or at least we were,_  his mind supplied.

"Oh, sorry… I just  _assumed_ because of the hand-… well, nevermind…" Alex stammered through his words, "Um… I added him on Facebook, I hope that's okay?"

"You did what?  _When?"_

"I actually sent him the invite a few weeks ago, but he didn't accept it until a few days ago. He seems like a really nice guy."

Sebastian felt weird all of the sudden. Why hadn't Kurt mentioned Alex's friend request? Sebastian didn't quite know what to think of that… and he didn't quite know why, but it bothered him a little.

"Did you talk to him?" Sebastian asked, and Alex suddenly looked like a deer caught in the headlights.

"I um… not really, I mean… I just said thanks for adding me and stuff… and I asked him how you were doing… but that's all."

"And what did he say?"

"Well… He said I should ask you myself."

Sebastian just smiled sadly, because that was exactly the kind of thing Kurt would do.

"Is something wrong?" Alex asked.

"No… Well, Kurt and I just... we're not really speaking right now."

Alex frowned, "Why? What happened?"

Sebastian sighed and sat back, lying down in the chair with his feet behind Alex's back. He pondered for a moment if he should tell Alex or not… but figured since they were already talking it really couldn't hurt.

"I got mad at him, and was kind of a jerk… He probably hates me now."

"What did he do?"

"Well…" Sebastian tried to find the words to explain to his cousin exactly what Kurt had done, but he couldn't. When everything happened things had been so big and awful inside Sebastian's head, but now as he tried to put it into words the truth was that it sounded silly and petty and all around stupid.

"Argh… it's just stupid."

"Seb? What is it?"

"I kinda wanted to keep this a secret… My cancer, I mean."

Alex frowned and squinted his eyes, like what Sebastian just said made no sense… and maybe it didn't, but Sebastian just shrugged... "I can't really explain why but… I just didn't want people to know, and the other day at the mall, I was with Kurt when my nose started bleeding. There were some guys from school there, and Kurt said I had leukemia."

"Whoa… he just told them?" Alex asked, and Sebastian winced because no, Kurt didn't just _tell them._ As much as he hated to admit it, Sebastian had no right to be mad at Kurt for what happened.

"Well… He was calling 911. So I guess he kinda  _had to_  say it but… I still got mad at him. He didn't really do anything wrong... I'm just an asshole, I guess."

Sebastian laughed sadly, and Alex just pressed his lips into a tight smile. Alex remained thoughtful for a couple of seconds and then said: "Can I ask you something?"

"Yeah?"

"Why do you want to keep it a secret?"

Sebastian knew exactly why, but he was not going to say it out loud. He couldn't let himself admit to feeling insecure and vulnerable, he just couldn't.

"It doesn't matter… everyone knows now."

"Who is 'everyone'?"

"Um… I don't know… probably the entire Dalton student body and their mothers."

Alex raised his eyebrows. "Wow…"

"Yeah… it sucks."

"Have you talked to anyone yet?"

"No… not really. I've kinda been avoiding everything for a while now."

Alex just nodded awkwardly, but Sebastian could tell he wanted to say something.

"What?"

"Nothing."

"I can tell there's something on your mind… so, spill."

"I don't know… I just don't understand why you'd want to go through this alone. That's all."

Sebastian breathed in and shook his head. Alex would never understand what he felt… So what was the point of even trying to explain?

"I mean… I know you have a lot of friends, right?" Alex continued, "What if they want to support you and be there for you... But you're just pushing everyone away? Why are you hiding, Seb?"

And that's the word that finally snapped Sebastian out of it. _Hiding._ The way Alex just said it, he'd never seen it that way before, but it was true. He was hiding, like a coward… and Sebastian didn't want to be a coward.

"I'm not  _hiding_ , Alex… I just don't want people talking about me like I'm some sort of charity case, you don't underst-"

"Then  _talk_  to them!" Alex interrupted him, "I mean... if they already know now, wouldn't it be better if they heard things from you? Think about it Seb, if all those guys at the mall saw was your massive nosebleed, who knows what they must think now... Watching that and then hearing Kurt say you have leukemia must paint a pretty awful picture... Don't you think?"

Sebastian frowned, hating the fact that his cousin had a point.

"Look Seb, I know it's none of my business and if you want to be alone it's your choice but... I think you're not giving people enough credit."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"It means, that maybe people care about you more than you think."

Sebastian sighed, remembering the look on Kurt's face when he'd seen him at the parking lot. The way he'd smiled, looking nervous and even hopeful; only to have Sebastian look at him like he was nothing. He also remembered the smile on Trent's face when he saw him at the mall. He seemed happy to see Sebastian while he was just wishing Trent would go away. To a point, Sebastian did feel remorse and guilt at the way he had behaved lately, but he didn't quite know what to do about it now. His life was a mess, and most of that mess he'd created himself.

Alex stayed with Sebastian for a while longer. The morning was getting warmer, and Sebastian was tired so they went inside to watch TV. Alex would have to go home soon and even though Sebastian wasn't feeling well, they still joked around, speculating how much trouble Alex would get into once his mom found out he didn't go to school. Sebastian was trying really hard to stay awake but he ended up falling asleep in the couch.

When Sebastian woke up, Alex was gone and his mom was already home. Sebastian could hear her talking to one of the maids in the dining room so he decided to get up and say hi. When he stood up from the couch, Sebastian realized there was a note laying in the floor beside the couch. He picked it up and read it:

_"Went home, didn't want to wake you. I'll call you later, if mom doesn't kill me. Good luck talking with your friends, and Kurt! ;) - Alex."_

_Smartass_. Sebastian rolled his eyes and laughed, folding the small paper note and putting it in his pocket before heading towards the kitchen.

Later in the afternoon, Sebastian couldn't help but replay Alex's words in his head over and over again. His visit had been really unexpected, and Sebastian didn't quite know how to feel about it. One thing was certain though, and that was that Sebastian had his cousin back. It felt nice, but weird at the same time, like they would have to get to know each other all over again before things could get back to how they used to be. But at least they were talking again, and that was good.

The weekend passed in a blur. The side effects of Sebastian's latest chemotherapy session slowly faded away, and he started to feel a little better. Sebastian kept his routine of turning on his phone only at nights so he could talk to his sister. Something felt different though, Sebastian was on edge every time he turned it off, not on.

As much as he hated to admit it, his cousin had a point. Sebastian couldn't hide away forever, and he shouldn't have to. He knew he needed to come out of his cave and talk to Trent and the Warblers. Who knows what ideas they were getting in their heads by now.

Sebastian made his decision on Sunday night... But it wasn't until Monday morning when he finally gathered the courage to go through with it. He turned on his laptop for the first time in a long time and decided to write an email to those of the Warblers who had called or texted him during the time he'd been gone.

...

 **From:**  Sebastian Smythe

 **To:**  Trent Nixon, Jeff Sterling, Nicholas Duval, David Thompson, Hunter Clarington, Thad Harwood

 **Subject:**  I'm alive.

Hey guys…

I figure by now you all must have heard about what happened, and why I have been MIA for the past few months. I've had my reasons for staying under the radar, and well... I won't go into detail here, because I'd rather do it in person.

I'm sorry I haven't taken your calls or replied to your messages, but... I'd really like to talk to you guys about what's been going on. So I was thinking maybe you could come over after school? Only if you want to, of course.

I'll be waiting. Hope to see you soon.

Sebastian

...

Sebastian's hands were cold and sweaty as he typed, and his stomach turned with the nerves and anticipation of what would happen if he sent the email. He was hesitant about including Hunter, because he figured Hunter could still be pissed about Sebastian ditching them without a word right before Regionals, but he included him anyway.

It took Sebastian almost an hour to type that message out because nothing he came up with sounded quite right, and he would keep deleting everything over and over. Sebastian stared at the email for a long time before gathering the courage to click SEND.

After sending the email, Sebastian got up from his desk chair and dropped himself on the bed, face down and hiding under a pillow. He tried to ease his breathing before it started getting out of hand, and then when he was feeling a little less nervous, he curled into himself and tried to sleep.

His laptop remained open in his desk, and if Sebastian had checked, he'd realized that not long after sending the email, his inbox started filling with replies from the guys.

Hours passed and Sebastian remained in his bed, appetite completely gone from the nerves that ran through him and unable to really sleep. His mind was racing with all the possibilities of what would happen that afternoon, and thinking about what he was going to say. Sebastian knew he had to be strong, he'd been avoiding this moment for so long that for a while he had even thought he would be able to get away with never dealing with it at all, but it was time... And it was long overdue.

He didn't dare to go out of his room... his anxiety medication laid completely forgotten in his bedside drawer. As nervous as he was, Sebastian didn't take any because he didn't want to feel numb… he wanted to do this the right way, and he was trying really hard to just step up to the occasion. As the minutes passed, Sebastian felt more and more like the whole thing had been just a terrible idea, but he couldn't back out now.

Sebastian spent more time than he ever had, trying to figure out what to wear. He had never been nervous about his appearance, as he was that day. And his stupid gray beanie would have to do, since the cool ones he bought at the mall had been completely ruined.

Suddenly, there was a knock on the door, and it was Alice.

"Sebastian… there is someone downstairs to see you, we told him you weren't receiving any visits, but he insisted and-"

"Who is it?"

"Trent Nixon… he is wearing a Dalton uniform."

"It's fine… I forgot to tell you that I'll be expecting company. So, whoever comes just… let them in, okay?" Sebastian sighed and got up from the bed, steadying himself on slightly shaky feet.  _It was truth time._

By the time Sebastian went out of his room and down the stairs, Trent was standing in the middle of his living room, with a big and hopeful smile on his face. Sebastian pressed his lips into a tight smile and welcomed him.

"Hey Trent…"

"Sebastian! Man, it's so good to see you!" Trent exclaimed, pulling Sebastian into a hug "I called you like a million times last week!"

Sebastian was caught a little off guard by Trent's sudden gesture, but smiled nonetheless.

"Yeah... Sorry about that." He said half-heartedly, and Trent just shook his head, smiling.

"Can I just say that I'm  _so glad_  you're finally doing this... Cause I swear If I had to keep this a secret for one more day I was going to lose my mind!"

"Wait... What are you talking about?"

"What am I talking about? I'm talking about you not answering my calls or replying to my texts and-... Do you have any idea how worried I've been?"

"No! I mean what you said... keeping a secret? What-"

"Yeah... I mean, about... your  _illness_. I haven't told anyone."

Sebastian gave Trent a skeptical look. "You really didn't tell anyone about what happened?"

"No! Of course not." Trent replied, looking shocked and almost offended, and Sebastian couldn't even form words, his mind was busy trying to process what Trent just said.

"W-why?" He asked, completely dumbstruck.

"Well... Because Kurt asked me not to tell anyone. At first I didn't understand why you didn't want anyone to know... And to be honest, I still don't. But Kurt said that if I really considered you a friend, then I should respect your wishes. That it was not my secret to share, and that I should talk to you first... You deleted your Facebook and I had no idea if you would even check your email... So I tried calling you, but I couldn't get to you, and I didn't know what to do but... No, I didn't tell anyone, Sebastian. I swear I didn't."

Sebastian squinted his eyes, feeling completely at a loss. He couldn't believe what Trent was saying. It felt surreal… like a really weird dream that he was stuck in. He'd been freaking out about the backlash and about everyone knowing he had cancer, and all this time Trent had kept it a secret. Sebastian sighed in complete disbelief, he didn't know if he wanted to laugh or cry at this unexpected turn of events.

"Wait… you thought I told everyone,  _didn't you?"_

"Uh… Yeah." Sebastian admitted, still in shock. "I figured you had just- _…_ I just thought everyone knew by now,or at least the Warblers. You really didn't tell  _anyone?_ "

"No… I didn't."

"So, what? No one knows?"

"No!"

Sebastian still couldn't believe it.

"But… what about Blaine? You expect me to believe that he kept my secret too? Come on."

Trent frowned, looking at Sebastian like he was growing another head or something. "Blaine wouldn't  _dare_  say a word to anyone; not after what happened at the mall. He feels terrible, and besides, he's too worried about Kurt hating him enough as it is. Not that Kurt  _actually_  hates him, but… he was just really adamant about it, you know? Kurt made us  _promise_  we wouldn't say anything… Didn't he tell you?" Trent asked, looking confused, and Sebastian just shook his head, because Kurt couldn't say anything to him when he'd completely shut him out of his life.

"Sebastian, I swear, Kurt even gave me his phone number and told me to just call him and vent to him if I ever felt anxious and wanted to talk about it. Just cause I was freaking out so much about everything, and you wouldn't take any of my calls… I actually called Kurt a couple of times last week, and I swear there was a point when he pretty much threatened me with bodily harm if I told anyone about this before speaking to you!"

Sebastian huffed, shaking his head and smiling sadly as he realized all the fears that had been tormenting and stressing him out this past week had been all inside his head. He felt like an idiot… and like an asshole. He'd felt so paranoid and helpless that he had unfairly dropped his frustrations on Kurt, blaming him for what happened when Kurt had actually gone out of his way to make sure his secret was safe.

"I didn't know." Sebastian said, in a small voice, and Trent stared at him with a pained expression.

"So… why did you send out the email then? Was it because you thought everyone already knew about your cancer?"

"Yeah… something like that."

Trent pressed his lips into a tight line and sighed.

"Listen, the guys will be here any minute now, and they don't know what's going on but… Sebastian, they were all very glad to hear from you. You have no idea! So, I really think you should tell them. They care about you… we all do, and-"

Trent stopped mid-sentence, interrupted by the sound of the bell ringing, and Sebastian felt his stomach do a little nervous jump. He turned to his side and could see the silhouettes of the guys behind the big wooden and glass door.

"They're here." Sebastian said, feeling a little breathless.

"Yeah… What are you going to do?" Trent asked, eyes wide, looking concerned but hopeful. Sebastian just looked at him and gathered all the strength he could muster.

"Screw it… I'm just gonna tell them. Yeah."

Trent smiled widely, looking proud of Sebastian for his decision; but the truth was, Sebastian had never been more nervous in his life. It didn't matter though, cause he just took a deep breath and braced himself.

_It was time to face the music._


	14. Chapter 14

Sebastian didn't know if it was the weight loss, the paleness of his face, or perhaps only his own nerves, but after welcoming the guys inside and having everyone sitting down in the living room, he felt like everyone already just  _knew_.

No one was saying anything but Sebastian felt like he had the word CANCER written all over his forehead. Every glance Sebastian got of the guys looking at him seemed judgmental and pitying, but he kept trying to tell himself that it wasn't the case, that it couldn't possibly be the case. Sebastian's mind was split in two, one part felt determined and positive that this was for the best, and the other half was screaming for him to just make a run for the stairs and go lock himself in his room.

Sebastian's own thoughts seemed loud in the silence of the room as the guys just sat there, smiling and looking at him expectantly. Sebastian chuckled nervously, and cracked his fingers a few times before wiping his cold sweaty palms with the denim of his jeans. He straightened his clothes, adjusted his beanie, and made a few attempts at talking but his voice was gone, he just kept sighing and smiling awkwardly, gathering his courage.

Sebastian was not nervous; he was terrified. He just stared at everybody for the longest time and watched their smiles go from expectant to awkward and from awkward to worried as the silence stretched for two entire minutes. Sebastian knew this because he was alternating between looking at the guys, then down at his own feet, and then at the clock in the wall in the other side of the room.

Jeff and Nick kept looking at one another, and then at Sebastian. Hunter seemed intrigued and expectant, but his expression was quite collected, as usual. Thad and David were just sitting there, silently staring at him with curious eyes. Trent was the only one who was standing up, looking at Sebastian like he was ready to just sprint to where he was standing and grab him if he fainted. Trent's lips were pressed in a tight, encouraging smile and even though Sebastian knew he meant well, it only managed to make him even more nervous.

"Are you okay?" Nick finally asked, which snapped Sebastian out of his thoughts.

"Um… yeah, sorry. Well… I just don't really know what to say, I mean..." He chuckled nervously, "Just thinking about where to begin, I guess."

Sebastian felt like an idiot for admitting to his own nervousness, but Nick just smiled friendly and then Jeff said:

"Well… we're all really glad to see you. How have you been?"

"Yeah, I feel like we haven't seen you in forever!" said David.

"We've all been worried about you… We've missed you, man." added Thad, and the rest of the guys nodded.

Sebastian smiled and took a deep breath, looking at them. Watching Sebastian smile made the rest of the guys smile in return, but Sebastian knew there was no easy way of saying what he had to say.

"Well...  _I have cancer."_

Sebastian's words immediately wiped out the smiles of everyone in the room. Nick and Hunter frowned confusedly, Jeff and David just gaped and Thad seemed like he was choking on air. Trent seemed like he was in the verge of tears, even though he already knew. The atmosphere in the room immediately changed, and none of the guys could form any words.

"It's leukemia…" Sebastian continued, rubbing his hands over his thighs as he sat down in the arm of his dad's big recliner chair. "I got diagnosed late December; just the day before Christmas eve actually. It's been pretty hard but I'm okay, I guess. I've just… I wanted to deal with it on my own for a while. It's hard to explain, but yeah… that's why I haven't been around."

None of the guys said anything; it was like they just let Sebastian's words sink in for a while. After a couple of seconds of confused glances and silence, Jeff was the one who finally spoke.

"Sebastian, b-but what does that mean? Will you be okay?" He asked.

"Well… I hope so." Sebastian said, smiling awkwardly.

"I'm fine right now. I mean, the cancer is still there... I'm still in treatment, which means I have to go to the hospital a lot, but I'm fine. I getting treated in a really nice hospital in Cleveland that is top-notch in regards to cancer treatment, so yeah… It's been pretty hard these past couple of months, but hopefully I'll be alright… you know, eventually."

Sebastian was impressed at how positive he had managed to make everything sound when the past couple of days he had been feeling so pessimistic and depressed about his situation, but he was glad, because the guys seemed to believe him. They were all smiling, and looking at him supportively.

"Wow… we had no idea." Nick quickly said, "Cancer… Sebastian, you should have told us, man."

"Yeah… sorry I disappeared on you guys."

"But wait… Are you being homeschooled now or something?" Asked Thad, and Sebastian grimaced. He knew sooner or later that subject would come up.

"No, I'm not." He confessed, hesitantly. "I mean, that was the idea, originally... My mom was going to hire a tutor but, I haven't been able to study much… or, at all."

"Wait… what do you mean?" Thad asked.

"I… I'm just not studying."

Everyone looked perplexed.

"What? No way Seb… really?" David asked, horrified... And Sebastian just shrugged.

"But Sebastian… you were top of our class, you can't just throw away your senior year!" added Trent.

They all started protesting then, agreeing with Trent and saying how they couldn't believe it, so Sebastian started to get really annoyed. Sebastian knew the guys meant well, but he didn't need them telling him all the things he was doing wrong when they didn't even understand his reasons.

"Okay can you guys just cut it out for a minute?" Sebastian yelled, startling everyone. "I'm not throwing away my senior year… Alright? I just can't go to school when I have to be in the hospital all the time! And I can't even think about studying when my brain feels like mush half the time with all the drugs they give me."

Everyone remained quiet… they seemed worried and embarrassed as they realized they'd upset Sebastian with their comments.

"It's not that I don't want to study… I do. Believe me, I really do… You guys think I don't want to graduate and go to college? Of course I do! But I have to be alive for that, don't I? Right now I just need to get better… I need to just deal with this first... I don't know what else to do."

The room fell silent as everyone just kept looking at each other awkwardly and apparently just taking Sebastian's words in. They didn't need to say anything though... Because just the look on their faces made Sebastian feel sick to his stomach. Things had started out so well but now Sebastian knew the inevitable had happened: _They were feeling sorry for him._

Sebastian knew this would happen, he could feel his control slowly slipping away like water between his fingers and he wanted to scream. He was just about to tell everyone to leave when suddenly Hunter got up from the couch and walked over to where he was standing.

"Sebastian… None of us know what you're going through, and we don't mean to make you feel bad, or upset you… That is the last thing we want, but you have to understand that we can't just stand back and do nothing. There must be  _something_  we can do, and we want to figure it out. Even if you really can't go back to school, it doesn't matter... If you want to graduate, we'll make it happen." Hunter put his hand over Sebastian's shoulder and then turned to face the rest of the guys.

"We are all going to help you… Right guys? I don't know how, but we're gonna do this. Once a Warbler, always a Warbler, remember? You're one of us, and that means something to us."

The rest of the guys hummed in agreement, and Sebastian smiled, feeling surprised at Hunter's words.

"My mom knows the headmaster's wife…" Jeff said, "I'll talk to her and see if maybe she can talk to her about your situation, and get a hearing with the headmaster! Talk to your parents so they can go down and talk to him, I'm sure there is something that can be done."

The guys seemed excited at the prospect of helping Sebastian, and all started coming up with ways in which they could figure the whole thing out. Trent even offered to write down a schedule and make it so everyone could take turns and come over after school to help Sebastian get up to date with his schoolwork. They were all determined to make things happen no matter what, and Sebastian could do nothing but just laugh and nod as he realized that the guys were not going to let him out of this one easily.

Right in the middle of their conversation, the front door opened, and Sebastian's mom walked inside. The look on her face was priceless once she saw Sebastian surrounded by all his Dalton friends. She was smiling wider than Sebastian had seen her smile in months.

The guys wasted no time, inviting her to sit down with them so they could all discuss alternatives to figure out Sebastian's school situation. As it turns out, Dalton's headmaster already knew about Sebastian's health condition. Mrs. Smythe confessed in that moment that she and Sebastian's father had told the headmaster the truth when they pulled him out of school, even though they had told Sebastian that they hadn't, just to ease his anxiety.

Sebastian felt a little embarrassed when his mom said that aloud, because he realized how silly his demands had been, even though at the time it felt like keeping his cancer a secret was the most important thing in the world. Of course his parents had to tell the headmaster that he had cancer, otherwise why would they pull him out in the middle of the school year? After all, he was one of Dalton's finest students.

But just because the headmaster was aware of Sebastian's illness, that didn't mean things were completely fixed. After all, Sebastian had missed more than two months worth of classes, and making up for that was not going to be an easy task. Jeff sad he would talk to his mother the minute he got home, so that they could set an appointment for Sebastian's parents to meet with the headmaster and work things out.

That day, the Warblers ended up hanging out at Sebastian's house all afternoon long... Time flew by when they had lots of things to talk about, discuss and catch up, and Mrs. Smythe made sure they all had more than enough snacks and drinks until they were all stuffed. Some of them even stayed for dinner, and at the end of the night Sebastian couldn't help but feel relieved. Things had worked out so much better than he ever thought... It was unreal. After the guys were gone, Sebastian found himself feeling better than he had in days.

When Catherine called that night, it was Sebastian who had lots of things to tell her. The truth was, Sebastian felt like a huge weight had been lifted off his chest, a weight that he didn't even realize he had put upon himself.

When Sebastian hung up with his sister, he stared at his phone for a while… Those two voicemail messages he'd been ignoring for the past few days were still there, and Sebastian figured he would just listen to them and get it over with.

_"Hey, Sebastian. I um… I was just calling to see how you were. Your mom said you might get discharged from the hospital today? I just… I hope you're okay… I was really scared for a moment there… but I'm glad you're being taken care of now. And well, just… call me, okay? bye."_

Sebastian felt his heart clench at the sound of Kurt's voice. He'd left that message the day after the nosebleed incident. Kurt was evidently worried about him and Sebastian had repaid him by telling him to leave him alone. He felt like such an asshole.

 _"Hey, it's me…_ again _. I know you said you don't want to talk to me, and…" Kurt breathed heavily and sighed, "I don't understand why… but it's fine, I guess… I just thought you should know that I talked to Trent and Blaine about what happened, and I asked them to not tell anyone until they talked to you… Trent's really worried about you though… we all are. Look, Sebastian, I'm not gonna push it if you really don't want to talk to me, but you should really call Trent, okay? Talk to him. I won't call you again… or your mom, if that's what you really want so… I just… goodbye Sebastian."_

Sebastian replayed Kurt's voicemail messages a couple of times before finally deciding to delete them. He felt a mixture of frustration and guilt stir inside him. Sebastian realized in that moment, much to his own dismay, that if he had just sucked it up and listened to his voicemail messages from the start, he wouldn't have been stressing over things the way he had. That realization left him feeling stupid and immature, but he didn't know what to do.

Well, Sebastian did know what he had to do… He needed to call Kurt, and apologize, but that was easier said than done. Kurt would probably hate him by now, especially after how he completely ignored him at the hospital the other day. All the good feeling he had about the day started fading away as frustration took it's place. Sebastian had screwed up big time, and he needed to make amends, but how?

He went to sleep, trying to ignore the sound of Kurt's voice as his mind played the voicemail messages in his head over and over again.

The next few days went by fairly quickly for Sebastian, as Jeff kept up with his promise of talking to his mother, and Sebastian and his parents were summoned for a meeting with the headmaster on Thursday afternoon. Sebastian did his best to not freak out over the fact that that meant he would have to actually go to Dalton. Granted, now that the Warblers knew about his cancer he felt a little bit more at ease going out, but that didn't really mean that he was ready to just show up at school and tell everyone.

Still, Sebastian knew he had to do it, and the Warblers were really supportive and encouraging, so that definitely helped. When Sebastian arrived at Dalton with his parents, he walked with his head held high, determined to act as normally as possible. After all, Sebastian was still the same person, and he didn't want to allow his illness to define who he was or to keep him from doing the things that he wanted and needed to do.

As it turns out, the fact that Sebastian was on top of his class meant he could make up for the two months of classes that he missed, as long as he completed Dalton's strict syllabus and made up for the lost time in all his courses in the span of one month. It seemed like a lot, but it really wasn't, considering the fact that Sebastian was already a little bit ahead than the rest of his class in most of the courses. The headmaster was very accommodating, and offered to arrange a meeting for Sebastian with his professors on Monday so they could come up with a study plan to get him going.

Sebastian was grateful for the opportunity, and his parents were more than thrilled about him being able to continue his education. However, as exciting as the prospect of not failing his senior year was, the less exciting part was all the hard work Sebastian was going to have to put into making it possible. There was a lot of reading, writing and other homework that needed to be done, and Sebastian was not looking forward to that part at all.

He knew he'd have a long way ahead of him, and he was going to have to be responsible and study hard in spite of anything that could happen. He had to get chemo on Wednesday next week and he wouldn't be able to slack, no matter how bad he was feeling. Sebastian had the feeling that maybe having things to do would help him take his mind off things and not feel as bad as he'd been feeling previous times. But he'd have to wait and see.

When Sebastian returned to his house, he was feeling determined and optimistic. Things were starting to look up and it felt good. Later that evening, after having dinner with his parents, Sebastian got a call from Alex. They'd been talking a bit more often lately and Sebastian had told him that he was going to visit Dalton today, so Alex called to ask how him about it.

"It was great… Really great, actually. The headmaster was very helpful. He is going to talk to my teachers tomorrow so I'll have to go again on Monday to talk to them about a study plan to catch up on all the assignments."

_"Wow, that's great Seb. Sounds like you'll be pretty busy with that then."_

"Yeah… that part is going to suck, but I'll figure it out. Dad keeps offering to hire a tutor but I want to see if I can pull it out on my own first."

_"You can totally do it by yourself… You're a nerd, and nerds don't need tutors."_

"I'm not a nerd… shut up." Sebastian replied, and heard Alex laughing out loud in the other side of the line. Alex always teased him about it just because Sebastian always had better grades than him.

 _"So… What else is up?"_ Alex asked and Sebastian shrugged.

"Not much, that sums up pretty much the highlight of my week I guess… I already told the Warblers and they're looking forward to seeing what my study plan will be so they can help me out."

_"Cool… How about Kurt? Have you talked to him?"_

"Uh… no, not yet." Sebastian sighed; figuring it was just a matter of time before Kurt would pop up in their conversation again.

_"Oh… Well, I haven't spoken to him either. I wonder how his dad is doing though…"_

"His father? Why? What happened?"

_"I don't know… I just remember seeing Kurt post something on Facebook this morning about a surgery or something."_

_Crap._  Sebastian had completely forgotten about that. But now that Alex mentioned it, Sebastian remembered how Kurt had told him about it the last time they'd been together at the mall. Kurt had mentioned that his dad only had a couple more weeks of treatment and then he would have his surgery.

 _"Found it!"_  Alex suddenly exclaimed.

"Found what?"

_"Kurt's status update… I looked it up on my computer just now. Man you should really reopen your Facebook. You're missing out important stuff."_

Sebastian just groaned, he really didn't want to reopen his Facebook. But he couldn't deny he  _was_  curious about Kurt's status update.

 _"I'll read you what he posted: 'Dad's last radiotherapy session is tomorrow. Hoping for good news from his doctors, and a possible surgery date."_ Alex said and Sebastian couldn't help but feel a little concerned.

"That's it?"

_"Yeah… that's all he wrote. He has some comments from a few friends on it. Want me to read them?"_

"No, it's fine. Thanks."

_"Oh okay… Well, I already told you what I think Seb. You should call Kurt and see how he is doing. I bet he would appreciate it."_

"I know… I think I will. Thanks Alex."

_"No problem."_

After they hung up, Sebastian knew he had to make a decision and fast. He'd been dreading calling Kurt on the phone because he felt like anything he could possibly say would sound lame and stupid and he was mortified just thinking about it. Talking in person would probably be easier for Sebastian, but he didn't know where Kurt lived and even if he did, the mere idea of going over to Kurt's house out of the blue was just too risky.

Going to the hospital, on the other hand, sounded like a more viable option. He would just have to come up with an excuse to tell his mom, cause there was no way she was going to let him take his car if she knew he was going to drive all the way to Cleveland.

Sebastian went to bed feeling conflicted and torn. He knew he needed to make a decision before morning, because if he missed this opportunity, it would only make things harder in the end, and he really needed to make things right with Kurt again.

….

"Are you nervous?"

"No...  _Are you?"_

"No… no."

"You're a bad liar, Kurt."

"Dad, I'm not lying... I mean, I am a  _little_  worried, but.. aren't we all?"

"I don't know… I don't wanna get ahead of my self. The treatment has been going well as far as the doctor has said, right? It's just this last round of radiotherapy and then we meet up with the doctor to discuss my test results... it should be fine."

Kurt would never be able to fully understand how his dad could just discuss things regarding his cancer and treatment so easy and carelessly. Kurt had been so nervous earlier that morning that his dad noticed and refused to let him drive, claiming that he was feeling well enough to do it himself anyway.

"We're just hoping for the best sweetie, try not to worry so much." Carole said from the back seat.

Kurt sighed, smiling at Carole and looking at his father one more time before turning to look out the window instead. He tried to focus on the trees they were passing by, and the clear morning sky; anything to give his mind a break from all the worrying. That however, lasted only about 5 minutes because then Kurt remembered he had to check his phone... It was almost 9:28 and he didn't want to forget to tap his nose. He'd almost forgotten to do it at 9:14 because Finn called him on the phone to ask if he could eat the last of the blueberry muffins Kurt had baked a few days ago.

Kurt wished he could be as calm as his dad, but the truth was that he couldn't… Not today. Kurt had spent the last couple of days mentally preparing himself, trying to be positive and doing everything within his reach to prepare for this moment. He couldn't help but be extremely anxious because today they would finally find out if his father's cancer treatment had been successful in reducing the size of the tumor; and if everything was going well they could possibly even get a surgery date.

The drive to the hospital seemed unusually long that day, and when they finally arrived Kurt knew it was  _truth time._ He wanted nothing more than to just to go in, talk to the doctor and get things over with. But no, they had to wait. Their appointment with his dad's oncologist was still one hour away. His dad had to get his last radiotherapy session first, so Kurt and Carole sat in the waiting room while Burt went inside the clinic.

Kurt had all the information he needed right in his hands, in a manila folder he'd been keeping ever since he came from New York. He had all his dad's appointment dates, test sheets, and information related to his condition in there. He'd also been taking notes about his dad's symptoms and side effects from the radiation since day one. Kurt had collected several pamphlets and brochures about prostate cancer, treatment and research there as well.

The logical part of Kurt's brain was telling him that worrying wouldn't do anything to help his dad, but the emotional part of it was just freaking out about even the slightest possibility of something going wrong. Kurt just couldn't even bare the thought of losing his father. When Carole put her hand on his shoulder, Kurt almost jumped out of his seat.

"Do you want a sandwich? I have fruit too." Carole said with a sweet smile.

"No thanks…" Kurt replied, trying his best to smile back at her.

"Honey, coffee doesn't count as breakfast. Aren't you hungry?"

Kurt just shook his head and sighed. He knew Carole could tell just how nervous he really was. He hadn't been able to eat anything before leaving the house that morning because he was feeling a little nauseous. He still wasn't hungry, so he declined Carole's offer as kindly as possible, feeling relieved and thankful when she didn't insist. They just sat there in companionable silence, waiting for the time to pass. After a couple of minutes Carole reached out to grab one of the magazines from the small corner table. She started mindlessly flipping through the pages as Kurt struggled to not bite his nails off.

Suddenly, Kurt's phone started buzzing in his pocket… He reached for it thinking it was a text message but froze when he saw it was actually an incoming call from Sebastian. Kurt was startled as he stared at Sebastian's name and picture flashing through the screen.

 _Oh no_ … Kurt couldn't deal with this right now. So he declined the call and quickly put his phone away, taking a deep breath and trying to calm himself.  _Why was Sebastian calling him right now?_  It was the worst possible time. Sure, Kurt had been worried about him last week, but then he'd also been really hurt, so Sebastian's sudden call right now just mixed Kurt's emotions in a way that he just couldn't deal with at the moment.

It was like the universe was plotting against him. Kurt needed to keep his mind focused and positive, not distracted and anxious. So he took a deep breath and decided he would deal with his conflicting thoughts about Sebastian later, after he was done with his dad's appointment.

Kurt opened his folder and started flipping through the papers he had there until he found the pamphlet he was looking for. "Stories of Hope: Cancer survivor testimonials." Kurt read the entire pamphlet, even though he had read it many times before. Somehow, it just soothed him to know there were many people around the world who had won their battle with cancer. His dad was a fighter, and he could beat this thing too.

After a while, Kurt looked up at the clock in the wall and realized 30 minutes had passed. Every minute in the waiting room seemed like an hour long though. Kurt was feeling a little bit better now, but he couldn't help but feel a little antsy about why Sebastian had called him.  _Hadn't he told Kurt to leave him alone?_  Yeah, Sebastian had been very specific about that. What if something was wrong though? Kurt hadn't thought about that possibility and now he felt bad for ignoring the call. Maybe something was wrong and… No. When Kurt realized he was stressing again he kicked himself internally. With his luck, Sebastian probably butt-dialed him and he was worrying about nothing.

Kurt breathed in, putting his head on his hands and closing his eyes, trying his best to zone out. Maybe if he tried hard enough, his mind would finally shut up.  _Positive thoughts_ , he needed positive thoughts. And most importantly, he needed to stop thinking about Sebastian… Now was not the time to be thinking about him.

 _"Kurt?"_  Came Sebastian's voice, and Kurt just sighed, pressing his hands against his eyes. This plan was not working. He needed to focus harder.  _Stop thinking about Sebastian. Stop thinking about Sebastian._

"Kurt, honey?"

Kurt groaned, opening his eyes and turning to look at Carole. Carole wasn't looking at him though, and when Kurt followed her line of sight he realized she was actually looking at Sebastian. In that moment, Kurt felt what little peace he had managed to hold on to immediately leave him.

"S-Sebastian?"

"Hi..."

Kurt had no idea how Sebastian even got there, but he was there just standing in front of them in the middle of the waiting room, wearing his god awful gray beanie, a navy blue hoodie that looked at least two sizes too big for him and the most awkward expression on his face.

Kurt was caught completely off guard, completely puzzled and unable to form any words for a while. Had Sebastian really appeared out of the blue? That didn't make any sense. Kurt could even think that he was hallucinating, if it wasn't for the fact that Carole was wide eyed, taking turns between looking at Sebastian and then back at him.

"What are you doing here?"

"I… um." Sebastian hesitated, fidgeting nervously in front of Kurt. "I need to talk to you."

"You want to talk." It wasn't a question.

Sebastian nodded, and Kurt raised an eyebrow.

"Right now… You want to talk  _right now?_ "

"Uh… yeah?" Sebastian said, like it was obvious.

Sebastian was completely oblivious to how bad his timing was, and that only managed to annoy Kurt even more. So he just rolled his eyes and huffed, quickly getting up from his seat. Kurt looked at Sebastian straight in the eye but didn't say anything, turning to look down at Carole instead.

"I'll be right back." Kurt told her before grabbing Sebastian by the sleeve of his sweater and walking out of the waiting room, practically dragging Sebastian behind him.

"Hey… wait! What are you…" Sebastian protested, but stopped once Kurt gave him a massive death glare. Kurt didn't let go of him until they were in the corridor, away from the waiting room. Kurt made a beeline towards one of the small gardens of the hospital, not really caring if Sebastian was still walking behind him or not. When he was finally outside and turned around, Sebastian was there, standing in front of him with his hands awkwardly in his pockets.

Kurt breathed in and closed his eyes, hoping to calm himself down a little and brace himself for whatever it was that Sebastian wanted to talk about. Kurt hadn't spoken to Sebastian in two weeks, and didn't know what to expect from him at this point, so he crossed his arms defensively over his chest as best as he could considering he was still holding his folder.

Sebastian just stared at him intently for a couple of seconds, not really saying anything, and Kurt bit the inside of his cheek cause he really didn't have the patience for this right now.

"What do you want?" Kurt asked, and realized it had come out a little too harsh but he couldn't help it when his nerves were on edge.

"Well…" Sebastian started, "I just wanted to talk."

"So, talk."

Sebastian just shook his head exasperatedly and whispered. "Okay… you're not making this any easier." It was probably just meant to be a comment to himself; but it was loud enough that Kurt still heard it, and it made him snap.

"Oh...  _I'm_  being difficult? Are you serious right now Sebastian?"

"Y-yeah… Look, Kurt… I'm  _trying_  here, okay?"

"Trying to what?"

"To talk to you!"

Kurt could feel his heart beating fast inside his chest, and his throat hurt as he tried to speak without crying.

"Oh! Now you want to talk to me, huh?" Kurt fumed, walking towards Sebastian until they were merely inches away from each other. "After two weeks of completely ignoring me and practically telling me to go to hell...  _Now_  you wanna talk?"

Sebastian was caught completely off guard and could do nothing but gape as Kurt started hitting him with the manila folder he was holding in his hands.

"Do you have any idea how worried I was?" Kurt yelled, emphasizing every word with a smack of his folder on Sebastian's arm. "You almost bled to death in front of me! And then you just… push me away... you asshole!"

"I know… I know! I'm sorry… Kurt I'm sorry!" Sebastian shrieked, but Kurt kept smacking him. Sebastian was doing nothing to hold Kurt back from unleashing his anger on him; he just stood there as Kurt kept hitting him. It was like he knew he deserved it. Kurt wasn't hitting hard enough for it to hurt, but it was still cathartic.

"God! You are so infuriating!" Kurt yelled, a few tears escaping his eyes. He was just so frustrated at the moment that he couldn't help it anymore.

"I hate you so much!" Kurt cried, dropping his folder to the floor and reaching out grab Sebastian by his sweater, fisting his hands in the fabric and pulling him close in a weird sort of awkward embrace. It wasn't a hug, not really. Kurt just pressed his forehead against Sebastian's chest and smacked him again frustratedly.

"I hate you… and you don't even care!" Kurt sighed against Sebastian's chest before he could really realize what he was doing.

Sebastian said nothing for a moment, and Kurt realized he was pretty rigid, so he immediately let go of him, worrying he had overstepped his boundaries in a moment of frustration; but before Kurt could get away, Sebastian put his arms around him -just over his shoulders- and pulled him close.

"I do care…" Sebastian whispered against Kurt's hair. "I do, Kurt. I'm an idiot… and I'm sorry."

In that moment, it was like the floodgates were opened, and Kurt couldn't stop himself from crying. He'd been trying to hold it together but he couldn't do it anymore. Kurt just held onto Sebastian, letting his tears run free as he hid his face against Sebastian's chest. The more Kurt sobbed, the tighter Sebastian held him. It was cathartic how Kurt was just able to let go and cry himself dry. For a long time, neither of them said anything… Sebastian just let Kurt cry in his arms without asking any questions, which helped Kurt clear his mind and just let his emotions free like he'd been trying to for days now.

Kurt would have never guessed how just being there in Sebastian's arms was what he needed at the moment. Sebastian kept Kurt in his arms, moving his hands around Kurt's back in soothing circular motions. Kurt felt strangely safe in Sebastian's arms… Which was a feeling he couldn't really understand at the moment, but he didn't want to. It just felt right, and that was enough for him right now.

Kurt just wanted to get lost in the comfort and warmth of that moment, and ignore everything else. Slowly, Kurt uncurled his fists from the fabric of Sebastian's sweater and moved his hands to Sebastian's sides, hugging him. He lost track of exactly how long they stayed like that, but it was long enough for him to stop crying and start to feel calmer.

"Are you okay?" Sebastian's voice sounded like it came from far away as Kurt slowly pulled away he could be able to look at him. He wiped his eyes with one hand as they untangled themselves from their embrace, moving to sit in a nearby bench.

Sebastian took out a small plastic package of kleenex from his pocket and handed one to Kurt.

"Thanks." Kurt mumbled as he wiped his eyes and nose with the tissue. Sebastian just smiled warmly, and  _god_ , Kurt figured he needed to do some explaining now, otherwise Sebastian would think the he was reason why Kurt was having a meltdown.

"How's your dad?" Sebastian asked before Kurt could say anything.

"He's fine… Getting his last radiotherapy session today, actually." Kurt said, sniffling a little between his words. "We're seeing the doctor in afterwards so he can talk to us about his test results."

"Test results… Is that for his surgery?"

"Yeah…" Kurt sighed, and Sebastian just nodded sympathetically. "I'm sorry for… all this." Kurt said, motioning towards Sebastian's chest where Kurt had made a complete mess of snot and tears, but Sebastian just shrugged.

"Don't even worry about it… you can just pay for my dry-cleaning and we're cool."

Kurt rolled his eyes but laughed nonetheless, giving Sebastian a small shove.

"Ass."

"I'm kidding."

Kurt laughed, wiping the corner of his eye and turning the kleenex into a small ball in his hand.

Kurt thought that he would feel self conscious or embarrassed about being so vulnerable and open in front of Sebastian, but the truth was, he was feeling so exhausted that he just didn't have the energy for it anymore. Kurt looked at Sebastian's navy sweater and black skinny jeans and smiled because he'd tormented the entire family into wearing light colored clothes this morning, and it probably didn't make much of a difference. Sebastian had managed to make him feel better, and he was wearing all the wrong colors… especially with those red sneakers.

They sat there for a couple of silent minutes until Sebastian spoke again.

"I heard… Trent told me about what you did. How you asked him not to tell anyone. Thank you, for that."

Kurt perked up and turned to look at Sebastian expectantly.

"I… I'm sorry for how I behaved. I'm sorry about the text and all... you know being a jerk comes like second nature to me sometimes." Sebastian said, smiling sadly. "The whole situation was just very overwhelming… I got scared and acted out, and I'm sorry, Kurt."

Kurt didn't really know what to say, he just pressed his lips into a tight smile.

"It's okay."

"I told the Warblers, you know? They all know now."

"Really? Wow, that's… that's great, Sebastian."

"Yeah…"

"And how did it go?"

"Well, it was…  _interesting_."

"Interesting? What happened?"

"Well..." Sebastian smiled, remembering all the things that happened since the day he told everyone. "It was alright… The guys are great and well; let's just say things have taken a turn for the good. I went to Dalton yesterday, my parents spoke to the headmaster and it seems like I can still salvage my senior year."

"Are you serious? That's amazing!" Kurt said, smiling. "I'm so glad to hear that, Sebastian."

"How about you? How have you been?" Sebastian asked, and Kurt just sighed because he really didn't know how to answer that question. He was fine, but at the same time he really wasn't. Not until his dad was out of the woods.

"I don't know… I'm just really worried about my dad. I just wish this whole thing could be over. Worrying about him is just driving me crazy, and I feel stupid because this is  _not_  about me. It's about him, and I just wish there was more that I could do. I feel so useless."

"Kurt, don't say that… you're doing enough."

Kurt just smiled, but they were interrupted before he could say anything.

"Hey Kurt!" Burt called out from the door of the hospital corridor.

"Dad! Oh my god…" Kurt said, getting up from the bench and trying helplessly to fix his hair and face, even though he knew it was a hopeless case. Kurt wouldn't be able to hide the fact that he'd been crying. Not with how puffy his eyes were.

Burt walked over to them as Sebastian kneeled down to pick up Kurt's folder. By the time Sebastian stood up to face Burt it was obvious that the older man picked up on that something was going on.

"Is everything alright?" Burt asked sternly, looking at Kurt and then at Sebastian. Kurt saw the look on his dad's face and realized what he must have been thinking.

"Yeah... Dad, I'm fine. Sebastian and I were just... T-talking and I just..." Kurt didn't know how to explain to his dad without given away just how terrified he was about his condition. "I guess I just took the whole "shoulder to cry on" thing too literally with Sebastian, that's all."

Burt seemed to get it then, realizing Sebastian wasn't to blame for making Kurt cry, cause his features softened and he put his arm around Kurt.

"Kurt… it's going to be fine. We have faced so much together; we'll make it past this too! Doctor Lewis is waiting for us. Let's get this done… Alright?"

Kurt nodded and tried to smile as the three of them walked back into the hospital. Carole was waiting for them in the hallway and offered Kurt a small paper cup with fresh water. Kurt hugged her and smiled, drinking the water and managing to feel a little better.

Sebastian walked with them up until they reached the doctor's office. "Well... I guess I'll leave you guys to it." He said, smiling awkwardly at the three of them.

Kurt looked at Sebastian and then at his dad, not feeling quite sure about what to do.

"You can come in if you want, it's fine by me." Said Burt, but Sebastian just smiled.

"Thanks, but… It's a personal moment for your family, and I don't want to intervene. You guys go ahead." Sebastian said, looking at Kurt who was trying really hard to stay calm and collected when he could feel his stomach doing somersaults. Before Kurt could say anything, Sebastian reached out and gave his hand a little squeeze, "I'll wait here, okay?"

Kurt nodded and held onto Sebastian's hand for the briefest second before walking into the doctor's office.

Sebastian found a seat in the waiting room and sat down while Kurt and his family went into the office. He sat down and breathed in, feeling a strange mix of emotions overrunning him. He'd been so nervous about talking to Kurt but in the end things had worked out… even if the way everything happened was completely unexpected.

Sebastian had always seen Kurt putting a strong front, being the one talking sense and encouragement to him in the times he needed it the most. But now the tables had turned; Kurt had been the one who was broken and scared and Sebastian had to be the one to try to make him feel better. He still couldn't believe the things that happened just minutes ago, but he could still feel the smell of Kurt's cologne over his clothes. Kurt smelled really good, Sebastian noted. Just the right amount of fruity and spicy.

Sebastian sat there in the waiting room hoping that whatever news the doctor had for Kurt's dad were positive. He was relieved that Kurt had not insisted on him going in with them because as much as Sebastian wanted to support Kurt, he was not sure how he would react if the news for Kurt's dad were bad. After all, Sebastian was in a similar situation and he really wasn't doing a great job at coping on his own.

After almost twenty minutes, Kurt and his family came out of the doctor's office. Sebastian smiled wide as he saw the look of complete joy that Kurt had as he walked up to him.

Sebastian's breath hitched as Kurt hugged him tightly and said: "It worked! The treatment worked!"

"That's awesome, Kurt!" Sebastian felt happy and relieved, the smiles on Carole and Burt's faces matched Kurt's own and he was very happy for them. "So… What does that mean? Are you in remission?" Sebastian asked Burt once Kurt had let go of him.

"Not quite yet." Burt said, still smiling. "But the treatment managed to get rid of most of the cancer. The doctor says we'll wait four weeks and run some tests again, and then he can tell us if the surgery is even necessary, or maybe just another round of radiation. We'll have to wait and see."

Sebastian didn't quite understand much about how prostate cancer treatment worked, since Leukemia was a completely different kind of cancer. But he was happy to see that things looked good for Kurt's dad.

"That's really great… Congrats." Sebastian said again and Burt smiled.

"Well… I think these new developments call for a celebration." Burt exclaimed to the three of them. "We should all go out for lunch… My treat! What do you guys say?"

"Yes please… I'm starving." Kurt admitted and they all laughed as they walked to the parking lot.

Seeing Kurt smiling and looking optimistic again was a drastic change from how stressed he'd first been when Sebastian saw him that morning. Sebastian felt happy for Kurt and his dad, and at the same time couldn't help but feel a little jealous. Sebastian could only hope that his own cancer treatment was working as well, because he wanted nothing more than to be able to celebrate like them.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So... they finally talked! Yay! What did you guys think? I hope you liked the chapter :) I just wanted to thank all of you guys who always leave lovely comments because you make my day every time. I can't believe there is more than 400 of you subscribed to my little story... Wow, really THANK YOU!


	15. Chapter 15

Sebastian walked out toward the parking lot with Kurt and his family. They were all smiling and in very high spirits. Their optimism was contagious and Sebastian found himself smiling widely until they reached the parking lot, because that's when Kurt turned to him and asked the inevitable question.

"Oh… Sebastian, where's your mom? Or… Who did you come with?"

Sebastian was caught off guard by Kurt's question, even though he already knew he would eventually have to justify his presence at the hospital somehow.

"Um… She's not here. I came by myself actually."

Kurt seemed thrown off by Sebastian's statement.

"You came to the hospital all alone? Why?"

"Well, I just had to get some routine blood tests done… Nothing big." Sebastian lied, hoping he didn't sound as nervous as he was feeling at the moment. "But I didn't come alone, Marcus drove me. He is waiting for me in the car. "

"Who is Marcus?"

"Uh… He's our, uh... driver." Sebastian shrugged, smiling but feeling a little embarrassed about the admission. Somehow the fact that his mom didn't let him take the car by himself was a little bit humiliating to him.

Kurt however, seemed more puzzled by the fact that Sebastian was alone at the hospital to pay attention to the  _Sebastian-needs-a-driver_  part.

Sebastian was sure Kurt was about to say something but luckily Burt stepped in before he could.

"You are coming with us Sebastian, right? I'm still not sure where we're going, but I am hungry and want to treat myself to something delicious! So, what do you say?"

"I actually know a place you're gonna love… and it's not far from here at all." Sebastian said, happy to change the subject and get going.

…

Sebastian wasn't sure what had been worse: having Kurt watch as he had to call his mom to tell her he wasn't going back home with Marcus (he hoped his mother's happy squeals hadn't been loud enough for Kurt to hear) or having to ride in the backseat of the Hummels' car with Kurt's step mother.

Sure, Carole seemed nice enough. But she kept giving Sebastian this looks that seemed like a mixture of curiosity and fondness, and every time Sebastian caught her staring she would just give him this small smile that made him oddly self-conscious.

Kurt was driving and his dad was looking at the GPS as it displayed the route to the restaurant Sebastian had suggested. Sebastian had spent so much time in Cleveland these past few months that he and his parents had often gone on several quests to find decent restaurants that they could actually enjoy. Sebastian only hoped the Hummels would like it too.

Before long, they arrived at the restaurant and were getting ready to order when Sebastian took off his hoodie. He was casually looking at the menu when he heard Carole gasp out loud from across the table.

"Oh my god honey, what happened to your arm?"

Sebastian frowned; not knowing what Carole was talking about until he glanced at his left arm and saw a big bruise starting to form. Sebastian hadn't even noticed it, otherwise he would have just kept his sweater on.

"Oh it's nothing… I just bruise really easily." Sebastian shrugged, smiling widely like it was no big deal even though he could feel his face burning up with embarrassment. Carole seemed really worried, Burt was frowning and Sebastian didn't want to draw their attention like that.

"I swear I get these all the time, but they go away in a couple of days. Don't worry." Sebastian said nonchalantly as he pulled his right forearm up so they could see where he had a smaller bruise that was almost completely faded." See this one? It's from a few days ago, and it's almost gone. I don't even remember how I got it."

Sebastian's answer seemed to appease Carole a little, and Burt just nodded before going back to reading the menu, but when Sebastian turned to his side he realized Kurt looked like he'd just run over a cat with his car or something.

"What?" Sebastian asked. But Kurt just pressed his lips and smiled nervously before drinking from his glass of water.

The table was awkwardly silent for a few moments before the waiter came to take their food orders. Soon enough, the conversation was flowing again but Sebastian could tell that something was bothering Kurt, and it was getting on his nerves.

"Kurt, can you come with me for a second? There's something I want to show you." Sebastian said, getting up from the table and then turning to address Burt and Carole. "If you excuse us for a moment, we'll be right back."

Kurt seemed a bit surprised but excused himself and followed Sebastian as he walked to the back of the restaurant.

They walked to the back porch and out to the restaurant's garden, where the owners had a lot of crops they planted organized neatly. The place wasn't called "Splendid's Organic Deli" for nothing. Most of the ingredients on their menu came right from their back yard.

"This is amazing." Kurt said, smiling as they walked across it.

Behind the garden there was a big clearing, where the owners had set up a small seating area for adults with wooden benches, tables with umbrellas and a playground with swings, slides, and a trampoline. On the other side of it, there was a barn house and a fenced area where they kept horses and ponies. The whole scenery was very beautiful and relaxing, with trees and lots of different kinds of colorful flowers all around. Sebastian really enjoyed coming out there every time he came this restaurant with his parents.

Kurt seemed entranced by the place and was smiling as they sat down in one of the benches. But his smile faded away when they sat down. Soon enough they both found themselves being awkwardly silent again.

"Kurt, what's wrong? You look like your cat died or something." Sebastian asked, and Kurt laughed nervously.

"I don't have a cat, silly."

"Well, your dog then."

"I don't have a dog either." Kurt said, and Sebastian laughed as he rolled his eyes and looked away towards the place where the ponies were.

"That bruise on your arm," Kurt said, calling Sebastian's attention back to him. "It was my fault, wasn't it? I did it."

Sebastian frowned, "What are you talking about? You didn't-"

"Yes, I did!" Kurt exclaimed. "I hit you with my folder, Sebastian. I hit you really hard, and I shouldn't have."

Sebastian was flabbergasted. He wanted to tell Kurt that he was crazy, that there was no way in hell that  _that_  was the reason his arm was turning ugly shades of red and purple, but the truth was that with how easily he bruised because of the cancer, Kurt was probably right.

"I was frustrated and angry and I took it out on you… but I never meant to hurt you." Kurt said in a small voice, and Sebastian just rolled his eyes, shaking his head. Sebastian hated feeling like he was so frail and weak, but he knew it wasn't Kurt's fault that he was sick and could bruise easily.

"I'm sorry, Sebastian."

"Well… you should be." Sebastian snarked, "Now my arm is probably gonna fall off, you know?"

Kurt turned to look at him, confused.

"Yeah, that's what this bruises do, Kurt! It will spread to my whole arm and then it will just fall off!" Sebastian cried in mock horror before bursting into hysterical giggles.

"Don't say that!" Kurt laughed, rolling his eyes.

"Why not? It's the truth!" Sebastian teased, "I'll be an amputee because of you, Kurt Hummel! Oh my god!"

"Shut up!" Kurt pulled Sebastian's beanie over his eyes and smacked him playfully in the head.

"Oh my god!" Sebastian yelled, grabbing his head. "Now my head? You hit me in the head! Now I'm gonna bleed my brain out of my ears!"

When Sebastian pulled his beanie back up, he saw Kurt was smiling and that made him feel better. He had more than enough with his parents and sister constantly worrying about him, he didn't want Kurt to be the same way.

Sebastian stood up from the bench and walked over to the trampoline, taking off his shoes before getting on it.

"What are you doing?" Kurt asked incredulously as Sebastian started jumping up and down.

"What does it look like?" Sebastian replied, earning another eye roll from Kurt.

Sebastian loved to jump on that trampoline, it was big enough to fit a couple of adults, even though it was most likely put there for children. Sebastian was so busy jumping up and down that he didn't realize Kurt had joined him until he felt him bump into him from behind. When Sebastian turned around, Kurt pulled his beanie down again, blocking his eyes.

Sebastian gasped indignantly before retaliating, by taking it off and pulling it over Kurt's head, completely ruining his perfectly coiffed hair. The sight of Kurt's annoyed face combined with how funny he looked with the beanie over his head was too much for Sebastian, who almost fell off the trampoline from laughing so hard.

Kurt took the beanie off and tried to chase Sebastian to put it in his head again, but it proved to be an impossible task, as Sebastian kept dodging him and jumping around. They jumped and goofed around for a couple of minutes, but soon enough Sebastian started to feel a little lightheaded and knew he had to stop.

Sebastian didn't want to admit to it though, so he just let Kurt finally get him, offering little resistance as Kurt pulled the beanie over his head, dragging it down and over his eyes and nose. Sebastian let himself fall on his back and laid there, staring at the sky as he caught his breath.

"I won." Kurt said breathlessly as he dropped down and laid beside him.

"Mhhmm." Sebastian hummed sarcastically.

Everything around them was quiet as Sebastian and Kurt just laid there, looking up at the clouds and catching their breath. A few birds could be heard, singing in the nearby trees, but all Sebastian could hear was the sound of Kurt's breath. There were barely any clouds in the sky, just a few small ones right in the middle of the bright blue expanse.

"It's beautiful..." Kurt whispered.

"Yeah... It is." Sebastian admitted. "I could just stay here and stare at the sky all day."

Kurt said nothing, but from the corner of his eye, Sebastian could see how Kurt had turned to his side and was now staring at him. Sebastian felt something warm and unfamiliar spread in his chest but instead of dwelling in it, he decided to call Kurt's attention back to the sky.

"That cloud looks like a hat."

"A hat? It looks more like a turtle to me." Kurt said.

"You know... My sister Cath and I like to do this thing where we just stare at the ceiling and see if we can make up shapes in the clouds. Sometimes we get up on the roof of our house and just stare at the sky for hours."

"Really?" Kurt smiled.

"Yeah, it's even better at night time." Sebastian admitted, "You probably think it's silly but.. I don't know. There's something incredibly soothing about it. Whenever I need to take a break from school or anything, I just climb to the roof of my house and stare at the sky... It helps take my mind off things."

Kurt hummed in agreement and they just stayed there for a little, staring at the sky in companionable silence.

A couple of moments later, when Sebastian turned to his side he realized Kurt was looking at him again. This was the closest they had ever been to each other physically, and Sebastian realized he had never noticed how many different colors were in Kurt's eyes. He'd always seen them only as light blue, but laying there so close to him, he could make up green, gray and golden in them as well.

The second Sebastian realized he was staring he just turned away from Kurt's gaze and looked at the sky instead. The day was bright and just a little bit chilly, but Sebastian realized his senses were on edge for completely different reasons. When Sebastian felt Kurt's fingers grazing against his skin he almost jumped off the trampoline.

"S-sorry…" Sebastian apologized, realizing how stupid he must have looked suddenly bolting away from Kurt like a lunatic. "I uh… thought it was a bug… or something."

"Sorry, I didn't mean to scare you." Kurt looked puzzled at Sebastian's reaction, but amused at the same time. He sat up and crossed his legs, facing Sebastian who was now sitting up as well.

"Does it hurt?" Kurt asked, barely touching the skin of Sebastian's arm. This time, Sebastian stood still, following the movement of Kurt's hand as he slightly traced his fingers over the bruise that was starting to form before pulling his hand back.

"No."

Kurt looked up at him and squinted his eyes.

"It doesn't hurt." Sebastian insisted, "Unless I poke it or something… it's fine, Kurt. Really."

Kurt just nodded. His eyes were still fixed on Sebastian's arm, but he didn't look guilty or worried anymore. He just looked like there was something on his mind.

"So what's your plan now?" Sebastian asked, shaking Kurt out of his thoughts.

"Plan? What do you mean?"

"Yeah, now that your dad is done with his treatment. Are you going back to New York?"

"Oh…" Kurt seemed thrown off by Sebastian's question. "I'm not leaving… Not yet. I mean, the doctor gave us great news but my dad still has to get some tests done in a month to see if he will need to get the surgery or not. I can't leave until he is completely in the clear. I won't leave."

Sebastian just nodded understandingly.

"I have until the fall semester to start classes anyway," Kurt continued, smiling now. "So… I'm going to be here for a little longer. You won't get rid of me."

Sebastian shook his head, smiling.

"How about you? What have you been up to? What are your plans?"

"Well... My plans for the near future include tons of homework, and chemo."

Kurt pressed his lips into a tight smile.

"I bet you have a lot of catching up to do with school." Kurt said. "But that's good, right?"

"Yeah, it is. I'm not really looking forward to it, but I'm glad I get the chance to do it. You know?"

"What are your plans for college?" Kurt asked and Sebastian sighed, looking at the sky again.

"I don't know really know about college." Sebastian confessed. "I applied to Columbia as my main option but also to NYU and Cornell. I guess I have good chances of getting in, but that won't matter much if I'm still sick by the time the semester starts."

Kurt nodded, but before he could say anything else, they heard Burt calling up their names from the door of the restaurant.

"Hey guys! What are you doing out here? The food is served!"

...

Sebastian didn't miss the teasing smile on Carole's face when they returned to the table, or the small mischievous glances she kept throwing Kurt's way throughout the entire meal, but he decided to just smile and try his best to not think too much of them. Going out and talking a little seemed to had eased Kurt's guilt and he was back to his normal self. The conversation was nice and the food tasted great. They stayed for almost two hours in the restaurant, going back out to the garden after they finished eating and just admiring the beauty of the place.

The restaurant was built like a really a big wooden cabin, and it had a very homey-feeling to it. It was cozy and a lot of the decor was hand-crafted and old, but very well preserved at the same time. Carole loved it and kept taking pictures of everything with her phone.

Sebastian offered to take a picture of her and Burt, which Carole was excited to get. However, Sebastian's kind gesture backfired on him when Carole insisted he and Kurt posed for a picture together. The only thing that eased Sebastian's nerves a bit was that Kurt seemed just as flustered as he did by Carole's insistence about them getting closer to each other for the picture.

All in all, it was a really fun day. Things worked better than Sebastian could have ever imagined, and he was happy.

On the ride back home, Sebastian tried really hard to stay awake, but the day had taken its toll on him and he fell asleep really fast. When Sebastian opened his eyes he realized they were already parked in front of Kurt's house.

"Oh god, I fell asleep.. I'm so sorry." Sebastian quickly said, apologizing as he rubbed his eyes. He always felt really groggy when he slept and he felt embarrassed to have fallen asleep in front of Kurt's family. A quick once over helped Sebastian set his mind at ease to the fact that he hadn't drooled all over himself. He only hoped he hadn't snored or talked in his sleep.

"It's okay sweetie, it was a long ride... I dozed off for a while too!" Carole said with an affectionate smile.

"Don't even worry about it." Burt said from outside the window. "Kurt will drive you home now."

"Oh that's not necessary, I can just call and have Marcus come pick me up. Really." Sebastian insisted, not wanting to put Kurt through the hassle of driving him all the way to Westerville when he'd already drove so much.

"Are you sure?" Kurt asked incredulously, "What if he is busy or can't come?"

"I'll call him right now." Sebastian said, turning around to dial the number.

As it turns out, Marcus was available to go pick Sebastian up from Kurt's house, but he still had to wait for him to drive all the way there. The truth was, Sebastian didn't really mind Kurt driving him home, the thing that he was actually trying to avoid was falling asleep in front of him again. Sebastian was sure the minute he got back in the car he was going to pass out. He was trying his hardest to stay awake, but as they sat down in the living room, watching TV, Sebastian was finding it harder and harder to keep his eyes open.

Kurt couldn't help but stare at Sebastian from the couch where he was sitting. Sebastian was holding his head up with one hand as he pretended to pay attention to whatever game his dad had on the TV. Kurt was reading Vogue, but wasn't really paying attention either. He was more interested in looking at Sebastian and thinking about the whole scene in his head.

Who would have thought that Sebastian Smythe of all people would be hanging out at his house on a Friday afternoon? The scene was so surreal and uncanny that Kurt couldn't help but smile. Being at his house, doing nothing but watching TV with his dad was the kind of thing only Kurt's close friends ever did, and yet there was Sebastian, sitting down beside his father and watching TV after having lunch together.

When Marcus finally called Sebastian on the phone to let him know he was parked outside, Kurt felt a little sad to see him leave. Not that he would ever admit to it out loud, but still.

Later that night, Kurt received a phone call from a very excited Vivienne Smythe, who was more than thrilled and relieved to see her son had finally made amends with Kurt. Kurt had to admit Sebastian's mom was one of the warmest and loveliest women he'd ever met. Talking to her never felt like an obligation or a formality, and Kurt could see how much she cared for her son and consequently, for his friendship with Kurt as well.

 _"How's your father dear? Sebastian told me the doctor gave him good news. I can only imagine how relieved you must all feel!"_  She said.

"Yes, we all are very happy about how he's doing." Kurt admitted, smiling. "He's doing great and is eager to get back to work."

_"I'm so glad to hear that Kurt."_

"Thanks Mrs. Smythe. How about you? How have you been? And how is Sebastian going with his treatment?" Kurt asked, a bit wary of touching the subject but not being able to help his curiosity. After all, he'd spent a few weeks away from Sebastian, and he hadn't been doing very well at that time. Sebastian seemed to be doing just fine earlier, but Kurt was still curious.

 _"Oh… He's doing well, all things considered."_  Mrs. Smythe said, and Kurt could feel the reservation in her voice.  _"Bastian will have a very busy week coming up. He has a lot of school work to catch up on, and he is getting his next round of chemo on Wednesday."_

"Oh I see… Will you be going with him? Cause he told me how busy you were today, and that you weren't able to go with him for his blood tests." Kurt couldn't help but ask. He couldn't imagine Mrs. Smythe sending Sebastian alone to the hospital again, especially if he was getting chemo, but he wanted to make sure.

On the other end of the line, Kurt could hear Mrs. Smythe making a strange noise that sounded like repressed laughter. Or maybe she had been offended by Kurt's question?

"I mean… Because now that my dad is done with his treatment I could go with him if you're busy. I wouldn't mind… It's a long drive and I'm already used to it, I could go… if you want." Kurt added nervously, worried about having offended Mrs. Smythe.

 _"Thank you, Kurt."_  Judging by the tone of her voice, Mrs. Smythe hadn't been offended by Kurt's comments.  _"I don't have any appointments scheduled for Wednesday morning, but if something comes up I'll take you up on your offer."_

"Of course."

_"I'll tell Sebastian too. I'm sure he'd appreciate your company very much. You're such good friends."_

Kurt felt his face heat up and was glad that Mrs. Smythe couldn't see him. He wondered what Sebastian would think of Kurt offering to take him to the hospital. Maybe he'd be annoyed, or maybe not. Either way Kurt couldn't help but feel flustered at the idea of Mrs. Smythe telling Sebastian about this.

It was done though, Kurt couldn't take his words back. He would have to just wait and see if come Wednesday he would be going to the hospital with Sebastian or not.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN: Hi guys, I'm back. I hope you enjoyed the chapter and I am so sorry for the lack of updates lately, but real life has been kicking my butt. The restaurant Kurt and Sebastian went to is based on an actual place I love. So if you want to see pics of what it looks like in real life, you can see them on my tumblr, totoropirate.


	16. Chapter 16

The weekend passed in a blur, and Kurt spent most of the time resting and relaxing as much as he could. Kurt hadn't realized how tired he was until he was finally able to stop and breathe. It was like a huge weight was lifted off his shoulders, but instead of feeling rested he was just left feeling exhausted.

On Monday, Burt and Carole flew to DC to take care of many long overdue meetings and pending business issues Burt had been postponing because of his treatment, so Kurt was left alone at the house with Finn and a lot of time to kill.

There was only so much things he could do to prepare for NYADA, the truth was that now that Kurt didn't have to drive his dad to the hospital or take care of him, he was rapidly getting bored. He wasn't in the mood to read, and playing XBOX Finn was not appealing to him at the moment. Granted, there were probably many things Kurt could occupy his time with, but he soon realized texting Sebastian was more entertaining to him for the time being.

_**To Sebastian Smythe:** _

**_So, how's homework going?_ **

A few minutes later, he got a reply.

_**From Sebastian Smythe:** _

**_Thrilling._ **

_**To Sebastian Smythe:** _

**_That good huh?_ **

Several minutes passed and Kurt got no further reply from Sebastian. Kurt couldn't help but feel a little bad that his attempt at conversation had been dismissed so easily, but before he could dwell on it too much, he got another text from Sebastian.

_**From Sebastian Smythe:** _

**_Get on gchat. I can't write my essay and type on my phone at the same time._ **

Kurt smiled at that, but he also felt a little bad for interfering with Sebastian's concentration during schoolwork. That didn't stop him from logging on immediately though.

 **Kurt:**  So, how's the essay coming?

 **Sebastian:**  No comment.

 **Kurt:**  Hmm… what's it about?

 **Sebastian:**  World History… ugh.

 **Kurt:**  Oh... Can I help?

 **Sebastian:**  Sure... come over and write it for me?

 **Kurt:**  No. That would be cheating!

 **Sebastian:**  You suck.

Kurt couldn't help but laugh indignantly, as if Sebastian could see or hear him.

 **Kurt:**  I don't suck! Don't be lazy, you can do it.

 **Sebastian:**  I'm not lazy. I already wrote 2 essays today. I still have 1 more to go. I don't think my brain can do this anymore, neither can my fingers.

 **Kurt:**  Three essays in a day? That's a lot… When are they due?

Kurt didn't know how much homework Sebastian had to go through in order to catch up with the lost time, and he remembered Dalton had a pretty demanding syllabus, but writing three essays in a day sounded like a lot of work. It took him a good couple of days to write a single essay sometimes.

 **Sebastian:**  They aren't due until Friday, but I want to get them done before Wednesday.

Oh…  _Wednesday._ Sebastian had to get chemo on Wednesday. It made sense that he wanted to get as much done before then. Suddenly Kurt felt compelled to actually help Sebastian write his essay, but he knew that wouldn't be right.

 **Kurt:** Well, take some time out. Maybe you've been working too much and you'll feel better after a break :)

 **Sebastian:** You're right. I will.

 **Kurt:** :D

 **Sebastian:** Nick and David are coming over later to help me out anyway. I'll just continue then.

 **Kurt:** Good. Now go eat something, or get some rest.

 **Sebastian:** Okay, I will… mom.

 **Kurt:** Shut up.

 **Sebastian:** ;)

Sebastian wasn't online again for the rest of the evening, so Kurt figured he must have been busy with schoolwork, since Nick and David were going to go over to help him. Kurt found himself still with little to do around his house, it got lonely and boring really fast. Finn didn't spend much time in the house during weekdays, and all the drama that had unfolded with Blaine in the past weeks left him out as an option as well.

Kurt didn't really feel like contacting any of the leftover New Directions still in Lima and trying to deal with their drama either. Granted, things were better now between him and Blaine but Kurt still felt weird about the whole situation and didn't want to risk having people asking him about it.

Kurt spent his afternoon watching movies in his room, and on Tuesday he got up early to go out for a run. When he returned home he realized he had a missed call from Mrs. Smythe, and a new voicemail message.

_"Hello Kurt, I'm sorry to bother you, I was just wondering if you were free tomorrow morning. And if you are, would you be willing to come with Sebastian and I to the hospital? It's just that I have some diligences I have to take care of and I would appreciate if you could keep him company while I go. It would only be for an hour or two, but you know how long it takes for him to get his treatment. Let me know."_

Kurt never thought the idea of going to the hospital would be appealing to him, but compared to staying at home being bored with little to do, somehow accompanying the Smythes to the hospital sounded like a great plan.

…

One of the perks of riding with the Smythes was that Kurt didn't need to drive. Marcus was taking them, so Kurt, Sebastian and his mother could just sit back and enjoy the ride. It was great that Mrs. Smythe was such a charming woman because that meant that they didn't have a single moment of stale conversation or awkward silence on the way to Cleveland. Even Sebastian seemed completely unfazed by the fact that Kurt was tagging along to the hospital with them, and for that Kurt was grateful.

They got to the hospital and quickly made their way towards the oncology ward. Mrs. Smythe was busy signing some paperwork while Sebastian and Kurt were escorted to the chemotherapy room. Kurt sat down in a small chair in front of Sebastian's while a nurse checked on his vital signs and brought up the bright green zip lock bag with the chemotherapy IV pack.

Sebastian undid three buttons of his shirt, exposing his collarbone and a little bit of his chest. Kurt couldn't help but stare as the nurse cleaned Sebastian's skin with alcohol swabs and prepared him before hooking the IV line to his chest-port. He couldn't tears his eyes away from the big IV line that disappeared inside Sebastian's chest, and he wondered if having that port hurt Sebastian or it he was already used to it now. Just the idea of having something permanently protruding from under his skin made Kurt shiver.

"You checking me out, Hummel?"

Sebastian's words snapped Kurt's attention back to reality, and he could feel his face burning up at the realization that he'd been caught staring. Sebastian winked at him and Kurt just rolled his eyes and looked away, shaking his head. He knew Sebastian was teasing him, but that didn't make the situation less embarrassing. Kurt couldn't stop himself from blushing and Sebastian was visibly amused as he buttoned his shirt back up.

Sebastian laid back on the chair and checked something on his phone. Kurt just ran his eyes around the room for a while, pretending to be curious about things just to try to avoid staring at Sebastian again. There was nothing really interesting in the room though, aside from three other people getting chemo. The room was fairly quiet and it smelled like saline, alcohol and other medicines. Eventually Kurt dared to look at Sebastian again, and found him smiling apologetically at him.

"I'm sorry my mom dragged you here with us."

"She didn't drag me here, I wanted to come."

"You did?" Sebastian raised an eyebrow. "Well I hope you're ready for boredom, cause with how painfully slow this thing goes you'll probably pass out before I do."

"Is that a challenge?" Kurt teased.

"Definitely not…" Sebastian snorted, pointing out to his IV line, "Cause I would definitely lose. They just gave me Benadryl, I'll be the first to pass out no matter what."

Kurt just nodded, looking at the IV drip, that was slowly and steadily flowing. Sebastian was looking at it too, as if counting the small drops and wishing them to stop.

"Well… I figured we couldn't play Jenga while you're getting chemo, but I have a few ideas to keep ourselves entertained." Kurt said, reaching out to his bag and pulling out his iPad. "I have a few games we can play here, or we can watch a movie if you want."

Sebastian raised his eyebrows, impressed.

"I have chess, tic tac toe, hangman, scrabble… or we could watch something on Netflix. Do you want to watch Lost?"

"Yes! I'm always up for watching Lost!" Sebastian said excitedly. They both were smiling when Sebastian's mom walked into the room. Kurt immediately got up from his chair so she could sit down but as it turns out, Mrs. Smythe wasn't staying.

"Everything okay honey?" She said, putting her hand over Sebastian's. Sebastian didn't reply though, he just shrugged and smiled.

"I have a few things to take care of… I'll be back in an hour or so. I hope it doesn't take longer than that." She leaned down and kissed Sebastian's forehead. "If anything happens you can call me, alright?" Mrs. Smythe was looking at Kurt now, and so he quickly nodded, giving her a reassuring smile.

Once she left, Kurt and Sebastian got themselves busy playing a few rounds of chess, but Sebastian quickly got bored. So Kurt decided they should watch something instead. Considering they had at least 4 hours to be there, they could catch up on Lost or watch a couple of movies.

Kurt let Sebastian pick and he chose to watch Lost. Kurt pulled his chair over so it was right beside Sebastian's recliner chair. He positioned the iPad over the armrest, using his bag as support so it could stand still. Kurt's chair was small but he could still manage to lean over it and make himself comfortable.

The thing about the chemotherapy room was that they didn't really have much privacy, so the volume of the iPad wasn't enough for them to be able to listen attentively. The noise from other people around them talking and the nurses constantly walking by was just too distracting, so Kurt took out his headphones.

"You get the left and I'll take the right." Kurt said, handing one of the ear buds to Sebastian. Once Sebastian put the ear bud on Kurt realized he would have to lean closer to him to avoid stretching the wire too far. It was a good thing Sebastian's recliner chair was so comfy, cause that way Kurt just leaned his head on it and quickly made himself comfortable. The headphones worked wonders, and Kurt was able to just immerse himself into the exciting world of Lost. Kurt hadn't realized just how close he'd gotten to Sebastian until he made a comment about John Locke.

"That guy's such a creep." Sebastian's voice rang right beside Kurt's ear.

"Yeah, he has some serious issues." Kurt said, trying to remain as casual as possible as he realized that Sebastian's head was actually just mere inches away from his own. Sebastian didn't seem to feel awkward about it though, so Kurt relaxed a little.

Every now and then, Sebastian would make snide remarks about a character, causing Kurt to laugh. Other times, he would ask him stuff he couldn't quite remember about the plot and Kurt would try to explain things as best as he could.

They were on their third episode when Kurt noticed Sebastian hadn't made any comments in a while. He turned his head to the left slightly and realized Sebastian had dozed off. He looked so peaceful that Kurt didn't want to wake him, so he continued watching the episode. Kurt feared that if he paused the episode or tried to take the ear bud out of Sebastian's ear, he would wake up.

From across the room, Kurt spotted a brown haired girl staring at them. The unexpected moment of eye contact had the potential to be awkward, considering he was practically cuddling with Sebastian in a public place, but the girl just seemed friendly as she smiled, so Kurt smiled back before going back to staring at his iPad.

The fourth episode was starting when Kurt noticed someone standing right in front of them. Kurt glanced up and was met with a pair of bright blue eyes and a big smile. It was the brown haired girl from earlier. Kurt didn't recognize her but judging by the way she was smiling at him it looked like she somehow knew him.

"Hi Kurt!" She said, excitedly.

Kurt slowly sat up, feeling absolutely puzzled. He took off the ear bud, trying to be careful as to not wake Sebastian up but as he stood up, he felt Sebastian stir behind him.

"Hi… Um, have we met before?" Kurt asked, keeping his voice down.

"No... Well, not  _officially._ " She laughed, patting him in the arm." I know Sebastian though, and he's told me all about you. My name is-"

"Erin?!" Sebastian exclaimed, cutting her off. When Kurt turned around he realized Sebastian was awake and looking expectantly at the girl.

"Yes…  _Erin._ " The girl repeated, smiling smugly at Sebastian. "Good morning Sebastian! It's good to see you again."

Sebastian smiled tensely, and he was visibly cranky from having just woken up.

"Where do you guys know each other from?" Kurt asked, feeling intrigued. Erin seemed very enthusiastic about running into them but Sebastian looked less than thrilled.

"Oh, you don't remember me, but I was in the cancer youth meeting that one time you attended."

"Oh."

"Yeah… And can I just say that I'm  _so glad_  to see you two love-birds together again? I was so sad when Sebastian told me that you had broken up. You look so cute together!"

When Kurt turned to Sebastian he looked like he was ready to kill the girl. But then Kurt remembered Sebastian's little stint in the youth meeting, saying Kurt was his boyfriend, and it all made sense.

"Oh… You're so sweet Thank you!" Kurt smiled, playing along with Erin.

"It's true, Kurt! And it's really good to see you here too, maybe that way you can help keep Mr. Grumpy pants here happy, cause the last time I saw him he was moping and moody and absolutely no fun to be around. Don't break up with him again, okay?"

"Oh…  _I_  broke up with  _him_?" Kurt asked in disbelief, trying hard not to choke on his own laughter.

"Well, Sebastian didn't say but I just assumed, considering how heartbroken he seemed about it." Erin replied, shrugging as she stared at Sebastian for confirmation.

"I…  _I wasn't!_ " Sebastian choked out.

"Oh don't try to hide it now Sebastian… It was actually really cute, Kurt. You should have seen him, he told me all kinds of nice things about you. Granted, he was half asleep but still."

Sebastian looked like he wanted the earth to open up and swallow him alive, but Erin seemed to be enjoying every minute of it. Kurt knew if he really wanted he could milk this opportunity and make Sebastian pay for embarrassing him that time in the youth meeting, but he decided against it.

"Well, it's all in the past now." Kurt said, smiling amusedly. "Sebastian made it up to me, and well what can I say? I have always been a very forgiving person. Isn't that right,  _honey?"_

Sebastian was glaring daggers at Kurt and Erin now, but he still managed to smile and say "Yeah… I'm  _so lucky."_

The whole situation was hilarious to Kurt, but he couldn't help but feel intrigued about Erin's revelation. Was Sebastian really talking about him in his sleep?

"Well, I have to go now, my mom is waiting outside… But it was fun talking to you guys!"

"It was nice meeting you Erin." Kurt said as Erin walked away, waving goodbye.

When Kurt turned to Sebastian the guy looked annoyed beyond belief.

"Care to explain what that was all about?"

"Don't ask."

"You do realize this is your fault, right? You and your genius idea of saying I'm your boyfriend." Kurt reprimanded Sebastian, smiling as he sat back down beside him.

Sebastian just groaned, covering his face with both hands. "Can we just forget this ever happened.. Please?"

"Oh… Not a chance!" Kurt said laughing. He was never going to let Sebastian live this down.

"Hello boys!" Mrs. Smythe chose that exact moment to come back, cutting out any chances Kurt had of getting the juicy details out of Sebastian, who was now smiling brightly, clearly glad that his mom had inadvertently come to his rescue.

 _"You won't get away with this."_  Kurt whispered, but Sebastian just smiled cheekily.

…

The ride back from the hospital was quieter than the ride to Cleveland, mostly because Sebastian wasn't feeling very well. They stopped by a restaurant on the way so they could have lunch, but Sebastian didn't eat anything, claiming he just wasn't really hungry. Sebastian wasn't complaining or really saying anything, but Kurt could tell that he was feeling tired and slowly closing into himself.

When they got back to the car, Sebastian fell asleep really fast and didn't wake up until they arrived at the Smythe home, a couple of hours later.

"How are you feeling?" Kurt asked as they walked towards the door.

Sebastian remained thoughtful for a second before responding. "I want ice cream."

"Then let's get you some ice cream, baby." Mrs. Smythe said, smiling as they walked into the house.

Sebastian dropped down in the couch and Kurt sat in the other end of it. The silence was a little awkward, but mostly because Kurt didn't really want to bother Sebastian in case he was feeling sick.

"We should go upstairs." Sebastian suddenly said, "I wanna watch TV."

Kurt just nodded and followed Sebastian as they went upstairs to the family room. Soon enough, Mrs. Smythe appeared with a tray and a couple of ice cream bowls, she also brought cookies and strawberry syrup in case they wanted to add some. With how full Kurt was feeling, he knew it must have been mostly for Sebastian's sake, since he still hadn't eaten anything.

Kurt sat back and watched in awe as Sebastian poured a ton of syrup on his bowl and then started eating the ice cream eagerly. He didn't touch any of the cookies though.

"This stuff is the best." Sebastian said, getting a second serving while Kurt wasn't even done with his.

"Yeah it is pretty good." Kurt agreed, happy to see that Sebastian was enjoying himself. He seemed more awake now than how he had been since they left the hospital. So Kurt took that as a good sign. Halfway through his second bowl though, Sebastian put it down and laid down on the couch, facing the ceiling.

Kurt stared at Sebastian carefully, studying him for a reaction but Sebastian just remained still, and then closed his eyes.

Kurt finished his ice cream and put the bowl down. He wasn't really paying attention to the movie playing on the TV, cause he was more interested in looking at Sebastian who appeared to be asleep, except for the fact that he was tapping his feet against the armrest of the couch.

"You can change the channel if you want." Sebastian said after a few minutes, but his eyes were still closed.

Kurt realized it would be best if he left, since he figured that Sebastian wanted to get some rest. Kurt was ready to get up and say goodbye when one of the maids came into the room.

"Sebastian? Hunter Clarington is at the gate… Should we let him in?"

"Oh… shit!" Sebastian groaned, sitting up and holding his head in his hands. "Uh… Yeah, let him in. I'll be down in a minute."

The maid nodded and left, but Kurt felt puzzled as Sebastian sagged against the couch and sighed. They remained silent for a couple of minutes, and soon they could hear the voices of not only Hunter but of several other guys downstairs.

"Why are they here?" Kurt asked, worried about Sebastian having so many visitors when he was obviously feeling unwell. "You are not going to do homework today, are you?"

"Well, I forgot to tell them not to come today, so… I guess I'll have to."

"Sebastian, if you're not feeling well just tell them. I'm sure they'll understand." Kurt said, concern clear in his tone, but Sebastian just shrugged.

"It's fine, I still have to finish one essay and do some math work sheets. Hunter is good at those so... I'll just go." Sebastian got up from the couch and started walking towards the stairs, but Kurt grabbed him by the arm, stopping him.

"Sebastian..."

"Kurt…"

They both just stared at each other for a while. Kurt didn't let go of Sebastian's arm.

"I'm fine."

"I know, but you just got chemo, and you are obviously tired. You should rest."

Sebastian sighed, putting his hand over Kurt's and removing it from his arm. "Look, I won't feel any better tomorrow, or the day after tomorrow. The drugs still haven't really kicked in... if anything, I think today is as good as I'll feel this week. I still have a lot of homework to do, so I might as well just do it right now."

Kurt sighed, looking down at Sebastian's hand, which was still holding his own.

"Fine... But promise me you will send them home if you start feeling sick."

Sebastian rolled his eyes, but smiled. "Tell you what... Stay for a while, and if I start feeling unwell you can just help me kick them out."

"Okay." Kurt replied, smiling as they walked down the stairs and into the living room.

They were greeted enthusiastically by Nick, Jeff, David and Hunter. Kurt smiled as politely as he could, considering he still felt a little awkward around his former Dalton classmates after everything that went down the past year, and he didn't know Hunter very well yet. But after just sitting down and talking for a while, he felt more at ease.

After a few minutes of talking amicably about everything and nothing in particular, the bell rang again.

"Oh that must be Thad... Finally!" Hunter said, and Sebastian looked visibly confused.

"Thad's coming? He was here yesterday." Sebastian said.

"Actually I asked him to be here." Hunter replied. "Trent, Jon and the rest of the guys are also coming with him."

Kurt remained silent, staring at Sebastian as the rest of the guys walked into the living room. Sebastian seemed as surprised by their presence as Kurt was. As far as he understood, the guys were going to be taking turns to help Sebastian out during weekdays. Nick and David had been there on Monday, and Trent and Thad come by on Tuesday.

"Look, Seb... We know you're getting chemo tomorrow and you probably won't be in the mood for schoolwork so-"

"Actually, he got chemo  _today."_  Kurt said, not bothering to hide the slight annoyance in his voice. In that moment, everyone turned to look at Trent, who suddenly looked like a deer caught in the headlights.

"Oh, I'm so sorry! I thought that was tomorrow!"

"It's fine... I'm fine." Replied Sebastian.

Hunter threw a stern glance at Trent, but since Sebastian seemed to be doing alright, he just shook his head and continued with what he was saying.

"Well, as I was saying... We know you're probably not in the mood to think about homework right now Sebastian, so we just wanted to drop by and show you a little something we've been working on. We wanted to have a kind of Warbler rehearsal here, for old times sake!"

Sebastian smiled widely and that seemed to brighten the faces of everyone in the room, including Kurt. Somehow having the Warblers there to sing seemed better than them being there to make Sebastian sit down and work after spending all day in the hospital getting chemotherapy.

It was a good thing that Sebastian's house was so big, because the living room was massive and the Warblers were able to find the way to get in the right position for their musical ensemble. Thad organized everyone into their positions, with Hunter and Jeff taking the lead.

_Stand on up and take a bow_

_There's something there and it's showing_

_There's not need to look around, you're the best we got going_

_Shout out to the dreams you'll chase, shout out to the hearts you'll break_

_Nothing's gonna stop you now, I guess you better be going_

_You'll never be far, I'm keeping you near_

_Inside of my heart, you're here_

_Go on, it's got to be time, you're starting to shine_

_cause what you've got is GOLD!_

The entire house was filled with the sound of the Warblers' voices singing in unison and it didn't take long for the entire house staff to appear, peeking through the doors and glancing from up the stairs towards the living room to admire their performance. Mrs. Smythe quickly came into the room and sat beside Kurt in the edge of the couch.

_I don't need the stars in the night_

_I found my treasure_

_All I need is you by my side_

_So shine forever_

_Go-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-old, I know you're gold_

_Oh, I know, you're gold_

It was really amazing for Kurt to see the feeling that the guys were putting into every word they sang. They were singing it to Sebastian, who minutes ago looked tired and down, but was now smiling and singing along with them. The evident happiness on Sebastian's face made Kurt happy as well.

_It won't take you long to get, when you feel like you're soaring_

_So write it all and don't forget, you gotta tell us your story_

_Shout out to the friends back home, shout out to the hearts you've known_

_You have them nothing but the best_

_You can tell them your story_

_You'll never be far, I'm keeping you near_

_Inside of my heart, you're here_

_Go on, it's got to be time, you're starting to shine_

_cause what you've got is_

_Go-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-old, I know you're gold_

_Oh, I know, you're gold_

Kurt had to admit the Warblers were really good. No wonder they beat the New Directions at regionals. Between the flawless harmony of their vocals and their swift and perfectly choreographed moves, they put up quite the show and when the song came to an end, Mrs. Smythe, Kurt and the rest of the staff clapped and cheered for them.

"That was amazing, truly amazing… oh my goodness!" Mrs. Smythe praised them and Kurt nodded in agreement. After the applause had died down, Hunter and Trent walked up to the middle and addressed Sebastian up front.

"Sebastian, we hope you liked the song, we've been working on it the past few days and we really wanted you to hear it." Trent said.

"The truth is, nothing has been the same without you lately and now that we have you back, we're all committed to to everything we can to get you right on track, and that includes being a Warbler."

"What are you guys suggesting?" Sebastian asked tentatively.

"We're not suggesting anything, Sebastian." Hunter said, walking up to him. "You're a Warbler. We want you back on the team… We want you to come to Nationals with us."

Sebastian's eyes went wide at the sound of Hunter's words, and Kurt heard Mrs. Smythe's breath hitch from where she was sitting, right beside him.

"You're one of us, Sebastian… and going to Nationals wouldn't be the same without you man." Added Nick from behind and all the guys nodded in agreement.

Kurt was speechless, and by the looks of it, Sebastian was too. He kept looking at all of the guys, eyes as wide as his smile. Everyone was silent as they waited for Sebastian's answer.

"Wow, you guys. I don't know what to say." Sebastian turned to look at his mom. "I mean… There's nothing I would love to do more but… Mom?"

Everyone turned to look at Mrs. Smythe as they knew she held the final say in Sebastian's predicament.

"What do you say, Mrs. Smythe?" Nick asked, sounding hopeful. "The competition is a month from now. Can Sebastian come with us?"

Mrs. Smythe stood up and gave everyone a fond look before finally speaking:

"Thank you boys. I know it would mean the world for Sebastian to be able to go, and there's nothing I'd love more than for him to be able to go."

Everyone seemed to be holding their breath as Mrs. Smythe continued to talk.

"I'd have to talk to Joseph, and run it by Sebastian's doctor first but, if Sebastian's treatment is going well and he is doing good by then, I don't see why he wouldn't be able to go. So… from me, it's a yes!"

Everyone in the room cheered in unison at the sound of Mrs. Smythe's words, and the guys quickly circled around Sebastian, hugging him and welcoming him back into the Warblers. Kurt was still a bit in shock, but at the same time the fact that Sebastian was slowly getting back to doing the things he loved made him happy.

Kurt just hoped the treatment worked so Sebastian could do whatever he set his mind to without having to worry about his life.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The song the Warblers sang is "Gold" by Owl City :) and I want to give a shout out to my friend Lari for always being awesome and helping me with this story. I couldn't do it without her.
> 
> I hope you guys liked this chapter, and all the fluffy times. Thanks for leaving lovely comments. I love you all. See you next time.


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! I just realized in January it will be 1 year since I started posting this story. Thanks so much for being super supportive and patient with me throughout this year. I never expected so many people to read my story so I am happier than you even know. This fic has at least 6 or 7 more chapters to go, and I appreciate every single one of the encouraging comments and reviews you have all sent my way, so THANK YOU times a billion. I can't say it enough. Anyway, I hope you are all enjoying your holidays, and I hope you guys like this chapter. As always, reviews are greatly appreciated :) Happy New Year everybody!

_"So I was thinking we could do Adore You, by Miley Cyrus. How does that sound?"_

Sebastian almost choked on the water he was drinking at the sound of Jeff's suggestion.

"Miley Cyrus... Really Jeff?"

_"What? The song is amazing!"_

"Yeah but no... That song is super slow, and besides… It would be too gay!"

 _"Too gay? Seb, Nationals is in LA, we'll probably get bonus points if we gay it up as much as we can!"_ Jeff laughed from the other side of the line, making Sebastian crack up as well.

"You're so stupid! Anyway… I say we should stick with our first choice, 'Say Something' is a great song, and I'm sure the guys can come up with some epic arrangement as backup."

_"I appreciate the vote of confidence on your part, Seb. But I don't think I can quite sing Christina Aguilera without completely embarrassing myself."_

"I think that's the song we should do. It's a winner. If you don't feel up to it, then let Nick sing the duet with me, he wanted to do it too." Sebastian teased.

 _"No! I'm the one who won the draw, I'm singing with you! Not Nick!"_ Jeff protested, and even though Sebastian couldn't see him, he could tell Jeff was pouting.

"Okay, tell you what. We'll give the song a try come next rehearsal and see if we can make it work, and if not, we'll just have to find another song…" Sebastian conceded.

_"Okay, we need to do it fast though, otherwise we won't have enough time to rehearse it before nationals."_

"I know… You're right." Sebastian sighed. He knew the guys were going out of their way to include him in their performance for Nationals and he didn't want to slow them down. Hunter and the rest of the guys were doing a big choreographed number that they had been practicing for weeks now; but there was no way Sebastian could be a part of it. Sebastian couldn't possibly keep up with the physical endurance that the Warblers' usual choreography demanded when he got tired so fast. So they had agreed that Sebastian and someone else should sing a ballad as an opening number. They pulled straws to see who got to sing with him, and Jeff had won.

 _"How are you feeling? Any better?"_  Jeff asked him.

"Yeah… A little. Better than yesterday at least."

_"That's good to hear man. Have you been able to make any progress with your math assignment?"_

"Not really." Sebastian admitted warily. "I'll work on it after I get something to eat."

_"Oh… okay. Let us know when we can come over again, to help you out with the rest."_

"Tomorrow should be fine."

_"You sure?"_

"Yeah… I think so."

_"Okay, I'll tell the guys. They'll be happy to see you again, and start practicing."_

"Okay, bye Jeff."

It had been 5 days since Sebastian got chemo, and he hadn't really been feeling well enough to deal with anything, especially not with the stack of schoolwork he still needed to get done to catch up with the rest of his class.

The day he got chemo, after The Warblers left his house, Sebastian hadn't felt too bad, so that had given him a little bit of hope for the upcoming days. However, that completely changed the next morning, when Sebastian woke up with a horrible case of hiccups. Granted, having non-stop hiccups was not as awful as throwing up, but after three straight hours of having the hiccups, his chest started to hurt and it was slowly driving him crazy. Nothing he and his mom could try would make the hiccups stop.

They called Sebastian's doctor and he didn't give them any solutions either. It seemed like it was just another side effect of the treatment and the meds Sebastian was taking to help him cope with the nausea. So basically, Sebastian couldn't do anything but wait it out.

And so Sebastian spent those few days just tossing and turning in bed, trying to watch TV just to distract himself and wait it out until he felt better. There was nothing else he could do, not really.

Aside from the hiccups, Sebastian wasn't overtly sick this time, at least not after the third day. He'd had the usual nausea and dizziness, but the thing was that he also felt completely drained. Even when he wasn't overtly nauseous or dizzy, Sebastian still couldn't really muster the mental energy to focus on any of his school assignments. Some people called it "chemo-brain", Sebastian just didn't even want it to have name. He just wasn't in the mood for anything. Period.

Kurt had been texting him, after that first day. But Sebastian was feeling so tired and irritated by the hiccups that he had only replied half-heartedly. Kurt, being as perceptive as he was, quickly caught up that Sebastian really wasn't doing as fine as he kept saying, and so Sebastian finally told him about the hiccups, just so he would stop worrying.

After that first day, Sebastian's phone spent most of the time completely ignored inside his bedside drawer. Sebastian wasn't really in the mood for talking on the phone, texting, or checking his recently reopened Facebook page, so he wasn't really surprised when his mother came to his room on the third day holding out her phone, telling him that Kurt was on the line, asking about him.

Sebastian didn't really want to talk to anyone when he couldn't even finish a sentence without struggling between hiccups. It was incredibly uncomfortable, annoying and even a little humiliating. But well, Kurt was a different story. Apart from his parents and sister, Kurt was the only other person who had seen him at his worst. Sebastian knew Kurt must have been worried because of the lack of communication, and quite frankly, Sebastian appreciated it.

The hiccups finally stopped after the third day, and so Sebastian wasn't really upset when his mom admitted that she had invited Kurt to come over for lunch. Sebastian's mom had some patients to attend at her clinic, and she didn't want him to be alone.

Sebastian knew his mom was just looking after him, trying to cheer him up, and quite frankly Sebastian did miss talking to Kurt.

Kurt was supposed to arrive at noon, so Sebastian tried his best, taking a shower and dressing himself to be at least half-decent for when Kurt got there. Sebastian only wore sweatpants and hoodies lately, since all he ever did was stay in bed anyway. When Kurt finally arrived, Sebastian was feeling a little better.

The day was fairly sunny, so they had lunch outside by the pool. Kurt seemed deep in thought as they ate, staring at the water.

"What's on your mind?" Sebastian asked, not able to hold his curiosity.

"Nothing... Not really." Kurt admitted. "I was just wondering how cold the water in the pool is."

"What… You want to go for a swim?" Sebastian asked skeptically, raising an eyebrow.

"No!" Kurt laughed. "I was just wondering about it, it's been a while since I've been to a pool. That's all."

"It's been ages since I've used it… I don't remember when was the last time." Sebastian confessed, a little nostalgic.

"If I had a pool in my backyard I'd use it every day." Kurt added, and Sebastian just snorted.

"No, you wouldn't."

"Yes I would."

"Even in winter? I'd love to see that." Sebastian teased, and Kurt just rolled his eyes.

"That's not what I meant."

"Well, you can come use this one whenever you want." Sebastian offered, and he actually meant it. Kurt just smiled.

After a few more minutes, Kurt and Sebastian went back into the house and as they were making their way towards the living room, Sebastian got a text message from Jeff, it was a link to a YouTube video for "Honey" by Mariah Carey. Sebastian just groaned in complete disbelief, feeling exasperated with his duet partner.

"What is it?" Kurt asked, noticing Sebastian's irritation.

"It's Jeff… he just keeps sending me awful song choices for our Nationals duet."

"Really? How bad?"

"Mariah Carey bad."

Kurt laughed out loud as he sat on the couch, crossing his legs. Sebastian sat on the other couch across from the one Kurt was on and sighed.

"What would you rather sing then?" Kurt asked him.

"Well... I want to sing 'Say Something' but… I don't know."

"Say Something? Really?" Kurt said, raising an eyebrow.

"Yeah… Why?"

"I actually love that song."

"I do too." Sebastian confessed, smiling. "But Jeff is chickening out. He says he can't do Christina Aguilera any justice… I think he just really wants to sing Mariah, or Miley!"

"So what are you going to do?" Kurt asked.

"Well, we agreed to give it a try and see if we can make it work."

"Have you practiced it yet?"

"Um… not really, I mean. I've sang it plenty, but just for myself."

"In the shower?" Kurt teased.

"Like you don't sing in the shower!" Sebastian accused, rolling his eyes and causing them both to burst out laughing.

"Well you are in luck." Kurt said, getting up from the couch and walking over to the big piano on the corner of the living room. "May I?" Kurt asked, looking expectantly at Sebastian, who just nodded.

Kurt sat in front of the piano and put his hands over the keys, testing them before turning around to look at Sebastian again. "I've been working on my piano skills lately, and that song is just amazing. I've used it to practice a lot, so I know it by heart." Kurt explained as he started playing the melody with skilled fingers.

Sebastian got up from the couch and slowly walked up to Kurt. He stood beside the piano in silence as he just took in the melody Kurt was playing. He didn't know Kurt could play the piano, and he was good at it too. The piano never really got used lately, because the only person who ever really played it was his sister Catherine, and she was in New York now.

When Kurt saw Sebastian he scooted a bit to the left, patting the seat on his right side, gesturing for Sebastian to sit next to him.

"I'll be Christina, you can be Ian Axel." Kurt said with a clever smile as he continued to play. "Or we can sing it together, if you want."

Sebastian sat down, feeling strangely nervous. He had never been one to feel intimidated by singing, but there was something about the way Kurt was so elegantly playing that had him entranced. There was something about the way he could feel Kurt's body heat from sitting so closely that made his head swim. Sebastian was so distracted that he missed the part when he was supposed to start singing. Kurt didn't stop playing though, he just gave Sebastian a fond smile and started singing himself.

_Say something I'm giving up on you,_

_I'll be the one if you want me to._

_Anywhere I would've followed you,_

_say something I'm giving up on you…_

_Damn._  Sebastian had never heard Kurt sing, not really. His voice was unlike any other he'd ever heard before, and the emotion Kurt put into the song made it even more unique.

_And I am feeling so small._

_It was over my head, I know nothing at all._

_And I will stumble and fall._

_I'm still learning to love, just starting to crawl._

Sebastian guessed he should stop staring and actually start singing, so by the time the chorus came he finally joined Kurt in song. Hoping their voices would blend together nicely; he honestly had no clue.

_Say something I'm giving up on you,_

_I'm sorry that I couldn't get to you._

_Anywhere i, would've followed you._

_Say something I'm giving up on you._

_And I will swallow my pride._

_You're the one that I love,_

_and I'm saying goodbye._

As it turns out, their voices complimented each other perfectly. They were able to sing along to the notes Kurt was playing on the piano, creating a perfect harmony that Sebastian was sure would be a complete success for their Nationals competition.

_Say something I'm giving up on you._

_And I'm sorry that I couldn't get to you._

_And anywhere I would have followed you._

_Oh say something I'm giving up on you._

By the time the song ended, Sebastian could feel himself overflowing with emotions. Kurt stopped playing and looked sideways at Sebastian. They were both silent for a while before Kurt smiled sheepishly.

"What?"

"Nothing… You have a really beautiful voice, Kurt."

"Oh… thanks." Kurt replied, smiling. Sebastian didn't miss the slight pink blush coloring his cheeks. It was only then that Sebastian realized his compliment had caused Kurt to blush. Sebastian smiled, feeling a familiar warmth spreading inside him. He hadn't felt this way in a long, long time.

"You know, if Jeff can't pull this song off, I'll tell the guys that we'll just have to put you in a blazer and have you sing with us!"

"Oh… As tempting as that sounds, that would be cheating."

Sebastian laughed; because he knew it was impossible, but suddenly the image of him and Kurt singing together on a stage came to his mind and he found himself wishing it could be true.

"That was a beautiful song, boys!"

Sebastian turned around and saw his mother standing by the hallway with her hands clasped together and a big smile on her face. He had no idea how long she had been standing there, but felt suddenly self-conscious about how close he and Kurt were sitting together.

"Mom… How long have you been standing there?" Sebastian laughed, trying to hide his nervousness a little.

"Oh just a little while ago… I barely caught the end verse, I think." Mrs. Smythe confessed. "You should do it again though, I want to record you on my phone and send the video to Catherine! She will be delighted to see her piano being played again."

"Mom, no." Sebastian protested.

"Oh come on, honey, do it for me!"

"Yeah Sebastian, your mom is right. Besides, you better get used to cameras being on you, after all your final performance will be televised for the whole country to watch, remember?" Kurt said, giving Sebastian a playful shove.

Sebastian looked at Kurt and smiled, "Alright, I guess we could do it one more time… You do need to polish your chorus, after all."

"Oh really?" Kurt said, seemingly offended by Sebastian's remark. "I think I did just fine the first time."

"We'll see about that." Sebastian smiled as Kurt put his hands on the keys and started the melody again. Mrs. Smythe excitedly pulled up her phone and started recording them.

…

A few days later, Kurt was lounging in his room, checking his email. Carole kept emailing him pictures that she took around DC. It wasn't even the first time Carole went with Burt to DC, but she always acted like an over-excited tourist. Kurt found it endearing, and tried his best to always reply to Carole as excitedly as she wrote to him. He was typing an email to her, commenting on the pictures and asking about his dad but he kept getting distracted by the other tab he had open.

Kurt had been constantly checking his Facebook for over an hour now. It had all started when Catherine had tagged him in a video. Kurt realized then that she had uploaded the video Mrs. Smythe took of him and Sebastian singing and a lot of people were liking and commenting on it. Sebastian had been mortified at first, but after a while, when he'd seen that all the comments were positive, he had gotten over it, or at least that's what Kurt hoped.

Kurt wasn't sure how many times he'd watched the video, he'd lost count by now, but he didn't care, not really. He couldn't help it, not when it brought back such good memories of spending time with Sebastian. The only thing slightly bothering him was a couple of suggestive and teasing comments left by some of Sebastian's Dalton friends. So far Sebastian hadn't commented on the video at all, so Kurt couldn't help but wonder what he thought about them. The song was really romantic, albeit in a sad way, and the guys were asking about who Kurt was, teasing Sebastian about having a new "flame".

Kurt figured some people just didn't care about being inappropriate in other people's posts.

It wasn't long before Rachel was calling Kurt on the phone, berating him for not telling her about his  _newfound friendship_  with Sebastian and asking for all the juicy little details of their "secret relationship". No matter how many times Kurt told her the contrary, Rachel was convinced Kurt and Sebastian were a  _thing_ now, and she was upset that Kurt had kept it a secret.

Kurt was just glad his dad didn't have a Facebook.

The rest of the week went by in a rush. Kurt and Sebastian spoke almost every day and Kurt was happy when he found out that Sebastian had gotten his way, which meant that he and Jeff were singing "Say Something" for their Nationals duet. Sebastian told Kurt that Catherine uploading the video actually helped in the end, because Jeff felt pressured to live up to Kurt's standard and prove that he could be just as good.

Kurt found it amusing, but was happy that Sebastian was getting to do something that was so important to him. He deserved to be happy and take his mind off all the stressful things he had going on.

…

The days went by and Sebastian was hoping to feel better but unfortunately, he didn't. Usually it would take Sebastian about six or seven days to go back to normal after getting chemo. But this time, it was already day ten and Sebastian still felt as drained as the first day after he got the treatment.

Sebastian felt impossibly tired, and no matter how hard he tried to work on his school assignments, he felt like it was an impossible task. His mind felt cloudy and he had trouble concentrating on anything. As much as Sebastian hated it, he really depended a lot on the Warblers and Kurt helping him out with his homework. They didn't seem to mind, but Sebastian hated to feel so damn useless.

That day, Sebastian called Trent and told him to tell the guys not to come over to his house because he was feeling so bad that he didn't even want to try.

Sebastian didn't quite understand why this was happening, and neither did his parents. So they decided to call Sebastian's doctor and make an appointment a couple of days before Sebastian's next chemotherapy session was scheduled, to check if everything was alright. The doctor ordered some tests and as it turned out, Sebastian's blood counts were low, but the doctor said he would still be able to get the chemotherapy.

It was bittersweet for Sebastian to hear those words. Part of him was glad to be able to do the chemo as scheduled, because that meant that he would be able to go to Nationals, but another part of him was dreading that day because he already felt awful and he knew the chemotherapy would make him feel even worse.

 _Nationals, think about Nationals._  Sebastian kept repeating inside his head, like a mantra.

...

The next day, Sebastian woke up feeling determined to fight against the exhaustion. He took a cold shower in hopes that it would help him stay awake. He got dressed and decided to try and read a little bit more of 'The Count of Monte Cristo' in the living room. He didn't get far before he fell asleep, which was incredibly frustrating when he woke up three hours later.

He moved to the dining room, hoping that maybe sitting in the stiff chairs instead of the couch or his desk would help him stay awake and focused. He was hoping to go through the chapter he was reading before his brain decided it was exhausted. He needed to write an essay that was due in a few days and he had no time to waste.

Almost an hour later Sebastian was sitting in the dining table, doodling nonsense on the edge of one of the pages instead of reading when he saw Kurt walk through the door, carrying what appeared to be two grocery bags. Sebastian's mom must have known he was coming because she was the one to greet him at the door.

Sebastian realized in that moment that he had completely forgotten that Kurt was coming over. Most likely another perk of his goddamn  _chemo-brain._

"Kurt! So glad you could make it!" Mrs. Smythe greeted Kurt with a tight hug, and Sebastian couldn't help but smile at the sight. He got up from the chair and walked over to them.

"Hi Kurt… What do you have there?" Sebastian asked, ogling the bag Kurt was holding.

"Hey Seb… this? Oh, you'll have to wait and see." Kurt said cheekily as one of the maids helped him with the bag. Now Sebastian was intrigued.

"Are you hungry?" Kurt asked.

Sebastian remained thoughtful for a second. He was always a little hungry, even if he didn't actually  _want_  to eat. It was a weird feeling, but it was always like this on the first few days after chemo. Food tasted weird sometimes, which was probably the drugs messing with his taste buds, so Sebastian ate more out of need than out of actual appetite.

"Um… a little bit, yeah."

"Then let's go!" Kurt chirped, putting his arm around Sebastian and guiding him towards the kitchen. Sebastian didn't know what was happening but with the way his mother was beaming, he knew she and Kurt were up to something.

They walked into the kitchen and Kurt quickly grabbed the bag he'd been holding previously, that was now sitting on top of the kitchen island. He opened it and started taking out several small plastic containers filled with what appeared to be vegetables and other ingredients already chopped and ready for whatever Kurt was about to prepare.

"Oh Kurt, honey don't tell me you brought everything ready, we bought fresh spinach and avocados yesterday just for you."

"Oh it's no problem, I only brought a few things, we can use those to put together the salad."

"I'll get right on it then." Mrs. Smythe said with a smile, walking over to the fridge and pulling out the broccoli, spinach, tomatoes and a few onions.

Sebastian stared curiously as Kurt pulled out a slightly bigger container from one of his bags and put it over the counter. Sebastian immediately recognized what it was and his surprise must have been written all over his face because once Kurt noticed it, his smile grew impossibly wide.

"Is that...?"

"Breaded tofu, yeah." Kurt said, smiling excitedly as he took out the breaded slices of tofu from the small container and put them in a plate. "Your mom put me in touch with your sister, who was kind enough to share her famous fried tofu sandwiches recipe."

Sebastian couldn't stop smiling, this was so unexpected and amazing that he just didn't know how to react. His stomach even growled in anticipation as Kurt kept putting together the ingredients for the white sauce.

"I can't believe you're doing this." Sebastian said, smiling widely at Kurt.

"Well... We wanted to do something nice for you. To cheer you up!" Kurt admitted, giving Sebastian a fond look before focusing on the pickles he was chopping. "I remembered how much you said you liked your sister's sandwiches and decided to give it a try. I'm always up for trying new recipes and I have to admit this was quite the challenge, even though it's not really a complicated dish."

"Now I know the doctor said you shouldn't eat fried foods but we're making an exception today." Sebastian's mom said, leaning over to kiss Sebastian on the cheek while Kurt poured canola oil on the frying pan.

Sebastian smiled, shaking his head. He just couldn't believe it. If his mom and Kurt wanted to cheer him up then they had definitely succeeded.

"Now I have never tried them before, so you'll be the judge and tell me if I succeeded in my quest to replicate Catherine's famous sandwiches." Kurt said with a wink, and Sebastian had to admit he was equal parts excited and skeptical of what Kurt was actually doing. He and his mom had tried a few times to make these sandwiches and the white sauce, but never actually managed to make them as delicious as Catherine did.

"I prepared these last night, thought it would be faster… And I didn't use any eggs!" Kurt said, taking the breaded tofu and placing it in the pan. He then turned to mix the rest of the ingredients from the other containers into the blender to make the white sauce.

Sebastian couldn't help the big smile that spread across his face. He couldn't believe Kurt was doing this for him. Breading the tofu without using eggs was quite difficult but Kurt had apparently managed to do it to perfection. Mrs. Smythe was putting together the salad and Sebastian decided he'd try to at least make himself useful, slicing the baguette for the sandwiches.

When everything was ready, the three of them sat in the table and got ready to eat.

"Oh my god..." Sebastian practically moaned as he took the first bite out of his sandwich.

"So... Does that mean you liked it?" Kurt said expectantly.

 _Liked it?_  Sebastian loved it. It tasted every bit as good as he expected it to, and even more. There was something about the seasoning Kurt used that gave it a special flavor, making it slightly different from Catherine's, but every bit as good. Sebastian was in awe.

"This is so good I seriously could kiss you right now..." Sebastian blurted out before he could stop himself. So he added a quick "Both of you." at the end of his sentence after almost choking on his own words.

Kurt looked amused more than anything and Mrs. Smythe was obviously trying hard to suppress her laughter.

Sebastian wasn't joking though, he really  _could_ kiss Kurt in that moment, although it was something he never had really allowed himself to admit out loud. Kurt really was something special, and not in a million years would Sebastian had ever seen this coming. He really wanted to step up from his chair, go over to the other side of the table and give him a hug... And kiss him too.

The small glint of mischief in his mother's eye had Sebastian wondering if she could read his mind, but he just winked at her, knowing she had his back.

...

After they finished, Kurt and Sebastian went upstairs to the family room to relax. They laid down in separate couches and just stared at the ceiling in silence. They had eaten so much that Kurt was sure if he moved too fast he was going to explode, which got him suddenly concerned about Sebastian.

"How are you feeling?"

"I'm stuffed." Sebastian said, burping into his fist. "But I'm not nauseous, if that's what you're worried about."

"Good." Kurt said; feeling relieved. Sebastian grabbed the remote and turned on the stereo where his iPod was plugged in, setting some background music as they lounged in the couches.

They weren't talking, or really doing anything, but Kurt didn't feel out of place or awkward. They just stayed there, enjoying each other's company and relaxing.

After a few minutes of silence Kurt turned to look at Sebastian. He had his eyes closed and his breathing was soft and steady. Kurt had no way of knowing if Sebastian was asleep or not, but he looked so relaxed and peaceful that it seemed to be the case.

 _"This is so good I seriously could kiss you right now."_  Sebastian's words echoed in Kurt's mind, and he smiled at the feeling that thinking about them brought him. He was certain that Sebastian hadn't meant those words in a literal sense. Kurt was sure it was just a spur of the moment thing because of how good the sandwich tasted, but still, Kurt couldn't help but wonder about it as he closed his eyes and tried to relax.

Kurt must have fallen asleep because when he woke up, he realized the music was no longer playing. He also realized he was covered in a blanket, and so was Sebastian. He checked his phone and realized they'd been napping for a little over an hour. He was supposed to help Sebastian with his French assignment, not napping. He turned to his side and spotted Sebastian, who had stirred in his sleep and was now sleeping on his side, facing Kurt. He looked so relaxed that Kurt wondered for a moment if he should just let him sleep. He looked so tired lately that he probably needed the rest.

Kurt spent a few minutes just staring at Sebastian but ultimately he knew he needed to wake him.

"Sebastian?" Kurt said in a low voice, but Sebastian didn't move.

"Seb?" He tried again, a little louder. Sebastian breathed in and turned around, but he didn't wake up. So Kurt slowly sat up.

"Sebastian... Sebastian!" Kurt turned his blanket into a ball and threw it at him, finally managing to wake him up.

"Ugh... What?" Sebastian groaned, rubbing his eyes with the back of his hands. "Did I... Ugh... How long was I asleep?"

"Don't worry, it wasn't for very long... And I fell asleep too. I think your mom came and put some blankets on us."

"She would." Sebastian said, rubbing his hands over his face and yawning.

"Are you ready to do some homework?" Kurt asked.

"Not really... But let's go." Sebastian said defeatedly, stretching his arms as he got up from the couch.

One hour later, they were in Sebastian's room, sitting in the desk and going over the most important parts of the last chapter of The Count of Monte Cristo that Sebastian had read. Kurt had already read that book, which proved to be very helpful, since Sebastian was having a hard time finishing it.

Kurt was highlighting something on one of the pages when suddenly; Sebastian pushed himself away from the desk, shoving his chair backwards as he rushed to the bathroom. Kurt was startled and reached to pick up the notebook that had fallen to the floor when he saw something that made his stomach drop to his feet.

_Blood._

Kurt rushed to the bathroom and found Sebastian leaning over the sink, wiping his nose with a tissue. There was blood splattered all over the sink and Kurt immediately panicked.

"Fucking nosebleeds." Sebastian hissed, turning to look at Kurt, who was standing by the door, frozen on the spot.

"S-should I call an ambulance?" Kurt asked nervously, but Sebastian just shook his head.

"No… Kurt, I'm fine."

"But the blood-"

"It will stop in a minute!" Sebastian deadpanned, throwing away the bloody tissue he had on his hands and grabbing a new one, hastily wiping his nose with it. Sebastian sat down in the edge of his bathtub, still holding the wrinkled paper towel to his nose and looking down at his feet, where a few drops of blood had stained the floor.

Kurt couldn't help but feel a sense of dread overtaking him. He looked at Sebastian, then at the sink and he realized there was nowhere near as much blood as there had been that time Sebastian had started bleeding at the mall, but still, Kurt had never seen anyone's nose bleed that much, and it scared him. Sebastian must have realized this because he attempted to smile and said.

"Kurt, it's just a nosebleed… I'm fine."

Kurt didn't know what to say, so he walked into the bathroom and picked up another tissue, kneeling down and wiping the drops of Sebastian's blood from the tile.

"You don't have to do that." Sebastian said, putting his hand over Kurt's shoulder. The touch of Sebastian's hand sent shivers through Kurt's spine, but he just breathed in and turned to stare at Sebastian. He looked tired, even behind the tough front he was putting up.

"I know." Kurt said, wiping the floor anyway. "How are you feeling?"

Sebastian shrugged, throwing his tissue in the bin before grabbing another one. "My head hurts a bit."

Kurt stepped up and turned on the faucet, using the water to clean the drops of Sebastian's blood from the sink, and then using another paper towel to clean up. When he was finished, Kurt turned to stare at Sebastian as he wiped his nose. This time, there were just a few drops of blood on the tissue he discarded.

"Did it stop?"

"I think so… yeah."

"Then let's go lie down." Kurt said, extending his hand towards Sebastian, who just sighed and took it, following Kurt back to the bedroom. Kurt didn't let go of Sebastian's hand until they were standing in the foot of Sebastian's bed.

Kurt sat on the edge of it as Sebastian lied down, resting his head on the pillows and still holding a tissue close to his nose. Sebastian stared at Kurt, offered a tight smile and patted the bed next to him, gesturing for Kurt to join him. Kurt smiled weakly and sighed, crawling on the bed to lay down beside Sebastian.

Sebastian was resting on his back, facing the ceiling, but Kurt rested on his side so he could look at him.

"I get these every once in a while… but it's nothing serious. I promise." Sebastian said, and Kurt wanted to believe him, but he couldn't help but think that Sebastian was just brushing it off so Kurt wouldn't worry about him.

"Are you still getting chemo tomorrow?"

"Yeah, I have to." Sebastian sighed, crossing his arms behind his head. "It sucks but… The good thing is that I'll be fine by the time we go to Nationals."

Kurt tried to smile. "How are the rehearsals going?"

"Good… I mean, I only  _actually_  rehearse with Jeff but the guys showed me their group number the other day... It's going to be awesome."

Kurt nodded, staring at Sebastian as he kept talking, his eyes fixed on the ceiling. "Hunter can be a real pain in the ass, but the number is actually amazing... I wish I could be a part of it." Sebastian admitted after a pause.

"You  _will_  be, Sebastian... You're going to Nationals!"

"Yeah but… you know what I mean."

Kurt did know what Sebastian meant. He'd seen him dance. Sebastian was a really good dancer. Kurt couldn't imagine how frustrating it must be for him to not be able to dance at Nationals with the rest of his friends.

"Well, at least you get to sing a duet at a National competition…. I never got to do that." Kurt admitted, his attempt was to cheer Sebastian up, but the admission came out a little sad and nostalgic.

"They're idiots, you know?"

"Who?"

"That Glee club you used to be part of."

"It was called The New Directions." Kurt said, smiling.

"Yeah… Well, they're idiots. You have a great voice, they didn't appreciate it when they still had you."

Kurt smiled, not quite being able to stop the butterflies that fluttered in his stomach. "Thanks." He said, hoping his face didn't give away just how flustered he was feeling. "You guys are going to win Nationals. I'm sure of it."

"God, I hope so. Too bad you can't come see us."

"Yeah well, at least I'll get watch you on TV!" Kurt said with a bright smile, "I'll be cheering you on from here!"

"You're a good friend, Kurt." Sebastian said with a warm smile.

Kurt could see the sincerity in Sebastian's gaze, mixed with something else Kurt had never seen in his eyes before. It looked like affection and longing and it only made the butterflies in Kurt's stomach go into overdrive.

"Thanks… Y-you're a good friend too." Was all Kurt could say. He felt suddenly nervous and silly, but Sebastian just smiled before turning to look at the ceiling again. He looked deep in thought and Kurt wondered what was on his mind.

"What's on your mind?" Kurt asked.

"Nothing… I just really don't want to write that essay." Sebastian sighed.

"What do you want to do then?"

"I don't know… Sleep?" Sebastian admitted, between giggles.

"Then sleep… Take a nap, and we'll try again later. Okay?"

"Okay… Yeah." Sebastian said, already yawning as he turned to rest on his side, coming face to face with Kurt. "What are you going to do, though?"

"I'll take a nap too."

"Really?"

"Yeah… You can never take enough naps. Naps are awesome." Kurt said, trying not to let the proximity between them affect him too much. Sebastian's green eyes seemed tired and droopy, and Kurt wanted nothing more than to just tuck him in and let him sleep. Sebastian just smiled and closed his eyes, breathing in deeply. He was silent for a couple of minutes and Kurt thought he had fallen asleep, but then he opened his eyes and asked.

"Do I snore?"

"What?" Kurt asked in disbelief.

"You've seen me sleep quite a lot. Do I snore?"

"Um, no… Not that I've noticed."

"Okay good."

Sebastian closed his eyes again and Kurt couldn't help but smile. Kurt waited until Sebastian's breathing had evened out before slowly getting off the bed. He sat at Sebastian's desk and pulled up his laptop. They had started writing up some pointers for Sebastian's essay, but there was nothing substantial to it yet.

Kurt turned to look at Sebastian who was now sleeping soundly in his bed, then turned to the computer and started typing away. He didn't care if it was cheating; Kurt knew Sebastian was trying really hard to keep up with all his school assignments while battling things that were beyond his control. Kurt wasn't going to let him fail his opportunity to graduate just because the chemotherapy was wearing him out.

Sebastian was asleep for the two and a half hours that it took Kurt to write the essay, and it didn't look like he was going to wake up anytime soon. Kurt didn't really know if Sebastian would be annoyed at the fact that Kurt had finished his homework for him. He hoped not, because he'd worked hard on the essay and was pretty proud of it.

Kurt grabbed a sheet of paper and folded it in half. He wrote a note for Sebastian, letting him know he'd written the essay for him and threatening to never make him tofu sandwiches again if he didn't use it. After all, it had taken Kurt almost 3 hours to write the damn thing, and he'd been extra careful about not making too much noise typing to avoid waking Sebastian up.

Kurt put the note over the computer's keyboard and then walked over to Sebastian's bed. He grabbed the comforter and draped it over him. Sebastian stirred a little but didn't wake up. He looked exhausted, and Kurt was sure he would sleep for at least one more hour. Staring at Sebastian as he laid there, so calm and peaceful, Kurt felt himself being overtaken by many different emotions: affection, longing, and concern. Before he could stop himself, Kurt held his breath and leaned down, pressing a soft kiss to Sebastian's temple. Sebastian's skin felt warm against his lips and Kurt allowed himself to linger for a little while before stepping away.

 _"Please be okay."_ Kurt whispered before walking away from the bed. Kurt was extra careful as he closed the door, but the minute it clicked shut, Sebastian opened his eyes. He could still feel the warmth of Kurt's lips where they'd touched his skin, and couldn't help the small smile that spread across his lips.

 _"I'll be okay."_  He whispered, even though Kurt couldn't hear it anymore.


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy 2014 everybody! I wanted to post this chapter on the 9th, cause it's this fic's birthday, but couldn't finish it on time. Anyhow... I hope you guys enjoy it, even though it's a bit of a roller coaster. (My Beta says I almost broke her with it) Love you all!

 

The next day, Sebastian went to the hospital with his mom to get his next round of chemo. Kurt couldn't help but feel a little bad because he wasn't able to go with him this time, because he had to pick his dad up from the airport.

It was a relief for Kurt to finally have his dad back in town, he'd been away for a little over two weeks and Kurt felt like he was having separation anxiety. Though it was probably just because he was worrying about his health. He had his tests in two weeks to see if he needed the surgery, so Kurt still couldn't quite relax about that yet. He wouldn't be able to feel safe until his dad was officially done with cancer.

Finn and Kurt took their parents out for dinner that night after picking them up from the airport, enjoying a night out with them and getting all the details from Burt's trip. Carole was excited as usual and Burt was tired, but glad that he had been able to catch up with the work he'd been neglecting because of his cancer treatment.

Later that night, when Kurt got back home, he dialed Sebastian's number to check up on him, but Sebastian didn't answer. Kurt wasn't really surprised, as he figured he must have been sleeping, so he decided to wait until the morning to try to talk to him again.

The next morning Kurt tried calling Sebastian again, but his phone was turned off. Exasperated, Kurt dialed Mrs. Smythe to ask about Sebastian and see how he was doing.

 _"He's resting, Kurt. Bastian has been sleeping a lot since we came back from the hospital yesterday."_  Mrs. Smythe said. _"The doctor told us his counts were still lower than he'd like, but that he could still go through with the treatment if he was feeling up for it, and you know Bastian, he wanted to waste no time."_

"Yeah, I know... He's determined to go to nationals."

_"Joseph is so worried about Bastian making that trip to Los Angeles. We're a little divided in that sense. I fully support him, because I know how much it means to him. Besides, it will only be a couple of days, and I'm going with him. The doctor will be monitoring his health closely this next week to make sure he is strong enough to make the trip, so it should be fine."_

"Yeah, hopefully everything will work out." Kurt said, feeling glad to see how supportive Mrs. Smythe was of Sebastian. "I hope he gains his strength back soon. Will you tell him I called?"

_"Of course dear. Thank you so much for calling."_

Kurt hung up feeling slightly better and hoping he would hear back from Sebastian later.

...

_Sebastian pulled down his tie, it felt too tight around his neck, even though he had already adjusted it several times. He took a deep breath, and straightened out his blazer._

_"Ladies and gentlemen, Welcome to the twenty first National show choir competition!"_

_The crowd was silent and expectant, as the curtains were lifted. Sebastian could feel the energy of the guys behind him as they walked together to the center of the stage. When he turned to his left, Jeff looked dapper and ready as ever. The melody of the voices of the Warblers rung in his ears, but Sebastian stood there paralyzed._

_He knew it was his cue to sing, but when he opened his mouth nothing came out. He could feel the panic creeping up on him, suffocating him. He couldn't hear the Warbler's voices anymore, all Sebastian heard was the sound of his own heartbeat banging loudly behind his ears. The eyes of every single person in the auditorium were fixed on him and he felt like he was sinking. Sebastian's head started spinning, his blazer felt heavy -almost suffocating- and cold sweat stuck to his shirt underneath it._

_The moment he opened his mouth to try to sing again, his legs gave up on him and he fell to his knees, shaking._

"Sebastian… Sebastian! What are you doing on the floor, baby?"

Sebastian opened his eyes and realized he'd fallen asleep in his bathroom floor, hunched over the toilet. He felt his mother's arms helping him up and he felt like an idiot. He'd gone into the bathroom feeling really nauseous, and hadn't been quite able to muster the energy to get up after he was done throwing up his breakfast.

His legs felt wobbly as he walked with his mom towards his bed. He lied down and his mom pulled the sheets over him. She put her hand over his forehead and gave him a concerned look.

"Bastian, you're so cold. What happened?"

"I'm fine mom… I'm just tired."

"Baby you were sleeping on the floor…"

"No, I wasn't I just… I was just about to get up I swear, I'm just a little tired, that's all."

"Did you take the Zofran?"

"Yeah." Sebastian lied. He hadn't taken his pills because he had forgotten, but he didn't want his mom to worry about him. So he just lied and hid himself further under the covers. "I'm just gonna sleep some more."

"Kurt called last night… He was asking about you."

Sebastian smiled and sighed. "What did you tell him?"

"I just told him that you were sleeping." Mrs. Smythe said, caressing Sebastian's cheek with the pad of her thumb. "Maybe you can call him back later, when you're feeling a little better."

"Okay, I will." Sebastian said, closing his eyes.

"I'll bring up your phone. You left it downstairs."

"Thanks mom."

Sebastian closed his eyes and tried to relax as his mom got up from his bed and left his room. He wanted to sleep, but at the same time he was dreading it. His nightmare replayed over and over in his head. Sebastian felt his stomach lurching just thinking about the possibility that it could come true, because... What if he ruined The Warblers' chances at Nationals? Sebastian was terrified, but he was not a quitter, and he was determined to go to Nationals and win no matter what. Sebastian felt frustrated at the complete lack of control he had over his body lately. But deep down he knew he only had to wait. In a few days the worse of the side effects would pass and he would be able to rehearse again with Jeff and the guys. He still had two weeks left before Nationals, and he was not going to mess it up.

Sebastian needed to get his strength back. So he drank a little bit of water and tried to relax, and after a long time of tossing and turning in bed, he was able to fall into a peaceful sleep. Sebastian woke up hours later, feeling like he had a hangover… or worse. He reached out to his bedside table and grabbed his phone. He smiled once he realized he had a text message from Kurt.

_**From Kurt Hummel:** _

_**How are you? Call me when you're up :)** _

Sebastian sighed, because even though he really wanted to talk to Kurt, he still didn't feel quite up for it. What would they talk about anyway? How he was feeling after the chemo? It was a conversation Sebastian didn't really feel like having at the moment. He felt groggy and achy and he was sure Kurt would notice it just by listening to his voice. If he was going to call Kurt, he had to have something more interesting to talk about.

Sebastian stood up on shaky legs and stretched his arms before walking up to his closet. He took a deep breath as he took out his Dalton Blazer, giving it a scrutinizing look. He then pulled up one of his shirts, tie and slacks and spread them over the bed. It had been really long since he'd worn his uniform; so he needed to try it on to see how it fitted, since he had lost a bit of weight the passed few months.

The uniform was clean and neatly ironed, but Sebastian was feeling filthy from being in bed, and didn't really feel like putting it on. Maybe he would feel better after a shower, so he decided to do just that.

When Sebastian got to his bathroom he took a look at the bathtub and realized that it had been quite a long while since he'd used it. So he turned on the faucet and sat on the toilet, staring at the hot water as it flowed out of the faucet and it slowly filled the tub.

He was never one to particularly take a long time in the bath, but this time Sebastian took his time in the tub, reveling in the feeling of the warm water around him. There was something incredibly soothing about the warm water, the bubbles, and the music he had playing that helped Sebastian feel better. For a moment, Sebastian was able to remove himself from his current situation, forgetting about the sickness and pain and just relaxing. His mind wandered to better times, of his summers in Paris with his grandmother and cousins, days of relaxing outside in the garden of his grandmother's estate, lounging by the pool and drinking expensive wine. Sebastian sighed, wishing he could go back there sometime. Maybe when this was finally over, when he got done with his treatment… when he was finally healthy, he could go again.

Sebastian wanted to just get away and relax, but there were so many things on his mind. He tried not to think about how his dad had promised to take him to the lake house, but they hadn't really been able to go because of his health, and all his pending school assignments.

He could have probably stayed in the water for hours, if it wasn't for a sudden knock on his bedroom door. It was loud enough that Sebastian heard it, even though his bathroom door was closed. Sebastian got out of the tub and dried himself up before wrapping his towel around his waist and walking out to his bedroom.

"Seb? Can I come in?" Came the unmistakable voice of Sebastian's cousin behind the door.

Sebastian walked towards the door to open it, and Alex greeted him with a wide smile and a tight hug.

"Hey man!"

"Alex... It's good to see you!" Sebastian said, feeling genuinely surprised to see him.

"You too man… How are you?"

"Good… I'm good, just took a bath and… Well I'm feeling pretty good."

"You look tired."

"I know I look like shit." Sebastian said bluntly, and Alex's eyes went wide.

"No! You don't… That's not what I meant!"

"No, I know… But I feel pretty good, I swear." Sebastian said smiling, and it wasn't entirely untrue. He  _was_  feeling good at the moment, at least better than earlier, but he still felt the lingering presence of his headache threatening to return, and his body felt heavy and achy whenever he moved. But he was determined about not letting it show.

"So what are you up to?" Alex asked.

"Well, not much. I'm just resting, not really feeling in the mood for anything else."

"Kurt told me you're going to LA next week for Nationals."

Sebastian turned around and frowned. "Kurt told you that, huh? When did you guys talk?"

"Oh, we talk all the time." Alex said, completely aloof at just how his words affected Sebastian. "On Facebook mostly… or you know, texting and stuff. He is really cool… I like him."

"You  _like_  him." It wasn't a question, but Sebastian's words were tentative. Alex stared at him and replied cautiously.

"Yeah… I do. Don't you?"

"Yeah... Kurt's great."

" _Just_  great?"

 _A little more than great._  Sebastian's mind supplied. But he didn't say anything out loud. He just smiled and Alex cracked up. "Is there anything going on between you guys?"

"We're friends… Just friends."

"Oh come on, Seb!" Alex said, squinting his eyes at Sebastian.

"What?"

" _Just_  friends, really?"

"Yes, Alex. We're just friends. Is it really that hard to believe?"

"No… Not at all." Alex said, shrugging. "I just thought there was something else going on… That's all."

Sebastian had mixed feelings about Alex's comment. Was he skeptical about Sebastian and Kurt being just friends because of Sebastian's history with guys, or because he knew something Sebastian didn't? How much did Kurt and Alex talk anyway?  _Had Kurt said something to Alex?_  Sebastian had so many questions… But he didn't voice any of them to Alex; he just remained thoughtful. Clearly Alex had something on his mind too, as he mindlessly typed in his phone while Sebastian finished drying himself up and put on his boxers and a t-shirt.

Sebastian walked back to the bed, grabbed his shirt and put it on. He was buttoning it up when he caught Alex's eye. He was staring at him with a glint of mischief and Sebastian raised his eyebrows, questioningly.

"So… Would you mind if I asked him out?"

Sebastian almost choked at the sound of Alex's words.

"You… What?!"

"If I wanted to ask Kurt out… Like, on a date. Would that be okay with you?"

Sebastian couldn't even speak… He just laughed out loud in complete disbelief. " _You_  want to ask him out?  _Really?_ "

"Well… Yeah."

"But I thought you weren't even sure about… I mean, y-you're not even out!" Sebastian accused, feeling completely flabbergasted. But Alex just kept going.

"I know… but I could, you know... Give it a try."

Sebastian huffed and shook his head. He would feel amused by the ridiculousness of Alex's idea if it wasn't for the fact that he was feeling irrationally protective of Kurt all of the sudden.

"Give it a try… Huh? Are you serious right now Alex? You  _can't_ …"

"What?"

"You can't just do that… It's a terrible idea."

"Why?" Alex asked defensively, crossing his arms over his chest stubbornly. It was as if he was challenging Sebastian.

"B-because… Kurt's not just some thing you can  _try!_ " Sebastian spat out, feeling more frustrated than ever, both with Alex and with himself for not being able to quite express himself. After a brief moment of just looking at him incredulously, Alex's expression shifted, and he just smiled.

"You're jealous." It wasn't a question, it was a statement.

"No… I'm not jealous." He said defensively, but that only made Alex's grin grow wider.

"Yes you are! Why don't you just admit it Seb? You don't want me to ask Kurt out because you like him… you have feelings for him."

Sebastian just rolled his eyes and laughed, shaking his head and turning his back to Alex. He picked up his slacks from the bed and put them on. They still fitted, albeit a little loose around the waist, but Sebastian was kind of expecting that. He put on his belt, taking extra time and trying to avoid Alex's gaze because as much as he hated to admit it, Alex was right.

When Sebastian turned around, Alex was smiling and looking quite pleased with himself.

"What?"

"Kurt is asking about you."

"You are talking to him right now?"

"Yeah… He asked me to tell you to get on Skype so he can see how you look in your uniform...  _He wants to see you!_ " Alex sing-songed that last bit, and Sebastian couldn't help but smile even if he was feeling like smacking Alex in the head.

"You're a smartass, did you know that?" Sebastian said, shaking his head. He walked over to his desk and turned on his laptop. He then went back to his bed and picked up his tie, putting it around his neck and working on the knot as he looked at himself in the mirror.

"Just admit that you like him."

"Ugh… Shut up."

"Kurt's been a good friend to you, and he is  _really attractive_ … There's nothing wrong with it. Why won't you just admit it? " Alex pressed and Sebastian just rolled his eyes.

"You're such a pain in the ass, Alexander." Sebastian said, but he was smiling.

"You're not denying it!" Alex said, giggling as he got up from the bed and sat in Sebastian's desk, logging himself onto Skype.

Sebastian put his blazer on and took a deep breath, analyzing his reflection with scrutinizing eyes. Technically, the uniform still fit him, but Sebastian didn't feel comfortable wearing it. Maybe it was the fact that his blazer felt a size bigger than it should be, and his pants felt too loose on his hips even with the belt, or maybe it was the fact that Sebastian didn't look the same as he used to.

Sebastian had always been a lanky guy, but now he was just plain skinny. His face was different too, his skin looked pale and it made his freckles stand out even more, he had no hair on his head and his eyebrows were slowly fading away too. Alex was right, Sebastian  _did_  like Kurt, but how could Kurt like Sebastian back when he looked like this? Kurt and Sebastian were friends now, he knew that. But physical attraction was something entirely different. For many years Sebastian had relied on his good looks and boyish charm to give him the confidence to pursue any guy he wanted, but now that all that was gone he felt like he had nothing to stand on.

_"Hey Alex! Hey Sebastian!"_

Kurt's voice shook Sebastian out of his thoughts. When he turned around and saw Kurt's face smiling wide on the screen, he couldn't help but smile back and wave.

 _"Whoa… You're looking good there!"_ Kurt said, and if Sebastian's cheeks felt a little bit warmer, he tried not to let it show.

"Thanks…" He said, rubbing the back of his head with his hand as he walked closer to the computer.

_"How are you feeling?"_

"Good, I'm good." Sebastian said, smiling. "How about you?"

_"Oh, a little bored here today. My dad and Finn went out to get some supplies for the shop. They've been gone all morning, and Carole went out to run some errands. So I have the house all to myself."_

"Sounds like fun."

 _"I'm actually bored out of my mind."_  Kurt said, laughing.

"Then you should come over!" Alex chirped in with a smile.

_"Oh I can't… I promised Carole I'd help her with lunch later when she returns. But maybe I can come over tomorrow."_

"Aw but  _I_  won't be here tomorrow." Alex said with a pout Sebastian wished he could smack right off his face. Just a sideways look at him told Sebastian that Alex was doing it just to mess with him, so he just smiled as best as he could so Kurt wouldn't notice what was going on.

The conversation between the three of them quickly shifted towards Sebastian as Kurt started asking him how the Warbler rehearsals were going. Sebastian had promised Kurt to let him come over one of these days so he could see them as they perfected their routine, as well as Jeff and Sebastian's duet. Needless to say, Kurt was very excited.

"We're almost ready, I think the guys will be coming over tomorrow for rehearsal again." Sebastian said.

 _"Already? Isn't it too soon? You just got chemo yesterday."_  Kurt said, visibly concerned.

"Yeah well, they are rehearsing on their own everyday after school. I can always cancel if I'm not feeling up for it… But I've been feeling pretty good lately." It was a blatant lie, but Sebastian didn't want to ruin the mood talking about his ailments. Even if every minute that passed only made him even more tired. He had slept all morning and yet all he wanted to do was take another nap.

 _"You look a bit tired."_  Kurt noted and Sebastian pressed his lips into a tight smile.

"I'm fine… A little sleepy, that's all."

_"Well at least you didn't get hiccups this time. That's good, right?"_

"Yeah… That's a relief." Sebastian conceded, "It would be a pain in the ass to try to sing with those damn hiccups."

They all laughed and then Kurt spoke again.

_"Well I see your uniform still fits you just fine… Are you going to have anything tailored?"_

"Um… No, not really." Sebastian replied nonchalantly, even though he knew he probably needed to fix his slacks so they would fit better.

 _"That's great Sebastian… And, um… Are you going to rock the bald head? Or are you open to suggestions? Cause there's no way in hell I will let you wear that awful gray beanie on national television."_  Kurt said, crossing his arms over his chest. Sebastian just laughed out loud.

"Well… As tempting as it sounds, I don't really feel like 'rocking the bald head'. What do you have in mind?"

 _"Hats… There's a new collection of Fedoras that just came out last week!"_ Kurt said, smiling excitedly.  _"I haven't been able to go down to the mall and check them out, but I am sure we can find something for you and Jeff to wear. That way you will both match and look super handsome, and it will look amazing with your Dalton uniform!"_

Sebastian smiled at how excited Kurt was at the prospect of buying the hats. Wearing a matching hat with Jeff was a wonderful idea, and it would look a million times better than his awful grey beanie, but just the thought of going to the mall and walking all over the place made Sebastian's head spin.

 _"So, what do you say?"_  Kurt asked with hopeful eyes,  _"We should go this weekend, before all the good ones get taken."_

"Sounds good." Sebastian said, smiling as best as he could. He just hoped he would feel better by the time the weekend arrived because right now, he couldn't even fathom walking down the stairs without feeling dizzy.

…

On Friday, Sebastian was laying in his bed glaring at the clock like it had personally offended him. He'd told the Warblers that they could come over for rehearsal, but he was seriously starting to doubt himself. He was feeling a little nauseous and the guys were going to be there any minute. Sebastian knew that he could call them and tell them he wasn't feeling very well, but he didn't want to. Sebastian wanted his performance for Nationals to be perfect and he knew they still hadn't rehearsed enough for that to be possible. The Warblers had already come up with the arrangement for the backup mostly with Jeff, and Sebastian needed to catch up with them and make it perfect.

When the guys arrived, Sebastian was showered, dressed and ready with the best smile he could muster so they could get down to business. They went through the motions of the performance, explaining to Sebastian a couple of new things they'd added to the routine in the past couple of days, and then they started singing. Sebastian did his best and was pretty satisfied with his performance, but he knew he could still do better.

After the second time they were through the song, Hunter approached Sebastian and asked him if they could speak in private. Sebastian nodded, already dreading whatever Hunter wanted to talk about as they walked away from the group and into the hallway.

"So… What's up?" Sebastian asked, hoping he didn't sound as nervous as he actually was.

"I just wanted to ask you how you're doing." Hunter said, eyes fixed on Sebastian.

"Why?" Sebastian asked, feeling a little defensive. "Are you not satisfied with my performance, is that it?"

"No, not at all… You sang just fine, more than fine I'd say. But don't think I didn't notice just how out of breath you seemed to be after that second time." Hunter said sternly and Sebastian just huffed, shaking his head. "Look, Sebastian… I just want to make sure you're not pushing yourself harder than you need to. That's all."

"I'm not… I can do this, Hunter. It's fine... I'm  _fine_." Sebastian assured him, as nonchalantly as he could. But Hunter squinted his eyes, and Sebastian knew he didn't really believe him.

"Are you sure?" Hunter pressed and Sebastian just sighed.

He hated the way Hunter was looking at him. In the short time he had been leading the Warblers, Hunter had proven to be a force to be reckoned with. He was a fierce and strict leader who pushed the guys to be the best they could be. A strict captain who didn't hesitate to demand nothing but the excellence, and who would even yell at the guys whenever they messed up or needed to step up their game…. Yet there he was, worrying about Sebastian like he was some delicate flower about to wilt.

Sebastian hated it, but he hated himself even more for giving in to his tiredness. He pushed away his thoughts and took a deep breath, giving Hunter his best confident smile.

"Yes, I'm sure. I appreciate the concern, but I'm fine, Hunter."

"Alright… I just wanted to make sure." Hunter said, giving him a pat in the back as they made their way back to the living room to join the rest of the guys.

They rehearsed for almost three hours that day, Sebastian felt glad that their group number still seemed to need a little work because every time they went through their routine Sebastian was able to catch his breath a bit. By the time the guys left, Sebastian was feeling completely exhausted. He didn't even have dinner that night, going straight to bed the minute the Warblers left.

...

The next morning, Sebastian woke up feeling absolutely wrecked. Sebastian had never been run over by a car, but he was pretty sure this must be what it felt like. His whole body felt heavy and achy, and his head throbbed every time he tried to sit up. He wanted nothing more than to sleep, but he knew the guys were going to come over at 11 to rehearse again, so he really couldn't sleep in even if he wanted to.

He pushed himself out of bed and when he got out he realized he needed to call Kurt. They said they were going to the mall to check out the hats but Sebastian couldn't go. He needed to rehearse and the guys were counting on him.

He dialed Kurt's number but he didn't pick up. Sebastian felt relieved because he really wasn't feeling up for a conversation right now. He wanted to go back to bed and sleep as much as he could before the Warblers arrived. So he texted him instead.

_**To Kurt Hummel:** _

_**Hey, can we reschedule the shopping thing? Hunter called for rehearsal today and the guys are coming over.** _

Sebastian sent the text and went back to bed, hoping to get some rest. A couple of minutes later, his phone buzzed with a reply from Kurt.

_**From Kurt Hummel:** _

_**Sure thing! Focus on rehearsal and we'll talk later. Call me when you're done okay? :)** _

Sebastian smiled, feeling relieved as he closed his eyes and hoped to take a small power-nap before the guys arrived.

…

Kurt couldn't help but feel a little disappointed that Sebastian had cancelled their shopping spree. He had already planned his whole day taking into consideration that he was going to meet Sebastian in the afternoon. Kurt had a lunch date with Mercedes at a small restaurant that was half-way towards Westerville, so when he was done he could drive to Sebastian's house to pick him up.

Now Kurt had nothing to do after meeting Mercedes, and he really wanted to get the hats today, since it was a brand new collection and the store was having a 50% OFF sale on the old collection, there was a big chance that lots of people would be drawn to the store and Kurt didn't want to take his chances and have someone take away a hat that could be perfect for Sebastian.

Hanging out with Mercedes was a much-needed breath of fresh air for Kurt, who had missed her a lot ever since they graduated. Mercedes had lots of exciting new things going for her, and Kurt enjoyed listening to all the stories she had to tell about her life in LA. It also felt nice for Kurt to be able to talk to her about Sebastian, without worrying about her blabbing about it to other people. Which was a concern he had with Rachel, and the main reason why he never wanted to tell her about his newfound friendship with Sebastian.

Mercedes was understanding and attentive as Kurt told her everything, from the moment he saw Sebastian at the hospital to the way they started hanging out in the most unexpected of ways. When Mercedes asked Kurt how he felt about Sebastian, Kurt didn't quite know what to say, but that was answer enough for her, who just smiled fondly at him and told him to take his time. That he didn't need to put a name on what he felt for Sebastian, as long as it made him happy.

After his lunch date with Mercedes, Kurt decided to pay a visit to the mall and take a look at the hats. After all, he could text Sebastian pictures of the hats and make a decision together. It was a perfect solution for his predicament.

When he arrived at the store, Kurt was pleased to see the new collection of Fedoras. There was a huge variety of styles and colors and Kurt immediately spotted the perfect one for Sebastian and Jeff to wear. The hat was a light shade of gray, almost the exact tone of the Dalton slacks and bound with a navy blue trim-ribbon. Kurt tried it on and took a picture of himself so he could text it to Sebastian.

He was feeling absolutely ecstatic about the hat, and he was sure Sebastian would love it. The Warblers had less than a week before the competition, but Kurt was sure that they would be able to work the hats into their routine. Kurt was feeling giddy just thinking about it.

Suddenly, his phone started ringing. Kurt thought it might be Sebastian, calling about the hat, but it actually was Mrs. Smythe.

 _"K-Kurt?"_  The minute Kurt heard Mrs. Smythe's voice he knew something was wrong.

"Mrs. Smythe… Is everything okay?" Kurt asked warily.

_"Kurt… Is Sebastian with you?"_

_What? Why would Sebastian be with me?_ Kurt felt puzzled, but the desperation in Mrs. Smythe's voice unsettled him to no end.

"No… I haven't spoken to him since this morning. What happened?"

Kurt could hear Mrs. Smythe sigh defeatedly in the other side of the line, he then heard her mutter something intelligible to someone else, probably Sebastian's dad.

 _"Kurt… We're at the hospital, Bastian left and we have no idea where he went... We can't find him!"_  Mrs. Smythe said hurriedly, and it was more than palpable just how distressed she was.  _"He's been gone for two hours now, and he is not answering his phone. We need to find him, Kurt… Could you please try to reach him? Maybe if you call him he will talk to you. Please Kurt."_

"Okay… I'll try…" Kurt wanted to ask so many questions but he couldn't. Not when Mrs. Smythe sounded so distressed.

He hung up and immediately dialed Sebastian's number. It rang and rang until the call went to voicemail.

_"Hey, you've reached Sebastian Smythe. I'm obviously unavailable, so call again later, or leave a message after the beep."_

Kurt hung up and tried calling again, but the same thing happened. So he tried texting Sebastian instead.

_**To Sebastian Smythe:** _

_**Sebastian, where are you? Your mom called, she is very worried.** _

A minute passed and no reply came from Sebastian's end. Kurt was contemplating on trying again when his phone started ringing, but it wasn't Sebastian, it was Mrs. Smythe again.

_"Kurt?"_

"I'm sorry Mrs. Smythe, I called a few times but Sebastian is not picking up."

Mrs. Smythe said nothing, but Kurt could hear her sigh heavily on the other side of the line. Like she was barely holding herself together.

 _"Kurt, can you please keep trying? Or maybe try calling his other friends; ask them if any of them have heard from Sebastian, please?"_ Mrs. Smythe pleaded, and Kurt couldn't hold his curiosity any longer.

"Mrs. Smythe, what is going on?"

 _"Oh Kurt…"_  Was the only thing Mrs. Smythe said before she started crying. Kurt felt a painful knot forming in his throat, tears threatening to build in his eyes before he even knew what was going on. Sebastian's mom sounded inconsolable. Kurt felt bad for asking now, but he needed to know what was happening.

 _"Kurt, this is Joseph."_ Kurt heard Mr. Smythe taking over the call,  _"Sebastian took off in our car and we don't know where he went… He is not doing well, Kurt. He can't be out there, wandering the roads… He needs to be hospitalized. If you manage to get a hold of him, please tell him he needs to come back. "_

"H-he took off?" Kurt couldn't make sense of what Mr. Smythe was telling him.

_"Yes, we were at the hospital, but now he's gone and we need to find him as soon as possible. Kurt, please keep calling him, maybe he will pick up… And if you hear back from him please let us know."_

"Okay… I will." Kurt promised, dread pooling up inside him as he hung up. He took out his phone and composed a new text message.

_**To Sebastian Smythe:** _

_**Sebastian where are you? Please call me back.** _

Kurt waited for a few minutes and then tried calling again, but Sebastian was refusing to take his calls. Kurt was rapidly growing worried and frustrated, he felt so helpless doing nothing but calling Sebastian. So he decided to help the Smythes actively on the search by driving down to Cleveland. While he was driving he called Trent to see if he knew anything about Sebastian.

_"Hey, Kurt... How's Sebastian?"_

"Um... I was actually calling you hoping you knew anything about him. I'm trying to reach him but he is not answering his phone."

_"Oh, I haven't heard anything since we saw him this morning… You know, after Mr. Smythe pretty much kicked us out of the house."_

"What? Why would he kick you out of the house?" Trent's words threw Kurt off completely. What was he talking about?

_"Wait... You don't know?"_

"No... Trent, what happened?"

_"Sebastian fainted while we were in the middle of rehearsal... He just passed out! Thank god Jeff was able to catch him, otherwise he would have hit his head pretty hard, but..."_

"Oh my god."

_"… His dad was pretty upset and told us to go home. I don't know, I guess he was only worried about Sebastian working too hard. I don't know what happened after that. The only thing I know is that Sebastian's parents were taking him to the doctor or something, but I haven't heard from Sebastian again since that."_

"I didn't know that…" Kurt mumbled, still in shock at the things he'd just learned.

_"Kurt, what's going on? Did something happen to Sebastian?"_

Trent sounded very upset, and Kurt felt his stomach drop to his feet. He had no idea about all these things that had happened. Now he understood why Sebastian had been taken to the hospital, but he still didn't know why Sebastian had decided to just run away.

"Look… Trent, I don't know much. All I know is Sebastian's mom called me and said Sebastian was with them at the hospital but now he is missing. He is not picking up his phone, so please if you could ask the rest of the Warblers if anyone knows where he is… Please let me know."

_"Oh my goodness… Okay, I'm calling David and Nick and everyone right away. I'll call you if anyone knows anything."_

"Thanks Trent."

After he hung up with Trent, Kurt was relentless, calling Sebastian over and over again. Kurt knew he shouldn't be using his phone while he was driving but he was very worried about Sebastian. At a red light, Kurt looked at his call log and realized he had already called Sebastian 18 times in the past 3 hours. Kurt had been alternating from feeling worried to being angry at Sebastian for doing this, but now he was quite frankly just scared for him.

Where had Sebastian gone, and why was he running away?

Kurt looked at his phone and realized that according to what Mrs. Smythe had told him, 5 hours had already passed since Sebastian had disappeared from the hospital and nobody knew where he was yet. Mrs. Smythe was distressed and Kurt felt at a loss of what to do. What was going on? Why was Sebastian doing this?

Kurt was finally in Cleveland and almost at the hospital when he got an incoming call from Sebastian's mother.

"Mrs. Smythe, any word from Sebastian?"

_"Kurt, Bastian called us… But he is still refusing to come back to the hospital."_

"Oh my god…" Kurt groaned, feeling more frustrated than ever with Sebastian. "Did he say where he was?"

_"No… He just called to say he was fine, but he wouldn't tell us where he is!"_

"Are you still at the hospital? 'Cause I'm almost there."

_"No, we're not there anymore, Kurt. We're actually with Marcus on our way to Lake Erie."_

"Lake Erie?"

_"Yes... when Bastian called, I am almost certain that I heard horses in the background. We have horses in our property in Lake Erie, so we think that's where he might be."_

"Oh…"

_"We should be there in about an hour… In the meantime, if Sebastian calls you please let us know."_

"Okay… I will."

Kurt hung up feeling a mixture of emotions. He wished he could feel even a little relieved that Sebastian was "fine". Though knowing Sebastian, Kurt was sure being "fine" could mean lots of different things. Kurt felt so angry at Sebastian for doing this. He wished he could understand what was going on through his head but he just couldn't.

One more futile call to Sebastian's cellphone. It was still turned off. Kurt just hoped that Sebastian really was at the Lake House, but he would have to wait until his parents got there to hear any news. Kurt was driving absentmindedly on his way to the hospital when he drove passed Splendid's Organic Deli. It took him a couple of seconds to connect the dots in his head, but when Kurt remembered he hit the brakes and turned around immediately.

 _Horses._ There were horses in the background when Sebastian called. There were horses at that restaurant too. Could it be possible that Sebastian was there?

It was a long shot, but Kurt was so tired of feeling useless in this search that he drove back to the restaurant and hoped he was right. He parked outside just as the last rays of sunlight were still trying to hold on to the horizon. The sun was setting and it was starting to get a little cold, so Kurt braced himself, fixing the collar of his coat before walking inside.

Once inside, Kurt took a look around and realized that there were only a few families having dinner. He was kind of hoping the place would be busy enough that no one would notice him. A couple of waiters smiled politely at him, most likely feeling excited to get a new customer on a slow night and Kurt felt a little embarrassed because he wasn't going to sit down and order anything, he was only there because he was looking for Sebastian. Kurt walked through the restaurant, sending apologetic smiles towards the waiters as he went straight to the back door. The place looked completely different in the dark, compared to the last time he was there.

Kurt walked across the garden, which was barely lit by a few lights on wooden poles and made his way towards the playground and the field where the horses were. It was almost completely dark now, but not dark enough for Kurt to miss the figure of a person laying on the trampoline. It looked like Sebastian, but Kurt couldn't be sure until he got closer. Kurt walked slowly, trying to make as little noise as he could as he approached, but the sound of grass and rocks cracking under his shoes still gave him away.

Kurt felt a mixture of feelings taking over him as he saw it was in fact Sebastian who was laying over the trampoline, with his hands and legs spread out, looking at the sky. Sebastian wasn't moving though, and for a moment Kurt thought he could be asleep, even though his eyes were open.

"Sebastian?"

Kurt waited a couple of seconds but Sebastian didn't say anything. He just stayed right where he was, spread out in the middle of the trampoline, eyes fixed on the sky. After a whole silent minute it became obvious to Kurt that Sebastian really wasn't going to say anything.

"Seb?"

More silence. Was Sebastian just going to ignore him? Kurt was starting to get impatient, he leaned over the edge of the trampoline to take a better look at Sebastian.

"Sebas-"

"What are you doing here, Kurt?" Sebastian blurted out, interrupting him and making no effort to hide the annoyance in his voice.

"Um… I was about to ask  _you_  that same question."

Kurt waited for Sebastian to say something,  _anything_ , but the minutes passed and he never did. Kurt felt at a loss of what to do. Sebastian was clearly not doing okay. The night was getting cold, Kurt could feel that even through his coat, and Sebastian was only wearing a t-shirt.

"Are you just going to ignore me?" Kurt accused, and much to his surprise, Sebastian replied this time.

"Yeah."

Well Kurt was not going to just stand there and do nothing. If Sebastian was going to be an immature little brat about it.

"Okay, you know what, Sebastian… You need to stop this… Whatever it is you're doing here, because everyone has been looking for you. Your family, your friends... Your parents are worried sick!"  _And so was I._  Kurt's mind supplied, though he didn't say it out loud.

Sebastian just rolled his eyes and sighed. "I told them I was fine."

"But you didn't tell them where you were! Did you know they're on their way to Lake Erie right now? Cause they think you're there…" Kurt hoped telling Sebastian that might make him react, but Sebastian remained the same. "Sebastian you need to call your mom."

Sebastian just blinked, eyes fixed on the sky and completely ignoring Kurt. Which only made Kurt feel even more frustrated. "Are you just gonna stay there?"

Sebastian said nothing.

"Fine… Then  _I'm_  calling her." Kurt said, taking out his phone. That finally got a reaction out of Sebastian, who quickly sat up and reached out to Kurt.

"Wait… Give me your phone and I'll talk to her."

Kurt raised an eyebrow, feeling a little uncertain, but then Sebastian said "Please…" and Kurt just gave in, handing him the phone.

He had already pulled up Mrs. Smythe's contact info, all Sebastian had to do was press the call button, but he didn't. Kurt could do nothing but gape in shock as Sebastian grabbed his phone and threw it away as hard as he could, sending it flying over the white fence and into the field where the horses were. In that moment, Kurt felt all the anger and frustration he'd been feeling from worrying about Sebastian all day just crashing down on him.

"Sebastian! What the hell did you just do?" Kurt exclaimed in complete disbelief, but Sebastian just walked over to the edge of the trampoline, got off and started walking away.

"Sebastian!" Kurt yelled, walking after him.

"Go away Kurt." Sebastian said coldly, walking a little faster, but Kurt sprinted and grabbed him by the arm, forcing him to turn around.

"Oh no, you're not leaving!"

"Take your hands off me!" Sebastian hissed, removing his arm from Kurt's grasp with a movement that was rough enough to make Kurt stumble a couple of steps back. For a few seconds they both just stared at each other in shock, not quite able to believe what just happened. Kurt was almost certain he saw remorse in Sebastian's eyes for a split second before he composed himself again, setting his features into a harsh scowl.

"Kurt…"

"Sebastian, why are you being like this?"

"I just want to be alone… So could you please,  _leave-?"_

"No." Kurt said firmly and Sebastian just squinted his eyes.

"God you're such a pain in the ass." He gave Kurt a dismissive look and walked away once more. Kurt felt powerless, angry and frustrated all at once as he went after him.

"Where are you going?"

"That's none of your business."

"Yes it is! It's late and you shouldn't be out… It's not good for you!"

That made Sebastian stop and turn around. "And what _is_  good for me, exactly? Going to the hospital?"

"Well… yes! Your dad said you needed to be hospitalized… And I know that sucks Seb, but that's probably what's best for you right now."

"It's not… Kurt, trust me. It's just not."

"Is this about Nationals?"

"You think this is about Nationals?" Sebastian asked, and he looked more upset than angry now. "No Kurt, it's about my life, and being able to do what I want… And I don't want to spend one more day in the hospital. I don't care what anybody says!"

Kurt knew there was something going on inside Sebastian's head. Something that was making him lash out and push people away again just like he did when he was first diagnosed. Sebastian wasn't walking away anymore but Kurt could see how he was closing in on himself.

"What about your parents? Don't you care about them? You don't know how worried they are... Don't run away from them, Sebastian. All they want is for you to get better."

"That's the thing though, I'm not getting any better." Sebastian sighed, rubbing his hands over his face. He then sat down in one of the wooden benches nearby, resting his elbows over his knees and looking down at his feet. "All those drugs and hospital visits are doing nothing for me… It's useless."

"Please don't say that."

"It's true though…" Sebastian said, finally looking into Kurt's eyes for the first time that night, and he looked so lost.

"You know why I'm not going to Nationals, Kurt? You want to know why they want to hospitalize me? It's cause it's in my bones now… You know, the cancer."

Sebastian's words felt like a bucket of ice water over Kurt's head. "W-what?"

"I need a bone marrow transplant."

Sebastian's voice was low, almost a whisper. He was looking down at his feet again, kicking small rocks that were beneath the bench. Kurt sat next to him in silence, a million different questions popping up in his head but he didn't know what to say. Kurt didn't know much about bone marrow transplants but he knew that if Sebastian needed one then it couldn't be good.

Sebastian remained quiet beside Kurt, but his breathing was getting heavier, and Kurt could tell he was trying to hold back tears. Kurt didn't know what to do, he wanted to say something but anything his mind could come up with sounded void and useless, so he decided to act instead. He took off his jacket and put it over Sebastian's shoulders. Kurt kept his arm around Sebastian tentatively, almost expecting Sebastian to push him away, but much to his surprise, Sebastian didn't. He leaned down, resting his head over Kurt's shoulder as he embraced him and they sat there, together in silence as the minutes passed.

Sebastian was sniffling and wiping away tears from his face, and Kurt felt a painful knot in his throat as he tried to keep his own tears at bay. Kurt didn't know exactly how long they were sitting there, but it was long enough for Sebastian's breathing to even out again.

"Shit. I said I wasn't gonna cry anymore. Sorry." Sebastian said apologetically, sitting up a little but not quite leaving Kurt's embrace. Kurt could tell he was embarrassed but he didn't mind. Sebastian seemed to be more calm than he had been a while ago and that was all that mattered.

"It's okay… You can cry." Kurt said, rubbing circles on Sebastian's back with his hand. "It's okay to be afraid. I know I would be."

"I'm not afraid…" Sebastian protested, trying to smile a bit as he wiped the tear tracks from his cheeks. "I mean, I was at the beginning... I was terrified, but not anymore. Now I'm just angry, I guess."

"Angry?"

"I just hate not being able to control anything anymore. I am sick of letting this illness run my life. I hate that I can't do the things I want to do… It makes me feel useless and that pisses me off."

Kurt just nodded understandingly as Sebastian kept on talking.

"I really wanted to go to Nationals, but now I can't because I'll be in the hospital for god knows how long... I wanted to graduate, but I can't even do my homework properly because I'm always tired. I wanted to go to college... but I won't 'cause I'll probably be dead-"

"Don't say that!" Kurt pleaded, turning to his side so he could see Sebastian's face. Sebastian was smiling sadly, and even in the dark Kurt could see in his eyes that Sebastian was giving up. "Listen to me… You are not going to die, okay?  _I won't let you._ " Kurt said with more certainty than he'd ever felt before. His hands were wrapped firmly over Sebastian's own as he repeated his words. "I won't let you."

"Is that a promise?" Sebastian whispered, smiling sadly as Kurt nodded in reply. Sebastian's eyes were shining with emotion and unshed tears. One of them broke loose as Sebastian blinked, streaming down the side of his cheek. Kurt wiped it away with his thumb as he cradled Sebastian's face. There were so many different emotions running through him and he could tell Sebastian felt them too.

Kurt stared at Sebastian's eyes for a split second before finally losing the battle with himself and just giving in, pressing his lips against Sebastian's in a soft kiss. It was just a brief moment, an affectionate press of closed lips, but it carried so much emotion and unspoken words behind it that when Kurt pulled away he felt a little breathless.

"Yes, it's a promise." He said, and the small smile on Sebastian's lips told Kurt that he believed him.


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I AM BACK! Sorry for the long wait guys, but I have been very busy lately :( and sadly I don't think that's gonna change any time soon (ugh). But I do promise you that I will NEVER abandon this story, so even if it takes me awhile to update, you can trust that I am always working on it. This chapter is a long one, so I hope this makes up for the wait :) Enjoy!

It was dark out in the field. The skies were a little cloudy so Kurt didn't even have the moonlight to help him in the search for his phone. Sebastian and him had been looking around the field for awhile with no luck. The darkness, combined with the uneven ground of the field made it extra-difficult, and since Sebastian's phone was dead, they couldn't even use it to shed some light. Kurt didn't know what worried him more, not finding his phone or stepping on horse manure. The night was getting a little windy as well and Kurt could feel it since Sebastian was still wearing his jacket over his shoulders.

Kurt and Sebastian had been pretty much walking around in circles looking for the phone. Well, Kurt was actively looking for it, Sebastian however, appeared to only be mindlessly walking around the field. Kurt found it a little disconcerting, but at least Sebastian wasn't running away anymore… So that was progress.

Kurt was just about to give up on finding his phone when it finally happened. There was an incoming call. The second the screen lit up, Kurt was able to spot the phone in the middle of the field. He rushed to get his phone and quickly picked up the call.

"Mrs. Smythe!"

_"Kurt… Sebastian is not here. Have you-"_

"I found him! He's here!" Kurt blurted out, a little breathlessly. He heard Mrs. Smythe heave a sigh of relief as he ran over to where Sebastian was standing and handed him the phone.

"It's your mom!"

Sebastian didn't seem excited to talk to his mother  _at all_ , but took the phone from Kurt's hand anyway. Kurt could hear Mrs. Smythe's voice from how loud she was speaking, but he couldn't quite make up what she was saying. Sebastian didn't give much away either. His posture was rigid and eyes stern as he spoke through gritted teeth.

"Yes mom… I know…. No… I'm fine. No, mom. Yeah, Kurt is driving. Okay."

By the time Sebastian hung up and handed the phone back to him, Kurt could see that the conversation with his mother clearly had an effect on him… and not a positive one. Sebastian looked visibly upset as he and Kurt walked to the parking lot. They left Sebastian's car at the restaurant, and went back to the hospital in Kurt's car.

The restaurant was not far from the Cleveland Clinic, but the drive to the hospital felt longer than it actually was because of the silence that had settled between Kurt and Sebastian the moment they got inside the car. Kurt kept sneaking glances at Sebastian, who seemed lost in thought as he looked out the window of the passenger seat. Kurt tried to brush off the awkwardness but had quickly given up after his attempts at small talk during the ride were met with nothing but vague monosyllabic responses from Sebastian.

Kurt had even attempted to lighten the mood by telling Sebastian how lucky he was that Kurt hadn't stepped on horse shit, otherwise he would have made him buy him new boots, but it hadn't worked. Sebastian didn't react, not a smile or even a defensive retort, nothing. He just gave a small nod of the head with his eyes still fixed on the window.

So many things had happened that Kurt was still trying to wrap his head around them all. Sebastian was sitting next to him but his mind was definitely elsewhere. Sebastian's facial expression and deflated posture made it seem like Kurt was driving him to his execution. Neither of them said a word until they got to the hospital and Kurt turned off the car.

"Are you ready?" Kurt asked, but Sebastian just sighed.

"Does it matter?"

Sebastian sounded defeated. He didn't seem angry and confrontational as he had been back at the restaurant, yet somehow he seemed even more distant.

Kurt smiled tightly and looked down at his phone, only fifteen minutes had passed since they left the restaurant, and Sebastian's parents would probably take at least an hour to get back from lake Erie.

"It  _does_  matter, Sebastian." Kurt said, offering him a sincere smile. "We don't have to go inside yet if you don't want to. I think we have at least an hour before your parents get here... We can stay in the car if you want."

Sebastian breathed in, still looking out the window. "That sounds like fun."

Kurt rolled his eyes. He just couldn't win with Sebastian tonight, could he?

"Well, do you have any other ideas?" Kurt asked, trying to see if he could get some sort of response out of Sebastian, but Sebastian just sighed.

Kurt felt at a loss of what to do. He didn't expect Sebastian to be thrilled about going to the hospital… After all, he'd been running away all day just trying to avoid that. But still, Kurt thought they'd made at least some kind of progress back at the restaurant. When Kurt found Sebastian... When Kurt talked to him... When Kurt  _kissed_  him.

Kurt couldn't help thinking back to that moment, replaying it in his head over and over again. The silence between them was starting to go from awkward to uncomfortable, and Kurt couldn't help but wonder if it was because Sebastian was upset about being brought back to the hospital against his will, or if it had anything to do with the fact that Kurt had kissed him.

 _Gosh, what had Kurt been thinking?_  He had just acted on instinct, and kissing Sebastian had just  _felt right_  at the time. But now, with the awkward silence hanging heavy between them, Kurt couldn't help but second guess himself about the whole thing. He didn't know how Sebastian felt about the kiss. And that was the thing, Kurt  _couldn't_ know. Not when Sebastian was practically ignoring him and Kurt had no idea how to behave. It seemed like feigning normalcy was Kurt's safest choice.

Kurt was debating what to say next when Sebastian finally spoke.

"Let's go to Taco Bell."

"Uh… What?" Kurt frowned and gave Sebastian an incredulous look. Sebastian was finally looking at him now, and it seemed like he was dead serious.

"You asked if I could think of something better than just staying here… Well, I want to go to Taco Bell."

"Okay…" Kurt said, not being able to hide a nervous smile. "We can do that… I guess."

Kurt wasn't sure what this was all about, but when he saw Sebastian nod and smile a little, he knew it was the right thing to do. If what Sebastian needed to feel better was greasy junk food, then that's what Kurt was going to get him.

It took them a while to find a Taco Bell, so they decided to order by going through the drive-thru instead of going into the restaurant. They ordered their food and then ate it in the parking lot. Normally, Kurt hated doing that, because his car would probably smell of junk food for days. But right now it didn't really bother him. Sebastian finally seemed to be at more ease. They weren't talking much, but Kurt could tell Sebastian was enjoying himself, and that was all that mattered.

It was funny to a point, Kurt thought to himself as he bit into his burrito. He hadn't eaten Taco Bell in quite a while, since it was not usually his choice of junk food. He'd rather have a three-topping pizza than greasy tacos, but they tasted good and being in the car with Sebastian felt intimate in a different sort of way, so Kurt couldn't help but smile, especially because Sebastian seemed to be enjoying his tacos a little too much, and Kurt couldn't help but laugh a little at the sounds he was making.

"This is amazing." Sebastian moaned through a mouthful, and Kurt couldn't hide his smile at the sight. It was almost endearing how much Sebastian was enjoying himself.

"No, seriously Kurt... You have no idea. My mom has us in this super strict healthy food diet ever since I got diagnosed. No fried foods, no meat, mostly fruits and vegetables...  _All organic_... And it's fine I guess, but I've missed this... I hadn't eaten this stuff in more than three months!"

"Oh… the torture!" Kurt said sarcastically, but Sebastian just nodded in agreement as he unwrapped his second taco.

"So... Are you feeling better?" Kurt asked tentatively, studying Sebastian for a reaction.

"Junk food makes  _everything_  better." Sebastian smiled as he finished chewing. But Kurt knew he was avoiding his question. Kurt knew Sebastian wasn't alright, but he really wasn't going to push him to talk if he didn't want to. He knew better than to do that right now.

They ate in silence for a while, but Kurt could tell that Sebastian had something on his mind. Suddenly, Kurt's phone started ringing.

"It's your mom." Kurt said as he watched Mrs. Smythe's name flashing through the screen.

"I don't want to talk to her."

"Why?"

"I just don't."

"Sebastian..." Kurt tried, but Sebastian just looked away, sipping his soda in lieu of actually talking the phone from Kurt's hand.

"Mrs. Smythe, hello."

_"Kurt? We're almost at the hospital... How is Sebastian? What did the doctors say?"_

"Um... We're not at the hospital..."

_"What? Why not?"_

"Um... We're nearby... It's just… We were hungry so… we went to get something to eat." Kurt replied nervously. He could feel his cheeks burning up.

_"Oh... Where did you go?"_

Kurt realized Sebastian must have figured his mom would ask where they ate, or maybe he heard her, cause the look he gave Kurt was almost murderous. Kurt knew better than to let it slip that they were eating Taco Bell, though.

"Oh we're not far... In fact we were leaving just now. We'll be in the hospital in about ten minutes at the most. How about you?"

_"We're just a few blocks away... Meet us at the oncology ward, alright?"_

"Okay…"

When Kurt ended the call he could immediately tell Sebastian was upset again. His posture was deflated but tense at the same time as he shoved his still unfinished taco into one of the paper bags and put it away. His change of mood was palpable, and it made Kurt feel awkward all over again.

When they made it back to the hospital, Sebastian's parents were waiting for them at the entrance of the oncology ward, and in that moment, Kurt was able to understand why Sebastian had been behaving like he had. Mrs. Smythe looked wrecked, and when she saw Sebastian, she ran to him and hugged him. Any other time that Kurt had seen Mrs. Smythe hugging Sebastian, the moment was tender and sweet, but right now instead of looking happy Mrs. Smythe just looked terribly upset.

Sebastian did nothing but stand there, looking miserable and staring at the ground as his parents berated him for disappearing all day and bombarded him with questions. Kurt knew they were justified in their anger after everything Sebastian put them through that day, but at the same time he couldn't help but wish they would stop, because he knew Sebastian already felt pretty miserable about everything in general.

Mrs. Smythe was so absorbed questioning Sebastian that she barely acknowledged Kurt's presence as they walked with Sebastian into the oncology ward. The doctor was already expecting them and Kurt didn't even have the chance to say any last words to Sebastian before they took him into one of the clinics.

Right before Sebastian disappeared behind the door, he spared one last glance at Kurt, who could do nothing but smile tightly and give him a shy wave. Sebastian didn't smile back, he looked so exhausted that it seemed like smiling would be too big an effort.

Kurt stood in the hallway while the Smythes followed the doctor behind the door. He sighed and looked around, his eyes scanning his surroundings in search for any familiar faces but finding none. The place was empty except for a man sitting in one of the waiting areas, and a few nurses behind the front desk. The place was silent, but there was still a quiet murmur that could be heard, probably from all the things that were surely happening behind the closed doors of the different clinics. Kurt was left with nothing more to do than stare at the white walls and lonely hallways of the oncology ward. Kurt suddenly got chills running down his spine as he realized he was in the dreadful waiting room, alone with no one to talk to, no one to ask about what was going to happen to Sebastian now.

Kurt stared at the door where Sebastian had been taken, wishing he could go inside. It wasn't his place though. As much as it pained Kurt to realize it, he knew this was a moment for Sebastian to be with his parents and figure things out in private. Kurt needed to give them space, and even though he understood it, Kurt just wished he'd had a chance to talk to Sebastian before leaving, to say goodbye, or at least try to reassure him and tell him everything was going to be okay… Because it just  _had_  to be.

Kurt turned around and started walking towards the exit when Sebastian's dad called his name.

"Kurt!"

"Mr. Smythe?"

"I'm sorry… Vivienne asked me to come out and talk to you, she's inside with the doctor and Sebas-"

"Oh, you don't have to apologize Mr. Smythe, I completely understand…" Kurt quickly said, smiling as best as he could as Mr. Smythe just nodded, "You should go back there and be with them, don't worry about me."

"You were of great help today Kurt. We probably wouldn't have found Sebastian if it wasn't for you. And I just didn't want you to leave before I got the chance to thank you."

Kurt blushed and smiled and hesitated for a split second before asking. "Mr. Smythe, can I ask you something?"

"Yes?"

"Sebastian's condition… How serious is it?"

Mr. Smythe sighed, giving Kurt a stern look, and Kurt couldn't help the sinking feeling that started creeping up on him.

"I honestly don't know Kurt… Things aren't looking good. But we can't know for sure."

Kurt nodded understandingly.

"I am very worried about Sebastian... Taking off like that? He'd never done this before… He knows his health condition is delicate. He knew he needed to be admitted, but he just… He just ran off!" Mr. Smythe seemed at a complete loss of what to do, and Kurt had never seen him like this before.

"We're trying to talk to him, but he's shutting us down. He won't tell us anything… He just keeps saying he is fine. Did he say anything to you Kurt?"

Mr. Smythe's question took him by surprise. Kurt didn't know what to say… Apparently Sebastian had told him more than he was willing to share with his parents at the moment. He didn't want to lie to Mr. Smythe, but he didn't want to betray Sebastian's trust either.

"Um… Not really, just… He seemed pretty upset. I just think Sebastian wanted some space to think about things."

Mr. Smythe didn't say anything, he just nodded and rubbed his eyes with the back of his hand.

"Don't worry Mr. Smythe, I know Sebastian will be okay. He is strong, he'll pull through."

"Thanks Kurt."

When Mr. Smythe said goodbye and walked back towards the clinic, Kurt sighed. He desperately hoped Sebastian would be okay, cause the alternative was too scary to even think about.

…

On Sunday, Kurt was feeling uncomfortable and antsy. He was very tired, but he felt like he couldn't rest when he had so many things on his mind. His mind was filled with thoughts of Sebastian. Kurt felt out of place staying home, because he ached to just get in his car and drive to the hospital to visit Sebastian, but at the same time he didn't want to intrude. Kurt had texted Sebastian, asking him how he was doing, but Sebastian hadn't responded. It wasn't unusual for Sebastian to take long or not reply to texts at all while he was in the hospital, Kurt knew that by now. But given the current circumstances, Sebastian's silence only made Kurt feel more worried with all the possibilities of what was going to happen.

It was only eleven in the morning, so rationally, Kurt knew he shouldn't be so impatient. Sebastian was probably sleeping, or getting some tests done… or just busy. Kurt knew Sebastian was safe in the hospital, but he couldn't help himself. He'd had an early breakfast that morning with his dad, Carole and Finn. Any other day that would have been relaxing and nothing but pleasant, but given that Kurt had come back to the house at almost midnight the day before, they all were curious about what happened, and their breakfast conversation had mostly revolved around Sebastian, which of course only resulted in Kurt's frustration growing bigger. Kurt really had no clue of what was going to happen with him, all he really knew was that Sebastian was hospitalized, and that he needed a bone marrow transplant. But what did that even mean,  _really?_

That growing uncertainty was what lead Kurt to his current predicament. He was locked up in his room, and he had been sitting in front of the computer for more than two hours google-searching bone marrow transplants and leukemia information. It was like last year all over again, when his dad had first shared the dreadful news of his cancer diagnosis over Christmas break. Kurt browsed through the dozens of websites, searching information about cancer, and all the information overwhelmed him. This time though, it was worse because Kurt didn't even know what kind of leukemia Sebastian had, or the exact details of his current condition. One thing was for certain though, bone marrow transplants were a complicated procedure, and if you needed one, it meant that you were in deep trouble.

Kurt was suddenly startled when his phone started ringing. He took his phone and stared at the picture on the screen as it flashed with the incoming call from Blaine. Kurt stared at it until the call was missed. He didn't want to talk right now, but he couldn't help feel a little bad ignoring Blaine's call. It could be something important… or maybe not.

A few minutes after the lost call, Kurt received a text from Blaine.

 **Blaine:** Kurt… Are you there? I just want to know if you have heard from Sebastian?

 **Blaine:**  The guys are asking me if there's any news. They're worried.

 **Blaine:**  And so am I.

Kurt sighed, maybe texting wasn't as hard as talking on the phone. He didn't want to ignore Blaine, especially if he wanted to know if Sebastian was okay. Kurt just didn't have the energy to talk to him right now.

 **Kurt:** Sorry. I just can't talk right now. But yes, we found him. He is alright, but he is hospitalized.

A few minutes passed, and then Blaine texted him again.

 **Blaine:** Trent wants to know which hospital it is, and if they can visit.

Kurt found it more than a little odd that Trent wasn't texting him directly, and was talking through Blaine instead. Trent had Kurt's number, and they had texted each other before.

 **Kurt:** He's in the Cleveland Clinic, not sure what room. I'll find out and text you later.

 **Blaine:** Okay.

Kurt knew he had to talk to Mrs. Smythe to find out how Sebastian was doing and what room he was staying in, but just the thought of calling her made him nervous, and he didn't even know why. Luckily for Kurt, he didn't need to call Mrs. Smythe, because later that same day, she texted him with an update, telling him Sebastian was doing fine and telling him what room he was in, in case Kurt wanted to visit.

…

On Monday, when Kurt arrived at the hospital, he was feeling a little nervous. First, because he hadn't spoken to Sebastian since Saturday night, and he didn't know how he was doing now; and second, because as much as he had tried to not think about it, Kurt had kissed Sebastian… on the lips, and he had no idea of what that meant, or what was going to happen now.

Kurt tried to push away those thoughts and quickly made his way to the tenth floor. When he finally reached Sebastian's room, he realized the door was half-opened. From where he was standing, he could see that the room was not dark, so he guessed Sebastian should be awake. Kurt walked over and intended to push the door open, but froze on the spot when he heard a voice coming in from the room. It was a female voice he didn't quite recognize. Kurt stood still, listening to the conversation inside to see if he could figure out who it was.

After a couple of seconds of eavesdropping, Kurt felt like a creep. He leaned in a bit and glanced through the crack in the doorway, and that's when he saw Dr. Mitchell, sitting on a chair on the foot of Sebastian's bed. Sebastian was sitting straight, with his arms crossed, and staring at the window. Kurt quickly stepped away from the door, hoping he hadn't been spotted. He stood in silence for a few seconds, wondering what to do. He couldn't intrude right now and interrupt them, right? But on the other hand, there weren't any chairs for him to sit in the hallway, the only ones were in the waiting room, and Kurt really  _really_ didn't want to go there.

Sebastian would probably appreciate the interruption, since Kurt remembered his reluctance to go to therapy or even assist the support group Dr. Mitchell suggested. But if Kurt interrupted them he knew he wouldn't be doing the right thing. Not really. Kurt was struggling with himself when suddenly the door was opened and Dr. Mitchell almost bumped into him.

"Oh, Kurt… I didn't realize you were out here!"

"Oh… I wasn't! I mean... I just got here... Yeah." Kurt stammered through his own nervousness.

"Well, it's good to see you, take care." Dr. Mitchell said, giving him a polite nod and then walking away.

Kurt felt his cheeks burning with embarrassment as he just shook his head and walked into Sebastian's room.

"Hi…" Kurt said tentatively, studying Sebastian as he walked into the room. Sebastian smiled tightly and waved. He was sitting cross legged on the bed, and had an IV line attached to the port in his chest. Kurt tried not to stare, but it made his own chest hurt thinking about the needle.

"How are you?"

"Great… Just peachy." Sebastian replied with a big smile. All of the sudden seeming unusually chipper, and Kurt couldn't help but find it very odd.

" _Peachy?"_

"What? Don't I look like it?" Sebastian challenged, and Kurt squinted his eyes skeptically. "I'm in the hospital, right where I belong, aren't I? All drugged up and pumped full of other people's healthy blood… Life is just fantastic!" Sebastian sing-songed, and Kurt felt completely puzzled.

 _Wait… Drugged up?_ Kurt wondered what Sebastian meant by that, but didn't dare to ask out loud.

Kurt walked over to the window and took a look outside before turning to face Sebastian again. He had a big smile plastered over his face. But Kurt could tell it was as fake as Santana's breasts. Sebastian's overly-chipper attitude was slowly putting Kurt on edge. He stared at Sebastian for awhile and said nothing, just to see if he would crack and finally admit he was joking or something. But Sebastian remained the same.

"This is weird." Kurt said, smiling awkwardly.

"What is weird?"

"Well, you  _say_  you're happy… But I don't quite believe you are."

"Oh yeah, and why's that?"

"Well, the last time I saw you, you were angry about having to come back here. Angry enough to completely disregard the world and hide from everyone who cares about you for almost an entire day… And now, Dr. Mitchell was just here, which probably means you had a therapy session with her, and I don't recall you being exactly on board with that a few months ago."

"What? I love Dr. Mitchell… We talked for an entire hour. I told her all about my hopes and dreams, fears and feelings."

Kurt was starting to really get annoyed with Sebastian's attitude.

"Okay Sebastian, you need to stop that."

"Stop what?"

"You know what... You're acting weird, what's going on?"

"Nothing… I already told you, I'm just-"

"Don't bullshit me, Sebastian."

Sebastian's eyes went wide, but he didn't seem offended, he seemed surprised, or impressed even.

"Bullshit? I'm wounded, Kurt. I'm not lying… I'm feeling great, really." Sebastian said, putting his arms behind his head and laying down on the pillows. Kurt was starting to wonder if the 'drugged up' thing Sebastian had said earlier was actually true now. Was Sebastian on drugs? Was that why he was acting like this? Kurt had no idea, but something didn't feel right.

"Where's your mom and dad?" Kurt asked, trying to change the topic.

"Oh, they went out to meet with some realtor… You know, ' _apartment hunting'._  But it's okay, cause they can still check up on me...  _Hi mom!"_  Sebastian said, waving at the top right corner of the room, smiling ridiculously wide. Kurt spotted the camera immediately and when he turned back to Sebastian he caught him rolling his eyes.

 _Oh._  Now everything made sense. Sebastian was being watched and that is why he was behaving like this. Kurt knew there was something going on, but he never expected this to be it. Kurt felt suddenly incredibly self-conscious. They probably had audio too, so that was why Sebastian was behaving like this. He wasn't bullshitting Kurt, he was bullshitting his parents!

Kurt gave Sebastian an understanding nod and pulled the chair Dr. Mitchell had been using closer to where Sebastian was. He sat down so his back was facing the camera and then crossed his arms over his chest.

'What now?' he mouthed silently.

Sebastian shook his head and sat up. He then leaned down over to where Kurt was sitting and whispered: "I'm actually bored as fuck and dangerously close to punching the next nurse that comes through that door."

Even though it was an awful thing for Sebastian to say, Kurt still laughed a little because it was the most genuine thing to come out of Sebastian's mouth since Kurt had gotten there.

"That's probably not the best idea."

Sebastian sighed, laying down on the bed. He turned to his side, facing the windows. His face was hidden from camera view now.

"Everything fucking sucks."

Kurt didn't know what to say. Sebastian wasn't looking at him, his eyes were fixed on the window. The room had a really nice view of the city, but you had to actually stand up to appreciate it. Sebastian couldn't really see it from his position on the bed, so Kurt wondered exactly what he was looking at. After a while of awkward silence, Kurt started to over-think everything. He didn't want to say "Yeah, everything sucks." but he also didn't want to be overly enthusiastic when Sebastian was in such a foul mood.

"Well… I'm here now, what more could you possibly need?" Kurt said, trying to be funny, but Sebastian just smiled apologetically.

"Yeah, sorry about that."

"Why are you apologizing?"

"Cause this place is depressing."

"Well… Maybe, but  _you're_  not depressing." Kurt said, making a subtle attempt at cheering Sebastian up. Sadly, it didn't work.

"That's what you think now, but you won't be saying that in a couple of weeks." Sebastian whispered defeatedly, closing his eyes and hiding his face in the pillows.

 _Whoa..._  In that moment, Kurt almost wished Sebastian kept the fake and chipper facade he was putting up just a few minutes ago. He didn't know what to do with all of Sebastian's sudden negativity. Kurt had been stressing out, wondering how Sebastian was going to behave around him after the kiss, but how was Kurt supposed to even figure anything out if Sebastian was refusing to even look at him?

Kurt breathed in and steadied himself in the chair. He wasn't going to put up with this crap from Sebastian. Kurt hadn't drove for hours just to stare at the side of his face. He hesitated for half a second, but then got up from his chair, and grabbed each of Sebastian's hands and began to flail them wildly about.

"Come. On. Sebastiannnnn! Don't be like this!"

"Aaahhhhh… Aaahhh!" Sebastian whined as Kurt kept shaking him. "What the hell are you doinnnng?"

"Shaking you out of your self pity!"

"It is not self pity!" Sebastian said, shaking Kurt off and sitting up in the bed. If looks could kill, Kurt knew he would definitely be dead by now, but he wasn't giving up that easily.

"It is!" Kurt accused, staring at him dead in the eye.

"It's not… Okay?"

"Then stop ignoring me!"

"I'm not ignoring you…"

Kurt huffed and rolled his eyes. He was getting incredibly frustrated with Sebastian, more frustrated than he had ever been before… And that was really saying something.

"Listen I know it sucks to be here, but you have to see the positive side Sebastian…"

"What positive side?" Sebastian asked, and Kurt had nothing to say at the top of his head in that moment. Once Sebastian noticed Kurt wasn't going to say anything, he just shook his head and dropped down on the bed again.

"There is no positive side to this Kurt. And saying that is not being pessimistic, it's just the truth." Sebastian whispered, his voice was so low that Kurt almost didn't hear him. Sebastian was staring at the ceiling now, and Kurt couldn't help but feel like he was being ignored all over again. Part of him felt silly, and he knew that Sebastian had a lot of things going on in his mind, and Kurt's feelings were probably the last thing on his list of priorities, but still… It bugged him.

Kurt got up and looked out the window, wondering what to do next. The city seemed so distant and silent from where he was standing. So many people coming and going, living their lives and going about their businesses while Kurt was up there, stuck in a hospital room with a moody Sebastian and no idea about what to do. He wished he could take Sebastian out… Anywhere. Kurt remembered how it was when they went shopping to the mall. It had been amazing to be with Sebastian and just goof around, eating ice cream and then making him try out all sorts of outfits. It had been fun. Well… It was fun until Sebastian almost bled to death.

Kurt sighed, staring at the gardens outside the hospital and suddenly got an idea. He turned around and walked out of the room. He didn't know if Sebastian even noticed he'd left, but he had a mission. Kurt approached the nurse station down the hall and smiled when he spotted the familiar face of Felicia. That definitely gave him a little bit more courage to do what he was about to do.

….

When Kurt got back to the room, Sebastian was facing the windows again.

"Sebastian… Get up."

Sebastian turned around and when he saw Kurt standing by the door, pushing a wheelchair, he just frowned in complete disbelief.

"What the hell?"

"Come on… Get up, we're going out."

"What? Where? And why on earth do we need a wheelchair?"

"I'm taking you out to one of the balconies on the seventeenth floor."

Sebastian squinted his eyes, "O-kay… I still don't know why we need the wheelchair."

"Hospital policy." Felicia said, walking into the room. "Kurt is keeping an eye on you, but we can't let you out just like that. You ride the wheels, or you stay here. Your choice." She said, crossing her arms over her chest.

Sebastian stared at Kurt in disbelief, and then stared at the chair like it had personally offended him.

"I don't need a wheelchair. I'm not crippled, I can walk."

Felicia just raised an eyebrow and for a moment, Kurt thought Sebastian was going to tell them to screw themselves or something, but then Sebastian got up from the bed, grabbed his beanie from the bedside table, and put it on.

"Fine, but what do I do about this?" Sebastian asked, pointing to the IV bag hanging over his bed.

"You can take it with you." Felicia said, walking over to the post and moving it towards the wheelchair. "This rod is attached to the base of the chair so you can move it around, just be careful with it."

"Fine… But I can do this myself, I don't need you to push me around." Sebastian said, looking at Kurt.

"Okay." Kurt said, trying hard not to show just how excited he was.

Kurt walked beside Sebastian as he rolled the wheelchair down the hallway until they reached the elevator. Once inside, Kurt pressed the button for the 17th floor and stood by as the elevator started moving. He was about to say something to Sebastian when he realized Sebastian was rubbing his temples.

"Are you okay?"

"Yeah… I'm fine."

"You sure?"

"Yes, Kurt. It's nothing."

Sebastian seemed to have a headache or something, and Kurt wondered if he there was something wrong. Because if something happened to Sebastian, Mrs. Smythe was going to skin Kurt alive and then kill him. So when they reached the seventeenth floor, Kurt stepped behind Sebastian and pushed the wheelchair out of the elevator. Sebastian protested mildly but did nothing to stop Kurt as he pushed the wheelchair all the way towards the garden balcony. Once they were outside, Kurt smiled widely, the view was amazing and place was beautiful. It was a sort of terrace, and even though it was small, it was still a nice enough change from the dull hospital room Sebastian was stuck in. Kurt was really proud of himself for being able to get them here, and he hoped Sebastian was too.

"So… What do you think?" Kurt asked Sebastian, who was still sitting in the wheelchair. Sebastian looked up at him and smiled, shaking his head.

"You're insane, did you know that?" Sebastian said, slowly pushing himself up from the wheelchair. "My mom is going to freak out when she finds out we're here."

"No she won't. Felicia said she'd call her to let her know we were up here. Relax."

Sebastian gave Kurt an impressed nod as he walked over to the edge of the balcony. Kurt walked to stand beside him and for a few minutes they just stared down at the city. It was a beautiful sight to behold. The afternoon was bright and warm, with just enough clouds in the sky to make it beautiful. Sebastian and Kurt stared at the city, both silently admiring the view.

After about ten minutes of being up there in the terrace, standing next to each other in silence, Kurt's thoughts started plotting against him again. Sebastian was there with him, but they weren't talking or anything. In fact, Kurt was sure that Sebastian was avoiding eye contact with him again. Kurt could slowly feel things getting awkward again.  _Could this be happening? Had Kurt managed to make things weird between him and Sebastian because of that kiss?_

As much as Kurt tried to convince himself that it was not the case, there was a little voice inside his head screaming at him that he had screwed things up. He really wanted that little voice to shut up, so he decided to just ask Sebastian and find out once and for all.

"Can I ask you something?"

"Hmm?" Sebastian said, still not looking at him.

"Are you mad at me?"

Sebastian turned around to see him and frowned. "No… Why would I?"

"I don't know… You're acting all awkward and weird around me, and I just want to know why. So tell me."

"I'm not acting weird Kurt-" Sebastian started, but Kurt cut him off before he could finish his sentence.

"Is it because I kissed you? " Kurt blurted out, his heart beating hard inside his chest.

Sebastian stared at him for a good couple of seconds, before bursting out laughing. Actually laughing out loud like Kurt had never seen him laugh before. There were even tears in the corner of his eyes from how hard he was laughing.

"Are you serious right now? Why would I even... Oh my god." Sebastian kept laughing and Kurt could feel his cheeks burning up.

"Well, I did kiss you... out of the blue…" Kurt said, trying to explain himself "I kissed you, and I know it was just a tiny little thing, but you've been acting so weird ever since that I thought-"

"Kurt, relax… It was just a kiss. It's not like you  _blew me_  or anything!"

"Oh my god Sebastian!"

Only Sebastian would make a crass sexual comment in a moment like this. Kurt was trying to be serious and Sebastian just thought it was a big joke? Kurt wanted to smack him in the head for making fun of him like this, but also because now his mind was reeling, thinking about what it would be like to actually blow Sebastian.

Kurt shouldn't be thinking about those things, he was so red that the embarrassment he felt was infuriating.

When Sebastian finally stopped laughing, he just looked at Kurt and shook his head, still smiling. Kurt rolled his eyes and then looked away, taking deep breaths and trying to gather courage from the view of the city. He had already touched the subject, there was no backing-out now. He needed to know.

"So… Are we going to talk about it?"

"Talk about what?"

"About the kiss."

Sebastian stared at Kurt for a couple of seconds, then he wrinkled his nose above an awkward smile and said: "I'd rather not talk about it... No."

In that moment, Kurt felt his stomach sinking with the familiar sting of rejection. Of course Sebastian wouldn't want to talk about it. There was  _nothing_  to talk about, right? The kiss had been a spur of the moment thing that Kurt should have never done.  _Gosh, he was so stupid_. No matter what Sebastian said before, Kurt  _had_  screwed things up big time. Because he had thought the kiss meant something when it obviously didn't. Kurt had been so anxious to touch the subject and Sebastian didn't even want to talk about it?  _Fine…_  If this is how things were going to be, then Kurt would be fine. He was determined to save what little remained of his dignity, so he just turned to Sebastian with the intention of just smiling and changing the subject, but before he could even turn his head all the way, Sebastian was invading his personal space, then his hands were on Kurt's cheeks, cupping his face as he leaned down and pressed their lips together.

Kurt was taken completely off guard by Sebastian, as he held him in place and kissed him. This kiss was not like the previous one though. It was firm and steady, slow and wet. Sebastian's hands felt cool on Kurt's skin, but they were also soft. Kurt could feel Sebastian's thumb caress his cheek for a brief second as his lips moved slowly over Kurt's. Kurt had no idea how long the kiss lasted, but he was just starting to melt into it when Sebastian pulled away. Kurt felt a little lightheaded, and tried to find words after a couple of seconds of just gaping.

"I… I thought you didn't want to kiss me." He blurted out, and Sebastian just smirked.

"No... I said I didn't want to  _talk_  about it… There's a difference."

Kurt was speechless, but he couldn't help but laugh.  _What did that even mean?_

"It's not you though…" Sebastian continued, "I just don't feel like talking about anything today."

"There's something bothering you." Kurt said. It's wasn't a question, it was a statement. Sebastian just sighed, eyes fixed on the view of the city below them.

"Hunter called earlier today. He and the guys want to come visit me later."

_Oh._

"So… You don't wanna see them?"

"It's not that."

"Then what is it?"

"I just don't like getting visitors here… It's pathetic." Sebastian said, making a disgusted face.

"I visit you."

"Yeah well you don't count."

"Why not?" Kurt said, offended.

"I don't know, you just don't... You're different."

 _I'm different?_ Kurt thought to himself. But didn't dare ask it out loud, because even though Sebastian wasn't looking at him again, he was smiling. Kurt felt a warmth that felt awfully like butterflies blooming in his stomach as he stared at Sebastian. He suddenly felt the urge to just step up and kiss him again, but unfortunately they were interrupted by Felicia.

"Sebastian! Time to come back inside… You have visitors honey!"

Kurt turned to look at Sebastian, who now looked like he wanted to jump off the balcony. He didn't say anything though, Sebastian just sighed and sat down in the wheelchair again. This time, when Kurt stood behind him and pushed, Sebastian didn't complain at all.

…

When Kurt and Sebastian entered the room, they found Trent, Jeff and Hunter waiting inside.

"Hey guys." Sebastian said, smiling as he stood up from the wheelchair. The guys greeted him with enthusiasm but also with worry.

"Why are you in a wheelchair Seb, what happened?" Trent asked.

"Nothing, just stupid hospital policies. I'm fine." Sebastian replied, smiling and patting Trent in the back as he sat down on the edge of the bed.

There were only two chairs inside Sebastian's room, and one small couch on the other side of the room. So Jeff and Trent sat in the chairs and Kurt sat beside Sebastian on the bed. Hunter remained standing up right in front of everyone as they chatted and asked Sebastian all sorts of questions.

"So… Is that like, surgery?" Trent asked Sebastian in regards of the bone marrow transplant.

"No, not at all… From what I've heard, it's like getting a blood transfusion or something." Sebastian said with a wry smile.

"And when are you getting it? Will it be soon?" Jeff asked.

"We don't know. Um… We have to find a donor match first."

"You don't have a donor?" Hunter asked sternly, and Sebastian shook his head.

"Not yet, no. They're still searching for one. It could take days, or weeks or… I don't know, really."

Kurt felt like a mere spectator just sitting beside Sebastian and not really bringing anything into the conversation that was unfolding in front of him. But the thing was that he really didn't want to be a part of it. It wasn't that Kurt didn't care about what was being discussed, in fact it was quite the opposite. All the things The Warblers were asking Sebastian were things Kurt had been dying to know, but unlike them, Kurt knew Sebastian didn't enjoy being asked so many questions about his health.

"And what happens if they don't find a match?" Trent asked and Hunter gave him a death glare, but it was too late. Trent's words already hung heavy in the air between the five people in the room.

Sebastian just shrugged and said, "Well… I'll die, basically."

The silence was deafening after Sebastian said that, even though he'd said it like it wasn't a big deal. Kurt could see that Trent already regretted asking, and Hunter looked like he wanted to smack him.

"Then we should get tested. Can we get tested?" Jeff asked, standing up from his chair.

"That's a great idea, Jeff. What's your blood type, Sebastian?" Hunter asked.

"I'm A negative, but it's not just blood type they're looking for, it's something more complex called AHL tissue-type. Apparently no one in the national registry matches mine, so that's why they're still searching."

"Could we get tested here?" Asked Kurt, speaking for the first time since the Warblers arrived.

"Uh… Yeah, we can ask Felicia to take you to the lab downstairs. I think they just need a swab from your cheek, it's a really easy procedure."

The three guys nodded in understanding, and so did Kurt. They all agreed to go get tested to help Sebastian, and seemed very determined about helping to find a donor. Hunter said he would tell the rest of the guys to get tested too. They didn't need to drive all the way to Cleveland, they could get tested at Westerville and then have the results mailed to Sebastian's doctor.

"Anyway, what are you guys even doing here? You should be rehearsing for Friday, shouldn't you?" Sebastian asked, smiling expectantly at his three friends, and probably trying to change the subject.

"We're going to rehearse later tonight." Hunter quickly added, "We just really wanted to stop by and check up on you Sebastian. The rest of the guys wanted to come too, but we didn't think it was such a good idea to gang up on you when you're in the hospital."

"It's fine, thanks for coming anyway." Sebastian said, sighing defeatedly. "I feel like I failed you all… Dropping out so close to the competition."

"Sebastian, don't say that… You didn't just 'drop out', this is far beyond your control." Hunter said, and then Jeff quickly nodded in agreement.

"Yeah man, you just have to focus on getting better, and we will figure things out. Don't even worry about it." Jeff said.

"We're just super bummed that you're not coming with us, that's all." Trent added.

"Trust me, there's nothing I wanted more than to go to Nationals with you guys. This sucks." Sebastian said, giving them a sad and tired attempt at a smile. Kurt realized in that moment just how hard this was for Sebastian. He looked defeated and disappointed, and Kurt wanted nothing more than to reach out and hug him. But he didn't feel free to do it, not in front of the other guys at least.

The Warblers didn't stay for long, which was probably for the best. They said their goodbyes not even one full hour after they arrived, with the excuse of having to go back to rehearse with the rest of the group, who were working on who could take Sebastian's place in the duet with Jeff.

They said their goodbyes to Sebastian and then Kurt walked with them to search for Felicia, who was more than happy to take them downstairs so they could take a tissue sample to get tested. Unfortunately, the results weren't delivered immediately, so the doctor said if any of them matched Sebastian, they would be notified.

Kurt went back to Sebastian's room once the guys finally left. When he entered the room, Kurt could tell Sebastian's mood had drastically changed. He seemed tired and withdrawn, even more so than when Kurt had first arrived to the hospital earlier that day, but when Kurt asked him about it, Sebastian said it was nothing.

Kurt didn't want to push Sebastian for answers, especially after all the questions that Hunter, Jeff and Trent had thrown at him during their visit. So he just pulled out his iPad and suggested they watch some more LOST episodes, which Sebastian agreed to.

A couple of hours later, when Kurt left the hospital, Sebastian appeared to be feeling better, and because of that, so did Kurt.

…

On Tuesday, Kurt wasn't able to visit Sebastian, he was busy with his dad, running some errands and helping Finn with some costume ideas for a special superhero Glee club assignment. Kurt was a little sad about not seeing Sebastian, but at least this time he was actually answering Kurt's texts. When Kurt asked him how he was feeling, Sebastian said he was happy because his sister was coming down from New York on Saturday. And he was looking forward to seeing her, since the last time they'd seen each other was in early January.

Kurt was excited at the prospect of finally meeting Catherine in person. They had only ever texted each other through Facebook, but she seemed like a really nice person. Kurt knew Sebastian loved her, so he was happy that she was coming to spend some time with her brother. Anything they could do to cheer Sebastian up was highly appreciated, since his mood seemed to fluctuate a lot.

Some days, Sebastian would act like his normal self, still complaining about things but at the same time providing playful banter whenever Kurt called or was around him. But other times, he would be moody and withdrawn, and those were the days that frustrated Kurt the most. It also worried Kurt, because he could tell that with every day that passed, Sebastian was feeling worse. Kurt had seen him on Monday, but on Wednesday when he visited him again, Sebastian looked completely different. He even asked for the wheelchair when Kurt suggested they go outside to the balcony again.

After that day, Kurt promised himself that he would do everything he could to visit Sebastian every day. The Smythes had rented an apartment nearby so they could live closer to the hospital during the time Sebastian was hospitalized, and Mrs. Smythe had even offered Kurt a room in the apartment for him to stay if he wanted to, and even though Kurt appreciated their hospitality, he didn't want to intrude.

On Friday, when Kurt suggested they go outside again, the nurse told them Sebastian was no longer allowed to leave the room. That is the moment when Kurt started to panic. Sebastian's health was deteriorating quickly and the doctors still hadn't found a donor match for his bone marrow transplant. Kurt wasn't a match, and even though Hunter had made the rest of the Warblers get tested as well, none of them were a match for Sebastian either. It was overall a very frustrating situation, and Kurt felt powerless. He wanted to help Sebastian, but now he couldn't even take him out to the balcony. Everything sucked.

"It's fine, Kurt… I didn't really want to go outside today anyway." Sebastian said, but Kurt could tell that he was only saying it so Kurt wouldn't feel bad for him.

"How are you feeling?"

"Like shit… You know, the usual." Sebastian said, smiling tiredly as he pulled the covers up to his chest.

Sebastian had already turned down Kurt's idea of playing Jenga, and he said he wasn't in the mood to watch TV. A nurse came into the room, bringing Sebastian's pills with her. Kurt sat in silence as he saw Sebastian swallow pill after pill.

"I wish there was something I could do to cheer you up." Kurt said.

"Well... We could make out." Sebastian said, winking at Kurt before swallowing the last couple of pills. "But I doubt you'd like that, given that my mouth probably tastes like medicine right now. But I guess we could always find  _other things_  to entertain ourselves with." Sebastian said lewdly, though it was obvious to Kurt that he was doing it more to make the nurse uncomfortable than to actually hit on him.

Kurt tried to hold his laughter, rolling his eyes and feeling second hand embarrassment for the nurse, who was obviously trying to keep a straight face. When she finally left, Kurt smacked Sebastian's leg playfully with the magazine he had in his hand.

"You know you should really stop making those comments, or they'll ban me from visiting you."

Sebastian didn't say anything, he just smiled as he drank some more water.

"Besides, there's no way I'm kissing you here, especially not in front of your mother." Kurt said, pointing to the camera on the corner.

"Fine… It's your loss." Sebastian said, laying down on the bed again.

Sebastian looked tired, but at least he was teasing Kurt, and that was a good sign. Kurt liked that, because it meant that Sebastian was in good spirits despite everything that was happening. There was an elephant in the room though, and Kurt was not willing to ignore it for much longer.

"It's a little under one hour until the broadcast starts, you know… We could watch another episode of LOST before it starts." Kurt said, and Sebastian immediately tensed up.

"I already told you, I'm not in the mood for TV."

"You're not in the mood for TV, or just not in the mood for Nationals?"

"Kurt, for the tenth time, I am not-"

"Sebastian, don't be like this."

"I'm not watching it."

Kurt groaned, he felt like pulling his hair out in frustration. Sebastian was just so stubborn sometimes. Kurt couldn't for the life of him understand why Sebastian didn't want to watch The Warblers perform at Nationals. Trent had texted Kurt earlier to tell him the exact time of the broadcast so they wouldn't miss it, but Sebastian was throwing a fit, refusing to watch it.

"Where's the remote?"

"I don't know… Haven't used it today."

Kurt knew Sebastian was probably lying, but it was going to take more than Sebastian hiding the remote for Kurt to give up. He got up and started looking for it. All the while, Sebastian was sitting on the bed, looking pissed off beyond belief.

When Kurt was finished looking for the remote around the room, he realized there was only one place he hadn't looked.

"You're hiding it under your pillow, aren't you?"

Sebastian just shrugged and looked out the window, arms crossed over his chest. Kurt shook his head in disbelief and decided to turn the TV on manually. It was a drag to have to change the channels like this, especially since the TV was attached to the wall pretty high. But Kurt was determined to watch the broadcast even if Sebastian didn't want to.

Suddenly, the TV was turned off and when Kurt turned around he realized Sebastian was holding the remote in his hands. Kurt turned the TV on again, and Sebastian turned it off again.

" _Sebastian."_

"Kurt, give it up."

"I don't understand why you're being like this!" Kurt accused, raising his voice a little, "Don't you want to see your friends perform? Don't you want to support them, at least from afar?"

"Support them? What's the point? They're probably losing anyway."

"What?"

"Don't you get it, Kurt? The Warblers accommodated their performance for me to be able to participate, and I screwed them over at the very last minute." Sebastian yelled, looking visibly upset. "Four days are not enough for them to come up with something new to perform! And no matter what Jeff says, David is not going to be able to sing that duet with him as well as I would have. Their voices just don't blend together. They're going to lose... And it's all  _my fault._ You think I wanna torture myself watching that on National television? No thanks."

Kurt had no idea that Sebastian felt this way about the situation. He seemed so disappointed and angry that Kurt felt a little bad, but at the same time, he wasn't going to let Sebastian put himself down like that.

"Sebastian, I get that you're upset because you didn't get to go to Nationals with them… But it wasn't your fault. You can't control what's going on with your body, and besides, remember what Hunter said, they don't blame you… So you shouldn't blame yourself either."

Sebastian's face softened a little, but Kurt could tell he was still upset.

"I just can't help but feel like I screwed them over. Even if it wasn't intentional, I still feel like I ruined things for them... You know?"

"Look, Nationals are a tough competition. There are lots of really talented show choirs participating, I know that. But The Warblers are really good, Sebastian, I think they have good chances of winning… And besides, they're your friends, and they're excited to even get to compete even if they don't win."

"I don't know." Sebastian groaned, rubbing his face with his hands.

"Trent texted me earlier. He said he was very excited to perform, and he told me to make sure you watched. They're your friends, Sebastian… So let's just watch it, okay?"

Sebastian seemed thoughtful, and Kurt really didn't know if his little pep-talk had convinced him to stop being stubborn, but he could only hope.

"Fine." Sebastian finally said, and Kurt tried as best as he could to hide his smile a little as he went back to sit beside Sebastian. Kurt grabbed the remote from Sebastian, turned on the TV and quickly found the channel where the competition was being broadcasted. They had some sort of pre-show going on, and Kurt couldn't help but feel a little bit of nostalgia as he saw the shots of the different choir groups together, dressed in coordinated outfits and with big, excited smiles on their faces. It made Kurt think about the times he competed with the New Directions, and how exciting and thrilling it was to be in a different city, ready to sing your heart out performing in front of hundreds of people.

Soon, Sebastian's grumpy facade vanished, as he and Kurt started making comments about the costumes of the different show choirs. There was a group all dressed in white, with some weird hats that made them look like the Pope. Even Sebastian who didn't really care for fashion said that they were dreadful, and Kurt couldn't stop laughing as he imagined them singing catholic hymns.

"It's too bad we can't get popcorn here..." Kurt said, and Sebastian just shook his head, smiling.

"You can probably get some downstairs, in the vending machines." Sebastian said, and Kurt wondered for a second if he could make a run for it, but the show had already started and he didn't want to risk missing the Warblers' performance.

" _Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the twenty first National Show Choir competition!"_

And so it began. Kurt felt strangely awkward listening to the dialog from the presenters as the show began. Usually he was backstage with the rest of the performers and didn't really get to hear all the commentary. It seemed like the presenters had quite a lot to say about each one of the groups before and after they performed. Kurt wondered what kind of things the presenters must have said that dreadful time when Rachel and Finn decided to make out in the middle of their performance, costing them the competition.

There was a group called The Soundbytes performing at the moment, and they weren't bad at all, even though they were singing remixed songs from  _Footloose_. Suddenly, Kurt's stomach growled, and the sound was so loud that even Sebastian heard it, which caused him to burst out laughing.

"I think you're stomach is singing louder than those guys." Sebastian said teasingly, and Kurt just rolled his eyes.

"Shut up."

"Why don't you go downstairs and get some Doritos or something?"

"I don't know… I really want some popcorn. But I guess Doritos sound pretty good too."

Sebastian laughed but then his phone chimed in with a text. He stared down at his phone and smiled.

"It's Trent… He says the Warblers are up next."

Kurt breathed in, hoping with all his heart that The Warblers would do an excellent job.

" _And now, from Westerville Ohio, The Dalton Academy Warblers!"_

Kurt couldn't stop himself from making clappy hands as The Warblers entered the stage. Something seemed off though, and when the camera closed up on them, Kurt and Sebastian's jaws dropped at the same time.

"Oh my god."

"What the hell!?"

Both Kurt and Sebastian just gaped in complete and utter shock as they saw the Warblers walk on stage... Every single one of them had shaved their heads!

Hunter took the center of the stage and spoke into his microphone. "Good evening everyone... My name is Hunter Clarington, and on behalf of The Dalton Academy Warblers I want to dedicate this performance to our friend Sebastian Smythe."

Kurt couldn't believe his eyes, this was shocking, heartwarming and awesome at the same time. He turned to see Sebastian and found him with his eyes glued to the TV screen, his face a mixture of surprise and confusion. He was covering his mouth with his hand, but Kurt could still tell he was smiling.

"I can't believe this... I can't believe they did this." Sebastian said, and Kurt just nodded, as he couldn't even form words.

On screen, the Warblers sang in perfect harmonies and danced with skilled coordination. Kurt couldn't believe how weird everyone looked with no hair... The shaved heads gave them a completely different look... They could even pass as a military school show choir, if it wasn't for the blazers.

They sang "We Own The Night" by The Wanted. The choreography was energetic and included quite a few acrobatics. Kurt was amazed and wondered just how many hours of rehearsals they invested to make it perfect.

When the song ended, the cheering and clapping from the audience could be heard. Kurt almost clapped himself... Except he could tell Sebastian was a little tense now, probably because the next song was the one he was supposed to sing with Jeff.

On screen, Jeff walked to the center of the stage. Kurt could see Sebastian biting his lip nervously as he watched Jeff closely.

"This next song is for our friend Sebastian, who couldn't be here tonight because he is in the hospital…"

Kurt felt his heart do a little jump when Jeff said that. This was not good, not good at all.

"Sebastian has leukemia, and needs a bone marrow transplant. Which is why we want to take this opportunity to encourage each and everyone of you to join the National Bone Marrow Registry." Jeff said, and then the cameras showed Dalton students going through the rows of seats in the auditorium, handing out pamphlets. It was only for a brief second though, because then the camera was on Jeff again as he said: "Sebastian Smythe, this song is for you."

Kurt thought that Sebastian was going to be angry about Jeff talking about him having cancer on National television, but when Kurt turned to look at Sebastian he was smiling. Sebastian had his eyes still fixed on the TV, and he was shaking his head, but there was a fondness in his eyes that told Kurt he wasn't angry at all. Especially since the song the Warblers were performing wasn't the duet Jeff and Sebastian were supposed to sing, but a different song altogether.

_There's so many wars we fought_

_There's so many things we're not_

_But with what we have, I promise you that_

_We're marchin on_

_We're marchin on_

_We're marchin on_

_For all of the plans we've made_

_There isn't a flag I'd wave_

_Don't care if we bend, I'd sink us to swim_

_We're marching on_

_We're marching on_

_We're marching on_

The Warblers delivered a heartfelt and flawless performance of the song as the audience sang along and clapped enthusiastically.

"I have no idea how they did this." Sebastian said. "I'd never seen this before... I have no idea how they pulled it off."

Kurt had seen the Warblers perform at Regionals, and he wasn't sure but some of the dance moves looked similar to the ones they'd used back then. He didn't say anything though, as it wasn't really important. The song was upbeat and emotional at the same time, and watching the guys sing and dance on stage, their smiles wide and their heads bald, singing for their friend...  _Singing for Sebastian_... Just made Kurt's heart swell with emotion.

_For all of the times we've stopped_

_For all of the things I'm not…_

_We put one foot in front of the other_

_We move like we ain't got no other_

_We go where we go_

_We're marchin on_

_Marchin on_

When their performance ended, the Warblers gathered in the center of the staged and took a bow. The audience was manic, clapping, cheering and whistling. They even received a standing ovation.

As soon as The Warblers left the stage, the next group was called to perform, but Kurt couldn't even pay attention anymore. He was so excited about what had just happened.

"Did you know they were gonna do this?" Sebastian asked.

"No, I had no idea." Kurt quickly replied, and Sebastian laughed.

"They shaved their heads… I can't believe they shaved their heads. Especially Jeff... He's such a diva about his hair! He never lets anyone mess with it."

"I know... it's amazing."

"I'm calling Trent..." Sebastian said, still smiling like he couldn't believe what he'd just witnessed.

Trent didn't pick up, so Sebastian tried calling Hunter, but he didn't pick up either.

"They probably don't have their phones with them when they perform." Kurt said, and Sebastian nodded.

"Yeah, they usually leave them backstage… I'll try again later."

In that moment Mrs. Smythe arrived, holding iced coffees from Starbucks for them. Kurt had never been happier to see her, especially when she took out a bag of croissants.

They sat together watching the rest of the performances of the competition, drinking their delicious coffees, eating and making jokes all around. Sebastian told his mother about what The Warblers had done and she was excited and moved. Kurt was sure he had never seen Sebastian talk about something so excitedly.

Sebastian's bad mood from earlier had completely vanished after watching the Warblers perform, so Kurt was happy to have pushed him to watch in spite of Sebastian's initial refusal to do so.

While they were watching the other groups perform, Catherine called Sebastian, squealing excited about The Warblers' performance, since she was watching the broadcast as well. Kurt couldn't help but smile as he saw Sebastian talking with his sister. He looked relaxed and happy whenever he talked to her. Kurt really couldn't wait to meet her.

When the competition was finally over, and it was time to announce the winners. Mrs. Smythe, Sebastian and Kurt all held hands nervously in anticipation. Then, against all odds, The Warblers were announced as winners, and Sebastian almost jumped out of his bed, cheering!

There were lots of tears, smiles and hugs as the stage was filled with the blazer clad boys and their matching shaved heads. Mrs. Smythe was smiling and hugging Sebastian, and Kurt was too. It was such an exciting moment that just filled the room with joy and laughter. One of the nurses even came running into the room, asking them to please keep the noise down. The three of them apologized through muffled laughter, they didn't care though, The Warblers had won Nationals and it was a very exciting moment for everyone.

On screen, the Warblers were being interviewed by one of the presenters, a tall and attractive lady with blonde hair.

"Tell us Hunter, how does it feel to be the National Show Choir champions?"

"It's been amazing, we all worked hard to get here, so we're just very happy and honored for this opportunity. "

"I think we're all dying to know… What's up with the shaved heads? Is it because of your friend with cancer?"

"Sebastian Smythe... Yes, we did it for him, in solidarity."

"Whose idea was it, and was it hard to get everyone to do it?"

"Not at all, everyone was on board with it and-"

"Well...  _Goldilocks_  here needed some convincing at the very last minute, even though it was his idea!" Trent said, cutting Hunter off and pointing to Jeff, who just shook his head and blushed.

They all laughed at Trent's comment, and then Hunter took another moment to tell everyone about Sebastian's bone marrow transplant, asking everyone watching to join the National Bone Marrow Registry.

When the show finally ended, Mrs. Smythe had tears in her eyes, and so did Kurt. Even Sebastian looked emotional and happy as the guys finally returned his call and talked excitedly over the phone with him, telling him all the details of their exciting trip to LA, and winning Nationals.

At the end of the day, Kurt could tell Sebastian was feeling much better. He was still tired, and his appetite still hadn't improved much, as he hardly took a bite of his croissant, but at least Sebastian was feeling hopeful about the future, and because of that, so was Kurt.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The song the Warblers dedicate to Sebastian is called "Marchin On" by One Republic. I hope you guys enjoyed the chapter, and as always, reviews are greatly appreciated :)


	20. Chapter 20

To say the weekend right after the Warblers won Nationals was chaotic would be an understatement.

Hunter and the guys had talked about Sebastian's plight with cancer on national television, and that had sparked something other than volunteers for bone marrow donations… Newspapers and television reporters had been calling and asking for interviews non stop, some of them even visiting the hospital to try to get a hold of Sebastian's parents. They came flooding in merely hours after the Warblers had been announced as winners at the National show choir competition. It was insane.

How the reporters figured out what hospital he was in was completely unknown to Sebastian and his parents, but somehow they had.

It was unreal. Sebastian never expected so many people to take interest in his story. There were at least five different network stations asking for interviews, pictures, video and everything they could get their hands on from Sebastian and his family. Sebastian was completely thrown off by the idea of appearing on TV, but as the days went by, the more the reporters insisted and Sebastian started realizing that maybe it could be a good thing. Because there had been a few people coming in for bone marrow donations, but not as many as they expected, and none of them had been a match. So as much as Sebastian hated the idea of making his illness a national spectacle, he hated the idea of dying  _even more_. What if they couldn't find a donor match soon? The Warblers had helped, sure… But a National Show Choir competition didn't have nearly as much audience as news stations had. So in that sense, Sebastian and his family realized that getting as much attention as possible was something that could work in their favor.

Catherine had arrived on Saturday, and the four of them had been talking a lot. They discussed the situation and weighed their options. They evaluated which news stations to talk to, which ones to avoid and how much to tell them. In the end, they agreed to talk to only one cable station and to give interviews to a few Ohio newspapers.

So on Wednesday morning, Angela Morgan, a reporter from WKYC came to the hospital along with her camera crew to interview the Smythe family. Hunter, Jeff, Trent and a few other Warblers were also there, per the reporter's request. Kurt was there too, but for moral support only. He stood by the door, with an amused expression on his face as the camera crew took a few shots of Sebastian in his hospital room with the Warblers and the Nationals trophy, and did the small interview.

Sebastian's parents were the only ones answering questions for the reporter, mostly talking about Sebastian's fight with cancer and the bone marrow transplant details. Angela initially wanted Sebastian to take the main focus, but he wasn't feeling up for it. She respected Sebastian's wishes and focused on his parents and friends, for which Sebastian was grateful. He felt anxious enough as it was, but he only went through with it because he knew it could help them find a donor. Sebastian only answered one question in the whole interview and when it was finally over, Sebastian felt relieved.

"Stay tuned, we'll probably air it tomorrow night… or on Friday at the latest." Angela said, right before leaving. Sebastian smiled as she said her goodbyes to everyone in the room, but he wasn't even sure he wanted to watch the story when they aired it. The nurse came in a couple of seconds later, reminding everyone that the visiting hours were almost over. Hunter, Trent and the rest of the guys quickly said their goodbyes too and left, promising Sebastian to upload the photos they'd taken to Facebook and to come visit him again soon.

"You can relax now, it's over." Kurt said, putting a hand over Sebastian's shoulder reassuringly.

"What are you talking about?"

"Well, you looked like you were holding your breath the entire time the camera was rolling." Kurt said smiling, but Sebastian only rolled his eyes.

"Great, so I'll probably look like I'm constipated on national television."

"Bastian… Don't say that!" Catherine quipped, sitting down on the bed beside him. "You did great. It's gonna be awesome, you'll see."

Catherine smiled fondly at Sebastian but he didn't miss the way she mouthed _"you're not helping!"_  at Kurt. It made Sebastian smile to a point, because even though he knew Kurt was probably right, Catherine was still trying to cheer him up. Sebastian smiled and shook his head. Catherine was always an optimist. He on the other hand, seemed to become more of a pessimist with each day that passed. Maybe that was one of the side effects of being in the hospital for so long.

"Well, are you guys hungry? I'm going downstairs to get something to eat." Catherine announced, much to the relief of Sebastian's mother, who got up from the couch and quickly grabbed her purse.

"I'm starving… I'll go with you honey. Kurt, do you want us to bring you anything?"

"No, I'm fine thanks Mrs. Smythe."

"Kurt… I already told you to call me Vivienne." She said with a smile, and Kurt blushed.

"Okay… No thanks, Vivienne… I actually have to head back soon, so, I'll eat something on my way back to Lima."

"Oh, okay. How about you, baby?" She asked Sebastian, but he just pressed his lips into a tight smile and shook his head. Sebastian knew she was just asking him so he wouldn't feel left out, because he wasn't really supposed to eat anything that wasn't supervised by his doctor. But it didn't matter anyway, cause he wasn't hungry at all.

Once his mother and sister were gone out the door, Kurt dropped down on the chair beside Sebastian's bed. He looked tired, but Sebastian figured he was probably just bored.

"Are you heading back soon?"

"In a little while…" Kurt said, rubbing his hands over his face. "Some of Carole's family are coming from out of town. They're staying at our house for a couple of days."

"You don't sound too excited."

"Oh, I'm  _thrilled._ " Kurt admitted, with a sarcastic smile. "It's just, I don't think now is the time to be having house guests. Not this close to my dad's next appointment. You know?"

"Oh." Sebastian remembered then that Kurt's dad was due for his last batch of tests to determine if he needed the surgery or not.

"How long are they staying?"

"Two days… They're leaving on Friday afternoon." Kurt groaned, "I'm just a little nervous over that I guess, and having to tend to visitors at home won't help my stress at all."

"Well, if you want to escape, you can always go to my house." Sebastian said. "I'm not using my room, or my pool… And someone should."

Kurt smiled. "I think I'd rather wait to whenever you get out of the hospital so we can both relax a little."

"Deal." Sebastian said, smiling back as Kurt put his hand over his own.

…

On Saturday, Sebastian was sitting in his bed, looking at his phone. Catherine was sitting next to him, and they were supposed to be watching a movie, but Sebastian kept looking at his phone and getting distracted. He'd texted Kurt asking him how he was, and how things with his dad had turned out but he hadn't received any response yet. Sebastian knew Kurt was probably stressing out about his dad's test results, so he couldn't help but wonder about him.

"Are you okay? You look a little worried." Catherine asked.

"I'm fine… Just wondering about Kurt."

"Is he still downstairs?"

"I think so… I don't know. I texted him but-"

Sebastian stopped mid-sentence as they heard a knock on the door.

"Come in!" Catherine said, glancing at the door. Sebastian pulled himself up on his elbows as the door opened, revealing a very unexpected visitor.

"Hi."

Catherine stared at him, and then at Sebastian, maybe expecting her brother to introduce them, but Sebastian was so surprised that he blanked out for a few seconds until Catherine cleared her throat.

"Hey… Um, Cath this is Karof… Dave Karofsky."

"Nice to meet you." She said, standing up to greet Dave, shaking his hand firmly and giving him a quick once over. "I don't think I've seen you before… Do you go to Dalton too?" She asked promptly, causing Dave to blush a little bit.

"No I don't… I uh… We just know each other from… Uh..."

"From where?"

"Uh…"

Catherine must have sensed Dave's hesitation because she raised an eyebrow before turning to look at Sebastian again with a suspicious grin on her face.

" _Somewhere else_ , Cath." Sebastian said, giving his sister a scolding look, hoping she wouldn't ask any further questions. It was just so like her to try to embarrass him.

"Okay then… I guess I'll leave you two to catch up, and I'll go get something to eat. Nice meeting you, Dave."

When Catherine finally left the room, Sebastian gave Dave an apologetic look, shaking his head and smiling awkwardly.

"I didn't know you have a sister." Dave said.

"How did you figure she's my sister?"

"She looks just like you." Dave said, like it was the most obvious thing ever, and Sebastian just smiled because he figured Dave was right. He couldn't deny Catherine was his sister even if he wanted to, they looked almost like twins. They both had their mother's eyes, albeit Catherine's were a darker shade of green. Catherine's hair was wavy, long and beautiful, and it was the same color as Sebastian's… When he used to have hair, at least. Sebastian pressed his lips into a tight smile, trying to push away those thoughts.

Dave was standing next to Sebastian's bed and although he didn't look quite nervous, it was more than obvious that he was feeling a little bit uneasy. To tell the truth, Sebastian was feeling a little uneasy as well. He never expected Dave to show up at the doorstep of his hospital room.

"You can sit down if you want." Sebastian said, and Dave nodded, sitting down on the chair where Catherine was sitting just a few seconds ago.

"I didn't bring anything…" Dave stated, almost apologetically, fidgeting a little on his seat as he talked. "I thought about bringing flowers of something but I didn't know if… You know, if-"

"If what?"

"If you were allowed to have flowers here…"

"Why wouldn't I?"

"I don't know… You could be allergic or something."

Sebastian couldn't help but laugh out loud at Dave's admission, because it had honestly never crossed his mind. Dave smiled nervously when he saw Sebastian laugh, and a little bit of the tension between them started to dissipate.

"So… How did you know I was here?"

"I saw you on TV last night."

"Oh… Yeah, that." Sebastian felt stupid for even asking. Of course Dave had seen him on TV. Everybody and their mothers probably knew Sebastian had cancer now.

"So… How have you been?"

Sebastian took a second before responding. "Well… Aside from having cancer, you mean?"

It was meant to be a joke, but Dave immediately tensed. Sebastian rolled his eyes and smiled. "I'm messing with you… I've been fine, I guess… There's good days and bad days."

Dave smiled back but said nothing for a while, he seemed thoughtful.

"What's on your mind?"

"Nothing… It's just… This is so weird… Last time I saw you, I was the one in the hospital bed."

Sebastian smiled, remembering how nervous he had been when he visited Dave in the hospital all those months ago. He'd been terrified, and he wondered if Dave was feeling even as half as nervous as he had been that time. Probably not though, as Dave had no reason to feel guilty about Sebastian being in the hospital.

"We really need to start hanging out in a different place." Sebastian said, laughing.

"Yeah, we do." Dave admitted with a smile, but before Sebastian could say anything else, Kurt walked into the room. The surprise on his face was evident once he spotted Dave sitting next to Sebastian's bed.

"David?"

"Kurt… Hi."

Sebastian waved at Kurt from his spot in the bed and just watched in amusement as both Dave and Kurt went through the motions of a more than awkward greeting. Sebastian didn't quite know what the deal between them was, but he knew they were at least friends of sorts. Kurt looked surprised to see Dave, and even though he smiled, Sebastian could see something was not quite right. Kurt was smiling, but it wasn't like his usual happy and easy-going smiles. Dave on the other hand looked puzzled and a little flustered, especially when Kurt sat down on the bed, near Sebastian's feet. Dave didn't know Kurt and Sebastian were friends, in fact, last time Dave and Sebastian talked, Sebastian told him about how shitty he'd been to Kurt and Blaine. So Sebastian figured that was the reason why Dave looked so surprised.

"I didn't know you guys were friends." Dave said, smiling incredulously and staring at Sebastian, probably searching for some kind of reasoning behind Kurt's visit.

"We're  _not_  friends, he just keeps coming here… It's super annoying." Sebastian said playfully, earning himself a smack in the leg from Kurt.

"Shut up…" Kurt said, rolling his eyes at Sebastian and then turning to face Dave completely. "It's a long story, believe me David. It's so good to see you though... How have you been?"

"Good… I've been doing pretty good. I've been busy with school… and playing a little hockey too."

"Are you attending college here in Ohio?"

"No, actually… I'm in Old Dominion… it's in Virginia."

"Virginia?" Sebastian was shocked. "What the hell are you doing in Ohio then?"

"Well, I was just in town for some family thing. My cousin got married and well… You know how it is."

"Oh… That's nice. When are you going back?" Kurt asked.

"Tomorrow night, actually."

"Oh."

"I just saw Sebastian in the news last night and well… I didn't want to miss the chance to come visit before heading back." Dave's smile was genuine, but still looked a little apologetic as he turned to look at Sebastian. Sebastian didn't want the atmosphere in the room to turn somber, talking about him or his cancer, so he decided to change the subject.

"How's your dad, Kurt?"

"Uh… He's good… He's fine." Kurt said, forcing a smile. There it was again, Sebastian definitely knew there was something wrong now. Kurt was probably just trying to hide it though. Sebastian wanted to ask him what had happened, but he figured if Kurt was behaving like this, it was because he probably didn't want to talk about it in front of Dave, so he pretended to buy Kurt's "all is good" response for the time being.

"They're still downstairs, waiting for some test results. So I thought I'd come here and say hi while they waited." Kurt admitted.

"Tests? Is everything alright?" Dave asked, and Kurt smiled sadly.

"Well… My dad has prostate cancer."

Sebastian couldn't help but wince internally when Kurt said that in present tense. Has, not had.

"Oh wow, I didn't know. I'm so sorry Kurt."

"It's fine David… Or well, the doctor says he's going to be fine so…"

The three of them stayed quiet for a while after that, and things were getting somber again. Sebastian hated that. Luckily, Dave spoke again soon enough before anyone could attempt to change the subject or say anything else.

"Well, I should get going."

"So soon? You just got here, bear cub."

"Yeah… It's just that I have a family thing tonight and need to head back. I actually got here about an hour ago, but got a little lost. I also went to get tested for the bone marrow thing, so that took a while."

"Oh, that was very nice of you." Kurt said.

"Well… If I'm a match, let me know and I'll take the first flight back here!" Dave said as he stood up from his chair. "Good luck Sebastian, hang in there... It was good seeing you… _Both of you._ " He said, turning to Kurt and giving him a small smile.

"It was nice seeing you too, David."

Dave walked away but stopped once he reached the door and turned around. "Hope we can hang out sometime… When you get out of here _._ " He said, looking at Sebastian who just chuckled and nodded.

When Dave finally left, Kurt gave Sebastian a weird look.

"What?"

"Nothing… I just didn't know you guys  _hung out._ "

"We don't… That's the whole thing." Sebastian said, feeling strangely tired all of the sudden. He adjusted his pillow and rested his back a little lower on the bed. "The last time I saw Karofsky was when he was in the hospital so… Now he's the one visiting me in a hospital and it's just, you know…  _Depressing._ " Sebastian admitted, smiling. Kurt smiled too, but there was a hint of sadness behind his smile, and Sebastian needed to know the reason behind it.

"So… Are you going to tell me how it really went with your dad?" Sebastian prodded, but Kurt just stared at him blankly, so he asked again. "You lied earlier… When Dave asked how your dad was, didn't you?"

"What are you talking about?"

"Kurt… I can tell something is wrong. So, spill."

Kurt sighed, getting up from where he was sitting and walking up to the window. Sebastian couldn't really see his face now and it only made him even more tense.

"My dad… He needs the surgery."

Sebastian sighed. He figured this would happen, but he had no idea what it meant really. He didn't know what to say either, so he figured the least he could do was ask about it and then listen to what Kurt had to say. He knew sometimes just having someone to talk to helped.

"Why? What did the doctor say?"

Kurt just shook his head, eyes still fixed outside. "I don't know… He just needs the surgery, to make sure they remove everything the radiation didn't quite fix I guess. I don't know."

When Kurt turned around, his distress was evident, and Sebastian wished there was something he could do or say, but his mind was suddenly blank. He couldn't even get out of bed to walk up to Kurt and at least hug him or something.

"Have they given you a date for the surgery yet?"

"Wednesday… Next wednesday."

"Oh… That's really soon."

"Yeah. They're running some tests... they're probably done by now so... I better go." Kurt spluttered, looking upset and walking away from the window in a hurry. He just offered Sebastian a quick apologetic smile before walking up to the door.

"Kurt, wait… Where are you going?"

"I'm sorry, I just… I'll call you later tonight, okay?" Kurt said, practically running out the door before Sebastian could even say anything. Sebastian was left feeling powerless and useless at the same time. He also felt guilty. He felt like he should have said something, should have offered Kurt supportive words of some kind. But what could he possibly say, given the position he was currently in?  _Cancer fucking sucked._

...

Kurt tried to ease down his breathing as he left Sebastian's room. He knew he shouldn't have left so abruptly, but he couldn't stand being there anymore. Not if he was expected to talk about his dad. Kurt needed to be strong and it was a hard thing to do when all he wanted to do was scream. He was feeling powerless and overwhelmed, and he didn't want to burden Sebastian with that, not when he had enough things to worry about himself. Kurt was supposed to be the strong one. Sebastian and his dad needed his support, not the other way around. Kurt was healthy, after all.

Kurt was hoping his dad wouldn't need the surgery, but he had been wrong. The doctor said the surgery would get rid of any residual tissue from the tumor and increase his chances of going into remission, but there were no guarantees when it came to cancer, and that made Kurt angry and afraid more than anything else. Why did this  _thing_ happen to good people? His dad didn't deserve to get cancer, and neither did Sebastian. Kurt was not a violent person, but for once he wished cancer was a person, just so he could punch it in the face.

He was so distracted as he that he bumped into Catherine when he was walking towards the elevator.

"I'm so sorry."

"Whoa Kurt…" Catherine laughed, but the smile fell off her face immediately when she realized something was wrong with Kurt. "Are you okay? You look like you just saw a ghost!"

Kurt tried to smile, but he just heaved a sigh and before he knew, Catherine was pulling him into a hug. Kurt breathed deeply and slowly, trying not to cry but losing the fight as he felt a single tear roll down his cheek.

"It's okay… It's okay…" Catherine whispered in his ear as they hugged. After a moment of just hugging in the middle of the hallway, Kurt let go and let Catherine take him to sit in one of the benches in the hallway. She offered Kurt a bottle of water she had in her hands, and Kurt took small sips out of it. He was putting all his energy into not crying, even if his chest was painfully tight.

"What happened?" She asked. Kurt looked into her eyes and felt at a loss of what to say.

"It's nothing…"

"Was Sebastian rude to you? Is that what happened?"

"What? No… Not at all... I'm sorry. I was just distracted."

"Did something happen with your dad? Is that it?" Catherine's question cracked through Kurt's strong facade and he couldn't help but sigh. In the few days he had of knowing Catherine, Kurt knew she was very perceptive, and also very strong willed. He knew he couldn't lie to her, and that she was asking out of genuine concern, not just selfish curiosity.

"Yeah but… I don't want to bother you with it… You have more than enough on your plate, worrying about Sebastian."

"I'm not worried about Sebastian."

"You're not?" Kurt asked incredulously.

"No… I'm not." She said, smiling genuinely. "I mean yeah it's scary sometimes, when I think about it too much. But I just  _know_  he's going to make it. We just need a donor match, which I'm sure will come up soon enough. There's lots of people coming in for tests, so it's just a matter of time… I'm not worried."

There was no hesitation in Catherine's voice as she spoke and Kurt sighed, wishing he could be as optimistic and determined as she was. Something about her just gave Kurt the confidence to open up to her. Kurt took a deep breath and explained his dad's situation to Catherine as best he could without breaking down. He told her about his dad's treatment and the upcoming surgery, and she listened attentively, stroking Kurt's back with her hand up and down. Kurt talked and ranted and let out all of his fears and frustrations. When he was done talking, he felt like a huge weight had been lifted from his shoulders.

"Feel better now?" Catherine asked as he took another sip of water. Kurt smiled gratefully and nodded.

He did feel better after talking to Catherine, and he was thankful for that. When he left her and returned to his dad downstairs, Kurt felt a little stronger. He realized how lucky Sebastian was to have a sister like Catherine. Kurt was certain that with her by his side, Sebastian would be alright.

...

When Kurt finally got home later that evening, he called Sebastian hoping to be able to apologize for leaving so abruptly earlier. However, Kurt was disappointed when instead of Sebastian, it was his mother who picked up. She told him Sebastian was sleeping, and so Kurt promised he would call again in the morning.

He called the next day but Sebastian's phone appeared to be turned off. It was something that happened a lot, since sometimes Sebastian played games or watched videos on it until the battery was dead, or just forgot about it, putting it in the drawer.

It wasn't until Monday morning when Kurt was finally able to speak to Sebastian. Kurt wanted to apologize but Sebastian didn't let him.

"Cath told me about what happened, you don't have to apologize Kurt, really. Though if you feel like making it up to me, you can bring me some cake." Sebastian had joked over the phone, which made Kurt smile more than he had in days. Sebastian's appetite wasn't very good lately, so the fact that he was asking for cake was a good sign. Kurt was also happy that Catherine had shared what he'd told her, because that way Sebastian could be aware of the situation without the added stress of having Kurt crying in front of him. No, Sebastian didn't need that.

When they hung up, Kurt couldn't help but notice how tired Sebastian sounded over the phone. His voice was raspy and sleepy, but when Kurt asked him how he was he said he was feeling alright. It was hard for Kurt to tell how Sebastian was  _really_  doing, especially since Kurt knew he had a bad habit of saying he was "fine" even if he really wasn't.

The two days before the surgery were more than a little crazy for Kurt. He and Carole had to make the necessary preparations. They would have to stay in Cleveland for a couple of days after the surgery, so they had to book a hotel and pack everything they needed. According to what the doctor said, Burt was supposed to be released two days after his surgery, but it all depended on how the surgery turned out. Sebastian's parents had offered them a room in their apartment, but Kurt politely declined, no matter how much Catherine insisted.

What proved to be most challenging however, was putting his dad on a liquid diet the day before the surgery. Burt was cranky about it all day long, but Kurt was strict and didn't let him cheat. "You can't risk this dad, don't be a baby." Kurt kept telling him, to which his dad would just huff and hastily finish his soup.

On Wednesday, the day of the surgery, Kurt was feeling a little jumpy, but he tried to imitate Catherine's positive mindset to keep himself calm and confident. This was the time when his dad and Carole needed him the most. Finn stayed home to care for the shop, promising to visit Burt on Thursday. When the doctors took Burt away to prepare him for surgery, Kurt was feeling strangely calm. His dad was smiling and joking as usual, and didn't even say "goodbye" but only a small wave and "I'll see you guys on the other side."

The other side, as it turned out, would come later rather than sooner, as time seemed to crawl by. The surgery was estimated to last about three hours, but it felt like ten. Carole and Kurt got breakfast in the hospital cafeteria, and drank coffee as they waited for a while. After that, they returned to the oncology ward. Sitting in the waiting room was one of the things Kurt hated the most. The chairs were uncomfortable and time seemed to completely stop as Kurt kept staring at the big clock hanging from the wall across from him and Carole, waiting for it's arrows to move. From minute to minute. Hour to hour.

"Are you going upstairs to see Sebastian?" Carole asked, looking up from her book at Kurt who was sitting right beside her.

"Maybe later…" Kurt replied with half a smile. As much as he dreaded the waiting room, he didn't want to go anywhere. There was a fear in the back of his head that something could go wrong and he wouldn't be there to hear about it first. Carole seemed to be calm, and that helped Kurt feel better.

When the doctor finally came outside, Kurt held his breath and stood up from the chair, holding Carole's hand tightly.

"The surgery was a success!" Doctor Lewis told them with a confident smile. "He's in recovery now, waking up from the anesthesia. He'll be taken to his room in about thirty minutes. A nurse will come and get you to take you to him."

Kurt and Carole thanked the doctor and then hugged. In that moment, Kurt allowed himself to cry a few happy tears. He felt so relieved.  _The surgery was a success… He is recovering…_  The doctor's words kept being replayed over and over inside Kurt's head. His dad was going to be fine, and that was all that mattered. Kurt was so happy he wanted to dance. Then he had a thought.

"I'm going up to tell Sebastian the good news! Do you want to come with me?"

"No, it's fine honey… I will stay here, go ahead."

"I promise I'll be right back!" Kurt said with a giddy smile before turning around and making a run down the hall and for the elevators. He was so happy that he couldn't wait to give Sebastian the good news. He stepped out of the elevators and quickly made his way to Sebastian's room, not being able to stop the small skip in his steps as he walked. He was beaming, as he opened the door to Sebastian's room, but Kurt's smile fell right off his face once he stepped in.

Sebastian was sitting up, hunched over the side of the bed. Catherine was kneeling down beside it, wiping the floor with a few paper towels as Mrs. Smythe held a very familiar metal container up for Sebastian, who was breathing harshly but wasn't heaving anymore… They were all so focused on helping Sebastian that they didn't even notice Kurt for a few moments. It wasn't until Catherine got up to throw the towels on the trash can that she spotted Kurt, standing frozen by the door.

"Kurt, hi." She said, smiling a little apologetically. Behind her, Sebastian's mom was helping him lay back down on the bed. Sebastian's eyes were rimmed red and glassy, but he still waved at Kurt as he took a little sip of water. Kurt slowly walked into the room and stepped next to Sebastian, that's when he noticed the dreadful machine on the other side of the bed, holding the all too familiar plastic bag full of bright red liquid and a yellow tag.

"I didn't know you were getting chemo today." Kurt said, reaching out to hold Sebastian's hand.

"Yeah, neither did I… How's your dad?" Sebastian asked him with a tired and loopy smile, squeezing Kurt's hand and bringing it up to his chest. Kurt could feel Sebastian's heart slamming against his chest, and he suddenly felt the urge to lean down and kiss him, but he knew the moment wasn't right, especially considering Sebastian's mother and sister were in the same room.

"He's fine… The surgery was a success." Kurt said, beaming again. He really was so happy to be able to say that.

"Oh Kurt, that's wonderful!" Mrs. Smythe said, smiling widely. Catherine came up to Kurt and hugged him tightly.

"See? I told you he was going to be okay!"

"Yeah, thanks," Kurt said, smiling widely.

"Is he out then? Shouldn't you be with him?" Sebastian asked.

"He's recovering from the anesthesia right now. We're just waiting for the nurses to take him to his room so we can see him. How are you feeling?"

"Well… I just puked out half my breakfast." Sebastian replied, smiling. Kurt smiled back, even though he didn't think Sebastian vomiting was a joking matter. He smiled because at least Sebastian was in good spirits, and that was all that mattered.

Kurt stayed in the room with them for a few minutes, talking with them a little bit about what he would be doing the next couple of days. Kurt hoped his dad would be released from the hospital in two days, but he couldn't know for sure. Catherine and Mrs. Smythe asked Kurt to let them know what room his dad would be in so they could visit him.

When Carole texted him, telling him that his dad was ready in his room, Kurt quickly said goodbye to the Smythes and ran towards the elevators, promising to come by again to visit Sebastian later. After all, he was going to be spending a lot of time in the hospital for the next few days.

...

Burt was a little groggy and sore after the surgery, but that was to be expected. Once they were all in the room together, and Burt was clear headed and aware, the doctor talked them through the basics of what the recovery process would entail. It was fairly simple, except for the catheter. Kurt couldn't imagine how uncomfortable it must be to have a small tube inside your penis, and he hoped he would never find out. Especially as the doctor explained that even though the catheter was a temporary thing, Burt would have to keep it for at least two weeks.

"Two weeks? Hell, I was hoping you'd get the thing out today or at least when I was allowed to leave this place!" Burt said, looking absolutely baffled.

"You're feeling a little sore right now because of the incision wound and the catheter, but I assure you the discomfort will diminish in the next few days. If you're in any pain just let us know and we'll adjust your medication. You need to rest now, and not get up from the bed without help." The doctor said, turning to look at Carole and Kurt, as if he knew that Burt would probably try to get up on his own.

"You have to be careful, and if everything goes smoothly, you'll be able to go home on Friday," The doctor said before leaving. Kurt and Carole thanked him and said they were determined to take care of Burt as best as they could and follow his instructions thoroughly.

Those two days passed slower than Kurt ever imagined. His dad was having a lot of discomfort from the surgery, and even though the doctor said it was normal, it didn't mean that Kurt had to be okay with it. He wasn't used to seeing his dad like this, it gave Kurt bad memories from when his dad had his heart attack two years ago.

Mrs. Smythe and Catherine came down to visit Burt often, and it was nice to be able to introduce all of them. Carole was super sweet, as usual, and both her and Vivienne hit things off splendidly. That gave Kurt a lot of opportunities to sneak out of his dad's room and hang out with Catherine. They would go out and take walks around the hospital's gardens, talking about anything and everything. Kurt wanted to spend time with Sebastian, but he couldn't. Not when Sebastian was sleeping half the time, and the other half he was just cranky, feeling sick, or just insisting that Kurt and Catherine went out and breathe the fresh air that he couldn't.

"So, when are you heading back to New York?"

"On Monday, actually." Catherine said, biting her lip as she played with the petal of one of the yellow roses in the garden.

"So soon… I feel like you just got here."

"Yeah I know, but I have to get back to classes and ugh…  _College life,_  you know?"

Kurt just nodded. He really enjoyed spending time with Catherine, and he knew Sebastian loved her, and he was probably going to miss her a lot when she was gone.

"I'd love to stay longer, but I don't want to get in trouble with my teachers. Two weeks is all I can get away with. I'll probably come again in a couple of months though, for Sebastian's graduation." She said confidently and smiling, like it was a given fact that Sebastian was graduating. That made Kurt smile, though deep down he was seriously starting to question if Sebastian was really going to be able to graduate with everything that was going on. He didn't dare to say it out loud though.

"You think Sebastian is awake now? My dad is getting released soon and I don't think I'll be able to come visit in a while."

"I don't know… But let's go. If he's asleep maybe you can wake him up with a true love's kiss!" Catherine teased, lacing her arm around Kurt's and walking back towards the hospital door. Kurt felt heat rise to his face but he just shook his head and laughed with Catherine as they walked. His mind was suddenly reeling though… Sebastian and him weren't  _together_  together… They'd kissed twice, but they hadn't really talked about it, and this was the first time Catherine made a comment like that to him. Kurt couldn't help but wonder if it was because Sebastian had mentioned something to her. _Had they talked about him? What did Sebastian tell his sister about him?_

The curiosity was going to kill him. But Kurt didn't want to ask, because he was afraid what he would say if Catherine asked him anything directly. Kurt just couldn't put a name on what he felt towards Sebastian… He just knew that he cared about him more than he thought he ever would.

When they finally got to Sebastian's room, they found him resting on his side with his back to the door. When they walked up to the bed they realized he was sleeping. Kurt sighed, feeling slightly disappointed, as he was hoping to be able to say goodbye properly before going back to Lima. Kurt didn't know when he would be able to come back to visit Sebastian. It could be a week, or maybe even more.

"Here's your chance…" Catherine whispered, elbowing him gently on the ribs.

"Chance for what?"

"To kiss him… duh!"

"I'm  _not_  going to kiss him!"

"Why not? It's not like you haven't done it before..." Catherine said bluntly, and Kurt almost choked on his own breath.

"H-he told you?!"

"Nope… But now  _you_  did!" Catherine's smile was wicked as she clasped her hands together giddily. Her outburst must have woken Sebastian up because he stirred and turned to rest on his back, opening his eyes and frowning.

"What are you guys going on about?"

"Kurt here was just about to k-"

"Nothing!" Kurt cut her off, putting his hand over Catherine's mouth. Sebastian smiled, frowning and looking at them like they were crazy as they glared at each other. Catherine's face was pure mischief and Kurt felt like his face was on fire. Though if he was going to be completely honest with himself, he wouldn't actually mind giving Sebastian a little kiss before going back to Lima. He just didn't think the time was right.

"You guys are crazy." Sebastian said, smiling. "Ugh, what time is it?"

"It's two thirty. I just came to say goodbye… My dad is being released so we're going back to Lima."

"Oh…"

The small pout on Sebastian's lips when he said that had Kurt wishing he could just lean down and kiss it away… Sebastian looked so cute… But he also looked very tired. He'd been having a hard time with all the chemo treatment and the ton of pills he had to take each day. Kurt had mixed feelings, he even felt bad for thinking about kissing him in a time like this. He felt torn, and Catherine's ridiculously wide smile was not helping at all.

"I'm just gonna go…" Catherine said suddenly, walking towards the door.

"Where are you going?" Sebastian asked.

"To the bathroom…" She said, giving Kurt a knowing look. "I'll be right back."

Once Catherine left the room, Kurt felt like he could breathe again.

"What was that all about?"

"Nothing… Your sister is just… She's a force to be reckoned with." Kurt said, though he couldn't keep the smile off his face.

"Yeah, she is."

"How are you feeling?"

"Meh…"

"That good huh?"

"Could be worse I guess."

"Well… I hope you feel better soon."

"Me too." Sebastian said with a hopeful smile, and Kurt just couldn't help himself anymore. He wasn't going to kiss him, but he couldn't stand the distance between them anymore, it felt awkward and wrong. So Kurt took a step closer and sat on the bed next to Sebastian, holding his hand and giving it a little squeeze. Sebastian stared at their hands and smiled.

"How's your dad?"

"He's hanging in there…" Kurt said, sighing. "I think he'll be fine but, I have to look after him. He's having a hard time with the catheter so, I don't know how long it's gonna be before I can come to visit you again."

"Don't worry about it… Who knows, maybe I'll go visit you." Sebastian joked, smiling widely even though he looked like he could barely keep his eyes open.

"I'd like that very much." Kurt admitted, smiling back even though he could feel his heart clenching inside. He wanted nothing more than to see Sebastian out of the hospital and back to his old self, but he knew Sebastian wouldn't be able to leave the hospital until he got the bone marrow transplant.

They remained silent for a little while when suddenly Kurt's phone buzzed... Carole was calling him. It was time for him to go, but he wanted to say a proper goodbye to Sebastian, so he silenced the call.

"Who was that?"

"It's Carole… I think my dad's ready."

"So you have to go." Sebastian wasn't asking, and Kurt knew he was right. It was time for him to leave.

"I wish I could stay a little longer."

"Go… Don't worry about it." Sebastian said, but how could Kurt not worry? In fact he worried  _a lot..._ But he wasn't going to let it show. Instead, he pulled Sebastian's hand up and pressed his lips against his knuckles, giving them a small kiss.

"Stay strong, okay?"

Sebastian smiled and nodded, right before Kurt's phone started ringing again. This time, Kurt couldn't ignore the call… It was time to go and he knew it. Kurt left Sebastian with the promise of calling to check up on him, and threatening to never bring him cake again if he let his phone's battery die again.

When Kurt left Sebastian's room, he found Catherine sitting in a bench in the hallway, looking at her phone.

"Hey… Weren't you supposed to be in the bathroom?"

"You're so clueless, Kurt… I left just so I wouldn't be a third wheel. " Catherine squinted her eyes at Kurt. "Did you at least kiss him?"

"No… I didn't." Kurt said, feeling a little disappointed himself. Catherine looked disappointed too, so Kurt quickly explained himself. "Look… As much as I would have liked to kiss your brother. I just don't think he would be up for it… Not right now. You know? Sebastian's not feeling well and I don't want to make him uncomfortable."

Catherine looked at Kurt and nodded understandingly. "I know, you're probably right. I just thought it might cheer him up, you know? He's been feeling a bit down lately… And not just because of the meds."

Kurt sighed, thinking about Catherine's words. He regretted not kissing Sebastian now, even though he still felt like it would have been a little out of place. He hated feeling like this.

"I promised I'd call him every day… To check up on him. I don't know when I'll be able to come visit again."

"Yeah, we should probably say goodbye. I won't be here next time you come." Catherine said with a wry smile. Kurt hugged her tightly, feeling nostalgic even more so. He really liked Catherine and wished they'd had more time to get to know each other. When Kurt finally left with his family back to Lima, he couldn't help but feel like he was leaving a part of himself behind, and he didn't like that one bit. Kurt knew his dad would still have to go through a process of recovery, but at least the scariest part was over. His dad was going to be fine, he truly believed it now. Kurt just hoped Sebastian would be okay too.

…

Taking care of a recovering Burt proved to be harder than Kurt ever thought it would be. It was a hassle to get him to sit comfortably in one position, and because of the discomfort, he was constantly in a bad mood. Carole and Kurt spent the first two days just getting used to that, because Burt wasn't usually a whiny person.

Kurt was glad that at least he wasn't complaining about his food anymore. Carole had to work so Kurt was happy to be able to help in her absence, but every day he ended up feeling exhausted. He and Sebastian texted occasionally, but Sebastian took a long time to answer, so Kurt preferred calling him late at night instead of sending him texts throughout the day.

On Monday night, Kurt dialed Sebastian's number and was surprised when instead of Sebastian, Catherine took the call.

 _"Hi Kurt."_  Just the sound of her voice told Kurt there was something wrong.

"Catherine? I thought you'd be in New York by now."

_"No… I cancelled my flight last night."_

"What happened? Is Sebastian alright?"

Kurt heard Catherine heave a sigh on the other end of the line and held his breath dreadfully.

"Catherine?"

Kurt heard shuffling and was waiting patiently until Catherine spoke again.  _"Sorry, I was just getting out of the room… Bastian is asleep and I don't want to wake him."_

"How is he?"

_"He's not doing so good, Kurt."_

Kurt listened attentively as Catherine told him about what happened. Apparently Sebastian's condition had deteriorated overnight. He wasn't responding well to the treatment and on Monday morning the doctors had to put him on a feeding tube again. He was very weak and the doctors hadn't found a donor match yet, which was only making things worse.

It had been three weeks now since Sebastian had been hospitalized, and every day that passed put Sebastian in more and more danger. Just listening to Catherine speak so warily was enough to get Kurt to go from worry to panic. They needed to find a match and soon.

So the next couple of days, Kurt used every bit of free time he could get from taking care of his dad and used it to call everyone he knew and ask them to join the National Bone Marrow Registry. Kurt emailed, called, and texted every single one of his former glee club friends and made them promise him they would go to their nearest hospital and say they were getting tested for Sebastian. It didn't matter if they were in different states, as long as they got tested. He also encouraged them to tell all their friends, and hoped with all his heart that they were being honest when they said they would go.

Kurt also called Trent and told him about Sebastian's situation so he could arrange a meeting and they could talk about what to do next. A few days later Kurt went to the Lima Bean, expecting to meet Trent, but surprised when he realized Nick, Jeff, Thad, Hunter and David were also there to meet him. Their previously bald heads were now fuzzy as hair was starting to grow back, and Kurt couldn't help but think about how Sebastian's head would look when he finally was healthy and his hair could grow again. Maybe if he pictured it hard enough, it would happen sooner. At this point, Kurt was feeling desperate and he could see that all of Sebastian's friends were deeply worried about him as well. The Warblers thought what they did at Nationals would be enough, but finding a donor was proving to be harder than anything else they'd ever faced.

After much talking, the Warblers were so worried that they agreed to talk to Dalton's headmaster to send out emails and letters, pleading all parents and families and alumni to go get tested. Kurt would talk to Finn so they could meet with Figgins and do the same thing at McKinley. They needed to have everyone join the registry, until they found a match for Sebastian.

Kurt never thought finding a bone marrow donor could be so hard. But as the days passed, and a match wasn't found, no matter how many people Kurt begged to get tested. Kurt was trying so hard but nothing came up, and he was starting to lose hope.

It wasn't until two and a half weeks later that Kurt was finally able to visit Sebastian. When his dad had to go back to the hospital to get his catheter removed and see his oncologist. The procedure was painless and easy, and Kurt asked Carole and his dad to go with him to visit Sebastian up in his room once they were done. When they arrived, they found Mr. Smythe sitting on a sofa beside Sebastian's bed.  _When did they even get a sofa?_  Kurt didn't remember it being there before. Sebastian was sleeping, and when Kurt took his hand, he noticed it was a little cold.

They stayed for about half an hour, talking to Sebastian's dad and listening to him as he told them about Sebastian's condition. Apparently, he was stable now that he had the feeding tube to help him get nutrients, but he was otherwise not improving much. They needed the bone marrow donor desperately and were starting to get seriously worried about not getting one on time. All the while they were talking, Kurt kept looking at Sebastian as he slept. Their voices hadn't managed to wake him up, even though they weren't really whispering.

Mrs. Smythe and Catherine arrived just as Kurt, Carole and Burt were about to leave. So they ended up staying for a little longer, even though they had to talk in the hallway, as the doctors didn't allow so many people to be in the room at once. It was almost one hour later when they finally left, Kurt leaned down and kissed Sebastian on the cheek, feeling a painful jab in his chest when he realized Sebastian didn't even move.

…

After that day, Kurt made a promise to go visit Sebastian as much as he could. He finally took the Smythe's on their offer to stay over in their apartment, that way he wouldn't have to worry about the long drive back and he would able to spend more time with Sebastian.

The Smythes had been taking turns staying with Sebastian at the hospital, hence why they got a sofa-bed in his room now. Sebastian's mom spent the most nights there though, and she looked like she barely slept, or maybe it was just the worry in her features that made her look so tired lately. Out of all of them, she seemed to be having the hardest time.

Kurt packed a small suitcase and planned to stay three days in Cleveland with Sebastian. The first night he was there, Kurt offered to stay in the hospital so Mrs. Smythe could sleep in her own bed and get a proper night's rest. She didn't really want to leave, but in the end Catherine convinced her to go back to the apartment with her. The apartment was close to the hospital, so if anything happened they could come quickly, but Mrs. Smythe still was reluctant to leave her son's side.

Sebastian slept for the most part of the evening, but the few moments when he was awake, they were able to talk a little, and Kurt cherished those times more than anything.

"Alex was here earlier." Sebastian said, yawning as he stretched his arm over his head.

"Oh really? I haven't spoken to him in a while."

"Hmmm… He and some other dude."

"Some other dude?"

"Yeah, they brought that thing in the corner." Sebastian pointed to a big balloon arrangement that was sitting in the table. It had blue and yellow balloons that read "Get well soon" and "God bless you".

"That's nice."

"It's cheesy." Sebastian said, scowling at the thing.

Kurt just shook his head, smiling. "So, what did Alex say? What has he been up to?"

"I don't know." Sebastian confessed, "I was sleeping when they got here, then they started praying and stuff... I woke up in the middle of their prayer, and so I closed my eyes and pretended to be asleep until they left."

"Oh my god Sebastian. Did you really do that?"

"Yeah. It was awkward as hell. I just wanted them to leave."

Kurt couldn't help but snort at that. Of course Alex would pray for Sebastian. "He was probably just trying to help you know?"

"I know, but it felt weird. Plus, I was listening to them pray and then actually started falling asleep." Sebastian admitted. "Then I woke up because I was having a weird dream."

"What were you dreaming about?"

"I don't know… Something about birds, I think? It was kind of trippy."

"Birds? Did you have your own Pavarotti? Is that why?"

"My what?"

"A bird… you know, and actual Warbler bird? I remember they gave me one to take care of him when I first transferred to Dalton. His name was Pavarotti."

"Oh that… No, I never got one, thank god."

"I thought it was tradition?"

"It is… But I lied and told them I was allergic to birds, so…"

Kurt laughed out loud at that. Only Sebastian would lie about having allergies just to avoid taking care of the bird.

"I wish I would have thought of that." Kurt confessed. "Pavarotti died while I was taking care of him… It was awful."

"You  _killed_  your Warbler bird Kurt, really?"

"I did not! He just died… I swear!"

They both laughed at that and Kurt felt happy and hopeful as he saw Sebastian smile and tease him, even if just a bit. For a moment Kurt was able to pretend they were somewhere else, and not in the hospital while Sebastian struggled for his life against this terrible illness.

It was harder for Kurt to pretend when Sebastian was feeling sick, or not even conscious at all. Out of the three days Kurt spent in Cleveland, he was just able to really spend quality time with Sebastian that first night… The next day Sebastian was feeling too sick and the doctor didn't allow more than two people in the room with him at the same time. Kurt felt powerless as he was forced to stand outside Sebastian's window and look inside at him.

For the most part, he spent his time talking to Catherine about Sebastian. Her optimistic attitude had shifted a little in the last couple of weeks.

"I'm worried about Sebastian Kurt… I'm terrified… and I hate it." She admitted as she walked with Kurt towards the parking lot on the day he left. Kurt didn't know what to say… Catherine had been the epitome of strength and positivity all this time, so seeing her slowly breaking down was really difficult to cope with. Kurt felt like Sebastian was slipping away and Catherine was right, it was terrifying.

Kurt wished he didn't have to go back to Lima. Sebastian's parents kept insisting that Kurt could stay as long as he wanted, but it wasn't that simple. He had things to do back at home, and even though his dad was fully recovered now that didn't mean Kurt could just disappear for a whole week.

Every day he was away from Sebastian though, Kurt worried even more. He constantly texted Catherine and asked about him, but it wasn't the same as actually visiting and spending time with him. Time flew by and it waited for no one. Before Kurt knew it, Sebastian had been hospitalized for two months and they still hadn't found a donor.

Every time Kurt visited Sebastian he looked different. Some days he seemed better than others. The doctors kept putting the feeding tube in him and then taking it out a few days later. Witnessing it was like riding a roller coaster, and Kurt just wanted nothing more than just to make it stop. He wanted things to get better... A donor to finally appear so Sebastian could get the treatment he desperately needed.

One day Kurt was sitting next to Sebastian, watching him sleep. Lately it seemed like that was all he ever did... Kurt felt useless and it was frustrating. Catherine had gone out with her mom to get something to eat. Mrs. Smythe barely left Sebastian's room, so whenever Kurt visited, Catherine took the opportunity to get her out and help her get her mind off things. Kurt was happy to help Sebastian's family in any way he could.

He was sitting beside Sebastian, holding his hand and rubbing circles with his thumb over his knuckles when Sebastian opened his eyes.

"Hey Kurt."

"Hi… How are you feeling?"

"I'm sleepy."

"Sleep then."

"I don't want to sleep…" Sebastian protested, closing his eyes and frowning. "I feel like… Like all I do is sleep."

"It's okay if you want to sleep, Sebastian. I'll be right h-"

"No…" Sebastian interrupted him. Kurt remained silent as he saw Sebastian struggle with sleep. "I feel like… Maybe one of these days I'm not going to wake up."

"Don't say that."

"I'm just so tired..."

"You're allowed to be tired, you're fighting something really tough. But you're going to beat it… I know you are. You just have to stay strong, Sebastian."

"Yeah but for how long?"

Kurt didn't have an answer for that, and he really wished he did.

…

The next week, Kurt visited again. He was alone in the room sitting beside Sebastian when suddenly, Alex walked in. He seemed surprised to see Kurt, but waved silently as he approached the bed. Sebastian was sleeping, and Kurt was reading a book.

Alex sat down beside Kurt and smiled sheepishly. For a moment they just stayed there, looking at Sebastian in silence.

"How is he?" Alex whispered, but Kurt just shrugged, because he didn't know what to say. He didn't mind sitting beside Sebastian and just keeping him company, he liked that. But he didn't really like talking about the situation, because every time he did, Kurt felt like he was going to burst into tears. And he couldn't do that in there, not when Sebastian could wake up any second and see him. He needed to be strong for him, even if he felt helpless inside.

"Do you mind if I pray?" Alex's question caught Kurt completely off guard.

"Um… No, I don't mind but-"

"Seb hates it, I know." Alex said, smiling. "But I feel like it's the only thing I can do, you know? I feel useless."

Kurt smiled, because he knew how Alex felt. That feeling of being completely powerless against this situation was overwhelming and awful. So if Alex wanted to pray, Kurt wasn't going to stop him. Even if he thought it was pointless.

"I know… I feel useless too." Kurt confessed, heaving a sigh. "I wish there was something I could do, but I can't."

"You're not useless." Sebastian whispered startling both his cousin and Kurt at the same time. They hadn't realized he was awake and now were just staring at each other like deer caught in the headlights.

"Seb, you're awake."

"Yeah, and you didn't even have to pray!" He teased, and Alex rolled his eyes, smiling nonetheless.

"Sorry, I know you don't like it."

"It's fine… You can pray if you want Alexander. I just don't think God likes me very much. I've been kind of an asshole." Sebastian said, but his eyes were fixed on Kurt's. Kurt just frowned, feeling confused until Sebastian spoke again.

"I never really apologized to you Kurt…" Sebastian started, struggling to say the words.

"What are you even talking ab-"

"I was really bad to you… I made fun of you… Called you horrible things."

"Sebastian… That was ages ago, you don't have to-"

"No, I do." Sebastian said frowning. He stretched his arm out for Kurt to take his hand, and Kurt reached out to grab it over the bed. Sebastian's eyes were glassy, and vibrant with sheer emotion and Kurt felt like it was getting harder and harder to breathe.

"I'm so sorry, Kurt."

Kurt was confused, he didn't know why Sebastian was bringing those things up right now but it all sounded too much like a goodbye and Kurt didn't want to hear it. There were tears in Sebastian's eyes now and the sight just made Kurt's chest so tight that he felt like it was going to explode. Acting on instinct, he just leaned down and kissed Sebastian softly on the lips, cradling his face with his free hand and pressing their foreheads together.

"Shhh… Don't say anything… It's okay." Kurt said, looking at Sebastian in the eyes and smiling through his tears. Sebastian looked like he wanted to protest and say more, so Kurt kissed him again… Just a small, peck on the lips to shut him up. "I'll tell you what… You can make it up to me later, okay? When you get out of here you can take me out and buy me something… You still owe me a shopping trip, remember?"

"Okay… Deal." Sebastian said, smiling and squeezing Kurt's hand tightly before closing his eyes again. Beside them, Alex was just sitting in silence and holding back tears of his own as he witnessed the exchange between the two of them. They held hands until Sebastian's grip on Kurt's hand loosened and he fell back asleep. Kurt slowly removed his hand, sat back and wiped the tears from his face. He ran his hands over his jeans, and when he brought his hands up again, he noticed they were shaking.

Sebastian had his eyes closed and seemed to be sleeping again. Alex kept looking at Kurt as if he was expecting him to explain what had just happened. But Kurt couldn't do it… So instead he just got up and left the room without saying a word. He desperately needed to get some air.

…

Another week went by, and Sebastian was still in the hospital. Kurt thought about him day and night, hoping that one day he would hear good news about him, instead of constantly worrying, wondering why the doctors still hadn't found a donor match. Burt was fully recovered now and was out and about, going to work and living his life. Every time Kurt looked at his dad he couldn't believe he was ever worried about him. He had beaten cancer and was now completely back to normal.

Kurt was happy for his dad, but he couldn't be  _fully_  happy… not while Sebastian was still hospitalized. Time was ticking, and Kurt knew that soon he would have to return to New York. He was dreading what would happen if he left and Sebastian…  _He didn't even want to think about it._  Catherine had completely forgotten about her college education in lieu of staying in Ohio and taking care of her brother.

 _"I can't leave until I know Sebastian will be okay."_  She'd told Kurt, and he couldn't blame her. Kurt was feeling apprehensive about leaving for New York while Sebastian was still hospitalized, and they weren't family… they were just…  _whatever they were._

Kurt drove down to Cleveland again, with his now usual bag of three day's worth of clothing and supplies to stay with the Smythe's and spend time with Sebastian. When he arrived at the hospital, Mr. Smythe was in the room alone with Sebastian. He had spent the night at the hospital and Catherine and Mrs. Smythe were still back at the apartment.

"How is he?"

"He hasn't woken up in two days." Mr. Smythe admitted, looking longingly at his son, lying in bed. Kurt couldn't help but feel his heart breaking for him… For both of them. Sebastian was not looking good, and his family wasn't either. They were trying to remain strong, but Kurt could tell that their hope wavered with each day that passed.

"You can go home if you want, Mr. Smythe… If you want to take a shower and eat some breakfast. I'll stay here with him." Kurt offered, and Mr. Smythe thanked him. He left, promising to be back soon with his wife and daughter.

Kurt sat beside Sebastian and just looked at him, thinking about what Mr. Smythe had said…. Sebastian's words from a few weeks back came back to his mind.

_"Maybe one of these days I'm not going to wake up."_

Kurt pushed back that memory, wishing he could get rid of it completely. Sebastian was going to wake up, he was not dead, he was just sleeping… He was just tired, not dying. No.

"Sebastian?" Kurt tried, leaning over as he stood beside the bed, but Sebastian didn't move. Kurt breathed in and took a look around the empty room.

"I have good news…" Kurt told Sebastian, even if he knew he wasn't listening. Maybe if he spoke to him, he would wake up. "My dad is in remission, Sebastian. It's amazing, isn't it? You told me he would beat his cancer, and he did!"

Sebastian remained the same, not moving, not even stirring in his sleep. He was just lying there, looking more pale than Kurt had ever seen him. It was difficult for Kurt to be there with him and feel so alone.

"Seb?"

Nothing. The silence was deafening and overwhelming. All he could hear was his own breathing as he sat there, completely unable to help the boy he cared about so much. Sebastian's dad had closed the door when he left, so there wasn't even any noise coming from the hallway.

Kurt pulled the chair beside Sebastian's chair and sat down beside him, leaning over the bed and resting his head on Sebastian's pillow. For a few minutes he just stayed there, in silence and absentmindedly stroking Sebastian's arm. He wondered if Sebastian was having any dreams at all. If they were trippy bird dreams or something more beautiful. All he knew, was that he wanted Sebastian to have the best dreams he could. So Kurt started to hum a low melody before singing to the sleeping boy beside him.

_I'll sing it one last time for you_

_Then we really have to go_

_You've been the only thing that's right_

_in all I've done_

_And I can barely look at you, but every single time I do_

_I know we'll make it anyway, away from here_

_Light up, light up… As if you have a choice._

_Even if you cannot hear my voice, I'll be right beside you dear._

_Louder, louder… and we'll run for our lives_

_I can hardly speak, I understand_

_Why you can't raise your voice to say._

Kurt's voice was soft and low, almost a whisper as he sang to Sebastian. He reached out and grabbed Sebastian's hand, hoping to see him open his eyes and look at him.

_To think I might not see those eyes, makes it so hard not to cry_

_And as we say our long goodbye, I nearly do._

_Light up, light up… As if you have a choice._

_Even if you cannot hear my voice, I'll be right beside you dear._

_Have heart my dear, we're bound to be afraid._

_Even if it's just for a few days,_

_Making up for all this mess…_

The emotion was too much for Kurt to be able to finish his song. The tears felt hot as they just flowed down his cheeks and wet the sheets of Sebastian's hospital bed. Kurt held on to Sebastian's hand, pressing it against his mouth and kissing it sloppily as he cried.

"You can't die Sebastian… You can't die… Do you hear me?" Kurt pleaded, but Sebastian didn't move. Kurt cried until he was out of tears and then got up, taking one good look at Sebastian before walking out of the room. He was a mess, and he knew that soon the Smythes would be back. He didn't want to look like this in front of them… He was there to keep them company and support them. But he felt so lost.

Kurt walked down the hallway and then started running. He was choking back his sobs, trying to stop them as best as he could, but he was fighting a losing battle. His chest hurt like someone was stabbing him and Kurt just couldn't take it anymore. Luckily, he was able to get into the elevator and go to the seventeenth floor to the terrace. The chilly morning air hit him and Kurt breathed in, looking up at the sky. The morning sky was clear and bright… He just needed a moment to get himself together. He sat down on the floor, unable to find the energy to worry about his clothes for once. Being here was supposed to make him feel better, but being in the same place where he'd been with Sebastian a few times before just filled his mind with memories that were too painful to bear.

Kurt stayed there until he felt that he could breathe again. Then all of the sudden, a thought hit him…. Kurt had promised Sebastian's dad that he would stay with him while he was gone, and he had just left the room, leaving Sebastian alone. What kind of idiot was he?

Kurt ran back to the elevator and pushed the "down" button frantically, cursing himself internally for being so selfish. He quickly walked out of the elevator and into the hallway, hoping that the Smythe's weren't back yet, but right away he spotted Catherine and Sebastian's parents standing in the hallway. It only took a second for Kurt to realize there was something wrong, because Catherine was covering her face and crying while her dad hugged her, and Sebastian's mom was sobbing into her husband's shoulder. Kurt ran towards them, feeling dread shaking him to his core as he kept thinking  _"Please don't... Please Sebastian just be okay. Please please please!"_

When Kurt finally got to them, he noticed Sebastian's doctor was there, standing in front of them... But he was smiling. Before Kurt could even ask what was going on, Catherine pulled him into a bone-crushing hug. "They found a donor, Kurt! They found the match!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you guys still like me after this chapter... I am sorry for the angst. But I hope your minds can be at rest now, knowing there's a light at the end of the tunnel! The song Kurt sang to Sebastian is called "Run" by Snow Patrol.


	21. Chapter 21

Uncertainty. That was the best way to describe the following weeks.

Surely Kurt had been immensely happy and relieved when he first heard the news about Sebastian's donor match, but that didn't mean things were automatically fixed. It was going to be a long, hard road for Sebastian and everyone who cared about him.

Kurt was struggling with a lot of different feelings. Relief and hope, because they finally had a donor, but also uncertainty and fear for not knowing exactly what would happen.

Sebastian was removed from his usual hospital room and taken to a special unit in the oncology ward in order to get him ready for the transplant. That meant Kurt couldn't see him, and couldn't even talk to him.

Getting the donor to fly to Ohio took a couple of days, and then they needed almost a week to get her ready for the transplant. What took the longest, however, was getting Sebastian ready for the procedure. Kurt didn't know much about what was going on and he felt helpless because of it. He was trying his best to be optimistic about things but it was in his nature to worry himself sick over every little detail. There was only so much he could read about bone marrow transplants online to ease his mind, and even though he and Catherine kept in touch, Kurt couldn't help but feel like he was being left out. Not even Alex was allowed to visit Sebastian. No one was, not until he recovered.

In order for Sebastian to be able to get the new bone marrow, the doctors practically had to kill his immune system, which meant he had to be in a germ-free environment, and the only way to do that was to put him in isolation. Kurt had no idea how long Sebastian was going to be there, and only immediate family members were allowed to see him.

Catherine kept Kurt updated as much as she could, but Kurt felt like he wasn't doing enough. He wished he could at least see Sebastian from afar, like those times he was forced to stay outside of his hospital room, but he could still see him through the window. Not being able to see Sebastian or even talk to him for weeks was taking a toll on Kurt. He spent his days wondering about Sebastian, even as he tried to keep himself busy studying, practicing his piano lessons or going to the shop with his dad.

Kurt couldn't wait until Sebastian was finally out of risk. As was everyone else.

Since the Warblers had quickly picked up on the fact that Kurt and Sebastian were close now, they all relied on Kurt to be their primary source of news regarding Sebastian's condition. That was only adding to Kurt's stress though, because he didn't have much information himself. He couldn't visit Sebastian, or talk to him on the phone, so all Kurt could do was stay home and text Catherine, asking for updates every now and then.

Kurt didn't want to burden Catherine with his insisting questions though, so he did his best to only ask her about Sebastian every other day.

" _It's been tough, but he is hanging on."_  Catherine would say most times, but Kurt just wished he could hear from Sebastian himself.

" _I'll tell Bastian you asked about him."_  She would tell Kurt, but never really told him much else.

And Kurt wanted to know more. He wanted to know how Sebastian was  _really_  doing. Not just medically. He wondered if Sebastian was joking around and making crass comments about the male nurses... If he was complaining about the hospital food and rolling his eyes when his mom scolded him about it... Or if Sebastian was feeling down and lonely, and was spending his days just staring at the wall and being miserable. Not knowing that was the worst part for Kurt.

Sebastian was not allowed to have his cellphone with him inside the ICU, and even if he was, he wouldn't really be able to do much, as Catherine had informed Kurt that he spent most of the time sleeping and recovering.

Kurt had to start planning for his return to New York, and the fact that Sebastian was still in the hospital didn't give him much hope. It was already June, and it didn't look like Sebastian was going to be able to make it to college in the fall like he wanted to. At this point, Kurt didn't even think he would be able to graduate. The Warblers had plans to make it happen, but not knowing how Sebastian was doing just made Kurt wonder if it was a possibility at all. Kurt had been talking to Trent fairly frequently about it.

" _Hey Kurt… I know I texted your earlier, but I wanted to ask if you have any news about Sebastian?"_

"No Trent, I don't." Kurt said wistfully, adjusting his phone as he sat down on the couch, facing the ceiling. He could hear Trent sighing in the other end of the line. "I wish I had more to tell you, but I've already told you everything Catherine said… Sebastian is still in the ICU, and he's probably going to need to stay there for a while longer. They don't know for sure."

" _Man… I just wish we could visit him, you know? Or at least talk to him. It's been so long since we've seen him."_

"Yeah, me too."

" _Well… If you get any news, please let me know. I promised the guys I'd keep them updated."_

"I will. I promise" Kurt said before hanging up.

The truth was, he hadn't spoken to Catherine at all that day, so he figured it would be a good idea to call her. Kurt dialled Catherine's number, and waited as it rang and rang for her to pick up, but she didn't. When Kurt saw what time it was, he figured Catherine was probably still in the hospital, so he decided to text her instead of trying to call again.

" _ **Hey Cath, I just wanted to say hi. The Warblers are asking about Sebastian again… They miss him."**_

Kurt sighed as he sent the text to Catherine. Kurt put his phone beside him on the couch and turned on the TV. How I Met Your Mother was on. Kurt didn't even like that show, but he wanted to distract himself. He didn't expect Catherine to reply to him anytime soon, so when his phone ringed with a new text message Kurt almost jumped out of his seat. When he looked down at his phone, his breath hitched.

Catherine had sent him a picture of Sebastian, and by the looks of it, she had taken it from outside the window of Sebastian's room. He was resting in the bed, looking to the side and flipping the camera off… Kurt smiled for a brief second before he felt a knot form in his throat at the sight of Sebastian with so many tubes attached to him. Kurt could see Sebastian had that god awful feeding tube again, but at least he was smiling, and Kurt almost cried when he saw it. Kurt was about to text Catherine asking what was that about when another text came in.

 **Catherine:**  Seb asked me to send you this. To show he is alive and kicking some serious cancer-ass.

 **Catherine:**  His words, not mine ;)

Kurt smiled, feeling his eyes well up with tears. He was just so happy to finally "see" Sebastian, even if it was only through a picture. He could tell Sebastian had lost even more weight. Suddenly he was at a loss for words, he didn't know what to say, or what to ask Catherine.

 **Kurt:**  It's so good to see him smiling!

 **Catherine:**  He said that you should send that to the Warblers and tell them to stop bothering you haha.

Kurt smiled as he read Catherine's texts, picturing Sebastian rolling his eyes and flipping the camera off when Catherine told him Kurt said that the Warblers "missed him". In reality, the Warblers were just worried, but Kurt was the one that really missed him.

 **Kurt:**  I'll make sure to send that to Trent right away.

 **Catherine:**  Okay… And I have great news Kurt. You'll be able to see him in person soon!

 **Kurt:**  Are you serious?! When?

 **Catherine:**  He's getting out tomorrow.

 **Kurt:**  Really? Sebastian is going home?!

 **Catherine:**  No… I just meant out of the ICU. He's still not allowed to leave the hospital :(

 **Kurt:**  Oh, I see… Well, can I visit tomorrow?

 **Catherine:**  I think so… I'll ask my mom and let you know later. Okay?

 **Kurt:**  Thanks :)

Kurt couldn't believe what Catherine just said. This was great news, amazing news actually. Because if Sebastian was coming out of the ICU it meant that he was getting better. Just that thought made Kurt smile thinking of all the possibilities that it brought.

 **Catherine:**  Just… Can I ask you a favor?

 **Kurt:** Yeah?

 **Catherine:**  Please don't tell anyone else about this yet. I mean the Warblers… or anyone else.

 **Kurt:**  Um… Okay.

 **Catherine:**  It's just that we don't want a lot of people to come at once. We don't wanna risk Sebastian's health right now… That's all.

 **Kurt:**  Don't worry, I understand.

 **Catherine:**  Thanks.

Kurt understood Catherine's concern, but he couldn't help feeling a little bad that he couldn't tell Trent and the Warblers about the good news. At the same time, it felt oddly comforting to know that Sebastian's family trusted him and wanted him to visit, even if they didn't want to tell anyone else yet. It made Kurt feel special somehow, and he really couldn't wait to see Sebastian in person soon.

…

Sebastian could see Catherine smiling at her phone in the hallway as she texted Kurt. He wished he could read what Kurt was saying to her, but he couldn't. Sebastian wasn't allowed to. He couldn't even get out of bed without help, and he really wasn't allowed outside of his room in the ICU. He had been in there for almost an entire month. It was horrible, and not just because of all the drugs and medicines being pumped into him every day, but because of being isolated from his family and friends.

The transplant was supposed to help Sebastian get better, but the process of getting it done was even harder than the worse chemo he had ever gotten. Sebastian felt exhausted and completely wiped out 99 percent of the time. He wanted to do nothing but sleep, because being awake meant being in pain, dizzy, or sick and overall feeling like he was going to disappear into nothingness.

His mother and father were with him almost everyday, even when they couldn't be inside his room for long periods of time. The first two weeks the doctors only let them inside Sebastian's room one at the time, and not for longer than half an hour each. Sebastian could still see them from his window, sitting in the small bench in the hallway. Which made Sebastian wonder what his dad was doing about his work commitments. He used to spend long hours at his office, and also travel a lot, but now he hardly left Sebastian's side. Catherine had also put her semester at Columbia on hold just to stay with him.

In a way, it felt nice to have his family's support, but at the same time Sebastian couldn't help but feel like he was ruining everyone's life by being sick.

His only hope was that he would finally go into remission after this whole transplant ordeal. Sebastian desperately wanted to be out of the hospital. He felt he was going crazy with every day that passed. He wanted to get better, but at the same time he felt that his will to live diminished with every hour that he had to stay in that hospital room. He didn't want to do anything but sleep, and he dreaded the times he had to get out of bed to bathe or use the restroom, because he wasn't allowed to go by himself. The first few weeks he needed help to even get out of bed, now at least he could do that by himself, but there was always a nurse or his dad going with him to help him in case he lost his balance or fainted. The feeling of not having any control over his life and body was overwhelming and crippling.

Which is why it had actually taken a lot of convincing on Catherine's part to get Sebastian to agree to taking a photo to send to Kurt. He had lost weight, eleven pounds according to the doctors, and that was not counting the weight he had already lost before his last hospitalization. Sebastian was pretty certain he looked like crap. But he still put up a brave facade, flipping Catherine off and smiling as she took the picture with her phone.

" _Kurt will be so happy to see you."_ She'd said, and Sebastian sure hoped so.

He sighed as he glanced up to look at the plastic bag hanging from the side of his bed. By this point he had lost count of how many blood transfusions he had gotten ever since this whole thing started, and he couldn't help but wonder how it was possible that so many different people were taking part in keeping him alive. He had another person's blood pumping into him at the moment, and he had gotten bone marrow from a woman he didn't even know the name of. It was bizarre when he thought about it...  _and he thought about it a lot_. There was not much else to do when you were confined to a hospital bed.

He'd been so sick when the actual transplant took place that he didn't even get the chance to meet her. Only his parents did. Maybe when Sebastian finally got out of the hospital he would get to meet her, so he could thank her in person.

…

Two days after Sebastian was released from the ICU, Kurt was finally allowed to visit. He packed a bag so he could stay with the Smythes' for a few days, and he was really looking forward to it. The drive down to Cleveland was filled with nervousness, but a positive kind that was edged with hope. Kurt had been waiting to see Sebastian for so long that he was feeling giddy.

When Kurt finally got to the hospital, he was greeted by Catherine in the waiting room, she took him up to the seventh floor where Sebastian's room was. When they finally got there, Kurt looked inside the window and saw Sebastian in the bed, with his mother sitting beside him. Kurt noticed that Sebastian wasn't under the sheets, but sitting over them. He was wearing the hospital gown, but had dark blue sweatpants underneath. He also noticed Mrs. Smythe was wearing a mask and reading something from a book that looked like a textbook, it was too big to be a novel or magazine. Kurt wondered if it was for school then, and felt hopeful for a moment, because after everything that was happening, Kurt had lost hope that Sebastian could graduate with his class this year.

"Okay, here's how this works." Catherine said, pulling Kurt out of his thoughts. "Only two people can be inside with him at once... And we have to wear these."

Catherine gave Kurt a light blue surgical mask just like the one Mrs. Smythe was wearing. Kurt nodded and put it on, making sure the mask was properly in place, covering his mouth and nose. Catherine helped him fasten the elastic band on the back of his neck before putting a mask on herself, then she knocked on the window.

When Mrs. Smythe looked up, Kurt could tell she was smiling because of the way her eyes lit up, since her mouth and nose were covered by the mask. She put the book down and told Sebastian to look towards the window. When Sebastian saw Kurt, he smiled… It was a small and tired, slightly awkward smile, but it made Kurt's chest tighten nonetheless. He had wanted to see Sebastian for so long and now he was finally there.

When Mrs. Smythe came out of the room, she hugged Kurt and told him she was happy to see him, and then he and Catherine were allowed to go inside. Kurt felt so excited but the nervous stayed with him. When he walked into the room and up to Sebastian's bed, Kurt wanted nothing more than to hug him but he was certain it was probably not a good idea. It felt so awkward to just stand beside Sebastian's bed though.

"Hey Sebastian…" Kurt said, smiling tightly and reaching out to grab his foot affectionately, giving it a little squeeze. Sebastian smiled and sat up on the bed, stretching a little.

"Hey Kurt."

Now that Kurt had Sebastian right in front of him, he could see he didn't have the feeding tube anymore, which was great. Kurt knew how much Sebastian hated it. Kurt also noticed that even though Sebastian's skin looked paler and he had dark circles under his eyes, he was smiling and seemed happy to see Kurt.

"Sorry you have to wear that mask… It's just… germs, you know?" Sebastian said apologetically.

"Don't worry about it. I don't mind."

"Did you know its actually more hygienic to kiss someone than to shake their hand?" Catherine said, nudging Kurt with her elbow and making him laugh. "I'm not kidding! It's true… Look it up!" She insisted, and Kurt felt a slight blush creeping up his cheeks. Sebastian shook his head and smiled as Kurt and Catherine sat down on the couch next to his bed.

"How have you been?" Kurt asked Sebastian, hoping he didn't look as flustered as he was feeling.

"Well… I'm good… I'm slowly bouncing back to normal, or so I hope."

Again, Sebastian's smile was genuine, even though he looked tired, so Kurt was happy to see that.

"What about you? What have you been up to?"

"Well, not much… just helping Dad around the house and the shop a little while he's away."

"Wait… Wasn't your birthday last week?" Catherine asked out of the blue, making Sebastian's eyes go wide.

"Yeah… It was."

"I didn't know." Sebastian said, frowning at Catherine. "How did  _you_  know?"

"Oh I didn't know either… But I was bored last night and was stalking his Facebook. Found a whole bunch of birthday messages on his timeline from a couple of days ago."

"So what did you do for your birthday? Anything fun?"

Kurt pondered Sebastian's question for awhile as he remembered his birthday. He hadn't done anything special. Mercedes was the only person he really felt like hanging out with, but she wasn't in Ohio anymore cause she had gone back to LA, and the only person who had asked if he was doing anything besides his family was Blaine.

In all honesty, Kurt preferred to stay home and do nothing than go out to dinner with Blaine and Tina. So that was what he ended up doing. Finn was kind enough to get him a store-bought cake, which they ate as they Skyped with Burt and Carole who were in DC again. It was fine though, Kurt just hadn't felt like celebrating much… But somehow now that Catherine and Sebastian were asking him about it, it did sound kind of lame.

"Yeah well… Nothing really just, cake with Finn at home."

"Just Finn?" Catherine asked.

"Yeah, well… Finn and Marley, a friend of his." A student, his mind supplied but he left that part out. "My dad and Carole are in DC and are not coming back until next week, so..."

"So you really didn't do anything for your birthday? I'm disappointed Kurt… If it was  _my_  birthday I'd be out partying all night!" Sebastian said joking, albeit sounding a little wistful.

"Oh I'm sure you would." Kurt said, rolling his eyes but smiling nonetheless.

"Hmmm, I guess we're gonna have to plan a celebration of our own then… To make it up to you, now that you're here. Maybe tonight, right Bastian?" Catherine said, nudging Sebastian a little bit over-enthusiastically, while he just shook his head.

"What?" Kurt asked, feeling a little out of the loop.

"Nothing." Sebastian said, glaring at his sister and clearly trying to keep something from Kurt because Catherine promptly changed the subject, even though she clearly looked annoyed by Sebastian. She started asking Kurt random things like what kind of cake he had for his birthday and things like that. Kurt had no idea what was going on, but he played along, answering Catherine's questions, which seemed to ease Sebastian's mood.

They stayed in the room for about fifteen minutes, just talking about random things until Mrs. Smythe came back into the room, smiling widely and holding a folder in her hands. Shortly after she came into the room, a tall man in a suit followed.  _Was he a doctor?_ Kurt wasn't sure.

"Dr. Meyers!" Catherine said, sitting up and watching the man expectantly. From the bed, Sebastian just smiled tightly and waved as the doctor came into the room and greeted him.

"We have great news!" Mrs. Smythe said excitedly, turning to look at Dr. Meyers.

"Really?" Sebastian asked, sounding hopeful and doubtful at the same time.

"Your mom's right… You're going home today Sebastian." Dr. Meyers said confidently, as Catherine jumped, cheering and laughing before throwing herself over her brother, hugging him tightly. Sebastian was smiling though he looked a little confused, like he didn't quite believe it.

"I can go home? Really?"

"You're getting discharged today, yes. But you have to stay in Cleveland, at your parent's apartment for a week. A nurse from the hospital will visit you daily to monitor your progress, and if everything goes well, you can go back to Westerville and continue the rest of your treatment as outpatient."

 _So that was what Catherine was talking about earlier when Sebastian glared at her._  Kurt thought. They knew there was a possibility that Sebastian could get out of the hospital today but they didn't want to get their hopes up. That's probably why they also didn't want Kurt to tell the Warblers about it. Now it was a fact, Sebastian could go home and it was just all kinds of amazing. Kurt couldn't believe it.

They quickly packed everything up from Sebastian's room and he changed into comfortable clothes his mom had brought for him. It was so good to see Sebastian standing up and walking around "normal clothes" instead of just sitting in a hospital bed and Kurt was beaming with excitement. Sebastian even had a new beanie, which was olive green and made the color in his eyes really stand out. Sebastian's eyelashes were thinner than the last time Kurt had seen him, but he still looked really good.

When they left the hospital, Sebastian's dad came to pick them up. Sebastian and his mom went in the car with him, and Catherine went with Kurt.

"Speed up, we have to get there before my dad!" Catherine said, so Kurt hurried up, managing to exit the hospital parking lot before they did.

When they got to the apartment, Kurt helped Catherine get things ready for Sebastian. They had balloons and confetti ready for him to welcome him when he walked through the door. Most of the things were already in place when they got there, since Catherine and Mrs. Smythe had arranged them before leaving for the hospital that morning, but there were still little details and Kurt quickly helped Catherine put everything together.

When Sebastian and his parents finally got there, it was like a big surprise welcoming party for Sebastian. Sebastian's smile was wide as he walked through the door and saw the big colourful letters hanging from the wall that said  _"WELCOME BACK BASTIAN!"_

There were hugs, smiles and just happy times all around. They sat together in the living room while Mrs. Smythe got the food ready. Kurt wanted to help out in the kitchen but was quickly shooed away by Catherine, who insisted he wasn't allowed today because he was a guest, and had to go spend time with Sebastian as they watched TV. About an hour later, they all sat down in the dining room and ate lunch together, talked and celebrated that Sebastian was finally out of the hospital.

The food was delicious, they made chicken parmesan, which was Sebastian's favourite meal. They talked, joked and laughed during dinner about all kinds of things, and it was great. Sebastian didn't finish his food, he was barely able to eat half of what his mother served him, but no one seemed to comment on it so Kurt decided not to ask either. He just guessed Sebastian's appetite wasn't back to normal yet. Even though he looked like he needed to gain more than a few pounds.

Earlier that morning when Kurt had left his house, he never imagined that he would be spending time with the Smythe family, including Sebastian, in their home. Kurt had thought he was only going to get to see Sebastian for a little while each day, so he was more than thrilled at this development.

After eating, they all moved back to the living room, where they watched a movie together. Sebastian, Kurt and Catherine sat together in the big couch and Sebastian's parents took the loveseat. Catherine sat on the edge of the couch, insisting that her brother should sit in the middle between her and Kurt. She thought she was being sneaky, but Kurt could totally tell she was doing it on purpose. Especially when Sebastian dozed off in the middle of the movie and she gently pushed him so he would lean against Kurt and rest his head over his shoulder.

Kurt could do nothing but smile as Catherine did that. Sebastian was completely asleep and Kurt couldn't move because he was afraid of waking him up. Sebastian's parents didn't pay any mind to what was going on between the three of them, as they were too concentrated on the movie they were watching. Catherine had an almost too satisfied grin on her face as Kurt felt himself heating up with a blush when Sebastian inadvertently put his hand over his lap.

After the movie ended, Mr. and Mrs. Smythe said they had to go out, so they left. Kurt and Catherine watched a little bit more TV and talked… well, whispered as Sebastian remained fast asleep.

"I should take a picture of the two of you right there… You look so adorable." Catherine whispered, snickering as she took out her phone.

"Cath… No." Kurt squeaked, trying hard not to wake Sebastian up.

"You can't stop me." Catherine mouthed, snapping a few pictures and smiling widely.

"He's going to kill you…. You know?"

"Why? It's not like he's drooling or anything. Besides, you look really sweet all cuddled up there, and I need to immortalize this moment."

Kurt just smiled and rolled his eyes. Catherine was a force to be reckoned with.

"Just promise you won't upload those anywhere."

"Of course I won't. These are just for me... and  _you_." Catherine said, and Kurt froze as Sebastian stirred in his sleep. He didn't quite wake up though, he just cuddled closer to Kurt, which made him blush a little.

"You know, you should just lean back a little further so Bastian can be more comfortable." Catherine whispered, and Kurt just glared at her.

"Shouldn't we move him?"

"Move him?"

"Yeah, to the bed… I mean, maybe he would be more comfortable there? I'm afraid he will wake up with a neck ache or something."

It was hard for Catherine to really grasp what Kurt was saying because he was whispering so quietly, but he really didn't want to wake Sebastian up.

"No, stay there… I'll be right back." Catherine said, getting up from the couch and going to the bedroom. A minute later, she came back holding her purse and keys.

"Where are you going?"

"Out."

"Y-you can't leave me!" Kurt said, a little too loudly, which managed to finally wake Sebastian up. He opened his eyes lazily and frowned, not quite realizing he was cuddled up next to Kurt… At least not immediately. Kurt went rigid just waiting for Sebastian to react and move away or something, but surprisingly enough, that didn't happen. Sebastian just stared at his sister with a puzzled expression for a second before speaking.

"You're going somewhere?"

"Yeah… It's just something quick, I'll be right back. Want anything?"

"Um… No. I don't think so." Sebastian said, and in that moment he must have realized he was leaning against Kurt because he slowly pulled himself back to a sitting position and arranged his beanie over his forehead. Kurt wasn't sure he had ever seen Sebastian blush before, but he guessed there was a first time for everything.

"Okay I'll be right back." Catherine said, walking towards the door. "Keep it PG… or don't!" She said with a wink directed at her brother, before closing the door behind her.

Kurt could not believe she had actually said that. He could feel his face burning up, and he just hoped Sebastian wouldn't notice. It seemed like being crass and inappropriate was innate to every Smythe, and Kurt was just going to have to get used to it.

Once Catherine had left the apartment, Sebastian turned to stare at Kurt, studying him for a moment and then staring down at his own shirt.

"I didn't drool on you or anything… Did I?" He said, and Kurt bursted out laughing.

"No, you didn't!"

"Okay… Good. Sorry about that."

"About what?"

"Falling asleep all over you… Just, I dozed off…"

"You don't have to apologize for that. I've been told I make a great pillow."

"Really?"

"Yeah… Rachel and Mercedes say it all the time… I'm a professional cuddler." Kurt blurted out before he could actually realise what he had just said. Sebastian just smiled though, and didn't seem to mind. But Kurt wished he could put his own foot in his mouth. He really needed to stop talking.

Sebastian was still a little sleepy, so thankfully he didn't seem to pay much attention to Kurt's embarrassing babbling. Sebastian just smiled, laid back on the couch, pulled on a blanket from behind them and started talking like nothing had happened. Sebastian was mostly interested in what Kurt had been up to all the time he had been in the hospital. Kurt told him what he could, though his life wasn't really exciting. The truth is that Kurt should have already gone back to New York, but the only reason he hadn't yet was because he was waiting for Sebastian to get better. He would never flat out say that to Sebastian, but he did feel a little awkward talking about "his life in Ohio" when in fact he wasn't doing much of anything.

Kurt changed the subject so they could talk about The Warblers, since Kurt actually had more things he could tell Sebastian about them. Trent had been in constant communication with him, and the guys were really were looking forward to seeing Sebastian again.

"Oh god, I don't even want to think about them right now!" Sebastian groaned, cuddling further against the pillows in the couch.

"Why not?" Kurt laughed, "Don't be mean, they really miss you."

"I really don't get why… I've been a pain in their ass."

"They're your friends..."

"Friends are pains in each other's asses?" Sebastian said, making Kurt snort.

"Yeah, sometimes they are."

"You're probably right… But it's not them…" Sebastian sighed, looking at the ceiling. "It's just… I'm supposed to be studying to take my final exams next week, and I really don't want to."

"What? Why? Sebastian, that is huge."

"I know… but I don't want to study. I just want to sleep. My mom has been adamant about it though, and we've been studying a little but… I don't know if it will be enough."

"Oh, was that why your mom was reading you a text book this morning?"

"Yeah, that… They talked to the headmaster and agreed that if I could take the final exams and pass, I could graduate with my class on the twenty third."

"That's amazing, Sebastian."

"Only if I actually pass the tests… If I don't, it's just going to suck."

"I'm sure you can win those tests, you're a nerd."

"What? I'm not a nerd!" Sebastian protested, throwing one of the small pillows at Kurt.

"Hey! I'm just repeating what Trent has told me… He thinks you're the smartest guy at Dalton… Keeps talking about how you were the top of your class and a total nerd."

"I doubt Trent would call me a nerd." Sebastian glared at Kurt, reaching out to snatch the pillow from his hands before Kurt could throw it back at him.

Kurt laughed and rolled his eyes, Sebastian was right though… Trent hadn't called him a nerd. Kurt was just teasing Sebastian. He was really glad to hear that graduating was a possibility for Sebastian, and was certain that if he applied himself, Sebastian would in fact graduate with his class and go to college like he wanted.

"What are you going to do about College?"

"I have to graduate high school first."

"I know… But, you know what I mean."

Sebastian looked suddenly uncomfortable with Kurt's question, which was a little odd. Sebastian had never shied away from the subject of college before. Kurt wondered why the change.

"Aren't you going to Columbia with Catherine? She is really excited about that you know…" Kurt said, prodding a little. When Sebastian huffed, Kurt guessed he shouldn't have mentioned it.

"I don't know." Sebastian said, turning to his side and facing the TV for a couple of seconds and then closing his eyes. "I just want to sleep some more."

Kurt wanted to press the issue, but Sebastian had already snuggled under his blanket again, so Kurt decided not to ask. Catherine was excited to have her brother go with her back to New York for the fall semester, and had talked to Kurt about it many, many times. But somehow now Sebastian wasn't really willing to talk about it.

The silence was a bit awkward between them for a little while but things went back to normal later when Catherine came back with a cake for Kurt. Soon after, Sebastian's parents came back from running their errands and they all sang happy belated birthday to Kurt and ate cake.

That small impromptu celebration felt a whole lot better than his actual birthday with Finn had. Kurt couldn't help but smile, because even though he knew Finn tried his best… Kurt couldn't help but feel awkward with him and Marley. Finn kept telling Kurt that there was nothing going on between them, but with the way Marley looked at Finn, Kurt just wasn't sure that it was true. At least not for Marley.

Catherine took lots of pictures, which inevitably ended up on Facebook, and thus revealed Sebastian was out of the hospital. The second the pictures were uploaded, Sebastian and Kurt's phones started buzzing with messages and calls from the Warblers. Everyone normally just contacted Kurt because they were used to have nothing but radio silence from Sebastian while he was in the hospital. But it was nice to see Sebastian talking on the phone with his friends and smiling. He kept telling them to wait until the next week to visit because he wasn't allowed to get visitors yet, and even though they hated to have to wait even more, they understood and told Sebastian to let them know when he was back in Westerville so they could visit him there.

….

The next morning, after breakfast Catherine and Mrs. Smythe went out to the grocery store and Sebastian's dad had gone back to Westerville for a work related commitment. So Kurt and Sebastian were alone in the apartment. They decided to pick up on where they had left on Season 5 of Lost, so they were sitting in the couch watching TV. There wasn't much else they could so since Sebastian was not allowed to leave the apartment for now. They were halfway through the first episode when all of the sudden, Sebastian's stomach made a loud noise.

"Are you hungry?" Kurt asked, a little concerned since they'd eaten not even an hour ago.

"No... I mean yeah a little, but it's fine."

"If you're hungry you should eat Sebastian."

"Yeah well, I don't really want to."

"Why?"

"I just don't feel like it." Sebastian said, shrugging, and Kurt felt puzzled.

"Want me to heat up your breakfast leftovers? There's still pancakes in the fridge... You barely ate."

Sebastian seemed thoughtful for a while but then he shook his head.

"Nah, I'm just gonna drink some juice maybe… or water."

Sebastian got up and walked to the kitchen, and Kurt went with him. They stood together in the kitchen as Sebastian drank his glass of water, the silence was stretching for a little too long when Sebastian spoke again.

"Food tastes weird."

"What?"

"I don't want to eat because food tastes weird to me."

Kurt didn't quite understand what Sebastian was saying and it must have been written all over his face because Sebastian smiled and walked over to where he was. He pulled out a box from the cupboard and took out a pack of pop tarts. He took one and took a bite out of it, chewing slowly and grimacing a little.

"This tastes like cardboard."

"Really?" Kurt asked, pressing his lips into a tight and understanding smile.

"I eat just cause I have to, but I don't particularly enjoy it… The chemo fucked up my taste buds."

"Will it go away? I mean… Will it get back to normal?"

"I hope so." Sebastian said with a wistful smile, as he took another bite out of his pop tart. They sat down in the kitchen island and Kurt grabbed a pop tart of his own, joining Sebastian as he ate his.

"Sweet foods are better though." Sebastian said with a mouthful of pop tart. "This tastes like cardboard… but at least not shitty-cardboard."

Sebastian was smiling, so Kurt smiled too. Kurt walked over to the fridge and took out the cranberry juice.

"Want some juice?" He asked, pouring himself and Sebastian a glass.

"Thanks."

Kurt studied Sebastian's expression as he drank. He didn't grimace or anything so he guessed that the juice tasted nice. Kurt felt weird just wondering these things, and he couldn't help but feel a little bad that Sebastian was going through so much. Kurt wanted to cheer him up though, so he figured it was time to make a bold move. He put his glass down and took a step forward, getting a little closer to Sebastian.

"Was the juice okay?"

"Yeah…" Sebastian said, not quite realising what Kurt was up to… at least not until Kurt was practically invading his personal space.

"Is this okay?" Kurt asked, as he took another step closer to Sebastian and tentatively put his hands over his shoulders.

Sebastian stared up at him and seemed surprised and even a little puzzled, like he wasn't sure what Kurt was doing. He wasn't pulling away though. In fact, Sebastian spread his legs a bit so that Kurt could get even closer to him, so Kurt guessed that was a good sign.

Kurt stared into Sebastian's eyes, and then down at his mouth for a split second before slowly leaning in. He pressed their lips together gently, as his hands slid to caress the back of Sebastian's neck. He lingered for a brief moment before pulling back just enough to be able to see Sebastian's eyes. Looking for a reaction. Kurt could feel his heart beating hard inside his chest and butterflies making havoc inside his stomach. He had no idea if Sebastian was okay with kissing, if it would feel good for him or not, so Kurt needed to make sure first.

"Was that okay?" Kurt whispered, practically holding his breath as Sebastian just stared at him. Never in his life had Kurt wished so hard he could be a mind reader, because Sebastian seemed to have a thousand things going through his mind as they just stayed there in front of each other. Kurt was about to backpedal and apologize when he suddenly felt Sebastian's hands grab his waist and pull him closer. The second their lips touched, it was like Kurt could breathe again. He felt the tension drain out of him as he kissed Sebastian slowly and languidly. Sebastian tasted faintly of frosting and cranberry juice, but his lips felt just the way Kurt remembered them.

Kurt had never paid much attention to the mechanics of kissing before. Kissing was just a way of connecting with someone. Something that he just did as he pleased… Moving his lips however felt good… But this time was different. It was like Kurt was aware of every little movement of his lips, his tongue, his breath… That kiss with Sebastian was the most careful kiss Kurt had ever given. But after the first few careful minutes, Kurt quickly melted into it, caressing Sebastian's neck and shoulders as Sebastian held him in place with a steady but firm hold on Kurt's waist.

…

Sebastian had been a little more than surprised when Kurt had gotten close to him and kissed him. He never saw it coming. Somehow, after all those months of being isolated in the hospital, he had totally forgotten where he and Kurt stood. Not that Sebastian knew for sure, but what he  _did_  know was that he liked Kurt… and he definitely liked  _kissing_  Kurt.

It was a relief for Sebastian to realise that he could still enjoy kissing. In fact, kissing was one of Sebastian's favourite things to do… ever. And he had to admit Kurt was a pretty good at it. His lips were soft and warm, and they seemed to just move together in the best way possible, sending tiny sparks of arousal through Sebastian's body and making him shiver.

"Are you okay?" Kurt said, pulling back from the kiss briefly… Oh, he really did shiver, didn't he? Sebastian didn't think Kurt would actually notice, and now he couldn't even get his mouth to form words to reply. He was too busy looking at Kurt's lips and wanting to get back to kissing them again.

"I'm fine…" Sebastian said, pulling Kurt closer to him again so they could resume kissing. It was amazing what a simple kiss could do to Sebastian right now. Every touch of Kurt's lips and tongue was making Sebastian feel electricity running through him, sending sparks of energy flying all around and making him feel alive again.

He probably could have kissed Kurt for hours, if it wasn't for the fact that his sister decided to come back, making as much noise as it was humanly possible as she stumbled into the apartment, carrying plastic bags full of God knows what.

When Catherine and his mom walked into the kitchen, Sebastian saw a knowing smile forming in Catherine's lips. He and Kurt were no longer pressed together, but it was more than obvious what they had been doing. Maybe Sebastian was better at hiding it than Kurt, whose lips were a little red and thus giving away exactly what they were doing not even two seconds ago.

Thankfully, Sebastian's mom didn't seem to notice, as she just said hi to them before getting herself busy with putting away all the things Catherine and her had brought from the store. When Kurt and Sebastian got back to the living room, they sat a little bit closer together on the couch.

After that kiss on the kitchen, it was like Sebastian couldn't wait to kiss Kurt again. The proximity of sitting right beside him and not being able to just fling his arm around his shoulders and pull him close to kiss him was getting on Sebastian's nerves. But he was a little apprehensive of how things would look to his parents if they suddenly saw Kurt and him cuddling together in the couch, or acting all couple-y.

Sebastian didn't want to think about what kissing Kurt meant, not really. He just knew he wanted to do it over and over again. And so the following days, Sebastian tried to find every single opportunity he could just so he and Kurt could be alone.

It was quite the difficult feat to achieve, especially in the apartment because as spacious as it was, it really wasn't that big and so there were not many places he and Kurt could be without being in either Catherine's or his mother's line of view. A couple of times, Sebastian managed to just pull Kurt over and press him against the wall of the hallway, kissing him for a brief second before they had to join the rest of his family in the living room. As brief as those kisses were, Sebastian loved them because the surprised of being pulled over by Sebastian made Kurt all flustered and breathless. Sometimes Kurt would reciprocate the kiss, pushing Sebastian back and deepening the kiss, but most times Kurt would just reprimand him, smack him in the arm and squirm away, afraid of getting caught by Sebastian's parents or sister. Sebastian loved it either way. Most times though, Sebastian would just settle for a tiny peck as Kurt said goodnight and went to his room. Since Kurt was their guest, Sebastian's parents had him sleeping in a room by himself, and Sebastian was sharing the other room with Catherine.

Sebastian had to study for his finals, and Kurt offered to help him with that. They would sit down at the dining room table to read and discuss the different topics until Sebastian grew tired of it and they had to take a break. Usually that meant they would go to the balcony, since they were in the fifth floor and it offered a pretty nice view of the city. There were a couple of chairs out there and so Kurt and Sebastian could sit down and just relax for a little before going back to studying. Being out there helped Sebastian get some air without falling asleep, because honestly, sometimes it felt like sleeping was all he wanted to do beside kissing Kurt. Sebastian was just sick of always feeling so tired.

That particular day, Sebastian was feeling even more tired than usual. It had been already four days since he left the hospital, and even though the nurse from the hospital had been checking him daily, and everything seemed to be fine, Sebastian had a nagging feeling in the back of his mind. There was a tiny voice telling him that he was going to have to go back to the hospital, and that sinking feeling had him completely unable to concentrate enough to study, so he and Kurt had gone to the balcony and had been just staring at the cityscape in silence for about half an hour.

Sebastian yawned a little louder than he intended, which made Kurt turn to his side and give him a stern look.

"Are you okay?"

"Yeah… Fine."

"Ready to go back and study a bit more?"

"Ugh… No. I can't study any more for today. I'm not feeling it."

"What is it?"

"Nothing… I'm just really tired." Sebastian said, yawning again and rubbing his eyes.

"You want to take a nap?"

"It depends…"

"Depends on what?"

"Are you gonna join me?" Sebastian asked suggestively, wiggling his eyebrows.

Kurt rolled his eyes at Sebastian but bursted out laughing all the same. He then got up and stretched out his hand for Sebastian to take it.

"Come on, let's go."

As they walked back inside, Sebastian realized Catherine was asleep on the couch, and his mother was sitting beside her, reading a book. The TV was on but she wasn't really paying any attention to it.

Kurt was holding his hand as they walked across the living room, which Sebastian couldn't help but find odd, since he had been quite apprehensive about showing any PDA before. Maybe Kurt hadn't seen his mom, or maybe he just didn't care. Either way, they just walked behind the couch where Sebastian's mom was sitting and headed straight for the bedroom. Once inside, Kurt let go of Sebastian's hand and sat on the bed, resting against the headboard pillows and patting the space beside him, motioning for Sebastian to join him.

It was all very suggestive, and in a previous life that wasn't so long ago, Sebastian would have just stripped naked and jumped into bed, ready to get down to business right away. But things were different this time, Sebastian was not the same person he was six months ago, and Kurt wasn't just some random dude he wanted to get off with. He had expected Kurt to just flip him off when he suggested he took a nap with him, so now that Kurt had actually accepted and gone into the bedroom with him, Sebastian was completely at a loss of what to do.

But since Kurt had just motioned for him to join him in bed, that was exactly what Sebastian did. He knelt on the bed and then crawled up to where Kurt was, staring at him intently. Kurt held his gaze firmly and not seeming at all hesitant or nervous, not even when Sebastian got closer to him and their noses were practically touching. They were close enough to kiss if any of them leaned in, but they didn't. Sebastian could feel his heart picking up speed just with the anticipation about what could happen, but Kurt was not moving.

Sebastian had no idea what was going through Kurt's mind, but he knew he had to be the one to find out.

"Kurt Hummel, did you just accept an invitation to sleep with me?" He whispered, lifting an eyebrow.

Kurt squinted his eyes, a small smile quirking up his lips. "Yes, to  _sleep… Sleep!"_ Kurt replied, emphasizing the word sleep while taking Sebastian's chin in his hand and giving it an affectionate squeeze.

Sebastian rolled his eyes and groaned before dropping down dramatically on the bed, resting on his side and looking up at Kurt who was sitting with his back against the headboard.

"But where's the fun in that?" He said, pouting a little and feigning frustration. In all honesty, Sebastian didn't want to have sex with Kurt. Not because he didn't  _want to_. He did, but not right now, not like that, and especially not while he was still looking the way he was. He'd always been a lanky dude, but now he was just borderline scrawny, and just the thought of Kurt seeing him shirtless made him want to run for the hills. It was a foreign feeling for Sebastian to have, since he had always been very confident in his physique before, but he wasn't going to let all his insecurities show in front of anyone, and especially not in front of Kurt.

Also, Sebastian obviously had no delusions of having sex with Kurt while his mother was not even ten feet away from them in the living room.

Sebastian was so tired that he could feel his body relaxing the second he fell on the bed. So he closed his eyes and sighed. He could feel Kurt's hand rubbing his head over his beanie, and it felt really nice and relaxing. Sebastian was so tired that he expected to just doze off right where he was, but he was suddenly startled when Kurt moved, sliding down until he was laying on his side, right next to Sebastian.

When Sebastian opened his eyes Kurt was hovering over him, and he didn't even have time to ask him what he was doing because his lips were covered by Kurt's in that same second. Sebastian felt his stomach do a little jump before he just reached up to put his arms around Kurt. Using one hand to pull him down by the back of his neck and rolling them over in the bed. Kurt let out a tiny little breathy moan at the sudden change of position, and Sebastian felt like he wanted to just melt into Kurt's mouth right then and there.

Having Kurt in his arms was the best sensation Sebastian had had in months. However, apparently Kurt wasn't willing to let Sebastian take control that easily because not soon after Sebastian had rolled them around, Kurt was pushing Sebastian to the side, and pinning him down into the bed.

Sebastian's head was spinning a bit cause one minute he thought Kurt meant they weren't doing anything other than sleeping and now he was being pressed into the mattress and being kissed within and inch of his life. Kurt had his hands on both sides of Sebastian's face as they kissed. The kiss was deeper and more passionate than any other they had shared up until that point. And for a second Sebastian completely forgot about all his insecurities and just wanted to lay there and let Kurt have his merry way with him.

Too bad that didn't happen.

Because all too soon, and too fast, Kurt pulled back, ending their kiss abruptly. Sebastian felt like he was gasping for air, but the air was Kurt. Sebastian felt breathless, lightheaded and aroused all at once, and he didn't understand what was going on. His head was fuzzy and his heart beating so fast inside him that he thought it was going to just burst out of his chest. Was he shivering again? Maybe Kurt noticed and that's why he'd stopped their kiss, because he was looking at Sebastian's chest and holding his hand over it. Sebastian panicked for a minute, thinking he'd done something wrong before realizing Kurt was smiling.

"Just sleep." Kurt said again, leaning down to give Sebastian one last peck on the lips before dropping down beside Sebastian in the bed. For a few minutes Sebastian just tried to wrap his mind around what just happened. They were both staring at the ceiling in complete silence.

When he had calmed down enough to speak again, Sebastian turned to the side to look at Kurt and said, "That's really unfair, you know?"

Kurt smiled smugly and turned his face so he could look at Sebastian in the eyes, and he was just looking so damn kissable that Sebastian was even more upset just thinking that they wouldn't make out anymore.

"You're tired, and need to take a nap Sebastian."

 _Funny, cause I'm not feeling tired anymore._  Sebastian thought, but he just glared at Kurt and turned to his left side, scooting away from him. "Fine, it's your loss." He said, and closed his eyes, trying hard not to say anything when he heard Kurt laughing behind him.

Sebastian grabbed a pillow and settled himself to sleep, his back turned on Kurt and planning to take the nap Kurt said he needed. He closed his eyes and tried to relax and stayed as still as he could as he felt the bed moving behind him. Maybe Kurt was leaving him to sleep.

He almost jumped out of his skin when he felt Kurt's breath ghosting over his ear.

"You're such a baby." He said, before cuddling up behind Sebastian, curling his arms around his waist and putting his chin on the side of Sebastian's neck.

Sebastian froze for a second as Kurt settled himself behind him, spooning him… Was Kurt really making Sebastian be the little spoon?  _He was taller than Kurt, for fuck's sake!_  Sebastian's mind protested, but somehow, it just felt right… So after a few awkward seconds, Sebastian decided to get over himself and enjoy Kurt's embrace. It felt really nice to be held like that… It was something that Sebastian had never experienced before, and after a few minutes, as he started to doze off, he realized Kurt had been right when he said he could be a professional cuddler.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am really sorry for taking so long to update! After this chapter, there's only one left, and then the epilogue. The next chapter was actually supposed to be included in this one but things got too long so I decided to split it. I'll try to update before the year ends, but don't hold me to it, as my life is pretty hectic and I don't know if I'll be able to. I promise I'll try though! Thanks so much for the patience and the love, I hope you enjoyed this chapter :)


	22. Chapter 22

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To my dear readers who are still around, I am sorry for making you wait this long for an update. But I thank you for all the times you commented and asked me about it, it means the world to me. There is only the Epilogue left, which I am already working on, so I promise you this time, the next update will be soon. I hope you enjoy it! :)

 It all started with cuddling… with Sebastian laying on his side and Kurt spooning him from behind. Sebastian was sure he'd fallen asleep at some point, and that Kurt had done so too, but after a while, they'd both had woken up and well… There was only so much time they could stay together embraced in bed before they started kissing again.

Kurt was actually the one who had started it this time. He must have woken up first, and after a while of just laying in bed, he came up from behind and placed a small kiss on the side of Sebastian's neck. It was just a small press of the lips at first but it was enough to send shivers through Sebastian's spine and make him arch back against Kurt, giving him more access to his neck.

That's when things started to escalate into more dangerous territory.

Kurt locked his arms around Sebastian's chest and started mouthing at his neck, swiping his lips and tongue up and down the sensitive skin until Sebastian was gasping and moaning. He could feel every swipe of Kurt's lips and tongue as if it was all over his body, even though Kurt was only kissing his neck. He felt electricity and goosebumps ripple across his skin, and it was intoxicating.

"Ahhh... What happened to just sleeping?" Sebastian asked breathlessly, remembering how Kurt had said they would  _just sleep_  when they first got into bed together.

"We did sleep." Kurt said between wet kisses, now reaching for Sebastian's earlobe. "You passed out for about two hours, in case you didn't realize..."

 _Okay then._  Sebastian didn't really know for how long they'd been sleeping, but he didn't mind in the slightest. All Sebastian wanted to do was kiss Kurt, and it was a good thing that Kurt seemed to want exactly the same.

Kurt's arms felt warm against Sebastian's chest as he held him close. His hands ran up and down Sebastian's torso, making him feel sparks of pleasure running all over his body with every swipe of Kurt's mouth and tongue on his skin. Sebastian arched his back again just as Kurt's hands crept under the fabric of his t-shirt. Sebastian turned around, unable to continue this position and searching for Kurt's mouth, immediately covering it with his own and kissing him hard.

They were both laying on their sides now, kissing while their hands roamed over the other's bodies. Sebastian cradled Kurt's face and neck, pulling him closer as they kissed while Kurt snuck his hands under Sebastian's shirt again, caressing his waist and chest and pulling him closer and closer until they were completely pressed together.

They'd kissed before, but never like this. It was different this time. There was an unspoken need and desperation in each touch and kiss. They were kissing like it was the last time they'd get the chance to. Sebastian was completely lost in the sensations, and even though he wanted more, Sebastian couldn't help but wonder if his sister or mother would come into the room and catch them. Kurt didn't seem to be worried about that in the slightest as he sat up and pushed Sebastian back onto the mattress.

Sebastian wanted to ask him what he was thinking, but before he could even form any words, Kurt was leaning down and kissing along the bob of Sebastian's throat. Kurt's hands started reaching under the fabric of his hoodie and pulling it up all the way until it was rolled against Sebastian's chest, right under his armpits.

"Off." Kurt demanded, and Sebastian could do nothing more than to oblige, stretching his arms above his head so Kurt could pull the hoodie right off along with his tshirt.

And within seconds Kurt was back on top of Sebastian, kissing him and touching him along his bare chest. His mouth trailing down from Sebastian's mouth to his jawline and then down his neck towards his chest, kissing every inch of exposed skin available until he found one of Sebastian's nipples and sucked on it tentatively, swiping at it with his tongue.

"Ahhh." Sebastian groaned, his hands reaching down to grab Kurt's waist and then sliding down until he was squeezing his ass. The act made Kurt gasp out loud and look up from where he was sucking on Sebastian's nipples, going up to meet Sebastian's lips with his own once again. Sebastian turned them over, pinning Kurt to the mattress and thrusting his hips down, creating a frustrating yet delicious friction between their crotches. Even through the fabric of his pants Sebastian could feel Kurt was already hard.

In that moment, all of Sebastian's worries about being caught flew out the window. It didn't take long for the rest of their clothes to come off. It all happened in a rushed haze of hot touches and wet kisses that left them panting until they were both wearing nothing more than their underwear. They were kissing hungrily and aggressively, desperate with need.

Kurt seemed so unlike himself, eyes wild as he pushed Sebastian back again so he could straddle him, a devilish smile plastered across his face. Sebastian was breathing heavily, feeling his heart beat hard against his chest as Kurt moved sinfully against him, his pale chest flushed from the heat and exertion.

Sebastian couldn't take this anymore, he was sure he was going to come in his boxers just from the friction, and he still wanted to do  _so much more._  He snuck his hands under Kurt's briefs, massaging his ass and getting small grunts and moans out of him every time he dug his fingers into the soft flesh. Then in a swift move, he pulled Kurt back down, kissing him hard and rolling them over so he was on top of him again.

"So bossy." Sebastian whispered against Kurt's ear, teasing his earlobe with his tongue just a bit to make Kurt squirm.

"Yeah… What are you gonna do about it?"

"Hmm… I'm gonna fuck you?" Sebastian questioned, almost shyly and still unsure about the new pace of what he was doing with Kurt until Kurt nodded with a relieved sigh.

Sebastian pulled down Kurt's briefs just enough so he could grab his cock and pumped it slowly as he kissed along Kurt's neck and collarbone. Kurt drew his knees up as Sebastian settled between his legs, and then wrapped them around Sebastian's middle.

Sebastian propped himself up on his elbow, searching for Kurt's face, eager to look into his eyes as he jerked him off but then it happened… The disgusting taste of copper hit the back of Sebastian's throat, making him cough and when he looked down, Kurt's eyes were opened wide and panicked, his mouth opened in horror as his face and neck were stained red with blood. Blood that was dripping down from Sebastian's nose and mouth.

"Oh my god… Sebastian!" Kurt screamed, rubbing at his face and pushing him off, but Sebastian was frozen on the spot. He couldn't think, he couldn't move, he couldn't breathe. He could just feel the blood dripping out of his nose and mouth, going down his neck and chest, pouring over Kurt and drenching the bedsheets.

"Fuck… Fuck!"

_...Fuck..._

When Sebastian opened his eyes, he was alone in the bed, still fully clothed and wrapped in a blanket. His heart was beating impossibly fast, and there was a weird buzz in his ears.

_It wasn't real. It was just a dream. It was a fucking nightmare!_

Sebastian tightened his fist around the blanket and closed his eyes again for a second, taking a deep breath and trying to calm himself down. But then the feeling of moisture in his pillow and the taste of blood on the back of his throat made him bolt up. He sat up so fast that his head spinned. He touched his face and realized his nose was bleeding, albeit nowhere as much as it was in his dream.

"Shit."

Sebastian grabbed some tissues from the nightstand to wipe his nose and walked to the bathroom to see how bad it was. He turned on the light and winced as he saw his reflection in the mirror. He looked like hell, and he realized the nosebleed must have happened while he was sleeping because his hoodie was stained and there was blood that was starting to dry under his nose, near his lips and chin. There were only a few drops, but it still grossed him out. Sebastian wiped his face and discarded the bloody tissues before turning on the faucet and washing his face with cold water. As he looked at himself in the mirror, he could hear the faint sounds of voices coming from the livingroom.

He opened the bedroom door quietly and stood by the frame, listening to Kurt and Catherine as they spoke.

" _I bet it's going to be amazing."_

" _Yeah, but I'm kind of nervous, you know?"_

" _You have nothing to be nervous about, Kurt. I bet you're going to do great at school."_

" _How about you? When are you heading back to New York?"_

There was a small moment of silence and Sebastian couldn't help but wonder what was going through his sister's mind.

" _I don't know. I guess I'll just wait until after Sebastian's graduation, that way we can fly in together."_

" _Wait... Does that mean Sebastian going to Columbia with you?"_

" _Yeah… Don't look so surprised Kurt, of course he is."_

" _Really? He hasn't mentioned anything about that.."_

Kurt sounded skeptical, but then Catherine continued.

" _I know he hasn't. It's because he doesn't know yet…"_

" _What do you mean?"_

" _Sebastian doesn't know he got accepted. Our parents have the letters but with everything going on, you know … Mom and Dad are really excited, but they haven't really touched the subject with him cause Bastian's got too many things on his mind right now. We just want him to focus on getting better right now... But he is definitely coming with me, I have no doubts about that."_

There was another pause, and Sebastian was expecting Kurt to say something, but he didn't. It was Catherine who talked again.

" _The semester won't start until August anyway so we have time. It will be just like we'd always planned it."_

More silence.

" _Besides, I'd kick his butt if he didn't come with me."_

Sebastian bit his lip as he heard the cheerful tone in his sister's voice. His mind was reeling with the information he'd just learned.  _He got into Columbia?_  His parents had been keeping that from him and Sebastian didn't really know how to feel about it.  _Should he be upset? Should he feel relieved?_

Catherine was so sure about him going with her to New York and moving into their apartment like they'd been talking about since they were little. But Sebastian wasn't sure about anything anymore. He slowly backed away and closed the door, leaning against it and hoping his sister and Kurt hadn't noticed him eavesdropping on their conversation.

Maybe he just should go back to bed. Sebastian didn't know exactly how long he'd been asleep for but a glance at the window told him it was already pretty late into the night. His body still felt heavy with sleep though and he considered going back to bed to get some more rest. He walked over and sat on the edge of the bed and sighed, remembering how Kurt had cuddled up behind him and spooned him until he'd fallen asleep.

Sebastian didn't know how to feel about waking up to an empty bed. He was relieved for one part, but he also couldn't help but feel slightly disappointed. He'd been having one hell of a sex dream. And it had felt so vivid that just thinking about it made his head spin a little bit. Having that dream made Sebastian wonder about so many things though… He couldn't help but think about how it would actually feel like to be with Kurt like that. Would he ever get the chance?

What  _exactly_  was Sebastian doing with Kurt anyway?

This thing he and Kurt had going on was just weird. There was a playfulness and warmth to it that was strange and unfamiliar for Sebastian, but it was nice at the same time. Sebastian sure as hell needed nice things right now. He didn't want to think much about the future, he just wanted to live one day at a time.

He laid down on the bed and sighed, thinking about Kurt and Catherine's conversation. All this thinking about school and tests and college was getting him down in a really bad way, but he didn't want them to know. He didn't even know about the acceptance letter from Columbia, his parents hadn't told him yet. He appreciated them not putting any more pressure on him, but at the same time he felt betrayed. They were always only talking about him finishing at Dalton, college didn't seem to be something they would allow themselves to hope for. Did they think he couldn't handle it? He couldn't help but feel like he was being "babied", and that pissed him off.

Nothing made sense. Sebastian knew he needed to study for his final exams so he could graduate from high school. As annoying as it was, at least studying gave him something to do, a goal and something to look forward to... But at the same time, it was just so exhausting.

And Sebastian was quite frankly sick of feeling exhausted all the time.

He closed his eyes and tried to not think about all those things anymore. Sebastian wanted to sleep but he was hungry. He didn't really feel like going out and joining his sister and Kurt though. He waited and waited, hoping to fall asleep but the pain in his stomach just made it impossible for him to do so.

Suddenly, the bedroom door opened and Kurt walked into the room. There was no use in feigning sleep, not when his stomach was growling so loudly. Kurt sat down on the edge of the bed and put his hand on Sebastian's arm.

"Are you awake, sleepyhead?"

Sebastian just grumbled in reply. Turning around slowly and squinting his eyes at the light coming from the open door.

"How do you feel?"

"I'm alright.."

"It's late. You slept a lot... Aren't you hungry?"

"Not really..." Sebastian lied without really understanding why he did.

"Your mom made veggie lasagna, it's pretty good."

And well, that was an offer Sebastian couldn't resist. So he reluctantly got out of bed and went outside with Kurt. He sat down at the table with him and Catherine. His mother's lasagna smelled delicious, but it still tasted like ash in his mouth. Sebastian made his best effort to eat all of it, and not make any comments about the taste to anyone. Instead, he focused on making small talk with his sister and Kurt while they ate. Neither one of them brought up the subject of college with Sebastian even once. And Sebastian tried his best not to think about it much, even when his dad came back home and joined them at the table.

Every now and then he'd catch Kurt looking at him suspiciously, like there was something on his mind. He looked like there was something he wanted to tell Sebastian but he never did. Sebastian wondered if it was because of what Catherine had just told him about Columbia. Every time Sebastian looked at Catherine, she was acting normal… no funny looks or awkward glances between her and Kurt, but Sebastian now knew they were hiding something from him.  _They all were._

For some reason, that irked him a bit, but Sebastian tried his best to focus on getting through dinner just so he could go back to sleep again. He knew Kurt had to go back home the next day, and he wanted things to be as normal as possible. Everything was going well until his mother walked into the room, visibly upset.

"Bastian honey, what's this?"

She was holding Sebastian's pillow and pointing at the bloodstains in it. Sebastian had been careful to discard his bloody tissues but he hadn't even thought of checking the pillow.  _Damn._

"It was nothing."

"This isn't  _nothing_  honey, there's blood on your pillow… Was it your nose again? Are you okay?"

"Mom… It was just a few drops." Sebastian said, trying to shrug it off. But he didn't quite manage to ease his mother's mind, because the truth was that in the dimmed light of the bedroom Sebastian hadn't realized just how much blood there had been and now that his mother was holding the pillow in front of him, it did look quite disgusting.

His mother put the pillow on the table and walked up to him, she took his face in her hands, tilting his chin up and examining him. Sebastian just rolled his eyes as he saw Catherine shake her head, take the pillow off the table and walk away, probably towards the laundry room.

Kurt just stared at him, visibly concerned as well.

"Bastian, you know what the doctor said. We have to let him know if _anything_  happens…"

"Yeah, but nothing happened Mom! It was just a nosebleed."

"It's not just a nosebleed honey, it can be something more… has it happened before? You can't keep these things from us-"

"What but  _you_  can keep things from me?" He interrupted his mom. Pulling back from her hands and standing up.

"Honey, what do you-"

"I got into Columbia and you didn't tell me! What else have you been keeping from me?" Sebastian didn't mean to raise his voice as much as he did, but he was upset and couldn't hide it anymore.

Sebastian stared at his mother as she deflated. When he turned to see his dad, he was just looking at the floor and then shaking his head. Kurt's eyes were wide but he remained silent as Catherine walked into the room frowning. "Sebastian what's the matter?"

"What else have you been lying about?" He asked her.

"Lying?" Catherine seemed confused.

"He is talking about Columbia." Her father said. Catherine frowned and looked at Sebastian, probably wondering if he overheard her and Kurt talking.

"How did you find out?"

"Does it even matter?" Sebastian said. "What matters is that you all knew, and you didn't tell me anything."

"You got into Columbia and Cornell." His mother said, with a small smile. Sebastian sighed and shook his head.

"And what about NYU?"

"We haven't heard from them yet."

"Is that true? Or did I get rejected and you just don't wanna tell me? Do you want to spare my fragile little feelings? Is that it?"

"No… She's telling the truth!" Catherine interjected… "Sebastian, don't be like this, Mom and Dad just didn't want to-"

"Didn't want to what, Cath? I don't even understand why you think you need to hide things from me...I don't need you to baby me! So you can stop now, okay?"

The room was suddenly silent, and Sebastian was too annoyed to stand still anymore. He needed to get out of there, so he turned away from his family and walked out the door. He didn't care that he slammed it a little too hard on his way out, and didn't realize he wasn't wearing shoes until he felt the coolness of the grass through his socked feet as he walked outside their apartment building.

There was a wooden swing set in the middle of the small park between the buildings and he headed towards it. It was late and there was no one around, so Sebastian walked over and sat down in one of the swings and stayed there for a few minutes, alone with his thoughts. The weather was warm, like any summer night would be… so Sebastian took off his hoodie and stared as his socked feet as he sat there, thinking about everything and nothing all at once.

He'd been accepted to Columbia and Cornell… And as mad as Sebastian was at his family for keeping it a secret from him, he couldn't help but smile because it  _was_  a big deal for him. He'd worked really hard on his college applications and it was good to see it had paid off, even if he had no idea what to do about college yet.

Sebastian was so deep in thought that he didn't notice Kurt walking up to him until he sat down on the other swing beside him.

"You shouldn't just walk outside barefoot you know. You could step in dog poop or something." Kurt said lightheartedly, handing Sebastian a pair of sneakers.

"Did my mother send you?" Sebastian asked, as he put them on.

"Kind of... She is the one who noticed you stormed off with no shoes on. I hadn't even noticed. She worries about you a lot, you know?"

Sebastian rolled his eyes. He really didn't want to say anything but he knew Kurt was right… Part of him supposed it was a little unfair for him to be mad at his parents for wanting to protect him, but another part of him was sick of being treated like he couldn't handle disappointment.  _He had finally made it out of the hospital after fighting tooth and nail against cancer for crying out loud!_ He could handle hearing about college.

Kurt and Sebastian sat there for a moment, slowly swinging back and forth in silence. The only sounds audible were the small creaks of the chains holding the swings to the big wooden bar hanging above them.

"Are you mad at your parents?" Kurt asked, but Sebastian shrugged. "Are you mad at me?"

"It depends... Are you hiding something from me too?"

Kurt shook his head and offered Sebastian a small, sympathetic smile. Sebastian knew he couldn't really be mad at Kurt, he hadn't been keeping things from him, only his parents and sister had. But he couldn't help his foul mood… Why was he so upset anyways? Sebastian didn't even understand himself sometimes.

Kurt seemed to understand though, because he just kept him company without asking any other questions. After a while, Sebastian turned around, looked up at the apartment building and saw his sister and mom in the balcony of the seventh floor. They seemed to be talking as they looked down at them.

"Are you ready to go back inside?" Kurt asked, but Sebastian shook his head.

"Nah, I'll just stay here for awhile."

"Then I'll stay with you."

"You don't have to."

"I know… But I want to." Kurt replied, and when Sebastian looked at him, he saw a warmth in his eyes that made him wonder again about what this all meant.

"Why?" Sebastian dared to ask, looking at Kurt expectantly to see what he would say.

"Because I care about you… Even when you behave like a jerk." Kurt said after a little while. "Also, I need to make sure you're in a better mood when you go back upstairs. I promised your sister I'd do my best, considering she wanted to come after you and smack you for talking to your parents like that… And I kind of agree with her." Kurt mumbled, making Sebastian roll his eyes in response.

"So you're on a mission to get me out of my bad mood, is that what this is?"

" _Mission impossible..._  it seems."

"Oh I wouldn't call it impossible." Sebastian said, smirking. "Do you wanna sneak into the playhouse over there and make out? Cause that would definitely cheer me up."

Kurt rolled his eyes and laughed, shaking his head. Sebastian got up from the swing and slowly began walking over to the small playhouse. Kurt hesitated for a second, but after taking a glance over his shoulder and seeing that Catherine and Sebastian's mom weren't on the balcony anymore, he got up and joined him.

…

After the days Kurt spent with the Smythes down in Cleveland, it was time for him to go back home and start making plans for his return to New York. As much as he was stalling, Kurt knew that he couldn't stay in Ohio for much longer, not if he wanted his life in New York to finally take off. Classes in NYADA were going to start soon, and Rachel was also pressuring him to come back, since they needed Kurt to cover his part of the rent for the apartment in Bushwick. Kurt also couldn't wait to go back to his internship in Vogue, because even though Isabelle had been very understanding and accommodating, Kurt feared if he was absent for much longer, he wouldn't have a job there anymore. After all, news of his father being in remission was already public knowledge amongst his former coworkers, who had texted Kurt every now and then, asking him for updates on Burt's condition.

It was all so bittersweet because as much as Kurt couldn't wait to just go back to New York, a piece of his heart wanted to stay in Ohio with his family… And then there was also Sebastian. Sebastian who had unexpectedly become an important person in Kurt's life. Sebastian who he cared about more than he wanted to admit to himself. Sebastian who was insufferable, annoying and crass, but who was also witty and fun to be around, and an incredibly good kisser.

Kurt stared at himself in the mirror as he buttoned up his light gray shirt. He had already tried on two different shirts before this one, but none of them seemed right. The collars didn't quite work for Kurt, not when he was trying to hide a hickey that Sebastian had rudely,  _and quite purposely_  left on his neck the last time they'd seen each other. No amount of concealer was able to completely cover it, and the weather was too hot for scarves.

"I'm gonna kill him." Kurt whispered to himself as he decided to settle for the gray shirt. He still had to make sure his dad and Carole were ready to leave. They'd all been invited over to the Smythe's house for dinner, as they were going to celebrate the news they had gotten earlier that week: Sebastian was finally in remission.

The news had come just two days after Sebastian had taken his final exams at Dalton, and so Sebastian's parents thought a dinner celebration was in order. They invited Kurt's family as well, seeing as Burt was in remission too, and both families had plenty of reasons to celebrate.

Kurt was about to head out when he heard his phone buzz. He picked it up and instantly smiled as he saw it was Catherine.

 **Catherine:** Hey Kurt! :D Have you talked to Sebastian yet?

 **Kurt:** Not today, why?

 **Catherine:** Ughhhhhh...

 **Kurt:**  What happened?

 **Catherine:**  I can't tell you.

 **Kurt:** What?

 **Catherine:**  I shouldn't tell you. But I'm gonna tell you anyway… SEBASTIAN PASSED!

 **Kurt:**  Passed? You mean his exams?

 **Catherine:** Yes dummy! HE ACED HIS TESTS!

Kurt was ecstatic… This was great news. He was about to call Sebastian to flail about it when he got another text from Catherine.

 **Catherine:**  Don't tell Bastian I told you though.

 **Kurt:**  Why not?

 **Catherine:**  It's complicated... We'll talk about it when you get home.

 **Kurt:**  Ok.

It seemed like 'complicated' was the default setting when it came to dealing with Sebastian. Kurt wondered what could possibly be going on now. Did Sebastian want to be the one to tell Kurt the news? That didn't quite seem like something Sebastian would do. Now Kurt was more than intrigued to find out what was going on.

Burt, Kurt and Carole headed to Westerville while Finn stayed home, allegedly because he had already made plans to go see a movie with Marley, but Kurt knew better. In spite of everything that had happened, Finn never quite managed to feel okay about Kurt's newfound friendship with Sebastian. So even though he had been invited to the Smythe's dinner, he decided to stay home.

They arrived to the Smythes' house, and Kurt wondered if he would be able to figure out what was going on with Sebastian, but he was all smiles and charm as he greeted Carole and Burt in the hallway. As soon as he saw Kurt, his demeanor changed... There was a mischief in his eyes and a devilish smirk that made Kurt's skin tickle with goosebumps. Kurt wondered what was up with him and considered straight up asking him but quickly decided against it when the first thing Sebastian did when was touch the collar of his shirt with his fingers and move it aside just so he could check on the hickey he'd given Kurt a few days back.

"It's fading out. Want me to touch it up?" He whispered against Kurt's ear. Kurt rolled his eyes and quickly squirmed away, rushing to catch up with his family in the dining room.

During dinner, the conversation was fairly lighthearted, even if it was a little more "proper" than usual. Kurt had spent so much time with Sebastian's family that having dinner with them was already a normal occurrence, but Carole and his dad weren't in the same page. Mr. Smythe and Burt led most of the conversational topics, randomly talking about politics and life in general. Carole and Mrs. Smythe didn't miss the opportunity to share embarrassing tales about their children, and of course Burt chimed in with a few stories about Kurt as well. Every now and then the conversation would inevitably shift towards anecdotes of being in the hospital and treatments, and every time Sebastian would turn visibly uncomfortable. So Catherine and Kurt would quickly shift the conversation back towards anything from the weather to something lighter.

Inevitably, the conversation also landed on the subject of school and college, and it was evident that it was still a sore spot among the Smythes, because only Catherine talked about what she was doing at Columbia, and her antics in the big city while Sebastian remained silent. Kurt talked a bit as well about his plans to return to New York soon, and he was glad that neither his father nor Carole dared to ask if Sebastian was going to college or what his plans were. In the midst of the conversation, Mrs. Smythe shared the happy news about Sebastian's school tests without really knowing she was breaking the news "for the first time" for the Hummels.

"We're so happy and proud of Sebastian. He did really well, as he always has."

"That's wonderful, congratulations Sebastian." Carole added sweetly, while Sebastian offered her a forced yet polite smile.

"You already got the grades? I didn't know that! When were you going to tell us?" Kurt asked, making Sebastian shift uncomfortably on his chair. Kurt was very proud of his acting skills, and judging by the look on Catherine's face, she approved too.

"We got the news earlier today, that's why I still hadn't mentioned it… Besides, it's no big deal." Sebastian said, but Carole and Burt disagreed.

"Oh but it is a big deal honey…" Carole said.

"Yeah, with everything you've gone through, you should be proud of yourself kid." But added.

"That means you can graduate with your class, right? That's very exciting news." Carole asked, and that's when it was Sebastian's time to disagree.

"Well, we don't know that yet. I mean… I  _am_  getting my diploma, but I don't think I will be attending the ceremony as such."

"Why not?" Kurt couldn't help but ask.

"It is a big event, with lots of people, lots of germs and nasty-"

" _Sebastian…"_  His mother warned, but Sebastian continued.

"What I mean is that we're still on the fence about it. I don't think I'll be going, to be honest."

 _So this was it._  Kurt figured this was what Catherine was talking about when she said "it was complicated". There must have been something going on between the four of them, because Catherine looked like she wanted to simultaneously laugh but also punch her brother, and Sebastian's parents were just smiling tightly, evidently having an unspoken conversation about their son's stubborn ways.

"I barely got out of the woods and so we have to run it by the doctor fist." Sebastian continued. "I mean, if I'm good enough to attend my graduation, that means I could also attend  _other_  public activities and-"

"We will know soon enough." Sebastian's dad cut in. "For now, we're just happy that Sebastian doesn't have to worry about high school anymore."

"Dessert anyone?" Mrs. Smythe added cheerfully, and with that, the conversation about Sebastian's graduation ended.

After dinner while Sebastian's parents, Burt and Carole drank coffee, Catherine, Sebastian and Kurt excused themselves and went outside by the pool. Now it was time for Kurt to get some answers of his own. Luckily he didn't even have to ask what was going on because Catherine beat him to it. Laughing out loud and berating her brother for being so difficult.

"Oh my god Sebastian… you have no shame!" Catherine said, smacking Sebastian's arm playfully as they sat down on the chairs on the poolside.

"What? I didn't say anything!"

"But you were going to! Don't even try to deny it… I thought Dad was going to choke on his pasta!"

"What's going on?"

"Sebastian is blackmailing our parents. That's what's going on!"

"What? Is blackmail your favorite hobby or something?" Kurt asked with a roll of his eyes.

"It's not blackmail, Cath… It's just making a completely reasonable compromise!"

"Do I even wanna know what this is about?" Kurt asked, feeling like he was completely out of the loop.

"Bastian could very well go to his graduation ceremony…  _He just doesn't want to!_ Doctor Meyers already cleared him for it… But he is being a little shit about it because he knows how much it means to Mom and Dad!"

"I'm not being a little shit!" Sebastian said, bending down to grab water from the pool and throwing it in his sister's direction. "You want the party too, so don't even act like you're not on board with my plan!"

"Oh god… There's a plan?" Kurt laughed.

"I just don't care about the graduation ceremony..." Sebastian said, crossing his arms over his chest and laying back on the chair. "But a graduation  _party_ … Now that is something I would definitely care about."

Kurt must have had the biggest question mark on his face because Catherine quickly explained.

"Sebastian told my mom he wouldn't attend the graduation ceremony unless they let him throw a party in our lake-house next weekend."

Kurt couldn't help but laugh out loud at that. Of course Sebastian would be like this. "I can't believe you don't want to attend your own graduation ceremony, Sebastian."

"Why would I? It's stupid… I can just get my diploma and be done with it. No boring and torturously long ceremony, no pictures and cheesy speeches… Just freedom!"

Kurt could see that there was something else Sebastian was not saying, but he knew he would have to ask him later, when they were alone. Right now, Sebastian was too busy bickering with his sister to really have a conversation with Kurt, or do anything else for that matter. It was kind of a blessing in disguise, because Kurt knew that at the pace things were going, if Sebastian and he got any time to be alone, he would just end up with another hickey… or worse.

Kurt still needed to really think about what he was doing with Sebastian. But he figured, it could wait.

…..

Time flew by and before anyone knew it, it was graduation day for Sebastian. Everyone was ecstatic except for Sebastian, so he figured he might as well suck it up and deal with it. Maybe if he tried to smile, the thing would be over sooner.

That morning he woke up feeling jumpy and unsteady. He didn't really understand why he was nervous, but he was. The fact that his uniform still didn't fit him like it used to didn't help Sebastian feel any better, but at least the graduation gown would help him hide the ill fitting clothing under all the loose fabric. Sebastian's eyebrows had thinned out with all the chemo, but Catherine had helped him fill them out a little with her makeup. Sebastian would never admit it in a million years, and threatened her with bodily harm if she told Kurt about it, but he was glad that it helped him look a little better for the thousand pictures his mother was going to be taking. She was so excited that she had even hired a photographer to follow him around for Christ's sake!

" _It will be nice for you to look back a few years from now and see all these memories."_ His mother had told him, but Sebastian wasn't quite feeling it. Graduating high school was something Sebastian did want to remember, he just didn't want tons of pictures of him looking like he did at the moment. He wanted as little memories of having cancer as possible, and somehow having his picture taken while he was still very bald was not going to help him forget about it.  _Was that so hard to understand?_

Like it or not, Sebastian was going to have to endure this anyway. After all, he had promised his mom that we would smile and try to have a good time.

At the end, Sebastian was able to get to an understanding with his parents. He convinced them to let him throw a graduation party at the lake-house and in exchange of he would attend the graduation ceremony, but he didn't manage to get away with his plan exactly as he wanted. Because even though his parents agreed to let him throw the party, it was under the condition that he had "adult supervision".

And well,  _that sucked,_  but after much begging and pestering from Sebastian and Catherine, they at least agreed to not spoil it completely for them. Their parents would be in Sebastian's uncle's house, which was right beside their own lake house. That way Sebastian and his friends could have a party without much interference, but his parents would still be nearby in case anything happened. It was bound to be an interesting deal, Sebastian figured as much, but at least he would still be able to have his party.

Dalton Academy was completely packed that day. The hallways and gardens were full of people, parents and families all happy and excited, wearing their best clothes for the special occasion. Sebastian's mother was wearing a teal dress she had bought especially for that day.

Looking at his mother, all dolled up and smiling made Sebastian feel a little better about this whole ordeal. It had been really long since Sebastian had seen her smile like this. His father was happy too and when he squeezed Sebastian's shoulder and told him he was proud of him, Sebastian felt a knot form in his throat.  _But he was not going to cry, he just wasn't._

His mother and Catherine had spent all morning in the beauty salon, getting mani-pedi's and all sorts of pampering, allegedly to be ready for the graduation. Catherine was wearing a white and red dress, which Kurt was probably obsessing about with her as they waited for the ceremony to begin. Sebastian was staring at them from behind the stage, where all the students were waiting to be seated. There was a total of forty five graduates that day, so Sebastian was sure the ceremony was going to be long and tedious.

Even from the distance, Sebastian couldn't help but stare at Kurt's ass. It was impossible not to, especially when he was wearing white pants so tight that Sebastian was sure there was no way in hell Kurt could be wearing underwear. Had he done it on purpose? Just staring at it made Sebastian wish he could get his hands on it, but he  _couldn't_ and that was pure torture. It was probably Kurt's type of payback for giving him a hickey last week, but Sebastian couldn't bring himself to care. It was Kurt's fault for having such a kissable neck.

The Warblers had a special song prepared for the graduation, of course. They couldn't waste an opportunity to perform, especially now that they were Nationals champions. Sebastian didn't perform with them, but he was still happy to see them dance and sing on stage. There was a tiny hint of melancholy that hit Sebastian as he saw the Warblers performing, but he quickly shook it off. A part of him was still sad that he wasn't able to go to Nationals with them because of being in the hospital.

True to his word, Sebastian tried his best to smile and be grateful for being able to graduate. He knew each day that he was able to enjoy should not be taken for granted. He was in remission, after all. It didn't mean he was cured, but it meant that he had beat the cancer and his life was out of danger for the time being. Focusing on those things kept Sebastian's mind busy, so the ceremony seemed to be over quickly. Sebastian got up as the principal called his name, and tried not to blush too hard, even as the whole group of graduates gave him a standing ovation. Sebastian could feel his cheeks burning up from the embarrassment, but he still smiled.

When Sebastian glanced at his mother and saw her among the crowd, she was smiling and wiping tears from her eyes, and in that moment, Sebastian wasn't able to stop the stinging of tears on his own.

_Damn these emotional things. At least I'm going to have a fucking epic party the next day._

"So, where are my graduation presents?" Sebastian asked his family as he approached them after the ceremony. They all smiled and hugged him, proceeding to take even more pictures with Sebastian holding his diploma.

Kurt was there too, and when he leaned in to give Sebastian a hug, he took the opportunity for payback! Sebastian locked his arm around Kurt's waist, sliding his hand down just over the small of his back, and  _sucked down_  on his neck, making a loud kissing sound that had Kurt yelping and squirming away before Sebastian could even get to do anything else. Sebastian laughed loudly as Kurt tried his best to compose himself, trying really hard not to give away what Sebastian had just done to him.

"Sebastian! You're disgusting!" Kurt said as he wiped Sebastian's saliva from his neck, still blushing a dark pink all over his cheeks and neck, but Sebastian laughed some more.

He didn't care that his parents and sister were standing only a few feet away from them. Just seeing Kurt so flustered and embarrassed was enough satisfaction.

Kurt was so embarrassed and focused on composing himself that he didn't notice Blaine was staring at them from just a few feet away. Blaine was standing beside Trent and his family, evidently not paying attention to what they were talking about because he was too busy staring at Kurt. Blaine was looking at them like someone had just slapped him in the face. Sebastian knew Blaine had probably seen what Sebastian did to Kurt just seconds ago, and he was completely livid because of it. Sebastian held his breath for a split second as they made eye contact, feeling almost certain that Blaine was going to walk over and make a scene like he had at the mall… but surprisingly, he didn't.

Blaine just looked down at his feet and then walked away, leaving a very confused Trent behind.

"So… What is this I'm hearing about a party at the lake?"

Sebastian turned around and saw his cousin Alex standing behind him. He smiled as Alex gave him a bone-crushing hug.

"Congratulations man."

"Thanks Alex."

"So, is it true then? You're really throwing a party?"

"Damn right I am! I just got out of highschool and out of the hospital, it's about fucking time I celebrate, don't you think?" Sebastian said, and they both laughed. Soon enough, Trent and Nick walked over to where they were and Sebastian introduced them to Alex.

They all started talking about the party and a few seconds later, the rest of the Warblers were standing around Sebastian, all making plans about what they were going to do.

"So, are you going to the party?" Catherine asked Kurt.

"I don't know… Are  _you_  going?"

"Geez try not to be too excited there Kurt. Of course I'm going! Someone has to keep an eye on these guys." She said, looking at Sebastian and his friends.

"I still can't believe Sebastian got your parents to agree to it."

"You and me both." Catherine said, shaking her head and smiling. "I think they just want him to be happy, you know? As much as Mom and Dad worry about him, they just like seeing the old-Sebastian back. With all the time he spent in the hospital, isolating himself from everyone and pushing his friends away… For them to see that now Sebastian actually wants to be with his friends and organize a party is really something."

Kurt nodded, realizing Catherine was right. He hadn't seen things from that perspective, and he agreed that it was a big change for Sebastian. It was a positive thing, and who knows? Maybe it could even actually be fun.

...

The day of the infamous trip to Lake Erie, Kurt woke up feeling something very similar to what would be considered butterflies in his stomach. Except these butterflies seemed like they were trying to kill him. Kurt knew exactly why he was feeling like this… He was stepping into unfamiliar territory, seeing as he was going to spend the next two days with people he wasn't really close to. Sure, Kurt had attended Dalton a few years back, and he was friendly with most of the Warblers, but he still couldn't help but feel a little out of place. Those guys were more Sebastian's friends than they were his. At least Catherine would be there, so Kurt wouldn't be completely alone in the situation. Catherine barely knew any of the guys, but she didn't seem nervous at all.

Another thing that had Kurt feeling a little jumpy was the fact that he was going to spend an entire weekend with Sebastian. Granted, they weren't going to be alone in the Lake House, but still… They were going to be spending a lot of time together, and anything could happen. A little voice in the back of Kurt's mind kept asking:  _What are you doing with Sebastian?_  But since Kurt had no easy answer for it, he just decided to ignore it.

Kurt drove down to Sebastian's house in the early morning, as they had agreed to drive together in a single car. When Kurt got to the Smythe's house, the sun was barely coming out. It was close to six in the morning, but surprisingly they were all ready to leave. Sebastian was wearing khaki shorts and an orange t-shirt, and he'd traded his usual beanie for an New York Mets cap. He looked like he had just gotten out of bed. Sebastian's eyes looked a bit tired, but he was smiling.

Catherine was wearing a yellow sundress with white flowers, and her hair was tied up in a bun. Alex was there too, as they had all agreed and they all went together in Sebastian's parent's SUV. Catherine and Alex sat in the backseat, and Kurt and Sebastian in the second row, right behind Mr. and Mrs. Smythe. It was a three hour drive, but Kurt didn't even feel it, as they were all talking and making jokes all the way.

Kurt had never been to Lake Erie, so he was excited to see what it was going to be like. He'd googled the place to see what sort of things he would find. However, nothing had prepared him for what the Smythe's house would actually look like.

It was huge, and so so beautiful. The house looked like something out of a celebrity real estate magazine. It was two stories high, and all open spaces with big windows and large wooden decks. The property was surrounded by trees that you could see wherever you turned your eyes to. There was not only one but two main lounging areas. The first one had white and blue sofas and chairs, and the beautiful walnut wood floor was covered by a large green carpet placed right in front of the chimney. The other room had a huge flatscreen TV and what looked like sofa beds with giant pillows.

Now Kurt knew why everyone was so excited to come here. The house was incredible, and it had an amazing view of the lake with it's own private deck. Beside the house, there was a large field and a stable with horses. Kurt was in complete awe at how beautiful it all was. If Kurt's family had a house like this, Kurt would want to live here all the time, not simply visit from time to time.

"How long has your family had this house?" He asked Catherine.

"As long as I can remember. My dad completely remodeled it about five years ago though. They re-did the main structure of the house, tore down most of the walls and put glass windows everywhere… Oh and they also built the pool."

"There's a pool?!"

Catherine smiled excitedly as she dragged Kurt by the arm so she could take him outside. They walked across the house to the left wing and found the pool. It actually looked like it was part of the nature landscape. It also had a hot tub right next to it. The hot tub was sitting on top of a raised platform of rocks made to look like a mountain so that the excess water flow would make it look like a small waterfall. Kurt couldn't even pretend like he wasn't impressed. He couldn't wait to get in!

"We're gonna have so much fun!" Catherine said giddily.

When they went back into the house, they saw Sebastian's parents had already unloaded all the things from their car. Sebastian's uncle's house was supposedly nearby, but Kurt couldn't see it anywhere.

"Where's your uncle's house?" Kurt asked Sebastian.

"Come on, I'll show you." Sebastian said, putting his hand on the small of Kurt's back and guiding him outside to the front deck. Kurt stood beside him and they stared at the lake for a while. There weren't many other houses around, but the ones that were visible were quite big as well. The surroundings were quiet and peaceful, and the soft breeze soothed Kurt's nerves, even though Sebastian still had his hand placed in his back. When Sebastian finally removed his hand, it was to point to his side and show Kurt where his uncle's house was. That house was almost as big as this one, but it had a more classic look to it, while this house was more modernly styled. The other house was painted white and light blue, and there was a wooden path that connected it to the Smythe's house through the trees, but the cars couldn't go through it, so to get there with the car, Sebastian's parents probably would had to drive back and get through the main road.

"You're all set kids. Everything is in the kitchen." Sebastian's father said, walking up to the deck where they were. "We'll get going now, but we'll be right next door if you need anything. Alright?"

"Thanks Dad."

"Make sure you put everything in the fridge.. And remember, no funny business okay?" Mrs. Smythe said, coming up from behind her husband and looking at Sebastian, who just rolled his eyes and leaned down to kiss her on the cheek.

"We'll be good Mom… I promise." Sebastian said, but somehow Kurt didn't believe him...  _at all._

...

About half an hour after Sebastian's parents had left, Hunter arrived in his dark green Jeep Cherokee. Kurt didn't know why but that was exactly the type of car he pictured Hunter would drive. Jeff, Nick and Trent were with him but the rest of the guys were supposedly coming later with David.

Kurt knew he was only going to be gone for two days and one night, yet he felt like he hadn't packed enough. When Kurt saw the guys coming and saw their bags, he realized maybe he had actually over-packed. Catherine and Kurt went upstairs while Sebastian and the rest of the guys finished unloading the things from Hunter's car. Catherine walked with Kurt around the house, giving him a small tour. There were plenty of rooms with double beds and bunk beds, so Kurt knew finding a place for everyone to sleep wasn't going to be an issue. After they were finished with the little tour of the house, they came back downstairs and saw the guys were standing with Sebastian in a circle in the kitchen, talking and laughing. Catherine and Kurt walked over to the group and realized they were staring at a cooler in the floor, and it was full of beer cans and also vodka and tequila bottles.

"Whoa, where did you guys get all of that?" Catherine asked.

"Here and there..." Hunter said cockily, looking at Catherine and smirking.

"Very impressive." Catherine replied, returning a suspicious smirk and crossing her arms over her chest. "None of you are allowed to drink though, so put that thing away!"

Sebastian frowned and all of the guys suddenly fell quiet at Catherine's serious tone. Even Kurt was surprised at what she had said.

"Don't look at me like that. No one is allowed to drink...  _Until at least after lunch!"_

The guys collectively sighed in relief and laughed loudly. Right then, they heard a car pulling over in front of the house, it was David with Jon and the rest of the guys. They walked out to greet them and help them with the things they brought. David brought lots of things and was even pulling a jetski in the back of his car. The guys were so excited that they immediately took their bags out of the car so David could back it up to the deck to unload the jetski… Sebastian had two other jetskis and also one paddleboat. Everyone was so excited that they were getting ready to get into the water, throwing their shoes and shirts in the deck carelessly. All their bags were left in the entrance of the house, and no one had even unpacked anything.

Catherine was the only woman in the group, but she didn't seem to mind. In fact, she wasted no time and started bossing everyone around. Reminding them to wear sunblock, and demanding Sebastian and Alex made sure to go get the life vests from the shed so everyone could wear one. None of the guys seemed to mind all her bossing them around though, especially when she ditched the small sundress she was wearing earlier and changed it for a bright yellow bikini top and dark blue booty shorts. Catherine was stunning in every sense of the word, and as much as they tried to be inconspicuous, Kurt caught Jon, Hunter and David staring at her several times with their jaws practically hanging open.

"Have you ever ridden a jet ski?" Sebastian asked Kurt, pulling him out of his thoughts. Sebastian had discarded his orange t-shirt and was wearing a white tank top now, as he was putting on his life vest.

"No never."

"Well, today is gonna be the day then… I'll let you ride with me… Get ready! Why are you still dressed?" Sebastian asked, curling one of his fingers on the hoop of Kurt's pants and pulling him towards him.

"You're really going right now?" Kurt asked, feeling a little flustered. "Shouldn't the guys at least unpack first… See where everyone is going to sleep and all?"

Sebastian squinted his eyes and gave Kurt a puzzled look. "Who says we're going to sleep at all?"

…

Kurt figured it was pointless to try to get the guys to be organized, they only wanted to have fun and party all weekend long. Which was a great plan, sure but Kurt couldn't just throw his clothes to the floor and jump in the lake, so he convinced Catherine to go with him upstairs and see which room he would be sleeping in.

"I don't know about you, but I'm claiming the master bedroom." Catherine said, winking at Kurt as they walked into the main room. It had an amazing view of the front deck and the lake. It also had it's own private bathroom with a jacuzzi.

"You can take my room if you want... Sebastian's room is good too, in case you want to sleep there."

Kurt rolled his eyes and smiled at Catherine's innuendo, but wasn't really sure about what to do.

"You can always make him sleep on the floor and take the bed if he misbehaves." Catherine teased… But then she sat down on the edge of the window and got serious. "You have to help me keep an eye on my brother Kurt, he can't drink… not even one sip!"

"That's gonna be a little hard to do, I don't think Sebastian is too keen on following the rules."

"I know." Catherine sighed, looking out the window. The guys were speeding up and down the lake in the jetskis. Teasing and yelling at each other. In the deck, Trent and Jeff were sitting in the deck chairs, waiting for their turn probably. Overall, it looked like Sebastian was having a great time.

In the end Kurt decided to leave his things in Catherine's room, and after he changed into more appropriate attire, they decided to go back outside. By the time Kurt and Catherine went back downstairs, everyone was already soaking wet from taking multiple rides on the jet skis. Kurt had his dark blue swim trunks on and a simple white t-shirt, but he knew he would have to take it off eventually if he wanted to stay under the sun for awhile. As much as he hated getting sunburned, he hated tan lines even more. With how pale Kurt's skin was, he knew there was only so much wearing sunblock could do to help. He wasn't going to let that small detail ruin this moment for him though, not at all. Kurt decided he could keep his shirt on for the time being, he had to wear the life vest anyway, and he didn't want it chafing his skin.

"My turn!" Catherine declared as she prodded David off  _his own jet ski._  David said nothing though, and just laughed as he quickly obliged.

"Get on here!" Sebastian said, looking at Kurt as he patted the seat of the jet ski. Kurt took a deep breath and carefully stepped onto the jet ski, still fidgeting a little with the straps of the life vest as he sat down. The killer butterflies in Kurt's stomach made an appearance right when he positioned himself behind Sebastian and locked his arms around his waist.

"Feel free to grab onto me." Sebastian said, smirking over his shoulder and wiggling his eyebrows at Kurt. Kurt gave him an affectionate pinch in the ribs between the straps of his life vest, because before he could even say anything, the loud grumble of the engine started and they were speeding up far away from the deck and into the lake.

Kurt didn't know Catherine and Sebastian could be so competitive. He held on as tight as he could as Sebastian and her raced around the lake, splashing water everywhere in their wake. The adrenaline of the whole ordeal brutally murdered the butterflies in Kurt's stomach and threw him right into survival mode. Kurt went from holding on tight to holding on for dear life. Yeah, he definitely needed to learn how to ride a jetski himself because there was no way in hell he would ever ride with Sebastian like this again.

After a few hours of fooling around in the lake with the jet skis in the lake, everyone got hungry. They all agreed, much to their chagrin, that they needed to go back inside and figure out what they were going to eat.

First order of business was the barbeque. The guys had brought steaks and lots of other meats so it was time to get busy with the grill. Trent insisted he would be in charge of preparing the meat, not quite trusting any of the other guys with the task, especially because they all started drinking the minute they got into the house.

"Aren't we supposed to just throw the meat into the grill?" Thad asked, which made Trent look completely mortified.

"Not if you want it to taste good! Get out of here Thad and let me work my magic, I got this okay?" Trent replied with a roll of his eyes.

Kurt and Catherine agreed that they would get themselves busy making a salad. The rest of the guys quickly scattered around the house, snacking from bags of chips and drinking beers from Hunter's gigantic cooler.

From across the room, Kurt was staring closely at Sebastian, wondering if he was going to have a beer or not. He was talking to Alex, who wasn't drinking anything yet… With him being super Christian and all, Kurt was curious to see where he stood in regards to alcohol.

After a while, Sebastian went outside with Jeff and Alex made his way to the kitchen where Kurt, Catherine and Trent were.

"Do you guys need any help?" He asked sheepishly.

"You know how to cook?" Asked Trent.

"Not really, but I want to help… There must be something I can do, right?"

Kurt decided to take pity on Alex and gave him the tomatoes and bell peppers. "Wash those in the sink. I'll chop them."

Alex smiled, taking the tomatoes from Kurt's hands and walking towards the sink. It didn't take him a long time to finish, so after he was done he just hung around them, looking at what they were doing and making small talk here and there.

"So, are you gonna be our main chef today?" Alex asked Trent as he approached him.

"Not at all… I'm not gonna cook for all these guys for free!" Trent snorted, shaking his head "But I do consider myself an expert in the art of preparing meat for the grill… You see, people think it's easier than it actually is. But if you want to eat a perfect steak, you have to season it properly..."

Alex smiled and nodded in agreement as Trent continued brushing the steaks with melted butter and a mixture of spices he had prepared. Kurt couldn't help but notice how Trent was being extra-sassy as he spoke to Alex, but he just smiled and continued chopping the vegetables for the salad.

After Trent was done preparing the meat, they went outside where the guys had the grill ready for it. That's when Kurt caught Sebastian putting vodka inside the red cup he was carrying around. Kurt saw him right when they stepped outside, and was glad that Catherine hadn't noticed because she was too busy talking to Trent and Alex.

"Sebastian, what are you drinking?" Kurt asked, as calm as he could manage to be.

"Coke." Sebastian lied to his face, and if Kurt wasn't mad before, he was definitely mad now. He didn't want to make a scene through, seeing as everyone was having such a good time.

"I saw you put vodka in it."

"Yeah, so?"

"So, you're not supposed to drink, Sebastian." Kurt said as calmly as he could. Sebastian remained impassive, taking another long sip of his drink and looking at Kurt as he swallowed it down.

"Are you gonna tell Catherine?"

Kurt was at a loss. What was even the correct thing to do? He wasn't trying to give Sebastian a hard time, but he was concerned about his health. Kurt couldn't reply to Sebastian's question, he just gave him a concerned look, hoping Sebastian would get the message that Kurt only wanted him to be safe. Sebastian however, just sighed.

"Look Kurt, I'm not getting shit faced, okay? I just wanna have a good time. So unless you wanna give me something better to entertain myself with…"

Any other time, Sebastian's lewd comment would have made Kurt blush and laugh, but not right now. Kurt was worried.

"Fine." Kurt said, sighing. "Just… don't over do it."

Sebastian smiled widely, but it was far from making Kurt feel better, it just made him feel like a traitor to Catherine and Mr. and Mrs. Smythe. Why did Sebastian have to be so stubborn? Kurt could only hope he was going to be responsible about it and not drink too much.

The hours passed by as they grilled the meat and ate. The party was going great, and everybody seemed to be having a good time. Kurt's initial worries about feeling out of place would revisit his mind every now and then, especially when Sebastian would occasionally leave his side to go talk to someone else. Sebastian hung around Kurt most of the time, but there were times where he would go talk to the other guys and Kurt couldn't help but feel weird in his absence. It was ridiculous, Kurt knew that but his heart didn't seem to get the memo.

During the afternoon Kurt mostly hung out with Catherine and Alex, but he realized he was still able to have interesting and entertaining conversation with his former Dalton classmates. Every time Sebastian disappeared, Kurt couldn't help but look for him, following his every move to see if he was drinking more. However, Sebastian had managed to be inconspicuous, because Kurt couldn't really tell if he was drinking or not. The dark liquid in his cup could be just soda, or it could be tons of different things. Kurt wished he could just go up to Sebastian, grab his cup and demand a sip of it to verify what it was, but he knew he couldn't.

Kurt knew he needed to stop doing that before he got angry, so he decided to mind his own business and loosen up a little. Everyone was drinking, including Alex, who much to Kurt's surprise, had a beer in his hand as he continued to talk to Trent. Kurt walked over to Nick, who had named himself the party's official bartender, and asked him to prepare him something to drink. Nick smiled and quickly fixed something for Kurt.

After eating, the guys decided to take the party to the other side of the house, where the pool was. David and Thad invited their girlfriends over, and they brought a couple of friends so little by little, the attendance to the party was growing. Catherine was happy to not be the only female attendant at the party anymore and quickly hit it off with the other girls, challenging the guys to a game of pool volleyball. For a while it was all fun and games, until the girls brought more friends over. Those friends brought more booze with them, so it wasn't long before the party just rolled out into a mess of pure debauchery. Everybody was drinking, dancing and just partying it out. Some of the guys were playing in the pool and others were just lounging around getting drunk off their asses as the sun went down.

Kurt walked over to Nick and asked him to show him how to make another glass of whatever he had given to him a while ago, and Nick showed him. It was just a whole bunch of orange juice, cherry syrup, sprite and vodka with tons of ice, but it still tasted good.

Kurt had no idea why he was really drinking, but it tasted good so he figured it was okay. At this point he just wanted to have a good time. When Trent approached him and asked him if Alex was gay, Kurt just laughed out loud.

"Kurt… Don't laugh! It was just an honest question, I'm sorry."

"No, Trent… I'm sorry. I didn't meant to laugh."

"Are you drunk?"

"No!" Kurt said, offended. He wasn't really drunk.  _Alcohol just somehow made things funnier than they were to sober people maybe?_  Kurt wasn't sure.

"I don't know if Alex is gay Trent… Maybe you should ask Sebastian... Or better yet, ask Alex!"

"Are you crazy? I can't just ask him that."

"Hmmm." Kurt said, taking another sip of his drink. Trent was probably right.

"We've just been hanging out most of the day and he seems cool… I don't want to assume he is gay. He's talked about going to church and all... But I'm getting this vibes from him too and I'm just confused you know... "

"Gay vibes?"

Trent rolled his eyes. "I've always prided myself on my awesome gaydar, but now that I actually need it, it's useless. I'm lost."

Kurt put his hand on Trent's shoulder and whispered in his ear. "I could ask him if you want. But that would give it away too easy, or make him freak out. So I say you should make a move… Make it clear, but not aggressive. Be subtle but direct, Trent. Go for it."

Trent just gave Kurt a weird look and gave him a mumbled _'thanks'_  before walking away. Hopefully he would go and look for Alex. Kurt smiled to himself and hoped he had been able to help Trent even a little bit. After he'd finished his drink, Kurt stood up and looked around, trying to spot Sebastian but he didn't see him anywhere.

_That was weird. Where had Sebastian disappeared to now?_

It was already dark, but there were plenty lights around the pool and all the big windows made the light from the house light up the garden and pool area too. The group had scattered around the pool and inside of the house in the main lounge near the kitchen. But Kurt couldn't spot Sebastian anywhere, so he grabbed his glass and took one last sip before heading into the house, hoping to find Sebastian and see how he was.

It didn't take long for Kurt to find him. Sebastian was resting in one of the deckchairs by the lakeside. For a second Kurt thought Sebastian was asleep, because he was lying still, but as he walked over he realized Sebastian was just deep in thought, staring at the water while he held a cup of…  _something_ , in his hands.

Kurt walked over and stood next to him. "Hey you."

"Hi..." Sebastian looked up and offered Kurt a small smile, he looked like he was tired.

"What are you doing out here?"

Sebastian just shrugged, not really saying anything for awhile, so Kurt couldn't help but to be straightforward: "Are you drunk?"

"No... Are  _you_  drunk?" Sebastian asked back, but Kurt shook his head.

"I just had a few drinks… But I'm not there yet."

"Neither am I." Sebastian replied with an easy smile, slowly standing up and leaving his cup on the deck chair.

"What are you doing here, all by yourself?"

"I was actually hoping you'd notice I was missing…" Sebastian said with a devilish smirk, towering over Kurt. "That way you would come looking for me, and I could finally get you alone."

"Oh is that so?" Kurt replied, not really believing him, but also not being able to resist when Sebastian leaned down and pressed their lips together. A part of Kurt was certain this probably was not a good idea, because someone could see them. But being around Sebastian all day and barely touching him had Kurt longing for him in a way that he hadn't even realized he had wanted until he was finally able to put his arms around him and just…  _feel._

Sebastian's clothes still felt a little damp from being in and out of the water all day. His skin felt warm from being under the sun, but his lips tasted just the same as Kurt remembered them: warm, wet and intoxicating.

Kurt put one of his hands on the back of Sebastian's neck and pulled him down to be able to kiss him harder and deeper. The traces of vodka running through him gave Kurt liquid courage to not care about getting closer to Sebastian than he had ever been before. Kurt wasn't sure if Sebastian tasted faintly of vodka, or if the taste was coming from his own mouth, but he didn't really care. Not when Sebastian slid his hands under Kurt's t-shirt, pulling him closer as his mouth traveled down from Kurt's mouth and down to his neck.

Sebastian's hands grabbing his waist and his mouth working his neck were slowly driving Kurt insane, he could feel every nerve of his body on edge, goosebumps ran through him as Sebastian sucked eagerly on his neck and…

"Wait, Sebastian... " Kurt pulled away just a little, so he could stare at Sebastian straight in the eyes. "You cannot give me another hickey, I  _will_ murder you."

Sebastian just shook his head and pressed their lips together again, smiling through the kiss as he squeezed Kurt's waist affectionately. "It's not my fault you have such a kissable neck Kurt… It's all your fault, really." Sebastian mumbled against Kurt's lips before going back to kissing his neck again, this time on the opposite side of where he'd been just seconds ago.

Kurt could feel his heart beating faster and faster, every swipe of Sebastian's tongue on the skin of his neck sent electricity running through him. In the back of his mind, Kurt knew that they were in plain sight if anyone walked into the house because the space of it was so open. So he decided to pull Sebastian out of the deck. He grabbed him by the hem of his t-shirt and walked backwards until they were pressed against the wooden fence separating the deck from the field. Now they were no longer in sight, as the lights from inside the house didn't get that far. Not even the music that was blasting from the other side of the house could be really heard anymore.

Sebastian seemed impressed with Kurt's sudden move but he didn't say anything, he just kissed Kurt harder, sucking and biting his lower lip this time before letting his hands slide down to grab Kurt's ass and squeezing it a few times. Kurt gasped into Sebastian's mouth, his eyes going wide with the surprise of the unexpected touch. Green eyes met his own, their faces just mere inches apart from each other. Kurt could see a small hint of hesitation flash through Sebastian's gaze, perhaps wondering if touching him hadn't been okay, but Kurt couldn't honestly stop himself even if he tried, so he just closed his eyes and leaned up to catch Sebastian's lips again.

The fabric of Kurt's swim trunks did nothing to hide his slowly hardening erection, as he could feel Sebastian's own sliding against his thigh. This was too much, and happening all too fast, but Kurt just couldn't stop himself… He wanted to touch Sebastian and taste more and more of him, not just his lips. Sebastian turned them around, pinning Kurt against the fence and sucking down on his neck again. Now he had one hand on Kurt's neck, holding him in place and the other one slowly sliding under the waistband of his trunks.

Kurt gasped and opened his eyes, tilting his head up to give Sebastian better access to kiss his neck. Kurt's eyes wondered around the clear sky, his mind reeling from the sensation of being pressed and kissed so passionately. He could feel what little was left of his self restraint drain away with every swipe of Sebastian's tongue over his neck. They could have gone all they way right there, if they hadn't been interrupted. A soft thump of skin against glass caught Kurt's attention to one of the windows of the second story bedroom. Kurt looked up and that's when he saw it…

" _Oh my god…"_

Sebastian was too concentrated on kissing Kurt's neck, but Kurt couldn't believe what he was seeing. It was so bizarre that he started to wiggle out of Sebastian's embrace. "Sebastian… Oh my god, Sebastian… Sebastian…"

"What?" Sebastian finally stopped to see what Kurt was fussing about. He followed Kurt's line of sight and landed right on one of the windows of the second floor of the house where his sister Catherine was being pressed against the glass by a very handsy Hunter Clarington.

"What the fuck?!"

Sebastian was completely flabbergasted, and the reaction was so funny that Kurt almost choked on his own laughter. Catherine and Hunter were completely oblivious to the fact that they were giving Kurt and Sebastian a private show. Hunter was kissing her, which was bad enough in itself. But when Hunter's hand suddenly traveled down from Catherine's waist down to her ass, Sebastian just lost it.

"Hunter, what the fuck!?" Sebastian yelled, taking off one of his sandals and throwing it as hard as he could. Surprisingly enough, it ended up hitting the window right behind Catherine. The sound startled them out of their kissing haze and made them turn around. Once Catherine and Hunter realized they were being watched, they quickly let go of each other. Cath covered her mouth with both hands, shaking her head and laughing. While Hunter seemed to panic for only half a second before composing himself and mouthing  _"What?"_. Sebastian flipped him off and Hunter just shook his head, walking away from the window, with Catherine going after him.

Sebastian looked absolutely mortified, but Kurt couldn't stop laughing.

"Cheer up Sebastian, at least they were just kissing." Kurt said, trying to brighten his mood.

"They were right about to hook up though…"

"You don't know that... They were just kissing-"

"They were in a room!"

It was both odd and adorable to watch Sebastian play the part of the jealous brother. Especially when they walked back into the house and ran into Catherine and Hunter as they were coming down the stairs.

"Dude, that's my sister."

"I know man… But, she's beautiful."

"God… Please don't say anything else."

After that short but awkward exchange, they just went their separate ways. Catherine's cheeks were tinted a light pink, probably from both the embarrassment of getting caught but also from the three or four beers that she already had.

"Relax baby brother." She said, leaning in to give Sebastian a kiss on the cheek before walking away.

Sebastian grimaced. "I think I need a beer now."

...

It was almost eleven when most the girls had to leave. David and Thad were sad that their girlfriends had to go, because unlike the Smythe's, not all parents were so understanding and trusting of their children.

"The girls are gone, now what?" David said, falling back on the sofa pillows defeatedly.

"Now we play!" Jeff said a little too enthusiastically, pointing to the flat screen and the Xbox 360 sitting in the shelf beneath it. The guys all cheered as Jeff pulled out the Xbox controllers and soon they were all arguing about taking turns and playing.

Kurt was never a huge fan of videogames, but that didn't mean he wasn't good at them. He had Finn and Puck to thank for that, because of all the afternoons after school that they'd spent together playing Call of Duty and GTA and even Madden. So when the guys turned on the Xbox and started playing, he had no trouble blending in and having a great time. He even managed to beat some of the guys and get good laughs out of the whole ordeal.

Catherine wasn't impressed with the Xbox tournament going on, but hung around nonetheless. The guys were more than eager to teach her how to play. It was hilarious to watch Sebastian and Hunter giving each other death glares from time to time. Luckily Catherine remained oblivious to this as David and Jon taught her how to play.

Kurt wasn't sure how long they'd been playing, but it was almost midnight when he realized Sebastian had fallen asleep in the couch while he was waiting for his turn to play. Jeff tried to nod him into waking up but Sebastian was completely knocked out.

The guys were laughing and were going to take a picture of him but Catherine quickly scolded them. Kurt was glad because he knew that Catherine was aware of how active Sebastian had been during the day. It was more than likely that now he was exhausted and needed to rest. Kurt woke him up as gently as he could, and Sebastian seemed to be a little embarrassed to have fallen asleep.

"It's your turn Seb, are you up for it?" Kurt asked gently, holding the remote. Sebastian looked at it like it had personally offended him.

"Nah, I think I'll pass." Sebastian said, sitting up and stretching his arms. He gave the controller to Nick and then stood up and walked over to the kitchen. Kurt followed after him and they both stood against the kitchen island as Sebastian drank a glass of water from the tap.

"How are you feeling?" Kurt asked.

"A little tired… To be honest. I didn't mean to fall asleep though."

"It's okay. It's late… Almost midnight."

"It's still early." Sebastian mumbled as he looked at the guys in the lounge room, no one even seemed to be tired. They were all still pretty animated. Still cracking jokes, eating and drinking. Nick was about to play with Thad, and when he suggested that the loser of the match should be thrown butt naked into the lake, everyone cheered, egging him on.

"Where's Alex?" Sebastian asked. He was nowhere in sight, and right then Kurt noticed Trent wasn't there either.

"Oh my god."

"What?"

Kurt leaned to whisper in Sebastian's ear. "Is Alex gay?"

"Why are you asking me that… Did he say anything to you?"

" _So he is…"_  Kurt assumed, putting one and two together in his mind.

"Kurt, what are you talking about?" Sebastian seemed puzzled, and Kurt just couldn't help his curiosity anymore.

"I think he and Trent are…  _up to something._ " Kurt whispered, studying Sebastian for a reaction. Sebastian smiled devilishly.

"We have to go find them."

Kurt felt like a little kid playing hide and seek as he and Sebastian snuck around the house looking for Trent and Alex. The house was huge, so there could be lots of places where to go if you wanted some privacy, but at the same time, all the windows and open spaces could be a challenge. They searched every inch of the house and didn't find them, so they decided they should search outside. They didn't find them near the pool, so Sebastian guessed they could be near the deck. However, when Kurt and Sebastian checked, they didn't find them there either.

"Let's go upstairs." Sebastian said, grabbing Kurt's hand and running up the stairs.

"But we already searched upstairs!" Kurt protested, following after a very determined Sebastian.

They got into the main bedroom, but this time Sebastian walked all the way into the bathroom. He didn't turn on the light, instead just walked over to the window right over the sinks. The huge window had a view of the wooden path that connected their house to Sebastian's uncle's house, and that is where they finally found Alex and Trent.

"What are they even doing?" Sebastian sounded almost disappointed.

"They seem to be just… Talking?" Kurt assumed. From where he was standing, he couldn't really hear anything, but it was obvious to him that if Alex and Trent were walking around by themselves, it was because they probably liked each other.

"Don't look so disappointed."

"I'm not disappointed, I was just hoping…" Sebastian stopped mid-sentence, and Kurt eyed him suspiciously.

"Hoping for what?"

Sebastian didn't say anything, but his mischievous smile told Kurt everything he needed to know.

"Oh my god Sebastian… You were hoping for some blackmail material, weren't you?"

Sebastian laughed as Kurt pinched him playfully in the ribs. "You are incorrigible!"

"Yeah well I'm not getting any… or so it seems." Sebastian said, yawning. "There's nothing interesting going on down there."

"You're tired… You should get some rest." Kurt suggested, prodding Sebastian out of the bathroom and walking with him through the dark hallway and towards his room. Sebastian seemed to be really tired, but he was still reluctant. Especially because of all the noise coming from the pool side, which told them the guys had probably stopped playing Xbox and were now outside again.

"I don't want to sleep, the guys are still outside..."

"Sebastian, if you're tired you should rest… There's nothing wrong with being tired." Kurt insisted. Sebastian reluctantly sat on the bed and Kurt sat beside him, rubbing his shoulder.

"What about you? Are  _you_  tired?" Sebastian asked him.

"A little bit… Yeah."

"So you're going to sleep too?"

"I'll tell you what… Let's take a midnight power nap. We'll sleep for a bit and then go back outside. How does that sound?"

"Sounds awesome." Sebastian said, smiling as he took off his sandals and laid down on the bed. Kurt did the same and they both laid down on their sides, facing each other. The room was dark but Kurt could see Sebastian's eyes steady on his own as they laid there, in silence. Kurt wanted to close his eyes, feeling his body heavy with the exhaustion from a day of so many activities. Kurt knew Sebastian must be even more tired than he was, but Sebastian's gaze was intense.

"What's on your mind?" Kurt asked.

"Not much."

"I don't believe you..."

"Why not?"

"I don't know... Maybe cause I saw how you were sitting by yourself in the deck... You seemed thoughtful... Like you were preoccupied with something. You can talk to me, you know?" Kurt hoped he sounded sincere and not pushy, but he could still see Sebastian's hesitation to share what was on his mind.

"I was just tired... Trying to catch a breath, the party has been pretty crazy."

"That's true." Kurt smiled as easily as he could, trying not to feel too disappointed that Sebastian wasn't talking to him.

"What?" Sebastian asked.

"Nothing..."

"What's on your mind?" Sebastian flipped the answer to him now. And so Kurt saw the opportunity to talk about what he really wanted to.

"Lots of things." He heaved a sigh... "I'm leaving for New York on Tuesday. And I'm just a little nervous about it I guess..."

If Sebastian was surprised by Kurt's news, he didn't show it.

"Oh..."

"How about you? Have you thought about what you're gonna do yet? Are you going to Columbia?"

Sebastian turned to his back and stared at the ceiling. "I don't know yet."

Kurt waited to see if Sebastian was going to say anything else about the subject... He had that look on his face that Kurt had seen many times before when Sebastian was trying to be complacent just for the sake of appearances. Kurt waited and waited for Sebastian to say anything, but he didn't. He remained silent and looked thoughtful.

"New York is awesome, I bet you're gonna fit right in." Kurt added, hoping for a reaction.

"I bet there's lots of gay bars!" Sebastian joked, still staring at the ceiling but closing his eyes from time to time.

Kurt didn't laugh or say anything... Sebastian was clearly avoiding any serious conversation with him. It was frustrating. But as much as it irked him, Kurt didn't feel like he had the energy to push it, so he closed his eyes and decided to try to fall asleep instead.

After a few minutes of silence Kurt felt the bed move. He opened his eyes and realized Sebastian had turned to his side again and was now facing him.

Kurt held Sebastian's gaze, and hoped his face would not give away any of the things that were going through his mind. Sebastian looked at him like it was a staring contest and as much Kurt wanted to resist, he ended up budging.

"What?"

"What?"

"Why are you looking at me like that?"

"Like what?"

Kurt rolled his eyes. "Like there's something on your mind... But you just don't want to tell me."

"You want to know what's on my mind?" Sebastian smirked. "I'm thinking about what happened the last time we were in a bed together. Remember that?"

Kurt knew it was deflection at best, but Sebastian's words still unleashed a rush of heat through his body. Because yes, he remembered exactly what happened.

"Is this your way of asking me to spoon you?" Kurt replied cheekily, trying to flip the conversation onto cuddles and away from heavy kisses. If Sebastian wanted to deflect, two could play that game. However, Sebastian smiled, propped himself up on his elbow and looked down at Kurt and was completely direct on his next words.

"No... This is my way of saying I want to kiss you."

Kurt squinted his eyes, but as much as he hated himself for it he knew there was no use in trying to resist. Not when Sebastian was looking at him with eyes full of desire and want. Kurt melted into the kiss the second Sebastian's lips touched his own. It could only go downhill from there.

Kissing Sebastian was addicting and enticing... It was wrong and right all in itself. Sebastian's ability to seduce and persuade Kurt away from conversation and into making out was infuriating.

It was really unfair that Sebastian could do this to him. A part of Kurt felt frustrated about Sebastian's obvious avoidance of actually having a meaningful conversation with him, but another bigger and weaker part of him couldn't pull away from Sebastian even if he wanted.

The kiss wasn't hot and desperate like the one they'd shared out in the deck. This one was slow and languid. Sebastian's hand was on Kurt's neck, holding him in place and tracing his fingers through his hair almost absentmindedly.

Kurt was trying to keep his libido in check but the weight of Sebastian's body pinning him to the bed, the sensation of Sebastian's legs laced together with his own and the wet sounds their mouths made as they passionately kissed were all sending his hormones into overdrive.

What was he doing with Sebastian? Where was this going?

"Sebastian..."

Kurt had meant to pause their kiss and try for conversation again but instead ended up saying Sebastian's name in a rushed and breathy moan before surrendering into it once again. When Sebastian shifted from kissing his mouth to his jaw and then lower to his neck, Kurt snapped his head back and let out a soft moan. His hands came up instantly dug his nails into Sebastian's back, which made him shift his position. Now Sebastian was fully on top of Kurt, with his thigh and crotch pushing up beneath Kurt's spread legs.

Things were escalating fast and Kurt's heart was pumping blood furiously fast as Sebastian slowly moved on top of him... Up and down, up and down... Painfully slow but also creating enough friction to make Kurt feel like he wanted more...

And he couldn't get more. Not like this.

"Sebastian stop!" Kurt pleaded, pushing Sebastian away from him.

Sebastian froze immediately at the desperate tone in Kurt's plea. He stared at him completely puzzled as Kurt struggled to catch his breath.

"What's wrong?"

Kurt just stared at him and wanted to scream.

"Sebastian, what are we doing?"

"You mean besides... Kissing?"

"We're kissing cause you're avoiding having an actual conversation with me."

"No, we're kissing because I like kissing you."

"Please... I'm serious."

Sebastian sighed and rolled off of Kurt, he laid on his back and stared at the ceiling. Kurt felt cold without Sebastian's body weight over him.

"Please talk to me."

"What do you want to talk about?"

_I want to talk about us, about what's going to happen when I go back to New York. I want to know how do you feel about me leaving? I want to know what these things happening between us even mean? Do you have feelings for me like I do for you?_

Kurt wanted to say all those things but his tongue felt tied. He knew the minute he asked that, he would put himself in a vulnerable position that had no turning point.

"Why don't you want to talk about New York?" Was what Kurt ended up asking instead. "Every time your sister or your mom or I try to talk to you about it you change the subject... And I just need to know..."

"What do you want to know?"

"I just want to know what you're thinking, Sebastian... I want to know what you're feeling... Cause I can tell you have a lot on your mind, even though you say you don't. And I'm leaving for New York in a few days and I want to know if you will be coming too."

Sebastian stared at him for a moment and then he sat up. "You're already leaving... What difference does it make if I go with you or not?"

Those words stung deeper than Kurt expected them to. Kurt sighed, half out of frustration and half just trying to still his breathing before uttering another word.

 _What difference does it make? Was that a serious question?_  It made all the difference to Kurt... Because even though he couldn't wait to be in New York and start a new chapter in his life, Kurt couldn't see himself leaving Sebastian behind. He wanted Sebastian to be a part of his life in New York... Didn't he want the same thing? Didn't he care about Kurt the same way he cared about him?  _Did this all mean nothing to him?_

"It makes a difference to me!" Kurt admitted, pouring his heart into every word. "It makes a difference because I want you to go to college like you told me you'd always dreamed about. Remember? You said you wanted to become an architect…"

Sebastian frowned, seemed to be taken aback by Kurt remembering that.

"I want you to be in New York with your sister, like she has always dreamed about. And honestly… I want us to be together, you know? I want to be able to see you every day and talk to you about school and about life and... Don't you want that too?"

Kurt's words hung heavy in the air between them as Sebastian just stared at him in silence. Sebastian's silence was deafening. Kurt couldn't even hear the noises coming from the guys outside in the pool anymore.

"Kurt…" Sebastian seemed tired and looked like he would rather be anywhere else than in the room with Kurt. Just the way he said Kurt's name hurt like a slap in the face.

"Does this  _thing_  between us not mean anything to you?"

"I didn't say that."

"You didn't have to!" Kurt exclaimed before he could even stop himself. "Every time I try to talk to you about it you avoid the conversation. You seemed fine just a second ago when we were fooling around but the second I try to have a heart to heart with you... You immediately close up and pull away!"

"What the hell are you even talking about?" Sebastian was defensive now, and it only made Kurt angrier.

"I'm talking about you not being honest with me! Be honest Sebastian… Just for once, stop trying to hide and pretend like everything is fine when it's not!" Kurt's breathing was getting out of control and his eyes were stinging. It was like all of his frustrations came out all at once and he couldn't stop them.

"I know things aren't fine… I don't need you to say it like it isn't obvious to me."

"Then talk to me!"

"What if I don't want to talk about it, Kurt? Why do you assume I have an obligation to expose all my feelings to you?" Sebastian's words were like a bucket of ice water being dumped on Kurt's head. "You want to know if I'm going to New York? No, the answer is NO…  _I'm not going_ , and I'm sorry if that makes you or Catherine upset, but I don't really care about what you guys think!"

Sebastian exploded all up in Kurt's face and he couldn't help but just gape in shock. Sebastian stood up from the bed and walked over to the window. He just stood there with his back turned to Kurt like he just wanted him to leave. The conversation had just turned into something very complicated and Kurt now didn't know what to make of it. He had wanted to ask Sebastian about his feelings and about New York and the future, but not like this. Everything was a mess and Kurt didn't know how to fix it, especially when they both were angry like this.

Kurt realized in that moment that he had two choices. He could walk away from the room and never touch the subject with Sebastian again, or he could stay and see if he could make things right. If Sebastian didn't care about him, he just wanted to know.

"Do you want me to leave?" Kurt held his breath, waiting for Sebastian's reaction.

After a few torturous seconds of silence, Sebastian finally turned around and looked at him.

"No."

Kurt let out the breath he was holding and stood up. He walked over to Sebastian and stood beside him, keeping a safe distance from him. He stood there, not daring to say anything or ask anything further. He had already told Sebastian he wanted him to talk to him, the ball was in his court… Kurt couldn't risk asking the wrong question and having his heart ripped to shreds.

After a long while of just standing beside each other, Sebastian finally spoke.

"I'm not good with feelings, Kurt…"

Kurt stared at Sebastian and watched him struggle to put out every word he said.

"I'm not good at handling them, and I'm definitely the worst at talking about them."

Sebastian offered him a self deprecating smile and Kurt knew he was being genuine.

"I didn't mean to yell at you like that. I'm sorry. I just wanted to get through this weekend having fun and not thinking about the future for once."

"Why?"

"Cause it's all I've been thinking about for months, and I'm tired of it. I spent months in the hospital just trying to get through each day, wondering if I would ever be able to do all the things I wanted to do… The cancer changed me Kurt. I'm not the same person I was seven months ago."

Kurt took a step closer to Sebastian, not daring to touch him, but slowly closing the distance between them.

"Everyone is acting like just because I'm in remission now I can continue on with my life like nothing happened, and it's not that simple. I don't want to go to college Kurt, not like this."

"What do you mean?"

"I don't feel like starting a new life in a new city right now… Not when I don't feel like myself yet. I'm exhausted all the time. I can't even spend a day having fun without feeling like I ran a fucking marathon. I look like a fucking posterchild for cancer survivors, and I don't want people at college forever remembering me as  _'that guy who had cancer his freshman year.'_  It's fucking depressing."

Kurt saw the sincere way which Sebastian spoke and immediately regretted the way he had approached the situation to begin with. He had been so preoccupied with his own feelings about Sebastian and him that he hadn't stopped to think about everything else Sebastian was dealing with. He couldn't help but feel like a selfish prick, to a point.

Now Sebastian had finally expressed how he felt about the situation, even though he still hadn't really answered Kurt's question regarding his feelings for him. Kurt was afraid to bring it up though, because everything else made it seem so insignificant. But it wasn't insignificant, not to Kurt.

"I'm sorry." Kurt sighed, taking another step towards Sebastian and putting his hand over Sebastian's as it lay over the window frame. "I didn't mean to disregard your feelings about all this… I was just… I just didn't see things that way."

"You don't have to be sorry, Kurt… You were right, I was avoiding having this conversation. I've been avoiding talking about it with my parents and my sister… You just actually dared to confront me about it."

Kurt smiled tightly, and Sebastian smiled back.

"I do care about you, Kurt… But I can't go with you to New York."

"It's okay, I understand." Kurt replied, feeling his heart breaking a little bit even though he was smiling. "So… What happens now?"

"I don't know... You and Catherine go to New York and keep me updated about all the things you'll do in the city?"

"And what happens with us?" Kurt asked, and Sebastian's smile dropped a little, as did Kurt's heart.

"I don't know." Sebastian admitted. "I don't even know what's happening right now."

Kurt smiled, because neither did he. Before Kurt could even say anything though, Sebastian beat him to it.

"I really like you Kurt…"

"There's a 'but' coming, isn't it?" Kurt interjected, and Sebastian sighed.

"Kurt... I just don't want you to go to New York and feel like you have an obligation to me. Anything can happen in six months… Maybe you will meet some cute New Yorker that will ask you out and rock your world, and I don't want to get in the way of that."

Kurt knew what Sebastian was saying was reasonable to a point, but that didn't mean it hurt any less. It must have showed through the brave facade Kurt was trying to maintain because Sebastian closed the distance between them and held his face in his hands.

"Now it's your turn… Tell me what you're thinking."

"I'm thinking this sucks." Kurt admitted sadly. "But I think you're right… So whatever we are right now, needs to go back to just being friends... Right?"

"Right." Sebastian conceded, still holding on to Kurt's face. "Except we were never really just friends."

"Yes we were… It just was a weird, and complicated type of friends."

"Yeah. So maybe that can change."

"Or maybe it doesn't have to."

They both smiled at that, and for a second Kurt thought Sebastian was going to kiss him on the mouth, but instead Sebastian just leaned over and pressed his lips affectionately to Kurt's forehead. Sebastian then took half a step back and eyed Kurt suspiciously.

"What?"

"Friends can still take naps together and cuddle, right?"

Kurt rolled his eyes and laughed out loud, grabbing Sebastian by the arm and dragging him back to the bed. Because yes, maybe Kurt was going to back to New York on Tuesday and Sebastian was not coming with him, but that didn't mean they couldn't enjoy what was left of the weekend as  _friends_. After all, that was what they had been all this time…  _Just friends._


End file.
